Seventy Times 7
By: isthatwhatyoucallaGETAWAY
‘Back in school they never taught us what we needed to know. Like how to deal with despair, or someone breaking your heat. For twelve years I've held it all together, but a night like this is begging to pull me apart.’
Snow fell in November. And that’s when it started, the continual snapping, the heated glances. No one really wondered now, not this far into your life. Everyone knew you were a scrooge.
Yes, that was you, Paul the Scrooge. The one who hated christmas. The one who hated the holidays for some unknown reason.
But that reason wasn’t unknown. No, your reason had merit. Even now as a supposedly mature twenty-nine year old, your reason still had merit to your reasoning, childish as it was.
But people… No, people couldn’t know you reason. You waved to your roommate… Randy. Randy was a good kid, a friend of an old friend’s little brother… twenty-two or so. You didn’t looking back as you wandered away. He didn’t understand. No one did. Your reason wasn’t enough. Still…
Gentle lights swirled around you as you came closer to the house. This was the house of your best friend. The one you’d do anything for because he was just that- your best friend. You entered with out knocking, knowing that you were always welcome here. It was time to be getting home, but you’d told your parents you were going to go and see him… It was christmas after all.
You waved to his parents and brothers then ascended the stairs, to his room. You knocked on that door. At the sound of the voice telling you to enter, you did. You opened the door and stepped into the room to see your best friend sprawled on his bed, staring at the white ceiling.
“Hey, man…” you started.
“Hey…” his voice was quiet. Then he sat up and grinned at you. “Whats up? Why are you here?”
“Just came to say Merry Christmas, Aar.”
He nodded, and you guys hugged.
Who knew that that would be the last happy christmas?
‘I kept quiet, left you deep in conversation. I felt uncool and hung out around the kitchen. I remember I kept thinking that I know you never would, but now I know I want to kill you like only a best friend could.’
Another sigh escaped your mouth. It was now close to ‘that’ time of year. Really close. ‘Six more days…’ you thought to yourself and meandered your way past the park. Now, that park held some memories. His house was on the otherside of it. Infact, you could just see it now…
You snapped your gaze away. No, bad memories. Keep on moving, and you’ll be fine. You knew it was too late though. You could see the scenes already…
Christmas time again. Once again, even at the age of twenty, you found yourself wandering to his house on christmas. Just say ‘hey’ and ‘merry christmas’ to your best friend.
Your eyes took in the familiar lights, the snow on the ground. The shoveled driveway. You sighed slightly, wondering what exactly was bothering you. You entered the house, and as you went to ascend the stairs like last year, you heard his laughter from the back room. So you went towards the room. Once you were inside the doorway, you stood and watched. You could see him, on the couch, with a girl. You cleared your throat.
He looked up, and his eyes flashed dangerously. “Hey… Paul.” Your name sounded traitorous on his lips. But why?
“Hey Aar… Shelbey.” You nodded to your exgirlfriend. Who was on the couch with your best friend. You blinked, but kept your smile in tact.
“Wait in the kitchen, would you?” he asked. You nodded and did so.
Minutes later he came out, and glared at you. “What do you want? Why are you here? To try and get her back?” his accusations hurt, but you didn’t show it. “No!” you cried. “No, never. I came to say hey… And wish you a merry christmas. Like I do every year?” you half asked, reminding him of the tradition.
He glared at you. “Stay the fuck away from me. She’s mine Paul…”
You choked, now… How could you have been so stupid?
‘Everyone's caught on to everything you do… Everyone's caught on to.’
Pretty stupid it seemed…
The others didn’t get it. “What? Paul would never take her! She’s yours, Aaron!” Benji tried. Just like Billy had. And before that, Joel.
“No! He’ll take her! He wants her back. He wont stop till he gets her. I’m out of here.” And then he had left… Left you, his best friend.
Left you forever.
‘As if this happening wasn't enough I got to go and write a song just to remind myself how bad it sucked. Ignore the sun, the cover's over my head. I wrote a message on my pillow that says, “(Jesse), stay asleep in bed.”’
You had. Never went anywhere, but yeah, you had written a song about it. And you’d been down for weeks. The twins had helped, and Billy just stayed clear of you.
