Kill Me
Chapter 11
By: Makena
Benji knocked softly on her door - which was a pointless act, because he knew he wouldn't hear his daughter's voice from the other end, welcoming him into her room. He let out a sad, lost sigh and slowly opened her door. It had become a daily routine since she had run away - he knocked on her door, hoping that she had come back in the middle of the night and then, when she didn't answer, he would walk into her room and sit down on her bed. Thing's weren't any different time.
Benji walked into her room and sat down on her bed. For a while, he just sat there and looked around her empty room, noticing the posters that had once belonged to him hanging on the walls and some different one's Callie had bought or drawn herself. Benji rubbed his hands over the soft comforter that had been spread out on Callie's bed, feeling where the strings had popped out and come lose.
"Should fix that before she comes home," he muttered to himself, trying not to pull at them.
He let out a broken sigh and let his eyes water. This was something new - he had never cried yet. He had been too numb with the mixture of shock, pain and sadness to cry. But everything had built itself up and he began to cry on his daughter's bed. Weeping, Benji placed his head in his hands and tried not to think about his baby some where with some one he didn't know or care to know.
"Hey," he heard a voice from the doorway.
Benji sniffed and looked up. Through blurry eyes, he could make out his brother, standing with his hands in his pockets, his coat still on. He didn't say anything to his brother. He muttered an "oh god," thinking again about his lost daughter, and began to cry harder than he had before Joel had entered the room. He placed his head in his hands again, hoping his brother would just leave. Joel invited himself into Callie's room and sat down next to his brother. Not sure what to do at first, Joel sat uncomfortably on the edge of Callie's bed, but soon placed his arm around his brother's shoulder.
"I thought I was doing what was best for her," Benji told his brother, resting his forehead on one hand and continuing to cry. "All I wanted was for her to get better - I was so selfish..."
"No," Joel said, Benji in for a hug. "You DID do what was right for her. All you wanted was for Callie to be happy again and she just couldn't see that. She'll come home again, I promise."
Benji shook his head. "But when?" he asked. "When will she come home? When she's 25? When she's 40? When I'm dieing?"
Joel sighed and let Benji cry on his shoulder. "She'll come home before all of that," Joel promised, but he wasn't even sure Callie would EVER come home.
It was in the twin's blood to have people disappear, and Callie's mother had done it to her - what was to stop Callie from never coming home either? Joel sighed and tried not to think of never seeing his niece again - or Benji never seeing the reason he was still alive ever again.
"You can't imagine how much this hurts," Benji sobbed into his brother's shoulder. "Remember how dad left?"
Joel nodded. "Yeah."
"A million times worse than that," Benji explained through tears. "I've lost my daughter, Joel - I lost her... I'm a horrible father..."
"No, no," Joel said, "you're not a horrible father. You were so good to her - all you wanted was what was right and what was good for her."
"But I couldn't even keep her straight," Benji sobbed. "She was on drugs and... oh god, Joel... what did I do to her? What did I do to deserve this?"
"Nothing," Joel whispered. "Nobody did anything for this to happen."
They sat together for a moment on Callie's bed, Joel waiting for Benji to stop crying. Benji finally sniffed and wiped away whatever tears that had stained his face.
"Let's go down to that cafe and get something for you to eat," Joel said, standing up. "Kelly said you haven't eaten much since..."
Joel cut himself off before he said it and looked down at his brother, who he suddenly realized looked thin and pale. And tired. Benji nodded and let Joel help him up. He needed to get his mind off of Callie - because god only knew when he would see her again.
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Callie dove into another wave, letting the cool, salty water brush over her face and the current take her closer to shore. She loved to swim - she hadn't been to the beach in so long, and she had almost forgotten how much she enjoyed the water. Quickly, she bobbed up for air and suddenly wondered - for the first time since she had called home - what her father was doing at that very moment.
Sighing sadly, Callie dove back under water to feel the dampness on her face again. When she popped back up for air this time, she was greeted by Sam, who had stayed on shore until that moment.
"Boo," he said, splashing her with water.
Callie screamed and splashed back. Sam was wearing nothing but his swimming trunks, and Callie had to admit that he looked pretty decent without a shirt on. She herself was only wearing a bra and underwear, because a bathing suit hadn't been the top thing on her mind when she packed her things up. Even though Sam had offered to buy her a new beach outfit, Callie didn't want one and was completely satisfied in her underwear. Callie flopped back into the water, floating for a moment before sinking down and popping back up again.
"I love to swim," she said randomly, looking up at Sam who had been watching her. "I forgot how much I loved the water."
Sam didn't reply, but smiled and quickly dipped his head under the cool salty water. They swam peacefully for a moment before Callie took in a deep breath and grinned.
"I love California," she announced happily, spreading her arms out and falling backwards. "I wish I could stay here forever."
"So stay," Sam told her.
Callie frowned slightly and looked up at him, wanting an explanation.
"You said your mom lived here, anyway," he continued. "I mean, you could just stay here."
"But the band," Callie said. "I don't know if I wanna leave you guys yet..."
"Hey, we want what's best for you," Sam said, cutting her off. "I do anyway - and if staying in Cali with your mom makes you happy, then that's probably what's best for you."
Callie smiled and swam closer to her friend. "You're the best," she told him, wrapping her arms around him for a hug.
She pulled away after a moment and looked into his eyes. They were a clear, beautiful blue, like the ocean they had been swimming in for hours. Callie leaned in closer and kissed him on the lips. Sam didn't respond at first, but soon got in to it. Finally, they both pulled away.
"Huah," Callie said with a laugh. "I didn't feel anything."
Sam gave her a half smile. "Me neither," he said.
Callie laughed. "Good... so we don't have to worry about that anymore."
Sam laughed. "Guess not."
Neither of them said anything for a moment as Callie splashed her face and Sam went under one more time.
"So... what do you want to do now?"