Log Archives:

Well, another weeks gone by and things are still pretty screwed up for me. I think Cyndi’s doing better than me these days. She’s got people to talk to, and I just end up overanalysing my life on my own. It’s weird. I guess this isn’t the best time and/or frame of mind for me to be writing a log update. But hey, what are you gonna do? I’m not very happy lately. There’s not much else to say. Sometimes I just feel like I’m just going through the motions of living my life. I’m sorry, I know I’m self absorbed, but what the hell is the use of having a web page if you can’t ramble and bitch to the world and yourself.

I feel like I’m all alone most of the time. It’s sad, but I don’t want anyone to think I’m looking for pity. I just fell pretty lost most of the time lately. The people here, save Jakob, aren’t really my kind of folks. Most of them are just clones of each other’s personalities with the slightest of alterations. I’ve been spending a lot of time with Cyndi, which isn’t really good for me. Probably. But there’s no one else here. Who am I supposed to talk to. I know, most of these log updates are fairly generic but I can’t take that either. I don’t want to just write the highlights of my life, this web page business is, or at least should be, therapeutic. I can ramble about my feelings, or just ignore them and write a film review or something. I’ve been thinking about what I’m going to do with myself next year too. I really don’t think I want to teach English. I just don’t like the idea so much anymore. I mean, I don’t think I couldn’t do it, or even that I’d be bad at it. I just would really rather do something else. I’m gonna start looking into doing something else next year. Maybe I can find a volunteer position somewhere in Europe that’ll let me do at least closer to what I want to. It’ll probably have to be an English speaking country though. So maybe no Prague. I also think I need to get away from Gambia for a bit. I mean, I didn’t come here to teach, I don’t regret anything. I’m doing great work here, but I wanted to come here to see some of West Africa. So far, the only time I’ve gotten really out is to Dakar. I need a vacation from my life. Maybe the worst part is that like 1 out of every 3 or 4 times I talk to Cyndi she ends up crying. That sucks! I just mostly feel like crap lately. As does Cyndi. Man, breaking up seriously blows.

I suppose I should tell you all what I’ve actually been doing this week though. Well, I’ve finished at least to the point that I can, the post production on the first YMCA advert. I need to wait till Jakob gets back from his trip to finish (we’re using his camera). Jakob, incidentally, has headed off on another excursion with Tim, this time it’s to Carnival in Guinea Bissau. He’s also done a fairly decent job updating his website. He’s got some very cool photos up now. I’d really recommend you check it out. Remember though, it’s all still in Swedish. He’s gone this time for a week and a half. I’m gonna work on trying to figure out how to get video up on the site soon. I’d like people to see these commercials, even if they really aren’t all that good by Western standards. Then again, I am producing 5 commercials for something in the range of $150 (US). So they’re definitely getting their money’s worth. Cyndi’s been teaching a bunch lately. Poncelet has gone off on a workshop training up country, and Cyn has had to step up and fill in some gaps. This morning she went to a conference on Women in Technology, and somehow ended up giving the keynote address! Off the top of her head too!!! Anyhow, that’s about all that’s happening. Oh, yeah, except that this last week, we got a satellite dish at the Y. It’s pretty amazing. Television. My old friend has finally come back to me. There’s even a movie channel, albeit a bad one that seems hell-bent on playing bad early 90s David Carouso (sp?), and obscure (read crap) Antonio Banderas films. Still, I’m happy just to have some slightly better quality entertainment than Scrabble, and drinking... Later everyone. Sorry if I got anyone down. Peace.

Well, it’s been both an interesting and fairly aggravating past few days. The rest of last week went by pretty slowly. And even this week has started out at a snails pace. People just love their holidays here. But I think the problem is that when they take a holiday, it’s not just that day they take off. It’s the whole week! I mean, it’s really pretty ridiculous how things happen here sometimes. Then again my Uncle Dan says that if things happened here like they did in Germany, it really just wouldn’t be the place it is. I know I should just mellow out about everything. It’s just frustrating to try and get things done when no one shows up.