But still, your best friend had decided you weren’t worth his time. They made up some bogus story about him joining his brothers band, Wakefield. Sure, he did… But that was months later.
Now, you were wandering around town like a half crazed idiot. Still, everyone, even the people you didn’t know, knew that you were a scrooge in the holiday season.
It wasn’t like you didn’t feel the stares. Didn’t hear the whispers. You have to have been blind, deaf and clueless not too. And you weren’t any of those things…
“Come ON, Aaron! Are you deaf? I said NO!” you whined. “Please Paulie? Come play with us… for one practice? PLEASE?” Aaron begged. He was serious about this, you realized. You gave in. He jumped up and hugged you.
“You wont regret this Paulie!”
Maybe if you hadn’t joined… Maybe he’d still be there…
‘So don't apologize, I hope you choke and die. Search your cell for something with which to hang yourself. They say you need to pray if you want to go to heaven, but they don't tell you what to say when your whole life has got to hell.’
You could remember the days before he left. You passed a building, a set of apartments. The twins had lived there with Bill. You could remember the fights… Oh the fights. Between everyone. Not just you and Aaron. You didn’t know how anyone got any sleep in that place.
You glanced up at the sound of yelling. Sounded familiar… Didn’t? Just like you guys.
“I was here first, you HAVE TO leave!” he yelled at you.
“Fuck no, you bastard. You want to forget about me, you can leave. You begged me to join. I’m not leaving now,” you growled out.
“Well, he’s kinda right…” Joel was smacked upside the head, by Benji.
“Shut up, Joel. If Aaron has a problem, he can leave.”
The twins started. Billy ended up locking Joel in the hall closet and Benji in the pantry. “Shut UP you two!”
Aaron glared at you. “See what you did?”
“I did it? This wouldn’t be happening if you didn’t get over your fear of her leaving you cause you know she’s gonna cheat on you like she did me and all those other boys. And girls.” You snorted.
“Why you little…”
You seemed to remember a lot of the same reasoning flying around… For days on end it seemed.
‘Everyone's caught on to everything you do. Everyone's caught on to. And everyone's caught on to everything you do. Everyone's caught on to and I can't let you, let me down again.’
God, when the ‘fans’ and the fans found out… Oh god… Benji always said everything was fine between you all, but it wasn’t. The fan’s were fine. Every band rearranged themselves a lot. The ‘fans’ though, now they had problems. You could remember the screaming teenies… Damn, they suck.
“Why? Why couldn’t Aaron stay part of the band?”
“Because were not a fucking boyband! We change our lineup… It’s not uncommon!” you mumbled harshly. Benji said, again, that Aaron was moving on. The cry’s continued.
Good god they were loud…
‘So is that what you call a getaway. Tell me what you got away with. Cause I've seen more spine on jellyfish and I've seen more guts on eleven-year-old kids.’
God, Aaron. ‘Was that the way it had to end?’ you wondered. You couldn’t believe that you, best friends since the day you met at the park when you were three, could have ended it on that petty of a fight. Even though it wasn’t that petty. Damn Shelbey. Damn her to hell. Her and that little blond kid.
Was he Paul’s or Aaron’s? She never said a word. Never.
And, damnit, after all these years, that still got to him. Who’s kid did she have? Was he even one theirs?
‘Why’d you have to end it, Aar? You were my best friend, bud… You were my life, the person I’d do anything for. My best fucking friend!’ you cried silently.
‘Have another drink and drive yourself home. I hope there's ice on all the roads. And you can think of me when you forget your seatbelt and again when your head goes through the windshield.’
‘I didn’t mean it… Really. I loved you. You could have stayed… I’d have forgiven you over time, I did, I have…’ you wiped tears from your face. You then realized you were on 2nd Ave… God. This was the road you had TPed on your graduation day cause you skipped the party.
You walked down the road, ignoring the looks you got from family hurrying into houses. The people who lived in the house you’d TPed no longer lived there…
“Shhh!” you cautioned.
Aaron ignored you, and went forward. You followed.
Both of you had toilet paper in hand. Why else would you have been there? To steal the dog?
No, that was last year, with Benji and Joel. The family wasn’t to happy to get a call saying their dog was on top of the Supermarket down town, the next morning, at 6 am, from the store workers.
