Live And Let Die
Chapter 14
By: Makena
Benji walked remorsefully back towards Makena's room, taking his time to return. He stopped along the way to buy himself something from one of the vending machines. To take his mind of his decision. To take his mind off everything.
"Benji?" a voice questioned from behind. Benji sighed as he tried to fit a dollar bill into one of the Pepsi machines.
"No autographs," he muttered, running the dollar along the edges of the machine in order to straighten it out.
"Don't be TOO full of yourself now."
Benji frowned. The voice - it sounded slightly familiar. He turned around to see a girl with black dickies and hair that had been dyed a dark red.
"Aw, shit," she cursed. "You probably don't even remember me."
"No, no," Benji said, shaking his head. "I mean, yeah. You're - " he paused. "Shannon!"
She laughed. "Yeah," she replied. "Took you long enough, though." Benji shrugged.
"Anyway, what are you doing here?" Shannon asked. "I came just to see one of my mom's old friends. She just had an operation on her knee or something, so - you know, visiting would just be nice or something."
Benji nodded. "I see," he said.
"Yeah. So, what are you doing here, anyway? No one died, did they?" She had meant it as a joke, but Benji sighed slightly.
"Makena," Benji began. "She's in a coma. Has been for a week. And Paul just attempted suicide. And... Gavin died..."
Shannon's face fell.
"Makena - she's here? In a coma? And what about Paul? Can I see him?! And... wait. Who's Gavin?" She paused, suddenly seeming to realize who Gavin probably was. "Oh god, Benji! I'm sorry..."
Benji sighed. Shannon came into him for a hug, and he didn't pull away.
"I know it's hard to lose some one," she said.
"Paul's room is down there," Benji said, pointing down the hall to the left, the direction Shannon had come from. "Room 211."
"Oh. Oh! Thanks." She began to set off for his room when she paused and turned around. "Sorry about your... umm... loss, I guess. God I'm an idiot."
Benji smiled slightly and watched her leave. He sighed to himself and returned to trying to feed the machine before finally deciding that it was a loosing battle and walked the rest of the way to Makena's room.
But something was different when he got there. It was such a tiny difference that nobody would have noticed - not Billy, not Joel, not the doctors.
But Benji had been there for a week, and it was plain that something had happened. Her index finger wasn't where Benji had placed it last. It was hanging down off the edge of the bed, her other fingers slowly inching their way along with it.
"Oh, god," he muttered, rushing to her side. "Come on, Makena. Wake up. I know you can." He grasped onto her hand - the one that had slowly been inching away from her body - and held tightly onto it, not letting go as he move his face closer to hers.
"Come on, fuck damnit!" he cursed. "I know you can hear me. Open your fucking eyes!" He waited, staring intensely at her face. Nothing happened; no change, no sign of life. Nothing.
"Please?" he begged. "I know you can - just open your eyes and I know you'll be okay." He waited a moment longer. "Please?"
Slowly, but surely, her eyes began to open. They opened half way at first, but she blinked slightly and tried to open then wider, taking in everything that might have been surrounding her.
"Oh god..." Benji muttered in excitement. "God..." He jumped up and ran into the hall.
"She's awake!" he screamed. "She woke up! She's not dead!" He quickly dashed back into her room and took his seat, nearly toppling over Makena's bed.
"You're up," he told her. "You're not sleeping. You're up!"
She looked up at him, slightly confused. But she remembered him - she knew who he was. She tried to speak, but the respirator was still hooked to her mouth and she gagged.
The doctor chose that moment to come in, followed closely by an excited Billy and Joel. They leaned over the doctor's shoulders to see if it was true. Makena stared up at all of them, unsure why they were all there, crowding around her bed like they were.
"Good afternoon, Makena," the doctor said, slowly taking the blue tube from her lips. "How are you feeling?"
She choked as the tube was removed before sucking in her first breath of real air. "Tired," she replied softly, her voice horse. "Hungry." She looked over the faces of the three after the doctor had made way for them to see her. "What happened?" she asked, closing her eyes a little.
"There was a car accident," Benji replied. "It was really bad..."
"That explains the headache, then," she moaned. "Was Paul there?"
