Kill Me
Chapter 4
By: Makena
There was no specific place to sit for dinner, so Billy and Callie took seats next to each other at the table in the kitchen along with Paul, Joel and a couple of Kelly's friends.
"Thanksgiving is evil," Billy said, trying to laugh a little.
He eyed the turkey that sat on Paul's plate and poked at it with the end of his fork. Paul raised an eyebrow and rolled his eyes. "You're how old now?" Paul asked him.
Billy shrugged and grinned at Kelly's friends, who were watching them with questioning looks on their faces.
"Game of pool after dinner?" Paul asked Callie before shoving a dinner roll into his mouth.
Callie nodded and tried not to make any faces when Billy gently touched the inside of her leg and ran his fingers along it. "Are we gonna play with actual money this time, or am I just gonna have to kick your asses for free?"
"Oh, there's cash this time," Joel said. "Cause there's no way you're gonna kick MY ass." He paused. "Or Callie's ass."
"Oh yeah," Paul said. "Damn it... did I say bet MONEY? I was kidding..."
"No, no," Joel said. "You said it. You're losing big time."
"Fuck."
Callie choked on a piece of chicken as Billy's hand had inched a little higher up her leg and it had tickled her a little.
"Woah there," Joel said. "You okay?"
Callie nodded and looked at Billy, who quickly removed his hand and continued his vegetarian Thanksgiving dinner.
-----
After dinner, as promised, Callie, Billy, Paul and Joel got into the "pool room" and as promised, Callie kicked everybody's ass and earned almost forty dollars in cash. She announced that she would be putting her cash upstairs while Paul and Joel decided to grab some more turkey and Billy had to use the bathroom. He followed Callie up the stairs and into her bedroom where they began to kiss on Callie's bed again, but neither of them made more of a move than a kiss or "third."
"Okay, I wanna try again...!"
Callie and Billy stopped abruptly and looked up at Paul, who had just wandered in on them, and quickly parted from each other.
"Oh... my god..." Paul said, standing in the doorway. "That is... that's wrong. Really wrong... and illegal! I think I may actually be sick, which would leave room for more food but... that's not the point."
"Paul," Billy said. "PAUL! Shut the fuck up for a couple of minutes."
"I don't know what to do here..." Paul babbled on, standing uncomfortably in front of the two.
"So... leave?" Callie said, trying to straighten her skirt out.
"Shit... I mean... fuck..."
Callie stood up and walked over to Paul. "Please... please don't tell anyone?" Callie begged.
"Why?" Paul asked. "Tell me one good reason I SHOULDN'T tell your father right now?"
"Billy could get thrown in prison for at least ten years for something like this," Callie informed.
Paul looked past Callie at Billy, and then at Callie again. "That's a good reason," he said. "But... fuck, Callie! He's so much older than you and..."
"I know what I'm doing," Callie said. "I'm not five anymore. I'm a big girl - I know what I do and I can make my own decisions."
Paul stalled for a moment before looking at Billy once again, who was still sitting on Callie's bed. "Okay," Paul said. "Okay - I won't tell. But I really don't wanna walk in on something like this again."
Callie promised him he wouldn't and had to follow him downstairs for another round of pool where she won another even forty.
---
Diary,
Thanksgiving was unbelievable, embarrassing, and profiting all at once. Unbelievable, because Billy was over and you know what happens when ever I see Billy, embarrassing because Paul caught Billy and I on my bed (just making out, not actually fucking or something) and profiting because I won $80 playing pool with uncle Joel, Paul and Billy. Billy and I had a long discussion about cuts. He said that if I stopped cutting myself, he would stop slitting his wrists, which led to the discussion of my dad doing the same thing to himself when he was my age. It was hard to get the picture of my dad, sitting in the back of uncle Joel's car bleeding to death out of my mind (Billy said he'd almost killed himself many times cutting his wrists). Anyway, Billy and I talked about our motives for cutting ourselves and mentioned my mom. Not Kelly, but my actual biological mother. I haven't really been able to stop thinking about her since. Maybe I would stop cutting myself if I could see her? I don't even know where she is - but now I have this overwhelming desire to run away from here and find her.
Callie looked at the clock that sat by her bed and sighed. It was nearly one in the morning and her father would be pounding on her door any minuet, telling her to turn her lights off and go to bed.
Well, I have to go to sleep or my dad's gonna come in and tell me to turn off my lights so good bye until I write again.
Callie
Callie put her book down on her bed and picked her razor up from her bed spread and gently pressed it to her arm. Before she could proceed to cut herself, she stopped and removed the razor from her upper arm. Instead, she placed the razor across her wrist and pressed until she could see the blood coming from under the cool metal. It wasn't much, so she pressed harder until she realized that she had pressed too hard and couldn't stop the bleeding. Callie froze, holding her wrist so that the blood wouldn't drip out onto her bed and wondering if she should let herself die or get help. Fear and panic got the best of her and she climbed out of bed and ran to her father's room where she flicked the light on and nudged him awake with her elbow.
"Humm?" he answered sleepily, weakly opening an eye. "What do you want, Callie? It's really late..."
Callie held her wrist up, unable to speak as she realized her life was ticking away. Benji squinted up at her, unsure what his daughter wanted.
"What?" he asked.
Callie let go of her wrist with one hand to show him what she had done to herself. Benji sat upright and stared at his daughter.
"Callie..." he said. "Oh, shit..."
He scrambled out of bed and grabbed his jeans while Callie watched him, bleeding on herself and the carpeted floor. Benji pulled his pants on and grabbed his wallet from the night stand. "Here..." he said, grabbing a towel from the linen closet and wrapping it around his daughter's wrist.
He went back into his bedroom to shake his wife awake. "Benji?" she questioned. "What are you doing...?"
"I have to go to the hospital," he told her.
"What...?"
"Just go back to sleep. I'll call you in the morning."
Benji grabbed Callie's arm and led her down the stairs where he had her sit in the front seat next to him as he tried not to speed down the nearly deserted city of Waldorf in search of the hospital.
"Why?" Benji asked, slowing down when he noticed a cop car. Callie looked out the window at the blur of lights and suddenly felt dizzy - and tired. "Callie Ann," Benji said, shaking his daughter's shoulders. "Don't you die on me..."
"I didn't mean to cut this deep," Callie said, half sobbing although she suddenly realized that she had WANTED to die and she was no longer afraid to do so. "Billy told me you did this to yourself - I got depressed..." She let a tear roll down her cheek as she began to babble reasons for her slashing her wrist and she wished that she had just cut her upper arm like she usually did.
Benji sighed and parked in the parking lot, rushing his daughter towards the emergency room where she was taken away.