This is a bad idea.

With eyes fixed on the third story window, Nagawa sighs. Above the lights are on but the curtains drawn.

This is a really bad idea.

He taps his cigarette on the ashtray. Three butts are there already, a testament of his nervousness. He looks at the digital display on the dashboard. It has only been fifteen minutes since last he checked. He should leave before someone sees him.

This is so beyond a bad idea, not too mention not entirely ethical.

Still, he doesn't move. His gaze turns back to the apartment building. It hadn't taken much to track her down. It's an old buliding more than a bit worn. The landlords don't seem overly concerned with the upkeep. Some windows are boarded over and the paint is peeling. Still, it is better than most places on the block. Nagawa can't help but think she deserves better.

She had better. This isn't her.

The bright yellow sports car he is in sticks out like a sour thumb. He puts out his cigarette and grips the wheel. Whatever had possessed him to drive her car here? Not entirely subtle. He looks at the road. He really is going to leave this time.

The key doesn't move and he turns back to stare at the window. The absuridity of it all suddenly hits him and he laughs with weary frustration. It is a harsh sardonic sound as he berates his own actions.

Here he is trying to catch a glimpse of a woman that he'd never really known. He wants to see her. He needs to see her. But he doesn't want to see Reiko at all, he wants to see Nakiko. He sighs and lights another cigarette. He learned a lot about Reiko after wrapping the Paradox case. They spoke at length as she gave her statement. Despite being a crucial part of the mystery, she knew less than everyone else. She spent three years in stasis only to wake among death and destruction.

It was a wonder she wasn't traumatized. Her friends were there and she had remembered them. That helped at the time and even more afterwards. Especially after seeing her dopplelanger murdered. All the more reason to live.

Further up the street, a motorcycle, dark with blue markings, a Neon Dragon design, rips around the corner. They will notice his car instantly as they drive by. It is no one's car really. Unofficially his. He didn't plan it that way but he was lacking and Nakiko would understand.

While Reiko got settled, Nakiko's life got packed up. Most everything went back to her cybernetic corporations. Personal belongings carefully filed. Her best friend might have taken some stuff but she had died before Nakiko did. The car tripped everyone up.

Nakiko had purchased it with her own money. It didn't belong to the company and she hadn't had a will so it didn't go to the state. Nagawa pulled some strings and received the title in the mail. He felt guilty but promised to replace it when he got the money. In truth, he doesn't want to part with it.

He doesn't want to part with her, which was why he is here. Nakiko was firey. Unique. There was something intimate about facing all odds together. He respected her skills as an athlete and detective. Cyborg or no, there was something between them. She was a looker too. That always helped.

So even if he shouldn't be here, he wants to see her again even though he knows it's not her. Reiko is more than close enough. Nagawa knows he's got it backwards. Reiko was first and Nakiko was modeled after her. Reiko's living and breathing. Nakiko's a cyborg, a level two, which means she has emotions.

Doesn't that make her real? She has emotions he won't see again. He tells himself he's acting foolish but that's the way life goes. He tells himself he feels this way because she is-- was-- his partner. He never had one before. It felt good.

He tells himself he must still be in shock to still be thinking about her but he knows the last thing he wants to do is forget. Which is why he's here. He can't remember the exact shade of her eyes or the timbre of her voice. The tiny things like the way her hair falls seem to escape his memory.

Loud voices and laughter. He starts as the apartment door bangs open. Dressed in street gear Reiko walks out, hoping down the stairs. She's beautiful but she's not Nakiko.

These clothes are flamboyant, bright colors and clingly fabrics. Nothing like the tailored pants and dress shirts of Nakiko's. Reiko's hair is put up in a set of flouncy pig tails, the loose strands floating about on her face. So dissimiliar to Nakiko's simple ponytail.

Reiko throws herself at Shin and they kiss in the middle of the sidewalk. Nagawa turns away. He shouldn't be watching. Reiko's laughter rings through the street as she smiles broadly. Nagawa turns to look again. It's nothing like Nakiko's mischevious smrik. Entraced, he watches as she mounts the bike and they gun down the street.

This time he's not embarrassed to look away. They race past him. He stares until she's out of view. It's like loosing Nakiko over again. The cigarette has burnt down to the filter. The street is empty now and he knows he shouldn't have come. He flicks the butt out into the street.

There was something about her that he can't get out of his mind. In truth he can't even think of the words to describe the feeling. All he knows is that he misses her but can't even recall when she became so firmly entrenched in his mind. He would have figured this feeling out eventually, if she hadn't died.

His fingers itch towards the cigarette pack again. He takes one out but pauses before lighting it. He sighs and takes one last look at the apartment. He turns the key and the engine kicks over.

He knows he's hanging on to the what could have been. Living in the past of possibilities. He's not here looking for a replacement. He's there to try to bring the memories back to get wrapped up and lose himself.

The way he lost her.

He closes his eyes.

Here's to you Akane Nakiko.

You will be missed.

Nagawa takes a deep breath before opening his eyes again. Wearily, he puts the car into drive and pulls out into the street. After a few moments he merges onto the highway into the nonstop busy city life.

fin

~story index~