Hate Every Beautiful Day
Chapter 16
By: Makena
Benji marched up to the lunch table the seven usually sat at, waiting for everyone's attention. It didn't take long for them to notice him, a rare thing for something to happen for Benji. Nicole smiled up at him and invited him to sit down with them.
"I don't want your pity," he spoke firmly, refusing to sit down.
"What?" Nicole asked, her smile disappearing from her face.
"I don't want your pity, and I don't want your help," Benji repeated. Nicole looked at Billy and then at Makena before looking back up at Benji.
"Um... okay?" she began slowly, unsure why Benji had just told them these things. Makena shrugged at Nicole.
"I know why you guys are trying to be my friend," Benji continued when nobody spoke up. "You're trying to help me and be all nice to me so maybe I'll stop drinking or whatever."
"Oh... that..." Nicole said. "Well... that was kind of part of it."
"Yes, thank you," Benji said sarcastically.
"Well... why are you over here?" Makena asked slowly.
"I don't want your help!" Benji repeated. "I don't want it. I didn't ask for it, because I don't want any. At all. From ANYONE. Especially not you-" he paused to point at Makena. "So I don't have a lot of money. So I drink a little. So I've been alone for most of my life. I've made it this far without ANY of you there, why should you start caring about me now?"
"Well..." Billy began, but Benji cut him off.
"Maybe I LIKE being alone. Maybe I don't MIND being depressed or whatever you think I am. Maybe I LIKE to drink a little more than I should, because just MAYBE, I like not knowing weather or not I'm going to live - not knowing if I've drinken enough to kill me or just enough for me to sleep. I like that, okay? I don't want your help or your pity, because I don't want you to change me. Got it?"
Nobody spoke, but Benji took it for a yes anyway.
"Good," he said. "Now, please - leave me alone."
He nodded to himself, satisfied with the way he had gotten his message across, and turned around to leave. The seven watched him leave in silence, and waited until he disappeared into the hallway before they began to talk amongst themselves again.
"Um... okay..." Shannon began. "So... now what?"
"I donno," Paul said. "But he really doesn't like Makena."
Makena rolled her eyes and replied with sarcasm. "Thank you again, Captain Obvious," she said.
"So... is Operation Benji a failed attempt," Billy asked, somewhat quiet. Nicole stared blankly at the table corner across from her. She nodded, somewhat absent-mindedly.
"I guess so," she said with a small sigh. "I mean, he just came over here and told us not to bug him anymore, so... maybe he does like to be alone."
Shannon shook her head. "I doubt it," she said with a small frown.
Makena agreed. "There's something there. Something we don't know."
"He's an alcoholic," Paul said. "What's there to know?"
"Okay, he drinks, yes," Makena agreed. "But why? I mean, there's got to be some kind of motive, right?"
"Like...?" Nicole asked.
"I don't know... a family death, maybe? I mean, you never know." She paused and sighed, leaning back in her chair. "I don't know. Maybe you're right, Nicole. We should just let him go for a while."
The group silently agreed and said nothing for a moment before Billy struck up the conversation about Overflow's next concert and Paul and Makena began to talk about play rehearsals.
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Football practice. Benji didn't know what day it was. It was after school the same day he had yelled at the "Magnificent Seven." And it was raining.
It felt cool on his hot face when it managed to drip through his dirty, grass stained helmet. He was glad nonetheless, when coach finally blew his whistle and let them hit the showers. Of course, things were a little more violent for Benji that day, because Aaron wasn't there to protect him this time.
Benji stood in front of his locker, carelessly shoving his uniform into his duffel bag before wringing out his swim trunks he had previously used and hung them on the back hook of his locker to dry.
The locker room was remotely empty, with just a couple of guys hanging back to make sure they had gotten their entire uniform stashed into their bags or into their lockers. Benji managed to stuff his duffel bag into his locker without too much effort before he whipped the door shut. He turned around, but didn't get too far, because Jason was standing in his way.
"Move," Benji muttered, slinging his backpack over his shoulder.
