New tour. I’m back on tour. Justin’s not talking to me. It’s been two months. Not a single word has come from this lips to me. The same goes for me. I don’t talk to anyone, not even Gennie. She talks to me which I’m thankful for but I just have nothing to say. I keep all my thoughts to myself.nextI have dark circles under my eyes. I haven’t slept for three weeks. I haven’t eaten in three days. My hair is getting longer, my face has never seen a razor either. The last time I shaved was four weeks ago, however five days ago, Gennie shaved for me. Doesn’t matter. I never touched the razor myself, it was forced on me.
We have someone new on tour with is. Wade, I think his name is. Choreographer too. There’s also a rumor going around Gennie has broken up with Joey. I would ask someone but I don’t feel like talking. We each have our own tour bus as well so I’m isolated from everyone. That’s another reason why I can’t ask anyone if Gennie and Joey are no longer. I’ve seen her kissing up on Wade even when Joey is in the room. Maybe I answered my own question. Who knows… besides them.
I just walked off the stage from doing yet another boring concert in Las Vegas. Ah, the city of sin. Anything goes without explanation. We all pile into a black van which takes us back to our hotel, Mandalay Bay. Sitting in one of the suites while everyone changes their clothes to head out clubbing in the RumJungle. I don’t feel like going out tonight. Strange. After my little… incident… with Justin, I don’t feel much of anything. I haven’t killed a thing and I just remembered, I haven’t talked to Karen in months. I hope she’s feeling well. Maybe I’ll cook up a few more steaks for her whenever I get back home.
I pull some headphones over my head and listen to Def Leppard. I blast the damn thing. I can’t hear a thing. Wade just walked in the room. He’s talking to Justin. Gennie just walked up to him and kissed him softly on the lips. Joey’s holding Tony and dancing with him around the room. He doesn’t seem to care about Gennie or Wade. I remove the headphones off one ear and listen carefully.
“Come to Club Ra with me. Lance and I are checking it out before we head to the Jungle.” Wade.
“I can’t. I have to watch Tony. I know Joey’s not going to.” Gennie.
“Did you ask him?” Wade.
“I can watch him.” Chris.
“But you’re going out to dinner with Sarah. I don’t want to ruin your plans.” Gennie.
“I’ll watch over him. I have nothing else to do.”
Everyone turns and faces me. I spoke. Call the press. JC knows words. Amazing. Gennie frowns at me and slowly walks towards Joey and picks Tony out of his arms. “JC, I don’t want to trouble you. You’ve never watched Tony before. Why now?”
I smile one of my dashing smiles that makes her heart melt. I feel nauseous as the words come from my lips. I think I’m feeling jealously. “So you and wade can spend more time together without worrying over Tony.” I stand up to pluck the baby from her arms, still trying to smile.
The corners of her beautiful mouth turn upwards into a soft, hidden smile. It’s as if she doesn’t want anyone to know she that feels happiness when she looks at me. She’s amazing. I think I’ll marry her one day. She wants me too, but is just too scared to admit it to herself. “Alright then. Don’t keep him up too late.” She kissed Tony’s forehead and then the tip of my nose. I can smell her lipstick. A whisper in my ear before she turns, “Thank you.” She turns to leave. Bye sweetheart.
Wade’s holding her hand.
In less than a matter of seconds, the whole room is evacuated. Just me and the dump-machine. For my own amusement, I drop the child on the floor and step over him into the stereo. I can hear him screaming for comfort but I only turn the music up louder. It’s Vegas, who else will I play but the Rat Pack. “Old Black Magic” fills the suite, drowning out Tony’s cries for help. I enter the bathroom, glancing back once.
This is going to be fun. I’ll teach Gennie to love someone else besides me. Sorry Wade, she’s mine. I reach over and stuff a washcloth into the drain and turn on the water. Hot of course. It quickly fills up with water, the steam already fogging up the mirrors behind me. I face the mirror, taking a deep breath as well. This has to be done right. They have to believe me.
My hand balls into a tight fist as I remake my favorite scene from “Fight Club.” Like Norton, I hit myself in the face repeatedly until blood is just a waterfall from my nose. I can taste blood in the back of my throat, slowly going down into my stomach. Very bitter, but not bad. Continuing my self-ass whooping, I slam my head down onto the corner of the marble countertop. Blood sprays everywhere. I slam it again and again for a total of five times. A huge cut on my head starts draining the blood in my head and dribbles down the front of my shirt. I take out the pocket knife I stole from Lance this morning and, even though I’m dizzy and seeing double, I proceed to stab my chest and stomach a few times.
My mind is racing, I have no time to feel the pain. The smell of blood… almost like Jasmine to me. Such a beautiful smell. Running into the other rooms, I knock over items, pictures, and the like. I accidentally hit the wall wrong. A loud crack comes from my hand. I can’t bend it. Shit. That wasn’t supposed to happen. Ah well. Back to business.
I walk back and pick up Tony. Jesus. The fat little fuck is heavy, he hurts my hand even more. No wonder Joey’s the father. Fat bastard. The child is screaming, almost louder than Sinatra can sing. For some reason, I can’t let him go. I can’t drop him into the water. He just hovers in my hands over the steaming water. The heat is rising, I can feel it.
He wiggles in my hands. My broken hand. I can’t stand… it… much… longer. Tony falls into the water, screaming much louder than before, if at all possible. I clutch my hand and walk backwards until the countertop is stabbing me in the back. The water burns his soft skin, his lungs filling with air. The screams are now just low gargles of water and splashing. I can feel his pain. I can feel his soul leaving his defenseless body. Gennie… forgive me.
I start crying. I’m crying for a child that isn’t even mine. “I’m sorry Tony.”
Slowly turning around, I stare at my face in the mirror. I am disgusted with what I see. I walk towards the front door. Unlock it. Open it. In the bathroom again, Tony is floating in the tub. He stopped moving, screaming, crying. I’m still crying, even harder now.
Facing the mirror once again, I slam my head into it. It shatters.
Black.