When you walk through the stores there are card displays everywhere. Bright banners in blues and grays with gold lettering hang from the ceiling. It's not pinks and purples with silver letters this time. No, that's only for Mother's Day. That was months ago. The banners now are counting down until tomorrow.

When you walk through the clothing section, you see sales signs for the holiday that's coming. The air is filled with reminders and recommendations. This would be the perfect gift. He'll love it. The best last minute gift.

You walk right by.

When you walk outside, you feel just a bit more free. Not stifling and no longer out of place and awkward. Sure, you've browsed the aisles. You may have even picked up a token or a gift for him.

After all, he's the closet thing you have, but not quite the same. You never knew your father. Or you never had one. It all comes out to same thing in the end.

So everything's just a little bit off, because you're missing the tradition. Something you should have had when you were a child.

Then again, you never had a childhood either. There are a lot of things you should have had.

You've missed out on colorful cards depicting fishing trips. You've never had the experience of mutilating breakfast in your attempts to make it a surprise. Never have you had the chance to buy corny, useless, worthless gifts to wrap and present.

Even if you did, he would have had no use for them... but that's not the point. You know he would have loved them anyways. Instead, you'll never have the chance.

The world is full of normal, and then there's you. You live in a world of would haves, and should haves, and could haves. You live in the world you've been thrown into, uncontrolling of your destiny. Meekly, you accept your place in life.

Sometimes, it's enough. Most of the times, close enough will get you through your days just fine. Yet, every once in a while... every once in a while... You're not even sure if it's envy. Perhaps curiosity. Maybe nothing even as strong, just this feeling that you're not typical.

You're not like the rest of the gift-buying, card-shopping, bad cooks in the world. It might be saddness, because now, as you walk outside the store, you watch them go about their business. There is a clear wall that seperates you from them and you're the only one that even knows it's there.

You feel left out... and there's nothing, despite all your power, you can do to change it.

So you shuffle down the street. You head is down, your hands stuffed deeply in your pockets. The sidewalk is very uninteresting. Trying to think, to get yourself out of your funk, just makes you try to not think.

You pray for a distraction. You can deal with that automatically. That way, you won't think about blue and gray banners, with gold lettering. Eventually, your feet bring you to a place you didn't even realize you wanted to go.

Now, you're there, staring at a familiar space. It's the closet thing.

You look up.

You sort of smile.

You're lucky to have that.

And it's almost enough.

fin

~story index~