I’ll start with something a little more positive though. On Sunday Cyndi, Dawn (one of the Canadian girls), and I went to a really good football game. I must admit I’ve never been to a professional football match in my life, and didn’t really have too much desire to go. But I was really wrong about it. The stadium is just down the road from the YMCA, and although they don’t play professional games there very often (there’ve been two or three since I arrived) the stadium is always doing something. Well, anyhow, Dawn is a big football fan from when she lived in London; so she convinced Cyndi and me to tag along with her; and I’m really glad we did. The game itself wasn’t all that exciting for the most part. It was Gambia v. Nigeria. Nigeria, as expected won 1-0. But it was a great experience. Dawn works for the Special Olympics, being a former Canadian National Team Rugby player. So, her offices are actually at the stadium. She took us in the back way (without paying), and we got to go up to the VIP seating section! Very nice, and not thousands and thousands of people sitting all over each other. So anyhow, great seats, but much much cooler, on our way in she introduced us to the whole Gambian team!!! It was neat. These guys are pretty famous here. I wish I’d brought my camera, it just slipped my mind. Next time though. Anyhow, the game was ok at first, but the Gambian team didn’t have any cohesion. I hadn’t realized though that Gambia has so little money for their team they can’t keep playing all the time. Eight of the starters play for teams in Europe normally, and just fly back to Gambia for games. So a number of the players had just gotten off a plane literally an hour before the match. And they really haven’t played together since their last match (over a month ago). I guess it doesn’t matter too much; this was just a friendly game, not for standing. And the end of the game got really good again, as the Gambian team started to realize that if they didn’t start trying harder they were headed for a loss. So, good game; it was fun, and I think I’ll go to the Gambia v Senegal game next month.

On Monday I had a big project happening. We filmed the first of the YMCA commercials. This is the first one that needs to hit the air. I’ve got to have it ready by beginning of April. So, at least I’m doing pretty well so far. Shooting only took around three or four hours. I suppose it is just 30 seconds. Anyhow, I think it went ok. My lead actor backed out at the last second. But we dealt with it alright. And they double booked the space where we were going to shoot. But we just waited until later. I think it all worked out ok. The lighting could’ve been better (would’ve been if we hadn’t had to wait), and the sound could’ve been better (there was some slight reverb in the room), but I suppose I can’t be totally happy with everything. Anyhow, it’s not fine art or anything. It’s just a commercial. I would start editing it now but first I’ve gotten myself involved in a bit of a tangle with that whole music video thing I shot. I’m not going to talk about it right now, cause I’ll probably just say something really mean, but basically I’ve got a number of people trying to take advantage of me, and my skills (such that they are); and I’ve sort of been backed into a corner with it all. That’s it though, never mind the details. I’m dealing with things in my own way.

Yesterday was another holiday, this time it was Gambian Independence Day, so once again, no classes. And today too, no classes. I think today is a legitimate school holiday though. Anyhow, it’s pretty crazy; I don’t think there’s a single full work week coming up for a month and a half! I’ve been borrowing and ripping CDs in my spare time, getting a collection of music together that I can burn for myself, and Cyndi as most of the CDs we brought belonged to me. It’s good, I’m actually getting a lot more really cool music. I especially like this Swedish band I found from Jakob called Kent. They’re very very good. It’s also very strange to listen to Swedish rock, if you’re not paying really close attention you just kind of forget that it’s not in English. Very strange. I guess that’s about all I’ve really been up to though. So for now I’ll sign off. I hope everyone’s doing ok. And I hope we’re all praying for Bush to smarten up a bit. I doubt it’ll happen, Bush is a moron. Cyndi was recently reading my big book of the collected work of Allan Ginsberg and came across a poem that he wrote about Nicaragua. It’s funny, this poem written 20 years ago is talking about a conflict virtually no different than todays. I suppose there will always been some similarities in the ways we convince ourselves that killing each other is alright. Click HERE to read the poem, and HERE for Cyndi’s thoughts on the matter. Alright, so long kids. Play safe.

