Kill Me
Chapter 8
By: Makena
It was the first show of the grand tour, and Callie still wasn't sure what band she had bummed a ride with. Billy had gotten off his heroin, but Callie refused to talk to him about it. The less she had to talk to him about it, the less or a "pansy" she sounded to herself and the better off she would be. Instead of watching the band's first concert, Callie used this time of complete silence and bliss to herself on the empty bus. She plugged her head phones in and began to work on her book when Billy stepped inside and she was no longer alone.
"Hi," he said, standing in front of the closed door.
Callie looked up at him and frowned, quickly looking back down at her work.
"I know, you're pissed at me," he said. "But you really have no idea how it feels to have that in your system."
"If you're trying to apologize to me, I wouldn't try turning me on the shit," Callie advised, trying to sketch a picture of Sam attacking Jeremy, which had actually happened earlier that day.
"I'm sorry," Billy apologized, moving over towards her.
Callie sighed and stopped her drawings. She placed her book down on the floor and Billy finally approached her, kissing her square on the lips. Callie kissed back, completely forgetting about his newly found addiction as the kiss became passionate and he began to remove her clothes.
"How long till they get back?" Callie asked between kisses, tugging at Billy's belt again.
"Not for a long time," he replied, slowly kissing her neck.
Callie breathed slowly, finally undoing his belt and slipping her own skirt down. "Good," she said finally, letting Billy kiss her on the lips again.
-----
So Billy's a junkie and I forgave him.
Callie paused and looked down at Billy, who was sleeping across the narrow couch, covered in part of the blanket from his waste down. She sighed and pulled the blanket closer to her body, looking back down at her journal.
I did more than forgive him. I slept with him. Again. I guess I feel bad for leaving my dad back home, but - I had to get out of there. They were going to send me away - to a looney bin. A LOONEY BIN!! Dad wouldn't call it that, but I knew that's what it was. I tried to kill myself, there's no other "hospital" for that kind of thing. So we're on the road with this band - I'm not really sure what band at the moment - but we're here and I think maybe things'll get better between us - if only Billy wasn't a fucking junkie. I'll try to sound like a pansy for the sake of the "thing" we have (I don't know what to call it) and tell him to quit or I'll leave and go out on my own.
Callie signed her name at the bottom of the page and looked around the slightly messy bus. She placed her diary back in her back pack and grabbed her cigarettes, lighting one up.
"No smoking on the bus," she remembered, but didn't give a damn. It was the only rule of the bus and it hadn't been applied by Jeremy - why did she have to stick by it?
She put the pack down and leaned back against the couch, clutching the sheets to her body. Sighing, she looked at her cigarette and then down at Billy, who was still sleeping. He stirred and Callie suddenly became aware of the noise outside the bus. She didn't move, watching the door closely. It cracked open and Sam stepped inside quickly, trying to avoid the crowd of fans that had swarmed around him. He stopped quickly when he noticed Callie, but didn't seem too surprised and didn't bother to stare or ask questions.
"Er, sorry..." Callie apologized quickly, reaching for her clothes. "I didn't think you guys would be back yet."
"Forget about it," Sam said. "I just gotta grab something from my bunk - it'll only take a minuet."
Callie nodded and got dressed while Sam was gone. She was reaching for her hoodie when he returned. Sam paused and smiled at her. "If you don't mind me asking," he said. "Why are you running away?"
Callie frowned. "I'm not running..." she lied.
Sam nodded. "Okay," he said, snapping a rubber band that was on his wrist. "I'll go then..."
Callie, curious about the rubber band, had to ask before he left. "What's that for?" she asked him, nodding towards his wrist.
Sam looked down at it and laughed slightly, looking back up at Callie. "That's so I don't cut myself," he explained simply.
Callie frowned again.
"When I feel like cutting myself, I snap the rubber band because it hurts and I won't cut."
"You cut?" Callie questioned curiously.
