Kill Me
Chapter 1
By: Makena
Diary,
A new day and I find myself writing in yet another diary, even after I promised myself I would kill myself after I finished the last one. Maybe I can finish just one more - who knows, maybe it can be turned into some kind of book series? Don't know who would want to read a series about yet another depressed teenager. That idea's not exactly a new concept. Anyway, I guess since it's a new diary I should start off by telling you about me. I'm 16, and I live with my dad and Kelly. Kelly's my step-mom, but I refuse to call her that because she's not my real mom. My actual mom took off when I was 5, but my dad said that it was for the best. I'm actually the product of a one night stand and nobody knew my dad WAS my dad until they did DNA testing. All of that probably contributes to my "depression." I wasn't exactly "diagnosed" with it, but that's because my dad and Kelly hasn't noticed yet - or they refuse to.
Callie sighed and put her pen down for a moment to look out her window. It was a cloudy day, and all she wanted to do was sleep and blow off her home work. She sighed again and looked down at her nails - the black nail polish was chipping off and she needed to cut them.
Anyway, I live in a nice house is what they say, but I think it's the people you live with that makes places a nice house, not the actual house itself.My arms are bugging me, so I should probably go check that out. Until I feel depressed enough to write in you again...
Callie.
She capped her pen and stuffed her diary under her mattress. Normally, she would have ripped up the lose floor board that was under her bed, but keeping a diary under her mattress was less of a hassle when she felt like writing things down. Callie ripped the lose floor board up and shifted some things around until she found a cigarette and lit it up. She sighed and closed the floor back up before moving to her window to open it. She sat down on her bed and rolled the sleeves up on her black t-shirt and ran her fingers up and down a row of cuts she had done to herself only the previous night. Sighing, she rolled her sleeves back down and put a CD into her large CD player and closed her eyes.
"Callie?" a voice questioned from the opposite side of her door.
Callie opened an eye and quickly put her cigarette out on her dresser before flicking it out the window. She waited for the voice to float through the door before replying.
"Callie?" the voice said again, this time accompanied by a knock.
"What?" she asked, sitting back down on her bed.
The door opened and a woman with dirty blond hair and brilliant blue eyes stepped into her room. Kelly.
"It's almost time for dinner," she informed, looking at her step daughter, sitting cross-legged on the bed.
"I'm not hungry," Callie told her, reaching for her sketch/story book and a pencil.
"Okay," Kelly said. "But your uncle Joel is coming over..."
Callie stopped sketching and looked at the end of her bed. Kelly smiled and closed the door, leaving Callie alone again. Callie sighed and placed the pencil in the book and closed it, leaving it on the bed.
She loved her uncle Joel and she was glad that he was coming over for dinner - she hadn't seen him in a long time. Callie stood up and glanced at herself in the mirror before heading down the stairs to watch some TV before dinner. She was wearing a plaid red skirt with knee high socks and a black Vandals t-shirt. On her feet was a pair of black "skater shoes" that were worn out and untied.
"Life sucks," she said, making sure that her cuts were well hidden before opening her door and heading down the stairs for dinner.
Callie found her father down stairs in the living room, going over a couple of papers and watching TV at the same time. Callie knew he was watching more TV than working, but stole the remote from him anyway and changed the channel to FOX so she could watch the Simpsons.
"Hey!" her father said. "I was watching that."
Callie shrugged and curled up in the overstuffed chair on the opposite side of the living room. "Don't you have work to do?" Callie asked, looking at her father.
He shrugged and put his papers down. "Not any more."
Callie laughed slightly. She loved her father too - he was one of the coolest people she knew. His arms were covered in tattoos, his lip was pierced in three different places, and he listened to the same kind of music Callie did.
"Did you wear that to school today?" he asked his daughter, taking his eyes off of Homer's dumbness for a moment.
"Yeah," Callie replied. "Why?"
"Did it smell like smoke this morning?"
Callie blushed a little and turned back to the TV. So she wasn't as sneaky as she thought she was - who cared?
"Didn't we tell you not to do that anymore?" he asked her.
"You people tell me a lot of things," Callie replied. "Like I listen to them all."
The door bell saved her from any lecture her father was going to give her and she was glad Kelly was so quick to get the door.
"Hey, Joel," she said. "Come in, come in..."
Callie turned around in her chair and looked up as her uncle came into the house.
"Thanks. Hey Benji. Callie!"
"Hi uncle Joel," Callie said, smiling as Joel walked over to her and kissed her on the top of the head.
"Still wreaking havoc?" he asked her.
"Always," Callie replied.
"Good. Give your dad gray hair - so I'll look younger."
"You are younger," Benji reminded his brother.
"Not by much," Joel said. "Anyway, what's for eats? I'm starved."
"Dinner'll be ready in just a couple minuets," Kelly informed.
"Great. Mind if I watch TV with you?"
Callie shook her head and moved over for her uncle, but he sat on her instead.
"You're gonna kill her!" Benji cried while Callie tried to push her uncle off of her playfully.
"What?" Joel questioned. "Kill who? You mean... hey! There's some one sitting under me!"
"You're so corny," Callie said, giving Joel a final shove.
"I know," he said with a wide grin.
-----
After dinner, Joel took Callie for a walk - something they had done ever since Benji had married Kelly. They used to just walk around the neighborhood and talk and laugh, but now they just talked and smoked.
"I don't think your dad would want you smoking," Joel said, watching his niece light up.
Callie shrugged and passed Joel his lighter as he lit his own cigarette. "I don't think I care," she said.
"That's evil," Joel said, poking Callie in the arm.
Callie shrugged again and tried not to break her cigarette while she put her hoodie on. They walked in silence for a while before either of them spoke.
"So, what's up with you?" Joel asked, elbowing Callie.
"School," Callie replied with a sigh. "Why?"
Joel just shrugged as they crossed the street. "You just seem a little "depressed" is all," he said. "I was just wondering if anything was bothering you?"
Callie sighed. There was something that was bothering her, and she wanted to tell her uncle about her cuts so bad - but she couldn't bring herself to tell him so she lied and told him that she was just tired.