Inner Fire and the Light

by Olivia Jean Ecklund
Chapter 13

The huge living room had comfortable, overstuffed furniture and a big fireplace with lush carpets. Flowers here and there made the room softly beautiful. The place had marble floors and huge windows that overlooked the city giving them a gloriously glittering view.

There was a fully stocked kitchen and a beautiful, intimate dining area. The door to the bedroom revealed a huge, four poster bed, draped in rich hunter green and Champagne.

Grace squealed in delight when the bathroom door was opened. A massive, sunken hot tub took up half the huge bathroom. It would almost qualify for a small swimming pool.

All ready a bottle of champagne stood iced near the steaming pool. Two soft, white terrycloth robes were laid over a wide lounge chair.

"Look," Grace pointed, "Our names are embroidered on the pockets."

Joe shook his head. "Nick's too much! This is wonderful. I just wish I could have given you this. I hate to keep taking from Nick."

Grace smiled and came close to kiss him. "I understand why you feel that way, Joe, but this gives him pleasure, and he's led such a long life without pleasure. We have to be graceful enough to accept it. You might not realize it, but you have given him much as well. We will both be there for them now and for the babies. That's how we can, and will, give back."

The was a knock at the door. Joe looked at Grace and shrugged. He went to get it. It was room service with a huge cart full of covered plates for their dinner. "Compliments of Mr. and Mrs. Knight,² the young man informed them. ³Enjoy." He wheeled the cart to the dining table and then left.

Joe took a rose from the vase in the middle of the cart and gave it to his bride as he kissed her. She held it to her nose and inhaled the gentle fragrance.

Joe grinned. "Shall we see what they brought us?"

He and Grace dove into the trays with delight. They uncovered a dish of chocolate dipped strawberries. Another held crackers, cheese, and caviar. There were also small fillet mignon steaks with baked potatoes and vegetables. They enjoyed every bite of their meal.

After dinner, they took the strawberries, and a bowl of whipped cream from the frig, to the pool in the bathroom. They shyly undressed each other and slipped into the water. For several minutes, the pair fed each other strawberries, sometimes using them to draw with the whipped cream on the otherıs neck or face, and then licking it off.

Eventually, the newlyweds made love for the first time as the warm water caressed them. Afterward, they held each other for a while, then lovingly bathed each other. Finally, Joe climbed out and slid into his robe, then held his hand out to Grace who stepped out and into her robe as well.

He guided her to the bed, and they gently explored each other again, touching and caressing. They made love again, and finally sated, they fell asleep.

*****

Back at 'Saving Grace', in the mobel home, LaCroix found he was unable to sleep. He slipped into his black silk robe and tied the belt securely. Stepping into some comfortable shoes, he walked out into the night.

It all seemed so different now. The night used to be full of sights and sounds that only a vampire could hear and see. Now the shadows were dark and menacing. He could no longer see in the dim light, yet he felt his mind clear and he looked around with his human senses.

The air was cool, with a hint of rain. He realized he could smell the damp dirt and the green grass. Also, there was the sweet fragrance from the garden flowers nearby. He glanced up at the sky and saw a few stars though the clouds. He would have soared into the night if he could have. At times like this, he really regretted the loss of the vampireıs ability to fly.

Lucas heard the door open behind him and the sound of footsteps. A warm hand snaked over his shoulder, a chin rested on his arm, and another arm came around his waist. "Good evening, Janette," he whispered. He could smell her perfume and feel her beautiful, soft skin on his neck where her fingers had come to rest.

Janette asked in a soft whisper, "Are you all right?" He turned toward her and slipped an arm around her waist, pulling her close to him. "Just enjoying the night... learning the different senses a human has. We gain about as much as we lose, I think..." He turned to face her.

They had been vampire lovers hundreds of years before they met Nick, though they'd never told him about that. LaCroix leaned forward and kissed her gently. Her hand slipped higher, burying itself in his hair.

He drew back. "It's very different, isn't it? I cannot feel your thoughts or sense your blood, yet there is a great satisfaction in the touch and taste of you. It's new... and very pleasurable."

"Oui, it is... very pleasurable." She drew him back down for a deeper kiss.

Finally, LaCroix pulled back again. "Are you sure this is what you want, Janette?"

"Oui, Lucus, I want it so very much." She moved away. "But I also want to go to dinners, movies, dancing... do the whole dating thing."

