Movie poster from the Internet Movie Database America 3000 dir.: David Englebach Starring: Chuck Wagner as Korvis Laurene Landon as Vena Galyn G�rg as Lynka William Wallace as Gruss and Aargh the Awful as Himself

Well, this movie's taken a while for me to actually write on it. I think that the better a movie is, the longer I wait until I can write a movie review on it, particularly if it's an older movie. I haven't seen this movie in a while and it is screaming for me to post a review. I want everyone who is reading this review right now that we are going into hostile territory with this one; not only by the fact that this is a Post-Apocalyptic movie made in Italy, but by the producers' reputations. The producers in question: the Israeli duo of Menahem Golan and Yoram Globus.

These men have contributed more entertainment to my primary and secondary school years than any of the Japanese TV I was getting on the sly. If I ever meet these men, I'll thank them for all they've given me. Enough hero worship! You're here to read about Golan-Globus' film-making prowess in the movie that I was able to BS into a 10th grade American History class: AMERICA 3000.

Our film begins with the follwing crawl positioned over a pile of rubble, giving us details as to what happened to the world: usual bombs killing everyone and creating a new social order, but ending in a peculiar phrase--

"�and the world was woggos! In the old speak that means � Crazy!"

To this day, my brother and I still laugh at this movie for its inventive slang words. Given that the descendants of nuclear holocaust survivors will be deformed in their brains, thesee slang terms make sense. A link to a chart on THE AMERICA 3000 VOCABULARY AFTER THE GREAT NUKE will be included at the end of this review.

The movie is narrated in hindsight by a Plugart(man) named Gruss(William Wallace, Solar Crisis). He tells the story of how his area of the world changed when Fraul(woman) and Plugart meet and DO NOT kill each other. The main character is his buddy Korvis(Chuck Wagner, Automan[TV] and General Hospital[TV]), defacto leader of the civilized Plugarts. In a bid to steal food and weapons, the Plugarts set off a chain of events that lead to the discovery of Reagan's secret nuclear bunker(he didn't make it there) in this movie's "Forbidden Zone"� called the Contam, a skirmish involving bolos with explosives, Aargh the Awful and the resolution of a post-apocalyptic battle of the sexes due largely to the horizontal actions of Korvis and the Tiara(queen) of Frisco, Vena(Laurene Landon, Maniac Cop & Maniac Cop 2).

• Vena's friend Lynka(Galyn G�rg, Robocop 2, Point Break and Xena: Warrior Princess[TV]) goes to get Seeded by a masked man and her face changes over the course of the session until the men bust it up. With the Seeder unmasked by the men, her face shows of relief because the guy's a hottie. What. Ever.
  
• The Frauls from the Kanso comb(Fraul village) are so obviously super-lesbians, further pointed out by their shoulderpads.
  
• The Prezzy-Dent. Wow. The position of Commander-in-Chief elevated to godhood after a nuclear holocaust. George W. Bush, are you listening?
  
• Korvis finding Tiara Vena asleep in her shelt(tent), looking very sexy in her big hair and her low-cut, high-slit robe. Mmmmmm. Lying in a prone position didn't help matters either.
  
• Rolling Stones Farewell Tour -- 1989. Look for it.
  
• Who are we kidding? This whole damn movie qualifies!

PRICELESS QUOTES:
-The entire vocabulary of this movie, detailed in this handy-dandy chart I call THE AMERICA 3000 VOCABULARY AFTER THE GREAT NUKE.
-The Elder Fraul's version of history told in a response format to the partying throng:

"Once the world was green and livin'. Then was the Great Nuke. Death lived everywhere! All were born sick and unclean � a livin curse from the Merkins and Commies! Then, one day, a baby was born � clean and clear � and the livin' curse was over! The child grew strong and beautiful, and she was called----"

"WOMAN!"

"Woman taught her children to follow the Tiara and follow the regs, and the Earth lived again! But some disobeyed the regs, and from them came the children of darkness and disease!"

"PLUGART!"

"Plugarts [*mumble, mumble*] nuked, �till neggie are left!"

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"Forbidden Zone" � 1969 APJAC Productions.