| Gerald Loves Roselyn Hael |
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| "LOVE OF MY LIFE" |
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We have been txtmates for a year. I got to
know her better..we started to get close or
should I say too close from comfort. It was
not intentional, though.
Maybe it just so happened that she was lonely and I was in need of company. she showered me with unexpected attention and i was overwhelmed by the affection that she showed..I usually do not fall easy. I used to be careful when it comes to affairs of heart. But with her, things were different. I fell for her instantly. I dont know how it happened or what led me to her. What i know is that i was flattered and my heart was smiling.. A simple love story? well, not quite. you see, i have a girlfriend, were about to be married.. and she has no current boyfriend now. These are the facts that im trying to ignore up to this very day. we always denied it when somebody dared to ask. we would always give them the famous showbiz line: "WERE JUST FRIENDS." Well, thats half-true anyway, because aside from the fact that i am inlove with this person, she became my bestfriend . i can firmly say that she is the only person who knows the real me, in side and out...This affair is based on mutual understanding, no demands, no commitments. This has been going on for more than a year now, I dont know how i was able to manage. Needlessto say the public display of affection is a big "NO" "NO." no holding hands, no touching, no anniversary dates, no romantic gestures. Yes, we always txt each other but there are times when i end up thinking the whole night. Why? Because of simple things, signs of affection that I long to see, words of appreciation that i want to hear..i once said that "WE SHOULD LISTEN TO THE WORDS THAT ARE NOT SPOKEN AND FEEL THE THINGS THAT ARE NOT SEEN..".those words struck me.. When this relationship started, she would often says "I LOVE YOU." nOw, her feeling was gone..or maybe i just dont feel it anymore. The "i LOVE YOU's" dissapeared as well. I haven't heard her say that to me in a long time. She had valid explanations for these, and I tried to understand as much as i could. I contented myself with the thought that.."at least we were still friends!", that i still got to see her as often as i want to. Time is important to me since i know that i cannot have her forever..i want to make the most out of those stolen moments.. There were no such things as false promises and wishful dreams that would lead to a happily-ever-after ending. I am fully aware that he loves her x boyfriend very much. Its just frustrating to realize that i am not part of her dreams, that i am not part of the future she's planning to build. Although i knew from the very start, at the back of my mind, i was still hoping...still praying very hard for the impossible to happen.. I have come to love this person very much. And i intend to hold on for as long as i can! she came into my life when i needed somebody to be just beside me. she was the one who helped me through those dark times..the only positive light, the only happy thought that i could think of. She taught me the true meaning of LOVE, "A LOVE THAT DID NOT EXPECT ANYTHING IN RETURN, UNSELFISH AND UNCONDITIONAL.." she always said that "whatever happened in the future, i would stay in her heart forever." Knowing myself, i can surely pick up the pieces and reinvent myself, but i would need so much time to heal....so much time to recover... PLEASE DONT JUDGE ME OR CONDEMN ME..i am only human. Its just that at one point in my life, i allowed myself to be control by my heart, and not my mind. Falling inlove can be a tiring process, especially if you feel that its not reciprocated... i may not have the chance to say this to her you know.its really really hard for me to accept all this..that she dont love me.. thanks for lending an ear. Gerald.. |