"Really?" he said. A twinkle came into his eyes. He bowed. "As the Lady wishes."

"Really, Lucus! Really?" She queried.

"Yes, really." He touched her chin with a finger. "It's a good beginning for us, Janette. We are human now. We should do as humans do. We shall date."

She giggled with delight.

LaCroix smiled. "As soon as I get strong enough, we will go to the city, and buy new clothes. I want to get rid of my black garments. We will see those movies, and so many other things." He drew Janette back against his chest, holding her tenderly.

"I find it so amazing that God would care who I was after all the atrocities I have committed. My heart feels so new and clean."

Janette murmured her agreement, shivering against him from the coolness of the night.

LaCroix looked down and could see by the porch light that her thin white arms were full of goose bumps. "Come, we must go back inside. You're cold, and it's time to sleep."

They looked up again at the stars and then headed inside and to their own rooms.

The day after the wedding they helped move all of Grace's things to Joe's house. Patrick and Charity stayed to help set up the nursery.

They set up the bassinets in Nick and Natalie's room and the cribs in the babies' room. They painted the room a light yellow with white trim because the young parents wanted everything to be full of light.

Charity helped put up the lace curtains. There were bunnies on Lucy's side and bears for Joey's side of the room.

As they worked, Natalie learned that Patrick and Charity had gotten married when they were very young. They had kids right away and had lived in tiny parishes the whole time. Their kids were all married or going to college now, leaving them on their own again. They had only recently found out about the cancer, and that it had already metastasized.

Yesterday's miracle had strengthened her faith, making it new and fresh. She worked all day and felt healthy and strong. She cooked for the group, and they ate before the couple had to head back down the mountain toward home. Their hosts asked them to come back anytime.

With Grace and Joe gone, LaCroix and Janette had planned to watch a movie at their place. The angels had left, leaving the two soon-to-be parents with the house to themselves.

That evening, they sat cuddling, gently kissing and just being close. After awhile, they took a short walk around the yard. Finally, Nick got Natalie to go on up to bed, then returned downstairs to sit alone for a few minutes.

LaCroix appeared at the door. "Nicholas, may I speak with you?" he asked.

"Sure, Father. Come on in." Nick answered.

LaCroix asked, "Mind if we walk a bit? The night is so beautiful."

Nick opened the door and stepped out onto the porch. "Of course... I would like that." He knew LaCroix's strength hadn't fully returned yet so he offered his arm, and his father took it gratefully. They descended the steps and strolled down the drive.

"How are you, Father?" Nick asked.

"I'm doing good, Nicholas, but Iım still weak... and perhaps a bit scared. I would not want to go back." He took a deep breath, "I want to tell you something, Nicholas... something I told Natalie months ago... the first night she was in the hospital."

Nick looked at him in surprise. "You were still in Toronto?" He felt himself shiver. "She should have told me."

"Do not be angry with Natalie. I would not have hurt her, and she realized that."

Nick found that he was still a bit hurt. "What do you want to say?"

"All those years I tortured you because you wanted to be human... it was frustration more than anger." He stopped and turned to his son. "I had tried, a good part of my first several hundred years, to find a cure."

"What?" Nick felt anger rising to the surface. "You tortured me for something you did yourself ?"

"I did not want to see you suffer as I did."

"Why not just tell me?" Nick had moved away.

"That's the hard part. I couldn't tell you. I did not wish you to see any weakness in me. I felt that I had to be strong. I was Roman. This was what I had lived with all my human life... be strong. You were my child, and like a soldier under my watch. I saw it no differently. You told me the night I became human that all was forgiven, but you cannot forgive what you do not know. I need you to hear my transgressions. Then you must decide if I am truly forgiven."

Nick turned back to him, ready to yell out his anger, but when he saw that tears were streaking down his father's face. He grabbed him and held him close.

The older man sobbed against him. "Nicholas, please don't hate me. I should have told Natalie to tell you. I was different then. I was so seldom in control those last years, and when I was, I always fell back on my training as a Roman officer. The only time I felt close to regaining a part of myself was when we became close those last months before I left."

Nick held the older man as the sobs wracked his body. He did not see this as weak, but as a step in a direction that could heal them all. There was so much guilt in LaCroix. Guilt was something he certainly understood. He had expressed his guilt to others thousands of times over the centuries, but LaCroix had always held his inside.

