Again I am sitting up in my room thinking about the one woman I cannot stand. She’s never going to let me live, let alone die, in peace. What was it about that just pissed me off so much? Even when we’re not touring and just doing promotional work, I think about her.nextGennie. Gina. JC’s girlfriend. Former fiancée. She dumped him and took him back. He tried to slit her neck. She took him back... that night. She slept with Joey. Had a kid. JC still owned her. She killed herself... maybe.
JC’s still not talking to me. If we must speak, he does it either through Lance or Joey who in turn just beat me or rape me. My ass has grown quite numb. It’s swollen, but I don’t let it get to me. Unless I sit down.
Gennie.
Ugh! She’s in my thoughts again! Damn her and all the shit she’s causing me to go through. I have to find out about her. I need to.
JC’s room. 2:45 am. Knock, knock. Mumbles. Knock, knock. I hear the word "bitch" and "fucker" followed by more mumbles. Knock, knock. I’m not going to stop. Door opens. Naked JC. He gives me this look and I honestly don’t know if I want to fuck him, hit him, kiss him, suck him, lick him, love him, or hug him. It’s one of those looks to live to see your mate make, and when they do you’re just at a stand still. Damn him.
No words are spoken between us as I push myself past him and into his room. I sit on the edge of the bed as he walks over to the dresser and sits down on it, his feet dangling off the sides. His hair is starting to curl around his neck. He needs a haircut. And a shave... well maybe the stubble makes him twice as gorgeous so that can stay.
There he is. The man I love sitting on the edge of the dresser with his dick lying limp between his legs. I want to reach out and stroke him. Lick him. Something to make him feel what I feel for him. I can just look at him and already feel my dick growing hard. He has the power over me.
Still silence. The soft hum of the air conditioner can be heard over the soft moans coming from the actresses in the porno he was watching before I made him open the door. He doesn’t watch the porn but only listens to their moans before he starts to jack himself off. I know him. It’s true. Porn is nothing without the sound. Damn that mute button.
He’s not listening to the porn though. He’s staring at me. His eyes never move or wander around, but lock into mine. All he sees is me. Nothing else. I can’t stand it anymore. I speak first. Our voices blur together and I don’t know who says what. We’re just talking.
"I hate you."
"I hate you more than you’ll ever know."
"Gennie hates you too."
"Gina is dead."
"Britney said--"
"Britney is fucking Lance. She fears him. She’ll do whatever he says."
"Sorry for punching your head."
"No you’re not. You loved it."
"Not true."
"Fuck you."
"Still don’t wear underwear?"
"Never have. Never will. Still sucking cock?"
"Just got paid. Six hundred."
"Should take your ass to Vegas and make a living off that."
"Would you care?"
"Nope."
"I’m hungry."
"Eat something."
"I only want to eat one thing right now."
"Touch my dick and I’ll ram an ice pick up your ass."
"Promise?"
"Only if you promise to bleed and scream."
"Deal."
"Dumbass."
"I love you."
"I don’t care."
"You love me."
"Do I?"
"Fuck me."
"No."
"Why not?"
"Questions. Too many. Shut up."
"Fuck me."
"Fuck yourself."
"Only if you fuck me first."
"Fuck Joey."
"I want to fuck you."
"I thought you wanted me to fuck you."
"Will you?"
"Bend over."
"See, you love me."
"I’m not paying you to talk. I’m paying you to fuck. Now, open wide."
"Extra to rim."
"Eat me."
"With pleasure."