Falling Apart
Chapter 2
By: Makena
Billy lit up a cigarette and sat back on his couch with a pad of paper and a pen. He wasn't supposed to smoke - he had "given it up" before the tour so the kid's didn't get bad ideas.
'Fuck that,' he thought bitterly, taking a swig of beer from the bottle he had set out for himself on the coffee table in front of the couch.
He wasn't supposed to drink, either, but none of that mattered to him as he tried to think and write out everything in a letter to the band.
'Benji and Joel,' he wrote. He crossed it out and tore the piece of paper up, crumpling it before tossing it carelessly to the floor.'Paul, Benji and Joel,' he tried again, but crossed that out too.'Guys.' He scrunched his nose up at that and threw that idea out as well. He thought for a moment before finally writing 'to my brothers' at the top of the page. He shrugged and left it there, having nothing better than that or 'ass wipes' to use.
To my brothers,
Good Charlotte has come a long way since we started out six years ago and I have everyone to thank for that - that means all of you. We've all grown up together and you've all become part of my family. All that means something to me, and this may well be the hardest letter I've ever had to write in my entire life.
Not too long ago, I was asked to re-join the metal band I had been in back in high school before I met you guys. I accepted and I had hopped to balance Good Charlotte, Level 27 and the other band - like the guy from Blink 182 - but it's too fucking hard. I have to give something up and I hate to inform you that I've decided to drop Good Charlotte.
I have my reasons and I'm entitled to keep them to myself, but please respect my choice to leave the band. I think I'm doing this for my own good - I don't know. I hope you can find another guitarist who can replace me. Hell, you might find one that's better than me - I don't know. All I know is that I need out.
I'm sorry to leave you like this, but I needed to make my choice. Don't hate me forever. You're still my brothers and I'll always love you.
Your little bro,
+Billy+
Billy sighed and put the pen and note pad down before rubbing his hands over his face. He had finally written his letter, but he didn't know if it was ever going to reach Benji, Joel or Paul. He stopped thinking and decided to go out for a while to clear his head and think things over a second time.
'Fuck,' he thought as he wandered down the block. 'Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck!'
It was dark and a little chilly, and Billy was glad he had grabbed his hoodie before running out. He continued to walk until he reached the down town area and stopped into a bar for a quick drink.
"Yo! Billy!"
Billy turned around and saw Jabe, his old band's bassists, walking towards him with Mark, who had lead vocals.
"Hey," Billy said, plastering a fake smile on his face as his old friends sat on either side of him. "What's up?"
"Nothing, you little fucker," Mark said, punching him in the arm. "I haven't seen you for ages, man!"
"I talked to you on the phone last week," Billy said as the bar tender placed a drink in front of him.
"Whatever. Anyway, did you tell them?"
Billy sighed and paused to take a sip of his beverage.
"Nope," he said, shaking his head. "I couldn't do it - the bastard's wouldn't listen."
"Fuck dude," Jabe said. "You gotta just tell them."
"I know," Billy sighed. "I just... can't."
"Listen," Mark said, leaning closer to him and lowering his voice. "You either tell them or you don't - it's your choice. But if you're going to leave Good Charlotte, they gotta know and I don't know about you, but I would feel like shit if a guitar player just didn't show up for rehearsals one day and I didn't hear much from them from then on in."
Billy's heart sank, because he knew he had done just that when he was asked to join Good Charlotte.
"Yeah, yeah," Billy said. "I'll tell them."
"Good," Mark said, patting him on the shoulder. "See ya around."
Billy nodded and finished his drink in one gulp as Jabe and Mark left.
"Fuck," he muttered. "Just - fuck."
----
Almost a month went by and Benji and Joel took Callie everywhere. They took her shopping, to the movies, on trips to DC, and they even took her to the zoo for her fifth birthday with Lily and a couple of other kids her age. Life was great and they were dreading the two weeks that would pass by too quickly, because they knew they would have to hit the road again and leave their Callie behind.