Nick felt his anger fade. Tess had told him that LaCroix would have a lot to deal with. He knew how guilt could overpower you and take on a life of its own. Being saved might make you not guilty before God, but forgiving yourself... that often took a great deal of time.

When they had been vampires, they shared blood and the things they wanted each other to know was there for the reading. Nothing had needed to be spoken aloud. The older vampires often had developed some shielding to their innermost thoughts, though, and Nick had never been able to read LaCroix very well. He'd only seen touches of his regret and pain. Now it washed over him in waves as he held his father close. Nick prayed for strength to deal with the things that LaCroix would eventually tell him. Things that might come up later that he would feel a need to confess.

"Father, shhh... please just let it go. It's okay. Come... let's just sit together for a while.² They had battled for so long, tearing at each other many times. Nick wanted to put all that behind him now, and start new. He knew, thought, that it wouldnıt be easy or quick.

"Father, I've never stopped loving you," Nick said. He took LaCroix's trembling hand in his. "There is a saying: If you love something, let it go. If it comes back to you, it is yours forever. There were times I missed you so much that my heart would ache. Times I headed back to you, only to have you catch me before I got there, and then you would beat me half to death. I needed space to be an adult, and you always treated me as a child."

LaCroix raised Nick's hand to his cheek. "Forgive me," he said. "Nicholas, how will we get past all this? The weakness eats at me, and I have so little strength. I am an open book, with no emotional control. I feel like a sniveling baby. I no longer recognize myself."

Nick slipped an arm around his shoulder. "It's going to take time." "It didn't take time for Charity. In moments she went from being sick to being beautiful and healthy."

Nick explained, "God's ways are different for each person. Charity has served God most of her life."

"Do you thing it's a punishment to make me learn humility?"

"Punishment?" Nick repeated, thoughtfully. "I don't think so. Maybe a consequence. If a man smokes 40 years and then quits, it's not a punishment that he gets cancer anyway. It's a result of abusing his body all those years. Years of possession has changed us."

LaCroix turned to Nick. "The years didn't change you much. You fought against your vampire nature all those years. The Lord knows that. I allowed it to consume me. You were a bright sun. Despite all the odds against you, you persevered. You were always in search of good. I see that you have been blessed much, and it warms my heart that you have Natalie and your babies on the way."

"Thank you, Father" Nick told the older man. He saw the weariness in his father's eyes. "Come, I should be getting back to Natalie and you need to rest."

Chapter 14

They stood and LaCroix took Nick's offered arm, gratefully. Nick felt his father lean hard on him. "Are you sure you can make it back? I could go get the car and drive you back," he offered.

"No... I'll make it. I need to start exercising."

They started slowly and as they walked, Nick said, "I am so sorry you must go through all this. I feel I should be there more for you, but Natalie needs me right now."

"Nicholas, you are right to spend your time with her. I have interfered too much already. I am warmed that she even looks at me with compassion."

"Natalie loves with great empathy. From the moment she saw me in her morgue, she looked for the good in me. It was my salvation."

LaCroix agreed, "Yes, she is very special."

"What about you, Father? You and Janette loved as man and wife once. You could let it happen again."

LaCroix looked a bit surprised. "You knew?"

"We, also, lived as husband and wife. We shared blood. You were always there in her mind. It made me jealous for a time. I think that's why I finally left. As much as she loved me, and I know she did, you were always there in her heart. She never thought of you as a "father". You were her master, but also, her man. I hope you can find your way back to each other."

LaCroix admitted to Nick. "We already have done so. We have talked, and we have decided to date."

"What?" Nick exclaimed, excitement in his voice. He hugged LaCroix, surprising the older man. "That's wonderful, Father."

LaCroix held Nick to him. "Thank you for your kindness, Nick. I owe you everything."

They had stopped at the stairs to the mobile home. "Thank you, Father, but the Lord did much for all of us. We have a new life. You see yourself as weak, but I see great strength. It takes a lot of courage to admit doing wrong, and ask forgiveness... great courage." Janette opened the door. "There you are! I wondered where you had gotten off too. Dinner is ready." She came down the steps.

Nick hugged LaCroix and then Janette. "Tomorrow we'll talk about getting the trainer here. He's well versed in physical therapy, and he can help you begin to regain your strength. It will make you feel whole again."

"That sound good, Nicholas. Good night," he said, taking Janette's arm. Together, they climbed the steps. While Nick hurried toward the house to check on Natalie.

