Character Profiles: Final Fantasy VII

Name:Tifa Lockheart
Job:Martial Artist/ Bartender (what a combo!)
Description:First of all, I would like to know how Tifa gets to own her own bar. Legal drinking age: 21. Tifa's age: 20. Age of girl mixing drinks while Tifa's gone: 4. MY GOD! But anyway, Tifa's is best known for her huge...eyes. (Yeah right, it MUST be eyes....right???) Tifa is Cloud's childhood friend, but hides any feelings she has for him under those huge....eyes.

Name:Cloud Strife
Job:Ex-SOLDIER/ Maniac
Description:Cloud Strife = nuts. He's the leader of a cause he didn't even care about before. And he can't decide between the stupid flower girl and the girl with the huge...eyes. (Yeah right, eyes....) And he gets screwed up by Sephiroth so many times I'm not surprised he'd want to kill him.
The planet's not my problem. YUFFIE is my problem. Gaze upon her lovely *eyes*!!
I'm "young" Cloud. Up there's "old" Cloud. What's the difference?!

Name:Aeris Gainsborough
Job:Flower Girl/ Holy Priestess thing/ Last of Cetra/ whatever/ hero's love interest/ Aeris/ really it's Aeris/ .....
Description:The "I'm so innocent" flower girl that snares Cloud into a love triangle. Cait Sith says she's perfect for Cloud, ....but you know how truthful CAIT is. But Aeris, like, makes the ultimate sacrifice for her friends, and no, it ISN'T sitting down to a conversation with Yuffie....
Save me, Cloud!

Name:Barret Wallace
Job:Leader of AVALANCHE, mercenary
Description:
Ebonics lessons: 20 dollars.
Gun Arm: 999 dollars.
Knowledge that your 4 year old daughter is mixing drinks in a slums bar unsupervised: Priceless.
Even though he sort-of sort-of makes Cloud care about the planet (it's mostly Tifa) Barret doesn't give much to the plot. Sure, he provides Marlene, who manages to get herself and Aeris kidnapped at least once, and he looks like Mr. T, but no one really pays attention to him. Cloud CAN go on the date with him, but.....
*yells about Marlene*

Name:Nanaki, Red XIII
Job:Lion Creature thing
Description:WE don't know how Red came about. His mom is dead, his dad is a dog-statue, and his GRANDPA is a flying old man with no ARMS. (Hooohoohoooo)
That freak, Hojo, decided he would screw up MORE people by trying to mate Aeris with Red XIII. Do we really need a flower bearing dog with braided hair around? Lion. Dog. Whatever. Red XIII seems like El Sophistico until you find out he's only about 48/16. Lived 48 years, but immature by his race's terms. So, about sixteen.

Grrr, I am what you see. A cat. Where's my litter box?

Name:Cait Sith
Job:Fortune Teller/ annoying party member/ traitor
Description:Cait Sith is a cat robot riding a stuffed MOOGLE (not MOG) which he "magically brought to life". Okay, he's really being controlled by ShinRa member Reeve. This causes Marlene to get captured and a lot of other crap which you didn't want. But we love him anyway, he's so cuddly and....oops. Nevermind.
Watch out, it's the Cait Sith Bus Mobile!!!

Name:Yuffie Kisaragi
Job:Materia Hunter/ "secret" character/ annoying stupid girl
Description:Yuffie.....*SIGH* ...she steals all your materia, locks you in a cage, and other stuff.

Got any MATERIA?? *bats eyelashes*

Name:Cid Highwind
Job:Super-Cool, Cussing Pilot/Mechanic, it's CIIIIIIIIDDD!!!
Description:Cid, is like, geez.....EVERYONE'S favorite character! Mind you, some girls like Vincent or Sephie, some people like Cloud...but face it: no one can beat a Cid this cool.
#^%*&^&%%^##^&!!!!!

Name:Vincent Valentine
Job:Ex-Turk/ Ooky Spooky Guy
Description:Vincent is basically the kind of character that all the people seem to love. I mean, if there were no Cids these people would be loved to death. And they almost are. Who DOESN'T like the dark, brooding, Magus-Jack-Brad-Shadow-Gilgamesh-Seifer types?! They're EVERYWHERE!!!
......................Lucrecia...........