I’m sure you never felt it. You never feel what I want you to feel.Morning comes, and you take your shower. Grab a banana, pop tart, muffin, bagel. Anything that’s small enough to eat within the first few minutes of getting dressed. I watch you from our bed.
Moving naked to the closet, into the bathroom. Back into the room, towards the dresser. You stand before the mirror, checking your clothes, hair, face. You look beautiful.
Another run into the bathroom. Grab the blue toothbrush -- yours. Mine’s green. Brushing your teeth while standing before the toilet to pee. You finish up and come to me, still sitting on the bed.
A kiss on the cheek. And you’re gone.
Every morning is the same. Every morning never changes. Your morning routine.
But you never knew about me.
You left, like always. I wanted you to feel me. I climbed into the bathtub and stared at the facet. Soap stains.
The tub was still wet from your shower. I felt the water seeping into my underwear and touching my skin. Today was Monday. I cleaned on Monday’s. I looked out of the tub, against the wall was the bleach. Kills bacteria on contact.
I leaned forward, grabbing the gallon jug.
I wish you did know me.
It didn’t hurt much. Felt different. I felt my insides burning, dying, drowning. My chest tightened, forcing me to cry for you. Curled in the tub, my body felt cold.
I wanted to know how you’re doing. What you did. Did you come home like always. Enter the kitchen, grab an apple. Watch the evening news for two hours. Did you notice me not sitting behind you. Did you not feel me. You went to bed like normal, didn’t you? Change of clothes, brushed your teeth while peeing. Head to bed, turn off the lights, kiss on the cheek.
There wasn’t a cheek you kissed. I bet you kissed the air, not feeling me, not noticing. Maybe you thought the pillow was me. Lying next to you, sleeping soundly.
Did you wake in the morning to take your shower only to find me there. I was waiting for you. And you finally found me. Did you pull me out and attempt to save me.
Did you cry?
You should have known me.