THE LAST WORD on ...............................the BEACH

When the fine people at "fill in name of magazine here" first approached me to write an article, I must admit I was quite flattered. Then, when I found out it counts as community service for that little incident that remains sealed in an envelope in the dark recesses of a Dewey beach courthouse, (the one that doubles as bookmobile), I was downright ecstatic. So sit back, get a cup of your favorite breakfast drink, (scotch, in my father’s case) and a highlighter so that you can glean every bit of information from Geno’s guide to Dewey Beach. (Note: this guide can also be used in Rehoboth beach by simply reinserting the words "speedo" and "life partner" in the appropriate places).

Being a ten-year veteran of the beach scene, I’m merely going to give you the basics (as all I’ve learned could well rival Sinbad’s list of bad acting credits), and you’re probably reading this over lunch in midtown Wilmington or a hangover breakfast at the Starboard. I know both allow for a limited attention span, so I’ll cut to the chase.

First off, you will need the following items for your trip: jeans, a tee shirt and swim trunks (in no particular order). You pristine types may also want to bring a toothbrush, but, given some of the places your mouths have been, using a stranger’s really isn’t gonna kill ya! (Anyway, relax, the amounts of alcohol which pass over your gums on any given beach weekend could rival the antidote for the ebola virus!)

Now, the most important thing you will need is a dumb friend, one who has a car they don’t mind getting trashed, towed, slept in, "something that can’t be typed here" in, and/or 137 dollars worth of parking tickets on. The litmus test for this moron is anyone who assents upon hearing the phrase "you fly, I’ll buy" as you hold a case of Stroh’s light cans in hand. I call this person, Dan; (you’ll call him monthly).

Now for the easiest part-- the ride. Thanks to the impressive work of the DelDot staff on the new route 1, this trip will flies by so please don’t drink and drive, and I’m not typing this merely because of the nice policeman proofreading this over my shoulder. It’s just that you can’t make a drunken ass of yourself for your friends at the beach until you get there…safely. Besides, every drunken beach story I ever heard was a lot funnier when it ended with the phrase "hooked up with" or "got sick all over" and not "wrapped his car around a Shell-mart."

Accommodations in a nutshell: Staying with and old friend, 12 bucks for a case of beer; a room at the Dewey Beach Best Western, 39 dollars; a drunk chick with a beach house and low self esteem…priceless!

The bar scene is the easiest part as, on any given night, there are drink specials all over Rehoboth and Dewey, but you probably knew that unless you’re just sampling a weekend trip. So for those of you newcomers, here you go. If you want to get drunk, go to the Starboard; if you want to score, go to Coconuts; if you wanna do both, bring a designated driver uglier than you.

Now the important stuff. These are the things everyone can do but nobody ever does. This year, try it once, for me…

Check out the sunset. It can be among friends at the Waterfront Deck, with a loved one along the beach, or alone, anywhere. You’re in luck as the beach is one of the best places in the world to see one. Look at it and be amazed; if you’re not, then please look again, you’re not seeing it. There’s a sunset every night, everywhere and it’s never not beautiful, and I’ve yet to hear a valid reason for missing one. Let me tell you right now, "I had to work late" is the second worst excuse only to "I’ll see it tomorrow," as tomorrow is not your choice to make, my friends.

Watch a child play in the water. Think back to when that child was you and that carefree face yours. Recall this moment next time you think the weight of the world is crushing you because the guy ahead of you is driving too slow or you spent too much on your Visa last month.

Spend some time alone on the beach. You, the sand, the sun, and the water, are, without question, four of God’s greatest creations, so savor this time with these gifts away from the "trials" of your everyday life. Trust me, they will all be there when you return home and you can get back to spreading yourself too thin.

Oh yeah, send someone you love a postcard, if you did the past three things I just mentioned the card actually addresses itself.

xoxo
.....-g

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