Things that go bump in the Dark
By Nancy

I sat down in the dimly lit theatre and put down my popcorn. Some quiet, cheesy music was playing in the background. I took a sip of my drink and looked at my watch, waiting for the movie to begin. I was there alone, as my friends all had other plans. The movie was one of those romance movies, the kind where you just can’t help but cry at the end. People were filling up the theatre; groups of five, couples, and single people like me all sitting down. The hum of their talking drowned out the music.

A couple walked by me, sitting sown in the row in front of me. Suddenly, the lights dimmed and the music turned off. The movie came on. The door opened behind me, and a man’s voice whispered, "hurry up! The movie’s already started." I thought I recognized the voice, but I didn’t know where.

The couple came by, then stopped and took seats a couple of seats down from me, in the same row. They were talking in a low murmur. I couldn’t make out the words, but the man’s voice sounded so familiar. I turned my head to see who they were. It was dark in the theatre, but not dark enough so that I could make out the features of Greg’s face!

I gasped in amazement and broke out into a cold sweat. I turned back towards the screen. My pulse was racing and my heart was pounding. I looked over at Greg again, who gave me a smile and turned back to the movie. My heart melted at that smile, my legs going wobbly and my body turning into a pile of goo.

I sat back in my seat and tried to breathe normally. "Do you realize what is happening here?" I thought to myself. "Greg. Greg Proops. Just smiled at you!" If Greg couldn’t have heard me, I’d be doing the whole squealing with delight thing, but as I didn’t want to look like a dork, I decided to keep it cool. I was sure thinking like one though.

I sneaked another look at Greg. He had an arm comfortably draped around a woman who was snuggled against him. I realized this must be his wife. Eager for a look at a woman a lot of people would like to see, I peered over even more, but it was too dark to see her face.

I looked back up at the movie. I had already missed the first ten minutes of it, but I didn’t care. Greg sitting beside me was more important! I suddenly had an impish desire to lay a big wet one on Greg. Don’t ask me where I got the notion in my head from. Sometimes I surprise even myself. All of a sudden there was a conflict brewing in my head.

‘I should do it. He’d never see me in the dark, and then I could leave. None would be the wiser.’
‘Are you crazy? It would be terrible for him, getting accosted by a fan.’ ‘I may never get a chance like this again. Just do it and get the hell out f here!’
‘But he came here to spend time with his wife. How would she feel about it?’
‘This is Greg! This is a chance to do something crazy and impulsive. Just do it!’
‘Don’t do it. You’d never do it to another guy, Why risk possibly hurting Greg? It’s not worth it.’
I abruptly broke off my ‘conversation’ by taking a drink of my pop. By now I had missed half an hour of the movie, but I no longer cared. The devil and angel on my shoulders had taken over my mind and were busy arguing over what to do.

‘Don’t do it! If you ever meet Greg in person you’ll never be able to look at him.’ Reasoned the angel.
‘Just do it,’ crooned the devil, ‘you know you want to.’
The conflict rolled on. The movie was coming to an end, and if I were going to do anything, now would be the time. The devil and angel were arguing forcibly now, putting down one another.

"This is just like that time when we were with Jimmy Stewart in ‘It’s a Wonderful Life.’ The angel bickered, ‘you convinced him to jump off that bridge."

"Don’t you start that again," the devil sighed. "Look at what happened to him in the end. He found a new appreciation for his family and his life. It all worked out in the end. Quit your complaining.’

‘So kid.’ The devil turned to me again. ‘Are you going to do it or not? Hurry up because I’ve got an appointment with Ryan Stiles in ten minutes to decide what shoes he’s going to buy.’ The devil shuddered. ‘God. That man has the worst fashion sense since Elton John."

With that, the devil poofed off of my shoulder. The angel just stood there, shaking her head.

"I kinda liked Elton John’s style." She pouted. She looked down at her tiny watch. "I’ve gotta split too. Better hurry up and make your decision quick!" And then the angel was gone too, leaving me sitting there alone in the dark.

I looked down at my popcorn and then back up at the movie screen. I took a deep breath, leaned over to Greg and whispered in his ear. "I am your biggest fan, I think you’re great and I love you!" He turned to face me, eyes wide with surprise. I kissed him, landing a bit fat one right on those luscious lips of his. I got up and ran out of the theatre, laughing hysterically at what I had actually done, leaving Greg sitting there, shocked. His wife, who had been watching the movie and missed the entire thing looked up at him.

"What was that?" She asked inquisitively. Greg touched his lip thoughtfully and looked back at the door I had run through.

"Crazy fans." He muttered quietly as the movie ended.