Dear Dain  I think the story you wrote was great it didn’t have much of a plot, but I loved the part with the boss and Jarod, lol. that was great. You could make the story longer and talk more about the plot but other than that it was perfect. Sincerely Steven Hey Steve,         I totally agree with you about how I could of made it longer.  But I got in trouble for making it as long as it is now!  Did you know there was a limit!!!!  Thanks for the response.  P.S: If you liked mine you should read my buddy's (Robert Purdie) which is called "Max Power: Nuclear Strike"! Adios Amigo, Dain Dear Dain This is a fine piece of work.  It started off fast paced and interesting.  It was almost too long for my tastes, though (I like the shorts books, lot of pictures).  The dialogue is effective.  Good job, dude.  It's a good story. Ryan StBrendan CES writes: Dain,     Firstly I'd like to point out the main positive points in your story: *Great Description *Excellent punctuation (esp. speech reference) and *Written as though someone is talking (great technique)  The only thing is, you give no evidence of, and I didn't even realize it was written 'in the future' theme until the mention of a hover car in the seventh paragraph. However, overall it was a solid and good story. -Kendelle- Dear Kendelle,       Thanks for responding!  I see your point about not knowing my story was set in the future.  Should I add a prolouge? Adios Amigo, Dain Dear Kendelle - Just wanted to thank for this and the other thoughtful responses you're giving the students. Really valuable feedback; many thanks! Rhea T. Hey Dain I loved your stories it was so breath taking please send me a copy of your book when your famous!!!!!!!!!!!!!!                                                      from:Nathan