Well today is Tobascay, it feels like a weekend around here. I’ve heard say, although I’m not sure that today is a Muslim celebration of when Abraham spared his son’s (Isaac I think) life and slaughtered a ram instead. People have been praying a lot lately, almost religiously one might say. Sorry, that was pretty bad. I know I don’t usually write log updates during the week, but it really seems like a weekend to us. All of our classes have been cancelled for the week. Most of our students have traveled up country to be with family. Eat a goat, etcetera. Jakob managed to get himself invited up to a friends compound for a meal today, but Cyndi and I are just hanging out as usual. I had planned to shoot my first YMCA commercial yesterday but my actors bailed out on me. I understand what with Tobascay and everything, but there really is a Gambian thing that seems to happen quite a lot. If you plan to get something done you should always give yourself a few days leeway here. Nothing really ever seems to work out the way it’s planned. Ah well, I shouldn’t worry about it.

Jakob came back on Sunday and apparently had a very good camping trip in Senegal. His pictures are great, and he says he’s finally going to update his website and put them up. I’ll let you all know when he does, they’re really excellent. We worked a bit on our computer situation on Monday, and I’m happy to report that it looks like we’ve finally got all of our editing problems sorted out... I hope. At least I managed to get some footage off my camera into a computer properly, maybe I’ll try to figure out how to get some video up on the web. Cyndi and I also both got our new bank cards in the mail finally so we can start spending our money with renewed enthusiasm. That’s just a little joke actually; it does sort of look like we’re both going to run out of money sometime or other. I suppose we’ll have to split up our finances now. We’re planning on just cutting it all down the middle. Might as well be fair about it, eh? I guess not much is really happening actually. Oh, I did notice that I didn’t mention in my last update that Cyndi and I did get back to that boat, the Deulos again. That was the worlds largest floating bookshop. The YMCA gave us money for new textbooks, and so we stocked up on basically every computer textbook they had. Lots of HTML, and web design stuff. But nothing on video or sound editing or production, which is what we’ll really be needing once this Digital Studio is up and running. (which incidentally they assure us the construction of will start next week). Anyhow, that’s all I’ve got to say for now. Nothing too groundbreaking or anything. Most everything is closed today, it’s just kind of boring. Thank goodness we’ve just received a late Christmas present from Cyndi’s Aunt Margie. Travel Scrabble. It is very fun. Ok that’s all, so long. Happy Tobascay!

Well another long week has gone by. I'd thought what with Jakob being gone for the week and all it'd end up being pretty quiet. Of course, I was proven quite wrong. The week started normal enough I guess, teaching a bit, hanging out a bit... I've been trying to get these commercials ready to shoot. And it's going ok. I'm hopefully going to shoot the first one this Tuesday. It's a little tight to get it done now, but my time is limited by a few factors and I've gotta get going on these things. Anyhow, I've wranagled up a few actors. Still need one or two more, but I think it'll work out. The main guy I'm going to be using in this commercial is one of Poncelet's friends, and he seems like a very nice guy. He's a freelance graphics designer, and has worked in print, animation, television, etc... Anyhow, when he agreed to do the commercial he also came over to the Y and had me help him do some editing of a commercial of his own. Although it didn't really work out too well it was still pretty fun. In a few weeks I'll have a whole editing system properly set up, but for now it's a little like trying to builld a bridge with ducktape. I don't want to bore you with work nonesense though. So I'll stop here.

I think I mentioned these two Canadian girls that are here before. But just to recap, there's this couple from Vancouver who are here for a few months. Dawn is working for the special olympics, and Gail is working for a local newspaper, The Point. Anyhow, we've been hanging out with these girls a fair bit. It's good to get out for a good meal and a few drinks every now and again. I don't actually have any great news or story here I suppose but just we've been going out a fair bit. Last night we went over to the girls house and had a really good curry meal and watched a film. It was pretty fun. We've also been hanging out a bit lately (over the last two or three days or so) with a British traveller guy who'se staying at the Y for a week. He's a nice enough guy, albeit a little bit clingy. I suppose when you're travelling you just treat others like it's a travelling atmosphere even if it's different (ie like for us actually living here). But this guy, Sean, has been like everywhere. And coolest of the cool, he actually went to Luke Skywalker's house in Tunisia. You can aparently stay there overnight, and eat in the kitchen used in the Star Wars films. Now that is pretty darn cool. I'd love to go somewhere like that.

I'm feeling kind of retarded today. It was a pretty late night yesterday. And having read over the above I realize that I'm rambling on, and really only barely making sense anyways. I think I'll stop for now, go to the beach or someting. Whatever, I suppose you all get the basic idea of what's been going on with me these last few days. I've been cutting loose a little, which although financially not the geatest idea is still good to do sometimes. I'm just going to shut up for now. Later everyone.