Benji walked over to Callie's house late in the afternoon and knocked on the door. No answer. He knocked again and Callie opened the door slowly. "Hi Callie," Benji said with a grin. "Do you mind if I come in?"
Callie didn't reply at first, but finally nodded and let Benji into her house. Callie's house was smaller than Benji and Joel's, and it was unkempt. There were toys on the floor and the carpet was older than Lily.
"Where's your mommy?" Benji questioned, following Callie into the living room where she sat herself down on the floor in front of the TV.
"She's busy," Callie said silently, trying to watch Barney.
Benji frowned. He had been into town that morning to get some food, and Joel was at his girlfriend's house. 'She probably tried to get one of us,' Benji thought with a sigh, walking towards the hallway. 'If she's sick again...'
"I wouldn't go back there," Callie warned.
Benji frowned again but ignored the five year old's warning and opened the door to Lily's bedroom. Inside was Lily and a man Benji didn't know on Lily's bed, entangled in the mess of sheets that lay across her bed.
"Oh... jesus," Benji said. "... fuck!"
The two stopped what they were doing and looked up at Benji. The man rolled off of Lily and started to swear at Benji, then at Lily, and then at Benji again.
"Fuck, Benji!" Lily screamed at him as she and the mystery man tried to dress themselves.
"Oh, don't get pissed at me, Lily," Benji yelled back. "I'm not the one with a daughter in my living room watching TV while I'm fucking some one I don't even know!"
"Fuck you!" Lily shouted.
The mystery man stumbled past Benji and into the hall. Benji followed to make sure that he was leaving, and Lily came flying at Benji, furious at him for walking in on her.
"God damn it, Lily!" Benji yelled, once the man had left. "What the FUCK were you thinking?!"
"Don't you yell at me in my own house, Benjamin Madden!"
"You have a fucking daughter sitting in here while you go fuck some guy you picked up on the street that probably has god knows what."
"Shut up!" Lily shouted. "Shut the fuck up!"
"You are a terrible mother!"
Lily didn't shout anything back. Callie stared, wide eyed at the pair of them, not daring to move.
"You, you live in practically nothing," Benji continued. "You don't have any money, your house is cold, you party all day and leave Callie with us... you're irresponsible and I bet her father would have more common sense then you do!"
Nobody knew who Callie's father was, and it was a low blow to Lily. She looked like she was about to cry when she ushered Benji outside so that her daughter couldn't see or hear them. When they were in her yard, Lily began to speak through her tears.
"I lost my job," Lily admitted. "I don't have any money at all, and my parent's won't help me and - god, you're right, Benji... I'm a terrible mother." She broke down again and Benji felt bad for calling her that.
"Shhh," he said, bringing her in for a hug. "I'm sorry... I didn't mean to call you that..."
"But I am!" she cried. "I don't even deserve to have Callie."
Before Benji could speak, Lily pulled away from him and went back into the house. Benji sighed and noticed Callie peering through the window at him until Lily pulled her away and drew the curtains shut.
"Fuck," he cursed before walking to his own house.
------
It had been two days and neither of the twins had heard or seen Callie or Lily.
"Maybe we should go over there?" Joel suggested, noticing as Benji stared out the window and across the street for the millionth time.
"I pissed her off," Benji said with a sigh. "She'll talk to us when she's ready I guess."
"Great," Joel said sarcastically. "But YOU pissed her off, not me. She'd still talk to me."
Benji looked over at his brother in frowned, slightly confused. "What do you mean?" he asked.
"I mean, I'm getting a little worried and I'm thinking maybe we should go over there."
Benji sighed.
"I haven't even seen Lily's car recently, have you?"
Benji shook his head. "Maybe we should go over there," he said.
"Thank you!" Joel cried, throwing his hands up and standing up. "Jesus christ..."
They threw their hoodies on over their heads and headed across the street to Lily's house. Benji knocked on the door and Callie answered it almost immediately. Relief overcame Benji as he saw her standing in the doorway, unharmed and still there.
"Hi uncle Benji and uncle Joel," she said with a smile. "Mommy's not home right now."
