GEORGES
ANIMAL
FARM

George lives in absolute squalor, but reserves this right, as this environment is in fact quite beneficial to the ruling majority. Yes, its true that our George is dominated by a small gathering of furry and armour plated friends that thrive in a nesting of their own droppings. Who am I to argue with that? Anyway, heres a short biography of some of the long term inmates:

MARCUS the PIGLET: This delicious little specimen has been a most special companion over the years. Maybe too many years for a piglet, one might suspect. Thats because the unsuspecting Marcus always outgrows his piglet perfect frame after a very short time, and has to be sent away and replaced by a new piglet, thus preserving the status quo. Where these piglet predecessors go, screaming in fear, one never knows. But Marcus is normally a happy pet, very intellectual, and is very loving, but impossible to house train. This is particularily apparent when George picks him up. Now, Marcus is usually a passive little thing that enjoys nuzzling at peoples ankles whilst going "oink oink oink" and the like. But when George picks him up, Marcus will always wriggle violently whilst giving out a long terrifying squeeeeeel!!! and then totally evacuate his bowels over Georges shoes. This action always ensures a brisk return to ground level. No wonder piglets always have this knowing smirk on their face. Furthermore, it must be said that Marcus has an excellent nose for searching out Truffles. He's the prize winning Trufflehog of all time, and keeps his spoils secretly buried underneath his kennel, where he thinks that George wont find them. Think again, Bacon-brain.

MAURICE the MALLARD: Without doubt, the Duck has the silliest voice in the animal kingdom, and Maurice has developed his Quack to top the first division of supreme Quackery. He waddles around all day, swims in the bathtub, and eats everything. Sometimes he gets angry and decends into fluttering fits of quack cacophony, which is a frightening thing to behold. George lies in wait for Maurice to lay the golden egg. He might be some time.

CHARLIE the AARDVARK: My prize possession: A tea drinking Aardvark. Who would have thought it! A complete breakdown on the trivial pursuits of the typical aardvark can be found on my fiendishly titled 'All About Aardvarks' section. But Charlie is not merely just another boring Aardvark. He's more like a human, especially when he's not eating Ants. He might not say much, but he is still an amazing conversation piece, and makes a marvellous cup of tea. Spends all of his spare time planning to escape.

FRED of the FLEA CIRCUS: Fred is the chief representative of the flea circus. I could name all of his dear colleagues here, but I cant accomodate the data. Thats a real shame cos theres thousands of genuine characters and personalities waiting to get out and meet you. The Flea circus perform a mind blowing vaudevillian sensation of a high wire act, then spring out from their birdcage to the nearest human host, to multiply and infest with a horrific bacterial disease. An absolute friend for life. DDT resistant.

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