"Paul's fine," Joel jumped in, making sure she wasn't informed of his suicide attempt. Makena nodded in satisfactory.
"I want to see my son," she stated. "Where's Gavin?"
Benji looked at Billy, who looked at Joel, who shrugged.
"Makena, your leg is broken in two different places," the doctor said, having not heard her previous question. Makena looked up at the doctor and nodded.
"Oh," she said, looking down at her leg, which was placed in a cast.
"We're going to have to keep you here for an extra week, to see how you're doing. There was some internal bleeding we were able to stop, but you should just take it easy for a while."
Makena nodded and looked back up at Benji. "Benji, where's Gavin?" she questioned. "I want to see him."
"Makena..." Benji began, trying desperately not to cry again. "He - Gavin was in the car with you when... when the accident happened."
"I know," Makena said. "I remember. I want to see him. Is he okay? He's not hurt, is he?"
Benji looked up with teary eyes at the doctor, who nodded in encouragement. He let a tear slide down his face before looking back down at Makena.
"Makena, Gavin died."
She blinked. Dead? He couldn't have been dead - he was six. And he was wearing his seat belt!
"No," she whispered. "That's - not true. It can't be. He was behind me, he was wearing his seat belt..." she paused. "Benji, if this is a joke, I swear to god..."
Benji shook his head, slightly surprised that she would have even thought that this could have been some stupid joke.
"It's not," Benji whispered. Makena frowned slightly, then scanning the faces of the other's that stood around her. All sad, sorry - true.
"Oh god..." she whispered, allowing tears the flow freely down her face. "Why? What the HELL did he ever do to you?!"
"I know you're suffering," the doctor began. "But you need some rest - try to get some sleep."
"No!" she yelled. "I won't! I can't - not until you tell me why!!"
Benji sighed. He wiped the tears from his eyes and got out of his chair, beginning to walk around so no one would notice. He had gone through this already - he thought it was over. But it wasn't - he hadn't realized how much more there was to go through.
"I'm sorry, Makena," the doctor apologized. "We did everything we could for your son."
Tears ran from the corner of her eyes and dripped into her ears. She stared up at the ceiling before closing her eyes, swallowing hard. Benji watched her and closed his own eyes before walking to her side and bending down, kissing her softly on the forehead.
"I'm sorry," he whispered.
------
She slept peacefully in her bed while Benji sat slouched in a chair with it's back to the window, his feet propped up on the side of her bed. His eyes were closed, but he couldn't sleep. It had been a week, and he still couldn't sleep. But he could try, now that he knew that Makena was alive.
"Billy, I can't..." a hushed voice said from the doorway. "Look, they're both sleeping - can't I just go see Paul again?"
Benji opened his eyes and looked up at the doorway. Shannon and Billy were standing in the hall, quietly arguing about weather they should go inside or not.
"Hi," Benji said, rubbing his eyes. They stopped arguing and looked up at him. Shannon glanced at Billy, who nudged her into the room.
"Hi, Benj," Shannon said before looking over at Makena. "How's she holding up?"
"She's better," Benji replied, glancing at her sleeping figure. "You'd think after being in a coma for a week, she wouldn't want to sleep." Shannon laughed slightly.
"How are you?" she asked him. Benji sighed and shrugged.
"I'm holding up," he replied.
"That's good..."
They sat in uncomfortable silence for a while, each trying to think of something to say to each other.
"Paul gets out tomorrow," Shannon informed Benji. "He's anxious to see her - Billy and Joel went down to his room and told him that she had woken up."
She paused. "He blames himself, you know."
Benji nodded. "I know," he said. He sighed again and yawned. "You wanna go down and get something to eat?"
Shannon nodded. "Yeah," she replied. "That would be great."
------
"It's been a long time since I really ate anything," Benji confessed to Shannon as they began to walk towards the hospital cafeteria. Shannon nodded.
"I know," she said. Benji sighed slightly.
"Joel told you?" he questioned, although it was more of a statement than a question. Shannon shook her head.
"No," she said. "Paul did. Although, I guess Joel told him, so - yeah, I guess it was Joel."