But now you guys were laughing- you tried to stifle it, really –and throwing the paper over the roof of the house. And in the trees. And on the cars. And eggs against windows and the siding.
It took three minutes, max, before you were out of there.
Mission accomplished.
‘And is that what you call tact. You're about as subtle as a brick in the small of my back. So let's end this call, and end this conversation.’
You sighed. You were tired. Tired of life. Tired of thinking. Tired of living in general.
You glanced up to see a familiar- yet you wished it wasn’t –figure walking towards you.
Shelbey.
“What do you want, bitch?” your voice was full of emotion. She was the reason they didn’t speak. The reason he was gone for good. The reason that his best friend wasn’t here.
“Why do you blame me?”
‘And is that what you call a getaway. Tell me what you got away with. Cause you left the fraise from the ties you severed when you say best friends means friends forever.’
“Hey Aaron?” you looked down at the sandy-haired boy on the branch below you.
He looked up at you and smiled. “Yeah, Paul?”
“We’re always gonna be friends right? Nothing’s gonna ever make us go apart, right?” You sounded worried.
He nodded vigorously, not even thinking about it. “’Course Paul! You’re my best friend.”
You reach a hand down and he gave you a high five.
“Best friends forever!” you said at the same time as him.
“Nothing’s gonna come between us. ‘Specially girls,” he told you.
“Girls? EW! Girls have cooties!”
‘So is that what you call a getaway. Tell me what you got away with. Cause I've seen more spine on jellyfish and I've seen more guts on eleven-year-old kids.’
“Why do I blame you? Because you broke the pact he and I made years before. Aaron and Paul: Best friends forever. Nothing was gonna come between us. Not even girls. That would have been you, Shelbey. So leave me alone.” You went to push past her.
She stopped you with a hand on your arm.
You shook her off violently. “It’s your fault and you know it. I don’t care what anyone else says. You did it. Aaron was your fault.”
She looked at you and you looked back. Your eyes were hard with hate and pain. She turned and walked away. You watched her go back up to the house before continuing on your way.
‘Have another drink and drive yourself home. I hope there's ice on all the roads. And you can think of me when you forget your seatbelt and again when your head goes through the windshield.’
You looked up when you stopped. You knew where you were. You stared at the gates, wondering… Remembering…
Again, the house became closer. But this time you weren’t about to just walk in. You knocked, and his littlest brother answered. He looked surprised to see you, but let you in. “His room,” he whispered to you.
The kid was cool, always thought you and Aaron were gods or something.
You nodded your thanks. You’d just made it to the bottom of the steps when a loud shot came from up stairs… Your eyes widened. What was going on.
Everyone was right behind you as you took the stairs three or four at a time. You raced to Aaron’s door… The door that let to, even at twenty-one, the room he lived in.
You opened the door. Aaron’s father kept the rest of the family back a bit and you looked in. What you saw stopped your heart.
Aaron was on the bed.
With blood… Oh so much blood.
Even as you told his father to call 911 you knew it was useless. Aaron was dead. Your best friend.
He was gone.
For good. That same thought had bounced around your head for days. For years even. You went to the funeral, but you couldn’t remember it.
‘Everyone's caught on to everything you do. Everyone's caught on to.’
“Everyone:
TO PAUL: I love you, man… I do. I’m sorry for the last year of pain. You’re my brother… Merry Christmas. Shelb had the kid four months ago… she didn’t know if it was yours or mine. That’s what caused this all. But… She dumped me.
I LOVE YOU…
To Mom…”
That was all you could remember, but you could remember that perfectly. Perfectly…
‘And everyone's caught on to everything you do. Everyone's caught on to.’
You sighed, kneeling in front of his grave. You looked upon the stone with tear filled eyes, your thoughts running wild. You hadn’t been back since the funeral. “Eight years… Eight years, Aaron.” You took a deep breath, choking down a sob. “I miss you so much… I love you too, man…” You stopped, again. “The band… It’s been done for a few years. We couldn’t go on to long, after you died.” He sighed.
“Told the fans about you, after that christmas… They were sad. But… Damn it Aaron!”
You gave in and let the tears come over you. Your best friend was dead. And you missed him. Even though it had been eight years since that christmas… It was christmas though. Eight years since that christmas… ‘I can't let you let me down again’