Hi everyone. I hope life’s good for you all. Things here have been slow and steady. A few sort of interesting things went down this week for me though. I spent most of my week trying to get these ads scripted. Well thinking about it mostly. I’ve got the first one ready to go. It’s the only really time sensitive ad of the lot. I’ve got to have this one ready for air by the beginning of April. But things seem to be coming together ok. I got the (well, some of the) money I requested on Monday, cashed it in, and started purchasing supplies. It’s not so easy to find all the stuff you might need in The Gambia. I think it’s very good that I sorted out where to get most of the stuff I need for these commercials beforehand. Anyhow, I’m getting ready to go; just got to get the actors together and sort out some particulars.

Jakob’s taken this week off, he’s going camping with a Peace Corps friend Tim, down in Senegal. So that means I’ve got to wait on the commercials seeing as the camera I’m going to be using is his. But that’s ok, I’ve got other stuff to do. I think I mentioned Tim a week ago or so. He’s a psychologist working here. Mostly dealing with the prison system and of course the one mental hospital. It seems like pretty scary work from what I’ve heard. Tim, of course, would never say any of this. I’ve just heard around that the hospitals have (at times) pretty bad conditions; and young doctors who don’t necessarily know all of the particulars are dealing out drugs like candy. I would guess it’s just because they don’t have enough qualified doctors here. I also think it’s because it’s only really recently that people here have started looking at mental health as a legitimate thing. Up country in some of the smaller villages they still apparently sometimes just chain someone to a tree for a week or so if they get too aberrant.

Jakob told me that his mother said Swedish news is saying it’s now a matter of weeks not months before Bush invades Iraq. I just wanted to say something about this. I’m not really sure what to think most of the time. War scares the hell out of me, I think especially being here in a Muslim country. Of course Gambia is very very peaceful, and doesn’t seem to have much extremism but I can’t say for sure what’d happen here if we go to war. I’ve got to say I think “Bush is a complete tool”, sorry just hoping the FBI will flag that one. No really, I think he’s acting like a real idiot. If he wants the oil, just come out and say it. Why all the pretense. If this was really about weapons, why won’t he let the inspector do their jobs. I know I might have a simplistic view of things. I don’t follow all the news, I don’t pay too close attention to US foreign policy; but I’m not blind. How could Americans actually support war??? Do they really? Bush is a fool, and he’s quietly leading us to Armageddon.

Onto another sad topic, I’m sure everybody’s heard already about the Space Shuttle Columbia burning up as they we’re coming down from their mission yesterday. I usually try to follow the shuttle missions via the internet. For those of you living in the States, there is far more coverage on your news than even in Canada. But since I’ve been in the Gambia it really hasn’t been very practical for me to keep an eye on the Shuttle missions. I guess I just wanted to say how sad I think it is. If anyone doesn’t know much about what’s up with the Shuttle Columbia, you can check out the latest NASA news by clicking Here.

I suppose I’ve gone off on a few tangents today. Well…I guess my mind is just sort of wandering a bit. On This Saturday we all, Jakob, Cyndi, Tim and me went out to the Deulos. It is the (second) largest floating bookstore on earth. Not that that’s saying too much. I was looking for some books for me and also anything the Y might want to pick up as a reference. They had a fairly big selection, but most of it was very Christian themed. The textbooks we’re ok. I saw a few that might be good to pick up. The only novels they carried that I was even remotely interested in we’re the classics. I picked up four books, The Red Badge of Courage, Coral Island, The Jungle Book, and The Casebook of Sherlock Holmes. It’s always nice to have a few books waiting. I’m also quite in the mood to read something with a little class after the more recent books I’ve fallen on. The boat was pretty nice anyhow. I don’t think I’d like to spend a year in the engine room (a fate for many of the missionaries I meet), but it must be nice to really get a chance to see the world and interact with local culture so much.

