Tagged All Wrong
By: Rach & Jenn
“#It’s Christmas Eve and I’ve only wrapped two fucking presents...#” Paul sat alone in his room, depressed at the fact that he still had so many gifts to wrap and so little time. Drowning his sorrows in his JD, Paul finally finished wrapping his gifts and makes to take them downstairs, in time for his brother to pick them up for his family.
This year the guys decided not to go home for Christmas, instead stay with each other in the house they shared, trying to make a decent Christmas dinner. Once he’d taken the gifts downstairs it was time to sort out what presents were for his family, and what ones were for the guys, but it was harder than it seemed: he’d forgotten to put the tags on. Not wanting to be stupid and open them all again, plus the fact that his brother was due to arrive any second, he grabbed the tags and guessed what was for who.
His brother arrived and took the presents, whilst Paul was trying to hurry him off. He sighed a sigh of relief once he had, congratulating himself thinking he had all the tags on the right boxes.
“Hey Paul! What the fuck you doing here, we’re supposed to be getting Joel and Billy in like ten minutes across town!!” Benji screamed at him, as he grabbed his coat and phone off the chair where he had thrown it earlier.
“Sorry, Christmas gifts, you know how it is, come on, let’s get a cab”
Morning came, along with hangovers. And with Joel jumping in everyone’s room screaming that it was Christmas Day, and if they didn’t get their asses downstairs right now, they weren’t getting any of the pancakes that he had decided to make, in the three hours he had already been awake.
“No-ones getting any gifts till we eat” Joel screamed.
“Damn you Joel, your always the fucking dominant one” Benji screamed back at him.
“Mmm, kinky”
“Shut up Paul” Both the twins yelled back, neither amused.
“Damn Joel these pancakes are soooo... good” Billy told him, while munching away quite happily at his pile. Breakfast was soon over, and it was time to go exchange gifts.
“Who wants to go first??” Joel asked the motley bunch.
“You go first Joelsy, after all, you cooked breakfast” was Billy’s reply, while the rest agreed.
“Ok, first one, right who’s it from, Benji”
“DON’T SHAKE IT!!!” Benji screamed at him while the others jumped out of their skin. They all looked at the expression on Joel’s face as he ripped the paper and saw what was inside.
“WOW!” Joel jumped around like a kid in a candy shop when he saw his present.
“Thanks Benj!” He ran to his brother and hugged him tight, so much so that Benji could hardly breathe.
“Please...let me go. I can’t breathe!” Benji said. “That’s so you don’t have to borrow mine to download your porn anymore!” he laughed. Joel went a bright shade of crimson but was still grinning from ear to ear as he looked at his new laptop. Paul picked up a gift and threw it at Benji.
“Here. This one’s for you, from me”
“Cool, what is it?”
“Well, duh, open it up and find out”
Benji ripped excitedly at the paper, and pulled out a box. Opening it, he looked inside. “Uh, Paul? Are you sure this is mine??” Benji asked quite shyly.
“Well the tag had your name on it, didn’t it??” Paul replied, matter of factly.
“What is it Benj??” Joel asked curiously.
“Yeah Benji, what is it??” Billy and Joel were getting curious, and frankly Paul was beginning to wonder whether or not the tags had gone on the right gifts.
Fits of laughter erupted around the room, as Benji pulled his gift out of the box.
“A collar and lead?? Paul??” Billy managed through his laughter.
“Em, yeah?? Thought it would suit him” Paul answered, but they knew he was lying.
“Tell the truth big man” Benji said to Paul.
“Ok, I may have got some of the tags wrong” Paul finally confessed.
“Yeah yeah, we know how much you wanna see Benji in that though, stop lying, we know how much you love him!!” Billy teased.
“Oh haha, anyway, who’s next”
“Oh, me, me”, Billy said. “I wanna open the one from Paul. I wanna see if he got mines right!”
Billy over excitedly rummaged through the gifts for his from Paul and ripped the paper off faster than you could say “wait!”. Billy exploded into a fit of giggles as he saw his present, and Paul sat there, head in hands, thinking that the day would never end. Had he tagged them all wrong?! Images of his mum opening a small porn pack made him cringe.
“Hehe...” Billy said still giggling as he pulled out the basque and suspender set. “Oooh...it’s just my size too! Thanks Paul!”
“I give up...” Paul said and handed Joel his present.
“Ooh, my second, and you don’t even get one. Wonder what’s it’s gonna be? A Buzz Lightyear, A dildo maybe??” Joel asked, shaking the box he had been handed.
“Just open it dipshit” Benji told him, getting impatient.
The paper was soon lying next to Joel, and in his hand, a brown paper bag, containing his gift. Peeking in, trying to annoy Benji, by not pulling it out.
“Ooh, Paul, I’ve always wanted one of those” Joel said in all seriousness.
“Really??” Paul asked, for a moment, thinking he had got the right gift.
Joel didn’t get a chance to answer as Benji reached over and pulled the bag out of his hands, and pulled the gift out from it’s brown paper bag.
“Oooh, Joel, a little nursie outfit” Benji laughed, Paul’s gifts were totally screwed.
“Give me it back, Paul I love my gift!” Joel screamed, taking it back from Benji.
“No need to take the piss” Paul said.
“I’m not” Joel said with a wink. “It’ll go nicely with my knee-highs!”
When the rest of the gifts were opened, out came the alcohol. After a few too many beers, they were drunk enough to be bored with Benji’s scalextrix, and shouting at tv, for the lack of good movies, and shows. They were sitting discussing their presents when Billy said for a joke “Lets go put our gifts from Paul on!” The rest said “No way!” so Billy went off anyway to put his on. He emerged with a bathrobe on and to the whoops and cheers of the others they forced him to do a striptease whilst they threw beercaps at him.
“Oh Billy, you’re so hot, I could just eat you all up” Benji joked, licking his lips at Billy as he continued his erotic dance. “Papa’s waiting for you, come and sit with your fave client” Benji wolfwhistled at Billy as he crawled towards him, the alcohol haven taken a good hold on his system, and onto Benji’s lap, grabbing his thigh, and sliding off onto the space on the couch.
A few more beers later, and Joel toddled off to his room, to put on his little nursie outfit. Returning to a room of wolfwhistling, Joel grabbed them a few more beers from the fridge, and flopped down very unladylike on the chair across from Paul, spreading his legs wide.
“Like what you see Paul??”
Paul, for once, was speechless at Joel’s remark.
“Hey come on Benj” Billy said in what was supposed to be a girlie voice.
“Time to put your gift on!” He grabbed Benji’s shirt and pulled it over his head, to the laughter of the others. Billy then put Benji’s collar on him.
“Mmm, suits you Benji” Billy said as he finished closing the buckle, settling down on Benji’s lap again to reach around his neck and clip the lead on. Benji grabbed Billy, lifted him up over his shoulder and ran away barking like a dog to the protests of Billy, who eventually just laughed.
When Paul and Joel had stopped laughing, Joel got around to asking the inevitable; "So Paul...who were the gifts actually for then?!”
“Well...” Paul started “the collar and lead was for Cashdogg, obviously, and the suspenders and basque were for Lynn...I know we broke up, but I forgot when I was getting gifts. Thought it would be funny to give her it anyway!”
Joel thought for a second. “So who was this for then?!” He said, pointing to himself. Paul looked him up and down and making eye contact with Joel, said with a cheeky glint in his eye; “That, my man, was always meant for you...”