We’re at dinner for… I think because I‘m still alive. Britney with Justin, Joey with some stripper, Lance has already drank two bottles of wine, JC sits in the far corner away from everyone with Wade. They’re laughing. I can’t help but watch the two of them, jealous of Wade.nextJustin tried to clear everything up with me the other night. Everything was a dream. I was at his place when I tried to kill myself. I was never in Cali. He said I don’t even have a house there. Damn… I’m fucked.
I stare at the steak in front of me. Everyone around me continues their own conversations.
“You don’t want to come back to my place. I think your place would be perfect.”
“We’re out of wine again.”
“I think we should move in with one another. Chris won’t mind.”
“Stop staring at JC. He cares nothing for you.”
I hear Wade’s voice.
“Let’s get out of here.”
“And go where?”
“There’s a hotel down the street.”
“It’d be rude to just get up and leave.”
“Yeah, like you’re one to show manners.”
“I have manners.”
“Bullshit. Put the fucking fork down, JC.”
I hear the screeching noise of the chair being moved. I look up and see JC leaving with Wade. Justin speaks up, “Where do you think you two are going?”
Wade. “I’m getting laid. JC?”
JC lights a cigarette and shrugs his shoulders. “I’m bored.”
Justin stands up, “You are such an asshole.”
Wade. “And you’re such a fag.”
JC moved closer to Justin and just lifted one eyebrow. “I’ll be back for Britney.”
I stood up and threw my napkin over my food. “I’m going.” No one stopped me as I walked out of the restaurant behind JC and Wade. “JC!”
Wade continued walking but stopped when he noticed JC stopped. JC chewed on a thumbnail, “Great, it’s the junkie.”
“Shut up!” JC yelled. I didn’t know if he was talking to me or Wade. “What Kirtfucktrick?” He looked tired.
“You came to see me, didn’t you?”
He chewed on his nail harder, “Where?”
“The hospital.”
“Nope.” He spit out part of his nail.
“But I saw you.”
“Please don’t tell me that you’re in love with me like Justin is.” He checked over his shoulder at Wade. “I’m busy with this fuck.”
I wanted to cry. “You don’t love.”
“I’m already in love.”
“With who?”
JC reached into his pocket and pulled out a vial of morphine. “Here. Joey has some Xanax.” He turned around and walked away with Wade.
I watched them walk down the street until they turned the corner. I stared at the morphine. I knew JC didn’t love me. He wanted me to die. Better start and fulfill his wish. I loved him though.