Hate Every Beautiful Day
Chapter 4
By: Makena
Benji groggily lifted his head from his pillow. Sunlight poured into his room and stung his eyes.
"Fuck," Benji muttered, holding onto his head as he fell back down to his pillow. The smell of coffee suddenly hit his senses and he opened an eye.
Joel was standing next to his bed, setting a cup of coffee down on the bedside table. "Oh... you're up..." Joel said, wiping a hand on his jeans. "Mom won't take us to school... you have 15 minutes to get ready for the bus."
Benji nodded and sat up slowly, resting his head on the headboard. Joel walked around the room and finally picked up a pair of Benji's jeans and a dark blue Ramone's t-shirt up off the floor and tossed them to his brother.
Benji sipped his coffee and - still just wanting to do nothing but sleep - slowly pulled his t-shirt on over his head. Joel left and Benji got his pants on and finished his coffee.
***
First hour - Ancient History - was with Aaron and, ironically, Makena, whom he hated and wished she had never come to Waldorf. Instead of reading the pages their teacher had given out or doing the section reviews, Benji put his head down and attempted 45 minuets of extra sleep. It was working until...
"Benji?" his teacher called. "Benjamin! Office. Now."
Benji's head snapped up and he stared, still half asleep, at his teacher. His teacher walked over to him and handed him a yellow pass that had been sent to him from the office. Benji knew these notes well: blue was from the attendance lady about attendance mishaps, pink was from the guidance councilor, and yellow was from the principal.
"It says you have to go now," he said.
Benji nodded and groaned. What could he possibly have gotten in trouble for THIS time? He prayed Joel hadn't told anyone about his vodka as he walked down the hall and into the office.
"Hello, Benjamin," the secretary greeted. "Got a note from the principal again?" Benji nodded.
"I don't think anyone is in there if you want to go in."
Benji nodded again and opened the door to the principal's office. Inside was the football coach, leaning over the principal's shoulder, pointing some things out to him. They looked up at Benji entered.
"Oh no," Benji said, watching a smile spread across the coach's face. "Not you..."
"Benji, this is coach Kleets - he's the football coach here at La Plata," the principal explained. Benji watched the coach with his eyes as he made his way to one of the chairs in front of the principal's desk.
"Kleets here tells me you made an excellent pass to one of our football players yesterday. He also tells me you tackled one of our guards."
Benji didn't know where this was going, but he didn't like the sound of it. "So?" he asked.
"You would make an excellent football player, son," Kleets broke in. "We'd like you to come play for us."
Benji frowned. He didn't even have to think about the answer - he knew what it was going to be. "No," he said. "No way in HELL will you get me on that stupid team full of jocks. And stop calling me son - you're not my father."
Kleets shrugged and smiled. From the principal's desk he took up a manila folder and handed it to Benji.
"You don't really have much of a choice, son," he said. "State law requires each student to have 3 gym credits and you failed gym your freshman and sophomore year."
Benji frowned. He knew he hadn't done that well in gym and he knew he probably hadn't passed. But if he didn't pass gym and he didn't have his required credits...
"Shit..." he muttered, looking down at the manila folder. He didn't want to see what was inside anymore.
"If you come play football, you get 3 gym credits and you graduate." Benji couldn't believe it - the only way for him to pass high school and graduate meant him joining the football team. He sat in the chair across from the principal and the coach, thinking over his options.
Finally, after what seemed like an eternity of silence, Benji cleared his throat. "Let me think about it," he said softly.
"We'll give you until tomorrow," Kleets said. Benji nodded, dumped his folder onto the principal's desk and walked back into the hallway. He slowly walked back to his class for a moment before he punched a locker and slid down to the floor.
-----
Benji watched the football players practice for a half hour after school. Leaning against the press box, he watched the jocks pass footballs to each other, make blocks and tackle one another. Those not involved in the practice game made fun of Benji and someone threw one of the footballs in his direction. Everyone but Aaron was participating in this. He stood behind the fence that blocked the football field from the stands and he was talking to Makena.