"That's okay," Joel said from behind Benji. "We just wanted to see if everything was alright - we haven't seen you for a couple of days and we were starting to worry."
"Can we come in?"
Callie nodded and unlocked the screen door and let the two come in. The house seemed dirtier, yet emptier. There were cereal bowls sitting in the sink and milk and luck charms were spilled out over the counter and the floor.
"I see you made breakfast," Joel noticed. "How long has your mommy been gone?" Benji asked Callie, who was parked in front of the TV again.
Callie shrugged and reached into a frosted mini wheats box for a handful of cereal.
"She was gone when I woke up."
"This morning?"
"Yesterday."
Taken aback by surprise, Benji's head snapped up at Joel, who looked back at him with concern. He walked into the hallway and into Lily's room, where he noticed that most of her possessions were gone. He ducked back out and walked into the living room. Joel wandered into the kitchen and picked up a yellow piece of paper that had been sitting on the table.
"Shit," he mumbled. "Benji - come here."
Benji walked over and took the piece of paper from his brother and read it twice. It was a note that indicated that she had left and she didn't intend on coming back anytime soon, if ever.
"Callie," Benji said slowly, taking the note in his hands and walking over to the torn up couch. "Callie - did you see this?" Callie looked at the paper in Benji's hand and nodded. "Why didn't you come over to our house?"
"Mommy didn't say I could."
Benji looked up at Joel and then back down at Callie. "Do you know what the note says?"
Callie shook her head no. "I can't read," she explained easily, looking up at Benji. "What does it say?"
Benji sighed and paused, trying to place the words in his mind. "You have to stay with us for a while," he said.
"Why?" Callie asked. "Where'd my mommy go?"
"Your mommy went away for a while," Joel said. "But you get to stay with us - you like staying with us don't you?" Callie nodded.
"Okay. Go get your stuff and we'll take you over to our house."
"Okay," Callie agreed, hopping off the couch and wandering down the hallway to her room.
Benji stood up and looked at Joel again. "What are we gonna tell her, man?" he asked.
"I donno," Joel said, shaking his head. "This is... shit dude..." Joel didn't know what to say about it - neither of them did.
At nine, the twins finally sent Callie to bed in Benji's room and he said he could camp out on the couch. Joel had the yellow piece of paper in his pocket so that they didn't lose it. He dug it out again to make sure that he had read everything correctly.
"Forget it," Benji said, who was sitting at the couch and gazing at the TV. "You didn't miss anything - she's gone."
"I know," Joel said with a sigh. "It's just - I mean, maybe she said she would come back in a couple of days or something? Maybe we missed that."
"We didn't and you know it," Benji said firmly, glancing up at his brother.
"I know, I know. It's just so hard to believe - I mean, Callie's only five for fuck's sake and she doesn't have a dad or anything..." he paused and read the letter over again. "What are we gonna do with her?"
Benji sighed and turned the TV off, leaving the room eerily dark. "I don't know," he lied.
"Yes you do," Joel said. "I can tell - you've been thinking about it."
"Like you haven't," Benji said sarcastically, rolling his eyes. "Okay, yeah - I thought about it a little."
"And? Any idea at this point is better than what we have already."
Benji sighed again. He didn't know if he should say what was on his mind or not. Quickly running his hands through his now short hair, he made up his mind and decided to tell his brother his oh-so-wonderful plan. "I think we should adopt her," he said.
"Adopt her?" Joel repeated. He paused for a second to think about it. "That's actually not a bad idea."
"I didn't think it was either," Benji admitted.
"But who would get her if one of us got married?"
"Actually, I was thinking I could adopt her and she would live with both of us until either of us got married."
"Why do YOU get her?" Joel asked, only half serious.
"Joel..."
"I'm just kidding!" Joel said. "I see you with her - it's like you were actually her dad or some thing."
A smile slowly formed up on Benji's face as Joel said this.
"Are we gonna tell some one in the morning or some thing?"
Benji shrugged. "I guess so." All he wanted to do for now was get some sleep.