"Sort of," Sam replied. "The rubber band does help."
Callie watched him snap the rubber band a couple more times.
"Oh, its just something I do," Sam explained. "Cause it's there. I don't do it hard unless I NEED to."
Callie nodded and looked back up at his face. "But... you seem so happy," Callie said.
Sam shrugged. "Anti-depressant pills," he replied simply. "Some times they work, some times they don't."
Callie nodded and they stood in silence for a moment.
"Anyway, I gotta get back to the show or they'll kick my ass or something," he announced, reaching for the door.
Callie sighed. Sam paused, thought about something for a moment, and took the rubber band off. He tossed it to Callie, who caught it without much effort.
"Use it for a while," he told her. "You might need it more than I do."
Callie smiled in appreciation at him as he exited the bus and stepped into the crowded parking lot.
----
Callie had fallen fast asleep in Sam's bunk by the time Sam and the others came back. She didn't know how she had gotten there or even that it had been Sam's that she had fallen asleep in - all she knew is that she had curled up somewhere and slept. Sam - smiling - covered her up in his blanket and was about to leave when Billy stopped him from going into the main area of the bus.
"I really appreciate what you're doing for us," he said suddenly.
Sam smiled. "It's not really a problem," he said. "Although it was Mark you should probably be thanking."
Billy shrugged. "I guess," he said.
"I don't know if you should be the one to say anything," Sam said. "But... why is Callie running away?"
Billy sighed.
"You don't have to tell me - "
"She tried to kill herself," Billy said, hanging his head slightly. "She tried to kill herself because she was pregnant and she hated her step mom, but she didn't die and Benji was gonna try to send her to some mental hospital or some shit and she just didn't want to go."
Sam looked at Callie, who was sleeping peacefully in his bunk, still wearing the rubber band he had given her.
"Understandable," Sam said with a slight frown. He paused to look down at Billy's wrists. "You might wanna get that fixed."
Billy frowned and looked at the cuts he had made across his wrist as Sam passed him. He sighed and stood in the doorway for a moment longer, watching Callie sleep.
-----
Callie blinked and sat up. She couldn't remember where she was at first, but suddenly remembered when she realized that she was lying on the bottom bunk in the far left corner of a bus and was surrounded by men she knew briefly. She could see Jeremy - who's red had was on the floor next to him - and she knew Landry was on the top bunk above Jeremy.
'Then who's bunk am I in?' she wondered, sitting up and stretching. 'And why am I still in it?'
She got up quietly walked out of the bunk area. Billy was sprawled out on the couch and Sam was sleeping on the floor next to Billy, using Callie's back pack as a pillow.
"Comfortable," Callie muttered, and suddenly wondered why she was the first one up.
Not really sure what to do, Callie sat down on one of the chairs near the TV and the PS and snapped her rubber band, watching Billy and Sam intensely while hoping one of them would wake up. She finally noticed her diary and a pen lying next to Sam's head and she softly picked both up, returning quickly to her chair.
I've made friends with Sam. He's a cool guy - nice and I guess he's smart. He seems smart, anyway. I woke up in his bed, because I guess that's where I fell asleep last night. No, he wasn't there - instead of making me get up and move out into the main area of the bus, he took the floor next to Billy's couch and let me use his bed. That was really cool - nobody but my dad's really ever been that nice to me before. Well, dad and uncle Joel.
Callie paused and sighed.
I hate to admit it, but I do kind of miss dad. And uncle Joel. But I gotta do this or I'll be committed and I just can't sit in some funny farm, wasting away until I become some insane nut case and I start talking to myself. Plus, Billy'd probably get busted if I DIDN'T run - and I don't want that for him. Ever. Even if he is a fucking junkie.
Callie let out a broken sigh and dropped her diary and pen. She began to cry when she thought about her father and finally curled up on the chair, tugging at her rubber band and trying to fall asleep so she could forget it all again.