I suppose I don’t have much more to say. We saw a really cool French film on Thursday Brotherhood of the Wolf. I’d really recommend it. And yesterday I went to a pretty decent BBQ over at Tim’s place. It’s pretty funny to see Peace Corps living like they (Tim and Jason) do; TV, VCR, Stereo, Air Conditioning, BBQ…. Well, I suppose they do work for it. It was a good time, then we watched Swingers. Which is always a fun film. Cyndi went to a YMCA basketball game in Banjul. Something I must do soon. Our team is apparently very good. Yup, so I guess that’s all for now. Stay cool everyone.

Well, it looks like a fair amount of time has passed since my last log update, but I don’t really think too much has actually happened. Let’s see, well I’ve gotten approval on my budget for the commercials, actually I added some padding to the budget I already submitted, it’s always best to be on the safe side. Still working out some technical issues with the computer, but I am confident that it will all get sorted out eventually. Jakob and I are going to get a computer set up for the Y commercials tomorrow I think. Reformat, install a good video card, etc… Anyhow, you don’t want to hear about that, it’s boring. I did have a pretty interesting weekend though.

This last weekend, I went out and shot a music video for a local guy. Jero, my parents said I shouldn’t say the song is bad on the web site, but I’m not going to stop saying what I think here. Besides the song really is awful. Nothing against the guy who made it or anything, but it’s this whole hip hop wanna be American bad ass thing going on here. So much of the music culture here is derived from what they think African-American gangsta rappers are. It’s very funny to me. I should also mention that I did hear the rest of this guys album and it’s actually quite good. This song in particular is just not my taste. It’s the love ballad of the album. Anyhow, the shoot was pretty interesting. The song is called “What if your parents say no…”. I suppose the title says it all. We did a few run throughs of the song with just the talent rapping in different venues, and then we did a few story segments for the video, mostly just romantic images, couples on a date, couples having candlelight dinners, that sort of thing. It was pretty fun, although nothing was planned out anywhere near as well as it should have been. And there were issues with certain scenes. It’s weird, they’re trying to pull off this whole American bad ass gangsta thing but when I suggest things like trying to get a little more skin in it, or something not just romantic but sexy they shy away. I think it’s got to be a culture thing. They know they can’t get away with it on tv either. They're apparently very strict about such things here. They won’t show all of the American music videos here, and the ones they do get huge protests from the public. I suppose I've just become desensitized to the whole thing a bit. I just figure if you’re trying to create an image, an act, why not play it to it’s full extent. Ah well, everything worked out ok. We (the crew) (which consisted of me, the talent, the manager, and a very strange old man from Toronto) went out to a karaoke bar for a performance. I sang a few songs too, but really bombed when I tried to pull off a U2 one. I really should have known better than to try and pull off Bono. No one can really do him but him.

I liked doing the vid though, and they’d like me to do more sometime. So I might just try that. We’ll see I suppose. My first priority is to the YMCA, And I’ve really got to start scripting their commercials. It shouldn’t be too hard considering they’re planned out pretty well now. I can get some funds to start shooting by the end of the week. So yeah, I guess things are actually coming together, slowly but surely.

Jakob has decide to extend his stay here, at least for a month. He’s working on starting up a hardware lab. We’re going to try to get A+ certified by the end of the year. And seeing as Jakob is the only one who knows about this stuff right now, he’s the man. I also think he wants to leave here having felt he’s accomplished something at least somewhat permanent. I guess that’s kind of the same thing for Cyndi, I’ve got these commercials going, and this whole digital studio thing happening, but for them it must be kind of tough. I might get a bit depressed if all I was leaving behind was students. I suppose a real teacher shouldn’t feel that way. Oh well, I don’t really feel like a real teacher most of the time. Anyhow, things are ok, moving along, you know, life. So long for now everyone. Stay cool.

Well, things have been pretty up and down for me all week. I've been pretty screwed up at times. As has Cyn... It's pretty difficult to get over things. You know, try and get your life back together. Cyndi is living in another room down the hall from me now. It's still pretty weord overall. I know I'm kinda messed up about everything. We've been trying to talk things over at times. Which is good I think despite asll the advice from everyone around me to just stay away from her. But we all have different ways of dealing with things. And Cyndi and I talking is actually helpful I think for both of us right now. Maybe in a bit I'll decide it'd be better to be apart, well as apart as we can be considering the circumstances. But for now I think it's been fairly therapeutic.

