"Chin... would you mind if I called a friend? Collect, of course."

"Go right ahead, Bobby Drake."

He picked up the phone, fingers hitting familiar numbers until a friendly voice came on the line.

"What a pleasant surprise. How goes things in the land of the rising sun?"

"The kid looks just like me, Hank. I think he is my son."

"And to think those days of skipping sex ed wouldn't catch up with you."

"I know what safe sex is, blue. It was just an accident."

"A snafu."

"An uh-oh."

"A boo boo?"

"Resulting in--"

"-- a spitting image--"

"-- of yours truly."

"So... Bobby, did it break?"

"What are you tal-- Hank!!"

"Just making friendly chit-chat."

"Sheesh. Not about that."

"Apologies, my friend."

"Don't do it again."

"To think it all starts with something as innocent as a kiss."

"Remind me why we're still talking about this?"

"To divulge secrets of your intimate tryst, your rendezvous."

"That's it, blue boy, this conversation is through! Y'know these memories are coming quick and I'm starting to feel a little sick. Now listen here and listen good, I always said I never would and don't think me crude but despite her looks Opal's been prude.

"On our first date and there's nothing wrong with this, but the only thing we did was kiss. The second date wasn't any better, she refused to take off her jacket, forget about the sweater. Our third date went just fine, I romanced her with food and wine. Eventually, we had to part and I admit she was looking quite hot--"

"And bothered."

"Achem. But I'm a nice guy as you know, so I exercised some self control. So for the next month or three, from dates four to ten, Opal was far from free and I started to wonder if she even liked men. I mean, I really liked her, I wanted it to work, but I was bored but didn't want to seem like some hormonal--"

"Jerk?"

"Exactly Hank. It's not in me, a nice guy is all I know how to be? What's wrong Hank, what's wrong with me?"

"Bobby, I don't think--"

"It's my hair, isn't it? My teeth? Don't tell me I stink."

"I hate to intrude but this *is* collect, is there a point you were trying to recollect?"

"Oh yeah, where was I? Oh, that's right, talking about our eighteenth night. So we went to the movies, holding hands, then the next day, cuddling at sports stand. Then one night, Blue, I realized she'd been telling me lies. I listed the dates that we'd gone out and that's when I started to have some doubts. It doesn't take a genius, not even you, to know when something's a bit skewed. I mean, no woman that I know, can have her period twenty days in a row.

"I was shocked and dismayed and I felt more than a bit betrayed. If I'd broke up with her then, I'd never be here battling kid augmen. But, blue, I just couldn't leave, maybe I could have, maybe I should have, but I didn't walk away, instead I stayed."

"And we all know how that turned out. I hate to rush you Bobby I do, but I do have work to get through. Could we sped to her capitulation and get through the night of your horizontal gyration?"

"It's called sex, Hank."

"So I'd forgotten Robert. Thanks. On second thought, stop, hold your tongue, I think that your more than done. I can live without explicit details of all of your sorrid affairs. So, ta-ta, thanks for giving me a ring, a buzz, a call, a shout, but now it's on to more important things."

"But-- Hank-- the sex-- Opal."

"See, my good lad, that's exactly why we're through. I can live without the visuals, and look, just the merest mention of her has killed my meter. I am undone, and should now away. You should too, get some rest."

"You say?"

"None of that now, reality again."

"Why can't life be like a musical blue?"

"You're lucky it's not because if it were, I think you'd be off key."

"That was just uncalled for."

"Yes, it's true. My apologies Robert, and now we're through. Concluded, and terminated, now at an end."

"Don't look now we're doing it again."

"Good bye Bobby. Good luck with your son."

"Later blue boy. Thanks for listening."

"Anytime, Robert, anytime."

fin

~story index~