"Excuse me?" Jason said, cupping his hand behind his ear. "I don't think I heard you from all the way down there." Benji rolled his eyes and tried to shoulder past the football jock, but it wasn't much use. Jason was simply taller and larger built than Benji.
"You'd better watch it, Combs," he warned.
"Okay, you know what?" Benji began. "I've had it with you and the rest of the fucking world. I don't know what I've done to piss you off, but you know what? You can join the club, because there are a lot of pissed off people at me right now."
Benji tried to get past Jason again, but he hadn't bought it. He pushed Benji back into the lockers. He stumbled and dropped his bag to the floor, fully aware there was going to be a fight.
"You'd better shut the fuck up or I'll kick your ass," Jason threatened.
"Why don't you kick my ass then," Benji invited, adding sarcastically "that'll REALLY shut me up."
Before Benji couldn't see what was happening, Jason's fist lashed out and made contact with his face. A sharp pain exploded from his jaw, and Benji stumbled a little.
"Is that the best you got?" Benji taunted. He wasn't afraid of pain - he welcomed it. Jason's fist lashed out again, this time making contact with Benji's eye. Benji's head fell back into the lockers behind him while Jason continued to make advances upon Benji.
"No one here to save you know, Combs," Jason said as he kneed Benji in the stomach. "What are you gonna do now?"
Benji let him continue the torture for a moment before replying. "Beating on a defenseless guy that won't fight back," Benji observed. "You're such a man. You must get that from your mother."
Jason hit Benji a couple more times, harder than he had struck him before. Benji fell to the floor, showing he had given up. He curled himself up into a ball, holding his stomach painfully.
"You'd better start showing some kind of respect for me around here, Combs, or things are gonna get real ugly for you, real fast. You got that?" Benji didn't respond. Jason kicked him in the stomach and grabbed his own duffel bag from the bench.
"Good. See you at practice tomorrow, Benjamin."
Benji allowed himself to lay on the floor for a few more minuets, trying to absorb all the pain - make it go away. Finally, he slowly rose to his feet and gently picked his backpack up from the floor. With a slight limp, Benji walked through the gym and out the front doors of the school and into the rain. He didn't have a ride, and it would take forever to walk home. He walked towards the brick wall a couple steps from the door and leaned against it, letting the cold rain clean his bruised face.
Finally, he slipped to the ground, sitting in the mud. And cried. He cried, not because Jason had beat him senseless, but because he hadn't cried in so long and everything he had bottled inside of himself had suddenly exploded and ran down his face in the form of tears.
The rain fell down and splashed his head, his hair now sagging almost to his eyes. And he cried. He heard the front doors open and close with a bang, but he didn't stop crying and he didn't look to see who had stepped outside. He kept staring in the distance at nothing in particular. A tree, a car. Whatever might be there.
From the corner of his eye, he could see a female figure standing under the shelter of the cement awning that protected the front entrance, watching the rain fall. He noticed her turn towards him and suddenly stop looking for what she had been searching for in the first place.
"Benji?" she asked. Benji closed his eyes, crying just as hard as he had been crying before. He didn't want her to see him cry - he had been such a hard ass to her since she had moved to Waldorf, and his bad ass "eat me" profile was being ruined by a bunch of silly tears.
"Benji?" she asked again, walking towards him. She knelt down beside him and reached out for his shoulder.
"Don't," Benji said between tears. "Don't... don't touch me. Just let me cry, before I'm too dead inside to feel anything again."
Pained by Benji's pain, Makena's eyes softened as she watched her enemy cry his eyes out in the pouring rain.
"Benji..." she said softly. Despite his attempts to stop her from touching him, Makena found a way around his body and hugged him. Benji let her, and allowed himself to wrap his own arms around her own body, using her shoulder to cry on.
"I'm so lost," he sobbed. "I can't do this anymore."
"It's okay," Makena told him, still embracing him. "Just let it all out. You'll be okay." She paused and took his shoulders, pulling away from their hug.
"Do you want to come to my house?" she asked him, looking into his eyes. Benji nodded without hesitation. He wanted some place to go that, for once, wasn't home.