Say Anything
Chapter 3
By: Jessi
~*Still Benji’s Point of View*~
I swallowed my coffee and sat in silence staring into her beautiful pacific blue eyes, “Yes.” – “Really?” – “How could I not?” – “I don’t know, a lot of people don’t love me.” – “That’s hard to believe.” – “Not really.” The timing was perfect, I could tell her now. “Jessie, can I tell you something?” She smiled at me with her perfectly straight, white teeth, “Of course.” Her words came out softly and slowly, I sat there taking it all in trying to figure out how to come out and say it.
“I’m truly in love with you. I have feeling for you, just like Joel. Sometimes my feelings get the best of me when I see you two together, I try not to but it happens. It kills me to see you hurt by Joel or anything, and I just want to hold you and tell you everything is going to be ok and know that its true. But I don’t know if it is or not cause Joel, I guess, just doesn’t see you like I do sometimes. You’re more of Joel’s dream girl and Joel is more of your dream guy, and I’d seriously do anything to be your dream guy. I’m so jealous of Joel because he has you and I don’t, he gets to hug you and kiss you, he gets to call you his girl, he gets to make love to you, and I sit there thinking I wish I could be in Joel’s shoes. God how I’d do anything to be in his shoes. And I felt now was the right time to tell you, I’m sorry if it wasn’t. I understand if you want to leave and hate me forever.”
She sat there so calm and collected, she slowly blinked her eyes letting it all sink in. I looked down at the table afraid of her response, she finally spoke up and placed her hand on top of mine, I looked up at her and waited for her answer. “Benji, I don’t hate you. Especially after all the things you said to me. They were so sweet and meant a lot to me, I wish Joel was smart like you, I wish he knew all the right things to say but he doesn’t. Benji I have feelings for you, but I don’t know if they’re as strong as yours are to me.” She paused and sighed, I was even more afraid then before. I was afraid she was going to shut me down and out, but she didn’t. “Benji honey, you’re one of my best friends. I love the relationship between us and I don’t want it to change. I love the way you feel about me and how much you want to be with me. But,” I started shaking and tears filled my eyes and began to fall.
“I don’t think we can be together right now.” Pain struck me as she spilled the news, I cried more and only hoped she would hold me.
~*Jessie’s Point of View*
It killed me to see him cry, it hurt so much that I joined him. “Benji I’m sorry.” I moved over to the other seat to hold him as we cried. “Benji, lets go talk about this somewhere else.” He nodded his head, we got up and left. We walked to my car and sat inside holding each other as we cried. Pain pierced my every nerve the more he cried, this was so hard to do.
“Benji can we please talk this over?” – “Yeah, lets do.” – “I’m really sorry, maybe if things change we can be together.” – “Yeah. Jess, I just don’t want to see you hurt anymore. I want you to be happy and I feel I can give you happiness.” – “Benji I am happy, but when I don’t look like it just know that I am.” – “Okay, but I just want you to know one thing.” He stopped crying but tears still streamed down his face, his chest huffed in and out. “What’s that?” – “I’ll always love you.” – “I’ll always love you too Benj.”
We hugged and headed back to my apartment. We got home and went into my apartment, as we stepped inside we saw Joel sitting on my couch.
“Joel what are you doing here?” I asked stumbling over my words. “I really need to talk to you, alone. I’ve been thinking about some things that were said last night and I wanted you to know.” Joel replied fumbling with his fingers. I swallowed hard and thoughts went through my head, ‘Please don’t break up with me, especially after what happened between Benji and I.’ ‘Please don’t tell me you’re having an affair with Jenna.’ ‘Please don’t tell me your gay and you only used me.’ I wondered where my last thought came from, ‘Of course he’s not gay, what the hell am I thinking.’
“Um Benji, can you excuse us?” – “Yeah, I’m going to go in the lobby.” – “K, see you later.” I turned to Joel as Benji left the room, I walked over to the couch slowly, stalling so I wouldn’t have to hear the news so quickly. I sat down and looked at Joel, “Ok, go ahead.” – “Alright, well you’re right. We should take a break and think about things.” – “Are you sure?” – “Yeah. I was thinking a week.” – “Alright, but no sleeping with anyone cause we didn’t break up.” – “I know, I won’t.” – “Alright, well I’m going to go think and I’ll tell Benji we’re done.” Joel said getting up and heading towards the door, “Joel wait.” I said getting up and walking over to him. “Can we still hang out during our break week?” He smiled at me, “Of course, you’re on of my best friends.” He leaned in and we kissed. He pulled away and left, leaving me there with an empty feeling in my body.