Both of us have been dealing with things in fairly different ways. Cyndi has been going out, trying to get her mind off things. She's going out to Jokor's a fair bit. That's a good dance club here. And me for my part have been wandering around like a bit of a lump moping. I know that's pretty sad. I'm really trying, but things are still kinda hard. Anyhow, I don't really feel like talking about this much now so I'll just let you know what's been actually going on with the rest of our lives.

Jakob came back from Sweden last week, it's good to have him around again. He actually ended up breaking off his engagement back home while he was on vacation. It's too bad, but I think he's dealing with things a bit better than me. Then again, he isn't face to face as it were with the issue like Cyn and me. Anyhow, Jakob came back just in time for his 27th birthday. Cyndi and I got together and bought him a big bottle of Absolute Citron. We figured being a Swede and all he would appreciate it. We also got him a very funny super religious card that proclaims in bold letters on the front that the recipient truly is the AMBASSADOR OF GOD... Sorry, I know it's not fair to make fun of religion, but really Cyndi and I (and Jakob) are not particularly religious. But actually then again Cyndi has been going to the Missionaries' prayer meetings in the mornings. I think I told you all about the missionaries. There are four of them Thomas (Swede), Matt (American), Charlene (South African), and Leueni (Tongan). They've been staying at the Y for about a month now. They're getting everything ready for the arrival of a big Christian relief boat that is arriving in a few weeks. The boat is the largest floating book store on earth (or so the posters proclaim). Anyhow, it's basically an educational trip. They bring books all over the world, and not just Christian books. Apparently they get truckloads of old US university textbooks. So needless to say, we are all very excited to see what they've got when it arrives.

Jakob and I went over to a couple of Peace Corps guys house here on Wednesday while Cyndi was out dancin'. It was pretty good. Normally Cyndi and I have been such introverts, not that we don't enjoy spending time with other people at all, but we're just both so damn apathetic about working at anything. Anyhow, these guys are very cool. Tim is a psychologist trying to help I think mostly with the prison system here. And Jason is a wealthy young businessman who sees the Peace Corps as a vacation from his hectic life. Seriously, it's weird. I'm also pretty sure they're unique cases for the Peace Corps. They seem far more talented than any other Peace Corps kids I've ever met. Anyhow, it was good to get out and have a couple drinks.

We've been supposed to be running this Peace Corps staff workshop this week, but things have been a little screwy. Anyhow, Cyndi ended up teaching mostly, and will be taking over the whole schbang next week. I've been teaching my part time class. I've also been throwing myself into my work a bit. Which I suppose is a good thing. I finished my advertising proposal for the YMCA, I put it online so if anyone actually care they can read it HERE. I'm pretty happy with it overall. I still need to get approval and funding before I can start. Actually I need to start scripting pretty soon. I haven't gotten word back yet on what's up. But I do know that they made one commercial a few years ago that they were very disappointed with and it cost them as much as I'm proposing for 3 commercials and 2 industrials. I really don't know if I can actually pull everything off that I want but I figure I'll just fake it until someone catches on. And I doubt they will. As funny as it sounds, I actually do have a lot of experience compared to most people here. I've also been asked to shoot a music video. I think I'll do it, but seriously, this song is absolutely horrible. I don't even know what they're thinking making a video for this song. They should just destroy the master copy and try to forget they ever produced anything so mind bogglingly awful.

On Saturday we had a very very very long staff meeting. It was the YMCA annual staff meeting and we went through each and every department's action plan for 2003. Seriously this was ridiculously long. 6 and a half hours!!! Yup, really. Anyhow, I did learn a fair bit about what the rest of the department of the Gambia Y are actually doing, which I suppose is good considering I've got to make an Industrial about the Y as a whole. It's pretty cool. We're doing some really good work here. But I did notice that the computer department is run waaaay better than anyone else. I think we were really very lucky to get such a great opportunity here. We talked a bunch in the meeting about the upcomming Digital Studio here. They're still planning on starting construction around the end of the month. And I've got to say I'm pretty stoked. Somehow, I've landed myself in a really very goods position to learn and help this thing get off the ground. I mean I don't by any means know all the ins and outs or anything. But I'm by far the most qualified person at the Y. Even Cecelia, who will be running the department, only got a month of training at a South African YMCA. But I think that's the way a lot of things work here. They get donations of equipment, or foreign aid workers, be they Peace Corps or what have you come here, set up programs and then have to leave. The one's that are set up right end up lasting. And even if the personnel aren't fully trained, they manage to stumble through, then they've at least got something to work from. Something to make better. I think this will probably end up being really great for me.

