Title:
Full Moon
Author: Ummmm... Me LOL
Vindom: PB
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: this is pretty dark I'm afraid LOL Also, I'm not great at first person
writing so please be gentle with me and it was supposed to be "Riddick has
some sort of disaster". Not sure if this qualifies but I hope so
Dedication: To Lil, Ardath and Dallas for putting up with me, even through the
worst of the "Greg" incident LOL
Notes: te bit in Bold Itlaics is flashback tot he previous night
Disclaimer: I don't own them (tho I wish I did LOL), I just take em out for a
spin now and again
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A cool breeze blows gently from the west, making me shiver as brushes the sweat
running over my skin, but I don’t care any more. I can hear Jack moving about
in the small ship behind me and I curse silently, hoping she would remain asleep
a while longer. I don’t want to have to be sociable at the moment, my heart is
too heavy with grief and I need time alone to try and put recent events into
perspective. After a few minutes the noises cease and I sigh, knowing she has
gone back to her small cot to get some more sleep, leaving me with my dark
thoughts and painful memories. I can still hear the words she said last night,
still feel the pain of her accusations and it cuts me deeply.
“Fry? Where are you? I can’t see you any more!” the pain in Jack’s
voice hurts me, the way she is calling out for Carolyn, hoping the pilot will
save her. Moving to her side, I lay my hand on her arm gently, hoping to comfort
her, allow her to sleep peacefully but my touch doesn’t calm her, she jerks
away violently. A small hiss escapes her lips as her delicate mouth curls into
an angry snarl.
“You bastard! You left her to die! Why did you leave her Riddick?!? You let
her die!” her words are so full of anger and hatred that I pull away from her,
shocked to discover how she feels. I don’t know why she has never said
anything to me, why it is that I have to find out how she feels while she is
dreaming. I remember someone once told me that dreams never lie and that, while
you are asleep, you are unable to speak an untruth. I never realised that Jack
blamed me for Carolyn’s death, I always thought she accepted that there was
nothing I could do to save her, but I see now that the girl has been lying to me
for the past year.
When she woke this morning she had no idea what she had said while asleep, nor
that I now knew the truth about her feelings towards me. I think I managed to
hide it well but her accusations hurt me and now I have to decide where I go
from here, where WE go from here.
Clearing my mind for a moment, I watch how the moon sits low in the sky, casting
its pale light in the dark night. A few more days and it’ll be at its fullest
but the sight doesn’t fill me with the joy it usually does. A year ago the
sight of a nearly full moon would have brought a smile to my lips because it was
always a time I loved, it settled the savage beast within me and brought out a
side of me rarely seen. When I was on the run from Slam it meant taking risks,
maybe going into a large town without a disguise, maybe picking up a woman from
some nameless bar and satisfying my carnal desires.
“Not any more,” my voice sounds strange in my ears, slightly gravely as if I
hadn’t spoken for a while. It takes a few moments for me to realise that
it’s not rough from lack of use but rather from the grief and guilt eating me
up inside. Before I can stop it, your face comes to mind and my heart contracts
once more, the look of surprise and pain splashed across your beautiful features
is like a knife in my chest, ripping out my very soul.
Another face comes to mind and my heart fills with anger, the snarl that escapes
my lips no shock as the beast within me rises towards the surface, fighting for
control and demanding satisfaction.
“Johns!” I say the name as a curse, my voice low to avoid waking Jack. No
matter how much time passes I will never be able to forgive you for what you did
a year ago, the way you were so eager to sacrifice Jack to save your own
miserable, worthless skin. I enjoyed watching as that beast split your skull in
half, the way your blood and brains sprayed into the darkness was a pleasure so
intense it scares me but when I think of Carolyn I think of the pleasure I felt
when I saw you die. She should never have had to die but you deserved to, you
sick twisted bastard. If I could change anything about the time on the planet,
it would be that I killed you earlier, before the suns went down and the
darkness descended. When Carolyn confronted you about the fact that you left her
crewmate to die painfully when you had morphine that would have spared him, and
Carolyn, the suffering both had to endure, I hope she made you realise what a
worthless piece of shit you really were. Maybe someday I’ll be just like you
and step on people like you did but I hope not. I got so sick of you, sick the
tension, sick of you acting like I owed you for something when I never did. You
acted so calm, so strong, so damned generous but should have known that you’d
wear out your welcome, that they’d see through your façade and see you for
what you were.
Slowly Carolyn’s face comes back into my mind, replacing Johns, and my anger
ebbs away, leaving me with a sense of longing like nothing I’ve ever felt
before.
“How do I go on now Carolyn? I’m here on this barren planet, with a kid
who’s life is in danger every moment she’s with me, and who puts me in
danger while she insists on tagging along. You gave me back the humanity I lost
so many years ago and now it’s killing me, it’s eating me from the inside
out!” the fury and anguish in my voice is no longer surprising to me, it’s
there every time I talk to you. I still don’t know why you came back for me,
you shouldn’t have but you’re not the type of person to leave people behind.
“You weren’t that type of person,” I correct myself and it finally
hits me; if I want to move on and return to living instead of merely existing, I
have to let you go.
The only problem is, I don’t know how.
I know Jack does care, regardless of the fact that she blames me for your death,
and I know you’d want me to take care of her but I don’t think I can. What
sort of life can I give her? Moving from place to place, forever on the run from
Mercs like Johns, never being safe, always in danger? That is no life,
especially for a child. Should I find a safe place and leave her? Should I allow
her to keep tagging along? Slowly I allow my weary body to sink back against the
damp grass beneath me, my mind full of questions. Closing my tired eyes, I wait
for answers to come while I find a place to rest...
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I watch how the
Moon sits in the sky / in the dark night
Shining with the light from the sun
The sun doesn't give / life to the moon to assuming
The moon's going to owe it one
It makes me think of how you act to me / You do
Favors and then rapidly / You just
Turn around and start asking me / about
Things you want back from me
I'm sick of the tension / sick of the hunger
Sick of you acting like I owe you this
Find another place / to feed your greed -
While I find a place to rest
Maybe someday I'll be just like you / and
Step on people like you do and / Run
Away the people I thought I knew
I remember back then who you were
You used to be calm / used to be strong
Used to be generous / but you should've known / That you'd
Wear out your welcome / now you see
How quiet it is / all alone / I'm so
Sick of the tension / sick of the hunger
Sick of you acting like I owe you this
Find another place / to feed your greed -
While / I find a place to rest / I'm so
Sick of the tension / sick of the hunger
Sick of you acting like I owe you this
Find another place / to feed your greed -
While / I find a place to rest