I Can Save You
Chapter 4
By: Makena
Benji walked into the front door to see Billy and Paul sitting in the living room with Joel, who had his head in his hands.
"Benji," Billy said, perking up a little.
Paul and Joel looked up and Joel nearly tipped his chair over as he stood up.
"Benji," Joel said. "What..."
Benji frowned slightly, but his eyes fell on the suicide note he had left on his bed - he had forgotten to remove it before he went to Fey's house.Benji held up his wrist for them to see that he hadn't in fact killed himself.
"Jesus you scared me," Joel said, rushing to his brother for a hug.
Benji closed his eyes and let Joel embrace him. "I'm sorry," Benji whispered, trying not to break down and cry again. "I won't do it again."
Joel nodded and sniffed, backing away from his brother. "I'm just glad nothing happened to you," Joel said.
Benji nodded and shrugged. Joel would be the hardest thing of his old life to let go - but he knew he would be a better person for it if he left. He knew things would be for the better for both of them if he left.
------
Benji had packed what he could in his duffel bag and hid it in his closet while he wrote his good-bye note to Joel. He took out his pen and his note book and began to write.
Joel,
I bet you're wondering what's been wrong with me for - well, our entire lives. I can't even tell you what's wrong with me... that's why I'm leaving. Fey and I are leaving for the west coast and I don't know when I'll be back or even IF I'll ever be back.
You told me to let her save me - you told me I needed help. I'm just glad I realized it before I did something really stupid like kill myself.I'm sorry if this destroys everything we've all worked on - Good Charlotte, our music, writing... everything. I hope things will turn out for the best, though. And don't think I've turned into dad - turning and running away from all my problems. You know I didn't leave because of that. Of all the things I'm leaving behind, you were the hardest to leave. I'm so sorry it all had to come down to this. Don't forget that I love you - tell mom the same.
Your Other Half,
Benji
Benji read his note three times over and finally ripped it out of his notebook and left it on his bed, like he had done with the suicide note. He waited until four thirty in the morning to grab his bags and tiptoe down the stairs. He looked around for a while and sighed before opening the door and walking out side. Fey was packing some things in her car - she had traded her little Honda civic for a classic red Chevrolet convertible.
"Hey," Benji whispered, putting his bags on the ground.
Fey turned around and smiled at him. "Are you ready?" she asked him.
Benji nodded and shoved one bag in the trunk and the other in the back seat.
"Don't worry about your brother," Fey told him, closing the trunk. "He came by yesterday to say good bye." She paused and smiled, reaching for the driver's seat. "You sure you wanna do this?" she asked him. "Because once we're on the road, I'm not turning around."
Benji nodded and climbed into the passengers seat, putting his seat belt on. "Just go before I change my mind," he said.
Fey smiled and started the engine up.
"Wait," Benji said. "What about all your stuff?"
"Mover's are coming by in a couple days to get it," Fey explained, backing out of the driveway.
"Oh."
Benji put his head back and let the cool breeze blow through his hair before he decided to put a beanie on over it. He was leaving Waldorf with a girl he hardly knew and he didn't mind in the least.
------
By late afternoon, Benji and Fey had been through DC and were out of Maryland. They made a quick pit stop for some gas and some food at a Holiday gas station.
"I'm gonna use the pay phone," Benji informed Fey, who was filling up the gas tank.
Fey nodded and leaned against the car, crossing her arms. Benji walked to the pay phone by the building and dug fifty cents out of his pocket. Sure, he had money for a cell phone - but cell phones annoyed him and he rarely had to call anyone. He picked up the receiver, dropped in his fifty cents and dialed the familiar numbers. The operator came on and told him to deposit some more change before calling.
"Why can't there just be pay phones you don't have to pay to use?" he groaned, feeding it some more change.
He heard a ringing tone and began to fell a little nervous. 'Don't be fucking nervous,' he thought to himself. 'It's not like he's gonna come get you or send you home.'
Benji turned around and saw a girl standing behind him, waiting for the phone. She gave him a half smile and looked at her watch.
"Sorry," he said.
"Hello?" Joel's voice answered.
"Joel," Benji said. "Um... hey."
"Benji?" Joel asked. "Benji, where the fuck are you?"
"I... don't really know," Benji admitted. "I think I fell asleep after we went through DC."
"I woke up this morning and you were gone," Joel said. "I got so worried that you had tried to do something to yourself again..."
Benji sighed. "Well, I didn't," he said. "I just wanted to call you and tell you that I'm fine and Fey is fine and... basically, good bye."
"Benji, wait..." Joel said.
"Bye, Joel," Benji said.
"No! Benji, stop...!"
Benji closed his eyes and hung the phone up. 'No turning back, Benji,' he thought to himself. 'You can't go back now.'
He sighed and turned around. The girl was still there, waiting to use the phone. "All yours," Benji said, giving her a fake smile.
"Thanks," she said, returning the smile. She paused and looked at him a second time. "Hey... are you that guy from Good Charlotte?... Benji?"
Benji thought about it for a second and shook his head. "No," he lied.
"Oh," the girl said. "Sorry... you look a lot like Benji from Good Charlotte."
"You listen to GC?" Benji asked.
The girl nodded. "They're one of my favorites," she said.
Benji sighed. "They weren't bad," he said softly, walking away from her.
He entered the convenience store and found Fey, wandering around one of the snack isles.
"Did you get a hold of Joel?" she asked him, scanning the different kinds of chips.