I'm still trying to work on my ESL thing. It's slow going but I've really got to pick up the pace. If I want to get a job in Eastern Europe next year I think I've got to get my resume out there by mid Spring at the latest. Anyhow, I'm sure it'll work out ok; whatever happens. Cyndi is saying she might not want to go to Eastern Europe next year. She's been talking about maybe going right to SE Asia. I thikng it's mostly about the money. And she might be right. We still haven't gotten our finances untangled (the stolen wallet in Dakar is slowing things up). But I'm not so confident about the cashflow situation. We'll have to wait and see. For now I think we both just need to not worry about that so much, you know, just blow off steam when we need to. Get out and get our heads together a bit more. Well, I don't really think I've got too much more to say. They're trying to get the Y hostel up to code for a 2 star rating. As of now they've even been dropped from the newest Lonely Planet Western Africa. So to that end they've been trying to put together a lounge area for the guests. We've gotten couches, a TV (although we only get one channel), and it looks like we'll have access to a VCR when we want it. We watched Momento yesterday. I went out and got a video club card. It was very nice to be able to chill out at the hostel and watch a movie. Anyhow, that's all I've got to say for now. Next week I'm supposed to be showing around a very important financial contributor; a Finnish YMCA delegation. I don't know the first thing about Finland. I suppose I'll have to learn. Ok, that's really it. So long. Have fun. Live well. Peace out.

Alright folks, I figure I'd better explain this now and get it all over with. This last week has been pretty screwed up for both Cyndi and me. We've decided to call it quits and break up. After three and a half years; it's very strange. And I'm not going to tell all here or anything, so don't expect anything too juicy. But here is the basic story of whats up.

Since we've come here to Africa Cyndi and I have gotten very close. Closer, and really better than ever before. Our relationship has often had issues that ended up bringing us to the brink of breakup. It was usually Cyndi realizing things waaay before me, thinking, brooding, getting upset that I'm so thick, and finally letting me know what's up in a mutually dramatic and emotional scene. We would argue about things and I would convince Cyndi that it would all be ok, we get through it, whatever the problem was. And we wouldn't break up. It worked too. This must have happen in the past 3+ years a half dozen times but it really honestly always worked out. We would work through a problem and get better, get closer. I think both Cyndi and I have really grown up a lot together. I feel stupid saying this but it really is the first actual adult relationship either of us has been in. Anyhow, this time things we're different.

Being here in Africa pretty much necessitates planning your future a bit more in advance than one might normally. Also because Cyndi and I both want to keep travelling after we're done here, we really need to be on the ball about what our plans are. It's that and the fact that things have gotten so good here that showed us the real problem though. Back in Vancouver things had gotten to a bit of a plateau, a little stagnent, neither of us was all that happy with the way things were going. Cyndi was commuting almost 3 hours a day to work a crappy job and I've come to realize that working as a PA in the film industry sucks. Well, I knew that the first day; everyone does. I mean the whole reason we lived in Van was for me to work in the filmn industry, and I don't think it was a waste, but I know that I just don't want to be there with my life. Cyndi was pretty obviously unhappy with her job too. Golf Club, pretty sad... Anyhow, she wasn't getting anywhere near where she wants to go with her life either so it was great for us to get the hell out of there. We were having some problems but I think we both knew it'd probably get better once we left; and hey it did. We've been able to communicate and be close a lot better since we came here, and really that's it too. We've managed I think to get past all the petty problems, the bullshit of normal lives and see a bigger picture. We were talking about next year maybe a month ago now, and we sort of started to plan the next few years a bit more clearly. At some point in that mix, marriage was brought up. Now, Cyndi and I both actually believe in marriage. (maybe me a bit more than her) If we didn't, we probably would've gotten married before if only to make Cyndi living in Canada a whole lot easier. But this time we were talking about it seriously. I mean we are 24. Life moves along, and we we're talking about travelling possibly for the next 2+ years. We ended up agreeing that when the time came, we might want to get married sometime in there. Hopefully someplace convienient for our famlies to come to. I know that I had some initial misgivings, I've always been a bit reluctant to think about this. But of course Cyndi had her own misgivings too.