I stood that way until Benji arrived, “Benji, is Joel going to break up with me after a week of thinking?” – “No, he’ll want you more than ever.” I hugged Benji and didn’t let go, this time I was the one needing to be held. We stayed in my apartment, sitting on my couch Benji held me as I sat in silence not saying anything.
“Jessie, I have to go. Call me if you need anything, ok? I’m here for you.” I nodded my head and Benji kissed me. “Bye.” He got up and left, I still sat on the couch motionless with no feeling in me.
Jenna finally came home, I hadn’t seen her since the restaurant and hadn’t talked to her then either. “Hey Jess, whats wrong?” – “Oh nothing, just thinking.” – “About?” – “Nothing.” – “Okay, well guess what?” – “What?” – “Well first Paul decided to help me take care of the baby and be in its life and second of all it turns out that I’m actually 4 months pregnant.” – “That’s cool, but how did you find out you were 2 months more?” – “I went to the doctor, signs didn’t start appearing until two months ago. He said it didn’t mean anything.” – “Alright. I’m going to go take a walk, I don’t know when I’ll be back.” – “Okay, you might want to put on a sweatshirt. It’s a little cold outside.” I nodded my head and walked into my room grabbing a sweatshirt, then walking out the door.
I stepped outside and a cold breeze blew by me, winter was on its way. I walked down the street with my head down, thinking about Benji and Joel. ‘Which one do I love more? They’re both so great, but all the sudden I have feelings for Benji.’ ‘I don’t want to break up with Joel, he’s everything to me. I have to find a way to keep him.’ ‘Benji is so sweet, he makes me feel like I’m the only person important in the room even when we’re alone. I wondered what it would be like to be with him? Would he treat me like Joel? We he treat me better or worse?’ My thoughts were interrupted when I ran into someone, someone named Jordan, from New found Glory.
“I’m sorry.” – “Hey its ok. Jessie?” – “Jordan!” I was happy to see him, I gave him a hug and pulled away. “Oh my god, I haven’t seen you since warped in the summer.” He said giving me another hug. “Yeah I know. So whats brings you up here?” – “Oh I came to visit the guys, haven’t seen them for awhile either so I thought I’d surprise them. What are you doing wandering the streets with your head down?” – “Oh I’m just thinking.” – “Oh, that’s cool. Hey I have to get going, maybe we’ll hang out sometime.” – “Yeah maybe. Here I’ll give you my number if you want to.” – “Alright.”
I wrote down my number and gave Jordan one last hug before we went our separate ways. I kept walking and my thoughts kept changing from Joel to Benji.
I walked around for about an hour before deciding to go home, I didn’t get home till about 10 minutes later. I went inside to my bedroom and laid down on my bed. “Jessie, are you home?” Jenna yelled from across the hall. “Yeah.” – “Ok, um you got a call from Joel and he said that you need to call him back as soon as you got home.” – “Alright thanks.”
I reached over and picked my phone up and dialed Joel’s number, “Joel, it’s Jessie. You called?” – “Yeah, I needed to talk to you really bad.” – “Ok, whats going on?” I asked concerned. “Can you come over? It’d be easier to talk to you.” – “Yeah, give me 10 minutes.” – “Alright see you then.” – “Alright bye.” I hung up the phone and put my sweatshirt and shoes back on.
“Jenna, I’m leaving I’ll be back later.” I yelled from the living room picking up my keys. “K bye. I’m going to be here napping, call if you need anything.” – “Alright, later.” I left and got into my car to go to Benji and Joel’s house.
I pulled up into the driveway and got out immediately, I ran up to the door concerned and afraid. Joel answered the door and let me inside, “Jess are you ok?” – “Is something wrong? You sounded scared or something on the phone.” – “I’m fine, I just really needed to talk to you.” – “Oh my god, you fucking scared the shit out of me.” – “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to.” – “Its ok, what did you want to talk to me about?” – “Well I’m done thinking, I don’t need a week.”
I sat on their couch and let Joel finish. “I love you so much. And I’ve realized I’ve done some pretty shitty things to you in the past and I’m sorry for everything. Sometimes I think that you don’t deserve me and that you deserve better. Benji told me about today and I got mad, but then I got over it. I realized maybe Benji could give you so much more than I ever could. Benji deserves you more than I do, I deserve some groupie or something. Not a beautiful, sweet, and loving girl. I wanna be with you more than anything but then I think you won’t want me back after the way things have gone. I could go on for hours but I’m going to make it simple.”