"How do you know I called Joel?" Benji questioned.
"I have ESP," Fey said. "Do you like beef jerky?"
"No," Benji said. "I don't eat meat - how did you know I called Joel?"
Fey sighed and grabbed a bag of popcorn.
"Who else were you gonna call?" she asked. "Cash?"
Benji shrugged. "I coulda called my mom or something."
Fey ignored him as she walked to the cooler and grabbed herself a diet Pepsi.
"What do you want?" she asked him.
"I got it," Benji said.
"No no, I'll just pay for it," she said. "It'll be faster."
Benji frowned and grabbed a Pepsi but refused to let Fey pay for it. She shrugged and walked up to the front and waited in line with Benji standing behind her.
"We should go to Six Flags," Fey said randomly.
"Uh... okay..." Benji said, laughing slightly at her randomness.
"No, we should! In Ohio - we'll go to Cedar Point and go to Six Flags."
She stopped talking so she could pay for her things and the gas. Benji went to the cash register next to the one Fey was at and bought his Pepsi and a pack of cigarettes - the only thing he had forgotten at home.
"Ready?" Fey asked him merrily.
Benji nodded and they walked back out to the car where they hit the road again.
------
Benji walked over to Fey after they had gotten to their hotel late at night. She was just sitting there on her bed, wearing a bright red shirt and looking better than ever.
"Aren't you tired?" she asked him with that smile she always wore.
She leaned back on the bed and flipped some hair back and out of her face.
"Nope," Benji said truthfully. "Not in the least."
"Me neither," Fey laughed. "What do you wanna do to kill the time?"
Benji shrugged and watched as she flicked more hair away from her face. His eyes became focused on her lips - damn he wanted to kiss them. Finally, after a few moments of silence, Benji bent down to Fey's eye level and kissed her square on her lips. Fey kissed him back with passion and fell back with surprise. Benji kissed her lips again, and began to kiss her neck as he unbuttoned her shirt. Fey ran her hands through his hair, breathing heavily as Benji continued to kiss her neck. Everything was so blurry - Fey's head fell to the pillow as she slipped Benji's shirt off.
"Benji..." Fey moaned, closing her vivid blue eyes. "Benji... Benji..."
"BENJI!"
Benji sat bolt upright in his bed and looked around. Fey was kneeling on the end of his bed, wearing jeans and a pink button-up t-shirt with a white tank top underneath. Benji looked around and noticed that it was still too dark for it to be morning yet - maybe it was early EARLY morning?
"Woah," Fey said. "Didn't mean to scare you... I was just wondering if you wanted to go for a walk with me?"
Benji frowned.
"A walk?" he questioned. "What time is it?"
"Almost four," Fey said with shy smile.
Benji groaned and fell backwards.
"You woke me up... for that?" he moaned.
"Yep," Fey answered. "Did you want to come?"
"No!" Benji yelled.
"Okay! Okay! Sorry... just wanted to see if you wanted to come with me."
Benji rolled over on his side and tried to block her out with his pillow. He wanted to go back to sleep and he wanted to pick up the dream he was having where he had been left off.
------
"Morning sleepy head!" Fey greeted Benji with a wide grin. "Sleep well?"
Benji yawned and put his beanie on over his head before joining Fey at the table she was sitting at. They were down in the hotel lobby, surrounded by the hotel provided breakfast.
"I had an interesting dream last night," Benji said before he had a chance to really think about it.
"Oh?" Fey asked. "What was it about?"
Benji frowned and shook his head, taking a sip of orange juice. "Nothing," he said. "Never mind."
"Okay," Fey said with a shrug. "Well, since this is truly our first day out on the open road, I figured now was as good a time as any to start."
"Start...?" Benji asked, pouring an individual box of Frosted Flakes into a plastic bowl.
"Operation Saving Benji," Fey explained. "We'll call it OSB for short."Benji rolled his eyes.
"Great," he said sarcastically.
"First thing to do in OSB..." Fey said, pausing dramatically so she could grab a notebook she had been hiding in her lap. "Share dreams."
Benji choked and nearly sprayed Frosted Flakes out of his mouth. "You're only saying that because I won't tell you my dream," Benji said.
"You're right," Fey said with a smile. "But it works for our first thing. Tell me... what was your dream about?"
Benji thought for a moment before smugly remarking "sex."
"Ooh..." Fey said, writing things down in her notebook. "What kind of sex? Was it gay sex?"
"No!" Benji cried. "You're sick."
Fey laughed.
"Okay, okay," she said. "You're a normal male and you had a dream about sex, but this wasn't a day dream it was an actual dream."
"Hey..." Benji said, rolling his eyes.
Fey laughed again.
"What was yours about?" Benji asked.
"Mine?" Fey asked, looking up for a moment. "I was driving around and I came to a dead end, so I got out and it ended up being a cliff and I could either jump down to get to where I was going or I could walk away with you to where I was going."
"What'd you do?" Benji asked.
"I jumped," Fey said with a laugh. "Out of all the things I could have done, I jumped because it seemed like the quickest solution."
"That was kind of dumb," Benji said, digging into his breakfast again.
"I know that," Fey said. "It was just a dream."
"I know it was," Benji defended. "Damn... just chill."
Fey sighed and neither of them said anything for a moment. Finally, Fey smiled and stood up. "We'd better get out on that road, Benjamin," she said. "We've got a long road ahead of us!"