Cut to - a few days ago. Just like other issues in the past, I didn't really think things were wrong. About the marriage issue from before, well, yes it had bothered me for a week or so but then I realized that yeah maybe I could see myself really wanting it; not now (which was what I was trying to wrap my head round), but someday. Anyhow, I had comefortably stuffed it into the back of my head as something to think more about later, like when things got closer. Anyhow, Cyndi approached me about this after having been thinking about it for a while (pretty much having made up her mind). In a nutshell this is it: we can't see ourselves getting married, we can't see ourselves together for the rest of our lives. And if we can't see ourselves being happy together for all that, then why the hell are we together at all? It's not that we think being together would be settling in anyway, we both love each other a lot, but maybe we both should have more. What it comes down to is chemistry, sparks. Maybe we had it sometimes, (well I know we had it sometimes), but on a whole we really didn't have that spark, that day to day passion for each other. The kind of passion that makes you want to touch each other every time you passby just because you can. It's sexuality, but not about sex, just about life. That electric tingle that turns you on emotionally and intellectually. I think I can remember it; but really we haven't had that, maybe ever. And that is a problem. We've worked really hard to fix other issues. But that's another part of it. We're always working to fix things. I know the adage that a relationship is hard work, that you have to keep working to make it alive; but where do you draw the line? How much work does it take to get to a point where it's unhealthy to keep working so hard? Maybe you're just forcing something to work that shouldn't...

I was a little thrown off initially, I mean it's not that I disagreed with Cyndi (although the above is far more thought out than this was at the time) it's just that
1) I'm pretty retarded about being devoted and loyal. I'm very serious about relationships. At times probably like a puppy. Pretty sad I know. And I know I can be a bit much, smothering at times (although I'm really way better at that than I used to be). And,
2) It's not that I disagreed with her assesment but I hadn't been thinking about it for two or three weeks. I was thinking that what comes, comes. I can be pretty thick though sometimes.
Anyhow, I asked Cyndi not to break up with me, obviously, you know try to work on it, even if I did agree mostly. And she agreed at first. And that was that. But the next day Cyn decided that she couldn't wait, there wasn't any point. She had made up her mind and I was pretty close to making up mine in that direction anyhow. So we just did it. We broke up. Cyndi got another room at the hostel, and since then they've said that they'll work out some way for us to get the room for free. Really we should, the rooms are never full and the computer center is the only thing at the Y that actually makes any money. We both love each other though a lot. These past few days we've been trying to be really supportive of each other, although it's pretty hard. Emotions are pretty confusing things. We've split up our stuff I think really quite evenly, and are working on a way to split our cash up fairly. But it's pretty hard to extricate yourself from someones life after so long.

I know that in the long run it's probably not very healthy for us to be around each other so much. But for now, we need to. Firstly because we atill are sharing money, etc... but also because we need some support now, it's really hard here. We've gotten a whole lot of support from people back home and thank you so much, we both really appriciate it. But for here, there really aren't too many people to talk to. We don't have that many friends here. And it's not the kind of place I expect to find too many real friends. Anyhow, we both need people to help us a bit. So thank you for all the support everyone. I'm still for now plannig on completeing my time here and going off to Eastern Europe afterwards; somewhere different than Cyndi. Anyhow, that's about all there is to say about the whole thing.

Jakob came back on Thursday evening. He broke up with his fiancee back home over his vacation back in Sweden. Well, at least we have something in common... Sorry, not funny. Anyhow, Cyndi started teaching this week, having switched with Cecelia from teaching second years to teaching first years, and my adult part time classes start next week. I was supposed to have a workshop teaching MS Outlook but there was a screw up so it'll happen next week too. I did manage to finish my revisions on my first teaching ESL certification (there are 5 modules total). I hope to finish it by the end of Febuary. So yeah, that's it. There's not much else to say. I'm gonna change the web site around a bit in the comming days. But for now I think I'm doing pretty ok. I think Cyndi is pretty ok too. It's weird, but I guess it's just life. ok bye. Later everyone.