He stopped talking and looked down. I breathed in and then out, I felt so afraid more than anything. I could feel the warm tears form in my eyes and streak my cold face, stinging as they fell. I waited for his answer, I could feel a pain in my heart starting to form.
“I wanna be with you.” He finally said, and he said it confidently. The tears flowed more freely down my face now, “Joel, you had me so scared. I was waiting for you to break up with me and I’m so glad you didn’t.” – “I’m sorry. I don’t want to break up with you and I don’t want to spend a week apart from each other.” – “Me either.” We embraced in a hug and kissed, Benji walked into the room seeing us “Sorry, I’m leaving.” We didn’t say anything. A thought went through my mind while kissing Joel, ‘Does he want to be with me forever, or just until he breaks it off? Will he ask me to marry him? I wonder if Benji is going to hate me, I hope not cause I love him.’
I pulled away from Joel, but he kept me in a hug. I watched Benji getting ready to leave over Joel’s shoulder and thought, ‘Oh my god, I love Benji. I love Benji more than Joel.’ I pulled away from Joel’s embrace, “Joel I can’t do this.” – “Do what?” – “Be with you.” – “Why?”
Benji still hadn’t left yet, he had stopped to listen to what was going on with Joel and me. I looked at Benji, he saw me and walked out the door. I looked at Joel.
“Cause, I love Benji. I’m sorry Joel, I think Benji can give me more then you.” I got up and ran out the door after Benji.
“Benji, wait!” I yelled as he walked down the street. He stopped and turned around to see me run towards him. I finally caught up to him, “Jessie whats going on?” – “Benji, I love you.” I said between breathes. “What? What about Joel?” – “He can’t give me what I need and you can, Benj I want you.” Benji pulled my body close to his and we kissed passionately. Benji pulled away, “I want you too. And I have a confession.” – “Whats that?” – “I wrote that song for you, not Joel.” I smiled at Benji and we kissed again.
~*Five Months Later*~
Its been 5 months since Joel and I broke up, but 5 months since Benji and I have been dating. Joel had hated me for a long while, but we finally put it all aside and became great friends again. Jenna got big as the months passed and her baby was due soon, very soon. And Jordan never did call me.
We all sat around Jenna’s and my apartment when Jenna’s water broke, “Holy shit, its time.” Jenna packed her bags the night before just to be prepared, I grabbed the bag as Benji started the car, Joel and Paul helped Jenna to the car and Billy headed to the hospital. I jumped in the car and we followed Billy. We got to the hospital 15 minutes later.
We rushed Jenna in and waited for some help. “Excuse me ma’am, my sister is having her baby and we need a doctor right away.” I said nervously to the lady behind the desk. “Alright take these and fill them out and we’ll take you’re sister to her room.” – “Thanks.”
As we finished talking two male nurses ran out, one pushing a wheel chair and the other helping Jenna get on the wheel chair. They wheeled her to her room and Paul ran with them so he could be by Jenna’s side. I sat down and filled out Jenna’s paper work, I finished it up and handed it to the lady. She smiled at me and I smiled back, I turned around and sat down next to Benji.
“I can’t believe its time.” He said looking at me. I shook my head, “Me either.” All the sudden one of the male nurses ran out towards me, “Excuse me, are you Ms. Dittmer?” – “Yes.” – “Can you please come with me, your sister is asking for you. She also wants you guys to come but you’ll have to wait outside her room.” – “Okay.” We got up and followed the nurse to Jenna’s room. I went in and had to put on one of those dorky bluish green things. Jenna went into labor minutes after
After an hour of painful screams and pushes Jenna’s baby was delivered. It was a girl, 6lbs 10 oz, her name was Brianna Lynn Thomas. She took Paul’s last name cause Jenna and Paul had gotten married 2 months ago. Benji, Joel, and Billy came in to see the new addition, I was holding Brianna when they did. I looked at Benji who had a smile on his face, I smiled back. He came up behind me and put his hand on my shoulder, he held his finger out for Brianna to grab and she did, “She is so beautiful.” He said smiling even more. “I know, and she is so calm.” I added.
I finally gave Brianna back to Jenna so she could feed her, we left the room and stood outside of it. Benji pulled me into a hug and held me as soon as we got out, “Maybe some day we can have a family like that.” I smiled at him and tears of happiness streamed down my face. “I hope so.” I replied and kissed Benji’s soft lips.
THE END