17th January 2001

Surreal, is still here, and still now.

A host of thoughts, and only so many words to express them. Only 26 letters of the alphabet!

Healing. Is a strange process, slow - almost agonisingly so, when you're trying your hardest by yourself, then suddenly someone magics it into being, without doing anything intentionally. Suddenly, magic re-enters your life. Not in the form of a gift-granting angel : never ask for the bicycle! Never even expect anything. Then magic happens, as real-life moments of unsolicited, unreasonable, unwarrented extra-somethingness. Happiness.

I have this bizarre urge to Talk, to babble :) (don't worry you - I don't. Only with a very few friends, and those unfortunate enough to try to prise it out of me)

Since there's nobody around at the moment for me to talk to, I'll just talk here.

Insanity is catching your mouth twitching at the corners, walking to work on a cold, grey winter's day. Of being reminded that people of your race don't, as a rule. That people in the city you're residing in, don't, as a rule. That the to-work look is universally accepted as a blank, bordering on black facade of calm nihilistic expressionlessness, occasionally with coffee in hand as a stimulent. I, myself, and me, sitting on the bus, mouth twitching, coffee-less. I'm not doing it right am I? I don't care :)

Does this insanity last forever? I'd like for it to :) But again, rationality intervenes, Real Life circumstances intervene - sanity steps in and makes you See that this is all so... surreal and almost-impossible! That someone else's needs and the cosmic frame of the universe -that the fabric of the space-time continuum! matter very much as well. That to me, I still don't - not very much anyway. But I'm learning :)

So, to the serial funnyphone messager :

I dedicate this page to you. Without words, without a reason. Just because :)

if at any time anything happens for you : I'll understand. There's always the security of option 1) and rest assured, I'll be okay. If you are.

But while we're here, let's just ride the smiles, let's turn the moments surreal into mini eternities :) And stay honest, and wonderful, and happy today, while your mini-wars break out all around you :)

Who can say
where the road goes
where the day flows
- only time
And who can say
if your love grows
as your heart chose
- only time
Who can say
why your heart sighs
as your love flies
- only time
And who can say
why your heart cries
when your love lies
- only time

Who can say
when the roads meet
that love might be
in your heart
And who can say
when the day sleeps
if the night keeps
all your heart

Night keeps all your heart

Who can say
if your love grows
as your heart chose
- only time
And who can say
where the road goes
where the day flows
- only time

Who knows - only time

- Enya, Only Time.