17th June 2000

Oh, oh you think you're special, oh oh you think you're something new.

It's amazing how many people have insecurity complexes. Next time somebody's blowing their trumpet in front of me I'm gonna just start quoting Shania Twain. I've done it once and the person became incredibly defensive and tried to retaliate in kind. All it took was a laugh and a shrug "that's Shania Twain's That Don't Impress Me Much" to make the person feel like a right git. Next time somebody's shouting about her/himself to you take a good look at them, and through them. They're sad little people who're so unsure of themselves they have to keep repeating to the world how great they are.

This week monday a woman arrested on the table during a colorectal operation. Everyone was watching the incision site when the anaesthetist registrar said suddenly, and quietly, stop what you're doing. Adrenaline. The surgeon looked asked blankly "why?" and looked up at the cardiac monitor. Flatline. Heart rate - 0. "GET THE CONSULTANT ANAESTHETIST NOW!" Even as he spoke the main theatre doors crashed open and people started flooding in. People I've never seen in my life, whole teams of doctors. One of them jumped on the patient's chest and started compressions. The consultant anaesthetist floated in, as they all do. I suspect the secondarily-inhaled inhalational anaesthetics alter their personalities after a while. "have you started adrenaline?" "yes it was he first thing I did" "oh... good." One Two Three Four Five compressions. The defibrillator was brought in but even as it was the cardiac monitor came back to life. It was all over in a flash. The surgeon closed shakily and stumbled out of the theatre. I asked him are you all right? And he said just about, but it doesn't matter if I'm all right it's how she is that's important. I've looked at him in a new light since. This from a man we'd presumed was cold arrogant and uncaring about his patients just because he was a surgeon. Presumptions based on hearsay from previous generations of medical students.

Hearsay is a horrendous thing. Over the years I've learnt never to trust what other people tell me, that so and so is a poseur, that she strings people on, be careful of her, that he's a right bastard, that he's living with a bodybuilder, that she's dao etc. Of late I've taken a perverse pleasure in jumping in and taking a direct line of attack to find out if said rumours were true or not. They almost always weren't. Some of the "dao" nasty people have proven to be warm and approachable and have become close friends. Maligned, no doubt by the jealous majority, of which there are a lot in Singapore, Hong Kong and Taiwan. If there's one thing I've learnt it's never to trust rumours. At least rumours coming from oriental people.

It's another beautiful day here, and I'm gonna wander out into the sunshine to get some studying done after this. As Anna writes, there's tonnes of things churning around in my mind that I'd like to write here, but everything's so disjoint I can't. There's something about two of my patients, both under 25 but I shouldn't write about them somehow, it doesn't feel right. So I'll just end here. Pity you can't see london now, anna. It's so beautiful. boody. :)