"They're perfect for each other," Benji muttered, deciding he couldn't take much more of football for the day. He wandered around the side of the press box and almost knocked into a somewhat chubby kid with blond hair in a bowl cut. He was smoking a cigarette somewhat nervously, his eyes shifting occasionally to make sure nobody was going to find him there.
"Um, sorry," Benji muttered.
The kid nodded quickly and tugged nervously at the hem of his black Casualties t-shirt. "Nobody followed you back, did they?" he asked.
Benji frowned and shook his head. He left the strange kid behind, not feeling social. He walked down the cracked sidewalk and stopped at the drug store before returning home. Joel was already there - he had taken the bus - and he was leaning over his homework. He looked up at Benji and gave him a half smile.
Benji didn't return the smile. Instead, he walked to the cupboards and searched the house for something to eat.
"Have you seen Paul?" Joel asked. "I called his house, but he's not there." Benji paused.
"Actually, I think I did." He paused and let out a small laugh. "He was behind the press box, smoking."
"Why were you by the press box?" Joel questioned curiously.
"None of your business," Benji replied.
The phone rang and Joel answered. It was Paul. Joel began to talk to Paul as Benji took a beer from the fridge and snuck back to the bedroom. He set his bag on the floor at the end of his bed and kicked his shoes off. From the plastic drug store bag, Benji took out a bottle of aspirin. He sighed and read the bottle's label.
WARNING: Do not exceed the recommended dose unless instructed by a doctor.
Benji could hear Joel laugh from the kitchen and sighed. Quickly, he cracked the seal and dumped a handful of the round, white pills into his palm and swallowed them with his beer. Once they had gone down, Benji took another handful, and another after that until the entire bottle of both the aspirin and the beer were empty. Benji sat on his bed in silence for a moment, staring at the empty bottles that were lying on his bed in wonder, awe and amazement. Had he just taken an entire bottle of aspirin?
Benji grasped the empty bottles and walked to the bathroom that was attached to the twin's room.
'Gotta get rid of the evidence...' he thought, shutting the door.
He began to shake, knowing he would be dead in a matter of hours. He dropped the empty bottles into the sink and dropped to his knees in front of the toilet bowl. He stuck his finger down his throat, hoping he could throw everything he had just taken back up. He couldn't die - not yet, not like this. About 20 minutes later, Joel was knocking on the door.
"Benji?" Are you still in there? What are you doing?"
"Masturbating," Benji replied sarcastically, taking his head out of the toilet for a moment. "I'm throwing up. Why?" He could hear Joel sigh and lean against the wall next to the bathroom door.
"How much have you drunken today, Benji?"
Benji frowned and flushed the toilet. He stood up, quickly washed his face off, and opened the door. "I had one beer," he replied bitterly, brushing past his brother and walking towards his bed.
"You threw up, Benji," Joel said. "And you tell me you've had one beer?"
"Yes, JOEL, I've had one beer," Benji said.
Joel sighed. "Fuck, Benji," he said. "Why do you keep drinking?"
Benji frowned. "Fuck, JOEL," he said. "I just do. God... maybe next time I take a bottle of aspirin I'll actually keep it in me instead of throwing it up."
Joel frowned and unfolded his arms. "What...?" he asked.
"I took a bottle of aspirin," Benji said.
Joel slowly walked into the bathroom, returning to the bedroom with a beer bottle and an empty bottle of aspirin. He looked down at the items in his hand and then back up at Benji, who was sitting on his bed.
"Benji, you swallowed this whole bottle?" he asked, holding the aspirin bottle up for Benji to see. Benji didn't say anything. He stared at the carpet and kicked a white Green Day t-shirt out of the way. His heart was pounding. He had almost killed himself and it scared him.
"Benji... why?" Joel asked. "Why... why did you try to kill yourself?"
"Well, I didn't," Benji snapped. "Maybe I will next time, though."
Joel's eyes watered. He tried not to cry -boys weren't supposed to cry. Instead, he dropped the two bottles and ran off towards the kitchen where he himself took a beer from the refrigerator and consumed it before the shock and the sadness consumed him.