LaCroix turned to watch his son enter the big house and then gazed up at the last rays of the sunset. Janette watched with him. "I will never tire of looking at the colors in the sunsets," she said.

"Nor I," he agreed. "I talked to Nicholas. I was able to get a few burdens off my chest, as humans say."

She smiled. "WE are human now," she reminded him.

"Quite right, " he said, as they turned to enter their house and head for dinner.

Nick went up the stairs two at a time and found Natalie still asleep. He pulled his shoes off, crawled under the covers and snuggled up to her, nuzzling her ear and neck.

She smiled, sleepily, and turned toward him, but her eyes stayed closed.

Nick kissed her gently. "I talked to father tonight. He told me about the hospital visit."

Natalie's eyes flew open and she searched his face to see if he was angry. She saw that he was a little hurt. "Forgive me, Nick. He only came to see if I was okay. It scared me, but only for a moment. I realized that no harm would come to me."

Nick pressed a kiss to her lips. "Shh... It's okay. It's past. I won't allow my former life to mess us up now.?

"It's hard for LaCroix. He's battling centuries of guilt... his body is weak. Really, it's frustrating him more than it's angering him. He's been in control of his whole existence, and now control has slipped from his grasp. I don't know that I can counsel him properly. I'm still learning so much myself."

"Nick, that's Pop's job. They'll be back tomorrow. It's why Joe is here to help us all. He's got more experience with life... human life... than any of us."

"When he comes back, I will be glad to see him. I know its only been a couple days, but he's like a rock around here and I've grown to depend on him."

"Make sure you tell him that," She suggested. Suddenly she turned to Nick and asked, "Nick, when LaCroix tells you about his guilt, how do you feel?"

Nick pulled away from his wife and sat on the edge of the bed.

Natalie moved up behind him and laid her cheek against his back. "He's done some horrendous things to you. It's all right to be angry about them."

"How can I be angry, Nat? Do I have the right to hate him for the things he did. It wasn't even him, really... it was the demon."

"Maybe not hate, Nick, but you can be angry. I don't think anger is a sin. After all, Christ became angry with the money changers in the Temple. He drove them out with a whip. That's not a passive reaction... and God counted him sinless when he went to the cross.

There is a lot of anger and pain between the two of you, yet you have always loved each other. That's why you accepted his offer to become what he was. Your love and need for him has always been the reason, Nick. You were searching for a master, and you picked the wrong one. For you both to heal, you are going to have to share it with him."

"Nat, he has so much to deal with."

Natalie said, "Maybe if you continue to tell him how you felt about what he did to you, it will help you both. You can forgive him and let it go."

"If he's new in Christ, wouldn't the Lord have forgiven him for it all already? How can I drag it up?"

"The Lord forgave him. He knows that. He just needs to hear it from you, too. We all have to come to the point when we can forgive each other. I know it hurt to hear some things tonight, but don't you feel better now? It's been washed away by the crystal clear tears you both shed together. When we allowed your father to come here, we accepted a huge responsibility, but it's been worth it already, Nick."

He smiled at her and turned to gather her close to his chest. "It's hard, but it's wonderful to have him here. I would not have been able to live with myself if we hadn't tried."

"I know," she said soothingly. "Come to bed, my Love."

She helped him undress, and he climbed in beside her. She laid her cheek on his shoulder and let herself drift off to sleep.

Nick listened to her steady breathing for a while before letting himself drift off.

***

Joe and Grace were feeding each other chocolate strawberries and cream as they lounged in the spa/tub again. They hadn't left the penthouse since their arrival. They'd basked in the luxury of it all and tended to each other.

"Joe, I've waited years to be with you like this," Grace confessed as she ran her hand over his chest.

"Years? You've said that before, but what are we really talking about?" he asked, returning the caress.

"Remember that night three years ago? The one where I was put on a case instead of Natalie while she was gone for a few days on a conference to Alberta?

"It was a horrible murder... a child. I was pretty green on field cases, and you were in charge of the scene. You saw my distress and followed me when I had bolted behind some bushes. I was gasping for breath, and I must have hyperventilated. Next thing I knew, you were there. Your arms were wrapped around me. Your voice was calming me. I was so embarrassed I could barely say, 'Thank you', before I had to get back to the job at hand."

"Joe, yours were the first man's arms that had held me since my husband died. It was such a comfort, and I could not help but love you for it. You never lectured me about it or even mentioned it again. You just let me be at peace, and I was so grateful.... I prayed that I would be able to repay you for that some day."

