My Pregnancy Journal

i always thought i'd be a mom...sometimes i wish fer a mistake -no doubt

OCTOBER- (about OCT. 10+) I do NOTHING but sleep. My energy is non-existent. My always spotless apartment goes to shit. Little things i enjoy like doing my hair and makeup seem more bothersome. I pass these things off as being depressed becos Kunta got locked up.
I drink a glass of alcohol. I throw it up on the pavement. I think i must have drunk it too fast.
I wake up one morning too sore to move from lying on my stomach. My breasts are killing me. I pass this off as P.M.S. I have cramps but my period never comes.

OCTOBER 31 Halloween- I talk with friends. I've dicussed with Kunta over the phone the possibility of me being with child. I go to Rite Aid and get a pregnancy test. I peed on the strip as indicated. The 2nd window's line appears. 3 minutes later i thank god i'm not pregnant and reach to throw the test in the trash but...the 1st and 2nd window are now reading lines. I almost faint. I am pregnant.

NOVEMBER 2000- I get a collect phonecall from Kunta. I tell him i am definately pregnant. We discuss this.

NOVEMBER 13, 2000- I had a visit with a counselor. I feel a little better. I'm on my way to find out how far along i am now. I have no clue. All the sudden my tummy popped out like a done turkey. I can fart on command. I'll write more when i find out.

NOVEMBER 20, 2000- I took a proffessional prego test that once again confirmed the fact i'm pregnant. Okay people, now what? I have to go down to welfare in order to move into "Carpenter House" in glassboro. It's like a shelter for young mothers but nicer with mad rules. Such as curfew 12am, you can't have a car, you share a bathroom, kitchen, and living room. I'd imagine meetings blah-blah-blah. I have to prove to welfare i'm fucking homeless. My eviction notice was given to civil court when i filed a hardship stay and was denied. My boyfriend has been in jail for 42 days and has 48 days left. My life is such shit.
I did however get in touch with several resources that might help. I'd be almost fine if i hadn't lost my apartment. Damn. I am scared. I feel like a loser even tho i've held jobs all my life sometimes 3 at once. I'm a fuck up but now i got a kid to worry about and it's mind boggling. I don't even know how far along i am yet!!!
I got this doctor that's in turnersville, which isn't too far from my mom's so i'm gonna call him tomorrow. I could be anywhere from 42 days to 3+ months. I just wanna know already. I need vitamans, care, and peace of mind.

DECEMBER 5, 2000- I have my 1st ultrasound appointment. Of course i have no ride. I spend the night over Jeska's house. Dre' drives us. I'm nervous as fuck. I fill out papers and just bring my ultrasound coupon. I look around at all the pictures of babies this ob/gyn has delivered. It's a man. I've never had a mail gyn before. Then this really creepy guy looks at me from behind the counter. I pray that's not my Doctor.
They call my name. Jeska goes back there with me. They weigh me. Yikes. I pee in yet another cup. I meet them in room #2. A nurse asks me questions. She leaves. Jeska tells me she had asked if Jeska was my girlfriend. hehe. I get more nervous but excited becos i'm sitting next to the ultrasound machine. There are charts that creep me and Jeska out. Did you know when yer pregnant yer actual stomach gets pushed up behind yer tit? That's crazy. I farted and stunk up the room. I get up and fan the area with the room's door, my hands, etc when my doctor walks in.
He's an older guy but pretty nice. Made me feel comfortable. He felt my fat belly and said i wasn't that far along and he'd have to do a vaginal ultrasound. He leaves. I feel really bad becos i didn't plan on anything other than some gel on my belly. I had a hole in my underwear, my socks were turned inside out, i hadn't shaved my legs or my crotch in god onlys knows how long. I said fuck it.
He stuck the thinger in my pooter snatch and i saw my baby. It doesn't seem to have a neck yet but everything else was there. 2 legs, 2 arms, torso, an alien shaped head. It was thrashing around like crazy. It was so weird but funny. So, i am offically 10 weeks. December 19 will be 3 months. I won't find out the sex (but it's a girl) fer 10 more weeks but she's do JULY 4th 2001. I got 2 ultrasound pictures. The doctor prescribes me Pre-natal vitamins in a syrup form. He tells me my tummy is really going to pop out within 2 weeks.

DECEMBER 7, 2000- I show Kunta the ultrasound. He stares at them fer a long time. He looks up at me and smiles. "The baby is going to be so pretty." Everybody says that, that knows the both of us. Not to brag but i think she is too. I do some calculating on my calender. The doctor said the conception could have been around the date SEPTEMBER 27. I mark the days i had sex w/ Kunta but towards the end of the month of September he pretty much lived with me so i stopped. The last date i marked was SEPTEMBER 25. Which makes Dr. Manus pretty good at guessing.

DECEMBER 19, 2000- Appointment at 11:15 am fer an internal exam, pap, etc.