Benji laughed slightly. Neither of them said anything as the entered the elevator and rode the couple of floors down to the cafeteria.
"So - Benj," Shannon said finally, trying to break the silence. "How are you holding up?" Benji shrugged as they walked into the cafeteria.
"I don't know," he confessed. "I don't know how to feel anymore. It was easier when I - you know... drank, because the alcohol took away all my emotions and I didn't HAVE to feel anything."
"That's only a temporary solution, you know," Shannon said. He nodded.
"I know," he admitted. He sighed and picked up a tray, following Shannon as they looked over their food choices. Neither of them said anything for a moment, and she knew he was thinking about Gavin again.
"You shouldn't try to think about him too much," she said. "It doesn't help the pain go away."
Benji shrugged. "I know," he said slowly. There was another long pause.
"When your dad left, what did you do to get your mind off him?" she asked.
Benji frowned slightly. "I became an alcoholic and tried to commit suicide," Benji replied.
"Oh," Shannon said. "Never mind then." She paused. "How old do you think that muffin is?"
"This is a hospital," Benji replied. "It can't be too old. Why?"
"I want a muffin, and it looks a little old."
Benji shook his head. "I mean, why did you bring that thing with my dad up?"
"Oh!" Shannon said, laughing slightly at herself. "Um... well, I figured you could forget about... Gavin... if you did something to take your mind off him. Obviously, suicide isn't quite the answer I was hoping for, so - forget it."
Benji sighed slightly. "Oh," he said. Shannon sighed. They paid for their food and walked to a vacant table where they began to eat their own lunches, silent for the most part.
"Makena," he said finally.
"What?" Shannon questioned.
"Makena," Benji repeated. "That's who took my mind off Gavin. At first. I was so concentrated on her waking up and surviving that I forgot about everything around me." He paused and looked down at his food. "Including eating. And - I guess it's kind of funny, but I'm not that hungry." He pushed his tray away and took slow sips of his water cup.
"What do you think could get your mind off of Gavin now?" Shannon asked.
Benji shrugged and looked at the ice that floated around his cup, slowly melting. "I don't know," he admitted. "I - don't think I can forget about him. Ever. He was my son, Shannon - you've got to understand that. I loved him. I just don't know if I can get rid of the empty feeling he's left me with here."
"Okay - what about something that'll make you feel better about this?"
Benji bit his lip. "You know, talking about feelings and shit is making me really uncomfortable," he told her. Shannon shrugged - she didn't really care. Benji sighed and began to continue. "Music. I like to play music."
"There we go," Shannon said. "You could write some songs about - Gavin. Or not exactly about him but... you know what I mean, right?"
Benji nodded and smiled slightly. "Thanks, Shannon," he said, getting up from the table.
"No problem, Benji," she replied.
"I'm gonna go see Makena now," Benji told her. Shannon nodded, understanding completely. Benji threw his food away and rode up the elevator and began to walk past a couple of rooms when he paused.
"I'm sorry, Mr. Combs," a doctor was saying. "There's just no way you can drink anymore alcohol without killing yourself."
"Mother fuckers," the man muttered. "I know that's what you want me to believe, you son-of-a-bitch."
"Mr. Combs, please..."
Benji froze. Combs? He shook it off. 'No way,' he thought. 'There are plenty of other Combs out there. Umm... like... P.Diddy, right? His real name is Sean Combs...'
The doctor emerged from the room and nearly collided with Benji. "I'm sorry young man," he apologized. He was about to walk on when he noticed that Benji wasn't making any attempt to walk from the man's door. "Er... is there something I can help you with?"
"Um... I suppose..." Benji began. "Who's that guy in there?"
"Oh, that?" the doctor said, nodding towards the door. "That's John Combs. Comes in here a lot. Bar fight this time - some one brought up his kids and he got angry. Ended up getting hit in the back with a chair."
Benji frowned and looked into the room. On the bed was a man who was probably younger than he looked - alcohol had probably taken years from his life. His black hair was going gray and his dark, brown eyes were dull and watery. He looked like some one Benji knew.
"Holy fuck," he muttered, once the doctor had left. "That's my dad."