Joe remembered that night. Two hours earlier, he'd found out about Denise. He'd needed that comfort just as much as Grace had that night. Afterwards, he'd felt guilty about taking comfort in the arms of another woman. He shared this with her now, as they gently caressed each other. Grace smiled... she leaned in and kissed him.

"I knew you were a married man just coming to a lady in distress. Still, it sparked a powerful need in me. For several weeks after that, I often found myself thinking of you... dreaming about us. I finally had to force the thoughts away because I had to work with you. I ached for you when Denise died. I knew she was your life."

Joe pulled his new wife against him. She laid her cheek against his chest. The warm water in the pool caressed them and made them feel as if they were in a cocoon. Grace started to hum "Amazing Grace."

She felt Joe's body jump as if a jolt of electricity had hit him. He whispered over her head. "It was YOU in the cemetery! You?re the one who held me after that fiasco with my daughters. You gave me more comfort than I have ever known. I needed it desperately."

Grace felt hot tears run down her neck and she realized they were Joe's. "YOU were my angel!"

She drew back. "What?"

"I thought an angel had come and wrapped me in her arms that night. I heard an angel sing to me. One moment I was alone, and the next, an angel held me. I've wondered about it many times. Why didn't you tell me?"

Grace blushed. "I was wondering if you would figure it out for yourself." She shrugged, "It just never came up."

"It's strange, isn't it," Joe said, ?that we were there for each other on several occasions when our need was greatest. Now we can spend the rest of our lives together. God truly is good..."

***

Nick woke the next morning and found that Natalie wasn't in bed. He sat up and looked around the room. Empty. He grabbed his robe and bounded down the stairs to find Natalie sitting with LaCroix on the couch before the fireplace. She had one of her hands over his hand which rested against her stomach.

Curious, Nick came forward in time to witness a transformation cross his father's face. The older man's features softened, and awe filled his countenance. Nick realized that one of the babies must have moved and bumped against his father's hand.

"That's amazing," LaCroix said. His face was alive with emotion.

Nick sat on the couch arm behind LaCroix and put his hand on his father's shoulder. "Yes... It is amazing. Perhaps one day you and Janette could..."

LaCroix stood, fear crossing his face. Suddenly, he turned and ran out of the door and down the steps before Nick could even call after him.

Natalie shook her head sadly. "Nick!" she said, an admonishment in her voice.

"What did I say? They could have a child..."

"Nick, he loved Divia and look what she became. Think of what she did to him and his family. Think how it must have hurt him when he had to destroy her. Don't you think that ripped out his heart?"

Nick shook his head, mentally kicking himself. "I'd better go find him and apologize." He leaned to kiss her, letting his chin rest against her forehead for a moment. He inhaled her scent. It always seemed to calm him. He sucked in a deep breath and went to find LaCroix.

When Nick finally found LaCroix, he was sitting on Joe's big rock. He sat beside him, "Forgive my thoughtless comment?" he asked, leaning until he could rub LaCroix's thin shoulder.

"No, Nick... don't feel bad. The idea is a wonderful one. I just don't know if I could ever have the courage. I didn't love Divia's mother. She was a madam in a house of ill repute."

"Really?" Nick said, his eyebrow raising.

"I was seldom around. I wasn't there to instill any values in the child, and she ran wild. Maybe what happened to Divia was my fault. I wasn't there to keep her safe." "Father, it would be different this time. You know how much Janette would like to have a baby. She never spoke much about it, but when Daniel was with us, she thought of him as her child."

"You are right, Nicholas. She would love to have a baby. Technically, she's only in her middle 20's." He squirmed. "To tell you the truth, the thought of a baby turns me to mush... and the fear overwhelms me. Still, it is something to ponder."

"Come on back to the house, Father. Nat's worried about you, and we need to have breakfast soon because the trainer is coming in an hour."

LaCroix looked at him. "I am looking forward to regaining some control over this body. It will be good to start a regimen of training." He laughed a rare laugh and looked sternly at Nick. "Nicholas, I forbid you to laugh at me when I falter and, perhaps, fall on my butt."

Nick grinned at him and pretended to close his lips with an invisible zipper. "Not a word," he said. He grabbed LaCroix by the arms, and they headed back to the house.

End Chapter 14


By Jeannie Ecklund Gersknightlady@cs.com





Inner Fire and the Light 15-16
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