This was part of a lyrics wheel challenge and takes place circa season 5, with Keller never being sent to death row.

Toby tried not to laugh as Chris fiddled with the tape recorder.  He was on guard duty outside the pod, making sure no one burst in while Chris used the contraband device.  Of course, Toby was spending most of his time watching Chris, who at the moment was looking decidedly unamused.  Toby knew Chris thought this was all a big waste of time, but it was important to him.  And not just because he wanted to be able to hear Chris's voice when he left this place, though that was a big part of it.

It was more than that - he was trying to learn everything he could about his lover, before the justice system that had brought them together, wrenched them apart.  Maybe permanently.

Toby flinched at that thought.  Once he got out, he would make it his mission to find a way to get Chris's sentence reduced.  For now, his mission was stifling his laughter at the glare Chris was sending his way.  He seemed to have finally gotten the hang of the tape recorder, at least.

Toby felt himself flush as Chris's glare turned to a sly smile and then a piercing, laserbeam leer.  He could feel himself getting hard under the erotic gaze.  He was tempted to go in there, toss the tape recorder down himself and put that wicked Keller tongue to much better use.

An approaching Ryan O'Reily snapped Toby back to reality, however.  The last thing they needed was O'Reily figuring out they had a piece of technology that he might somehow be able to utilize.

"You and K-boy having another tiff?"

"What makes you ask that?"

"Well, it's just days away from your big farewell, and you're out here, reading… whatever the fuck it is you're always reading.  And Keller's in there… um, talking to himself, looks like."  Beecher stood up, purposefully dropping his book in order to divert O’Reily’s attention.  Ryan turned back around just as Toby bent to pick it up.  "Yeah - no thanks, Beecher.  You might be getting out of here, but I have to live with Keller for the next fifty years.  So as tempting as your ass might be to some…"

"Wow, O'Reily - you reconsidering your options?" Beecher laughed, retrieving his book and sitting again.

"I don't think so."

"I don't know - fifty years is along time," Toby teased, enjoying Ryan's discomfort.

"Yeah, whatever.  Just tell me if you two are gonna put us all through one last round of 'He fucks me, he loves me not' before you get sprung."

"Your concern is touching, but I'm afraid there's no betting action here, O'Reily.  Keller and I - we're great.  In fact, things are better than ever."

Flashing Toby a look of contempt and what might have been a flicker of envy, Ryan just shook his head.

"You don't believe me?"

"Oh, I'm sure things are great for you, Beecher.  But for K-boy?  No way. This is like the end of the fuckin' universe for him."

"What - did he say something to you?" Toby asked, dismayed.  He'd attempted, in vain, to get Chris to talk about his impending parole, but the other man refused to dwell on it.

"Who am I - Dear Fuckin' Abby?" Ryan rolled his eyes.  "Come on, Beecher.  It doesn't take a genius to figure out that the guy is gonna totally lose it when you leave.  I just want to make sure I avoid the fallout."

"Magnanimous to the very end, O'Reily."

"Fuck magnanimous.  That's a one-way ticket to the morgue.  Hey, it's been real, Beecher, but I got business to take care of."  Ryan abruptly ended the conversation, spotting a client motioning him from under the stairwell.  "Later."

"Yeah, later," Toby muttered, sinking down into his chair, resuming Keller-watch, trying not to think about Ryan's ominous words and hoping this wasn't just the latest in a series of bad ideas.

Toby saw Chris had stopped the tape again.  He seemed to be struggling to hold back his emotions.  Just let it go - that's what I want, Toby thought.  Please, Chris, let me in.  He tried to give him an encouraging smile from beyond the glass.

Toby watched, intrigued, as Chris's expression changed from weary to wanton, and his hand moved from the recording device to the front of his pants.  'How does he do that?' Toby wondered, for what seemed like the thousandth time.  One minute, Chris could be angry, confused, vulnerable, then seconds later, he was like a stick of sexual dynamite, lit up and ready to explode.  And take everything in his path with him.

Chris had forgotten all about the tape recorder now - lost to the fantasy of Toby's mouth on his dick, even as the subject of his fantasy watched from beyond the glass, his own dick stiffening as he watched the erotic display.  Chris threw his head back on the pillow, willing Toby to blink, to come in and make fantasy blissful reality.  Now, while they still had the chance to touch each other, when it was only glass that separated them.  Not miles and walls, distance or disinterest.

"Chris, what the hell do you think you're doing?" Toby huffed, standing at the foot of the bed to shield Chris from the prying eyes of the Em City faithful.  There was no one hanging on the couches just outside the pod, but anyone in the common area could have seen in.

"Has it been that long, Toby?  You used to love to watch me jerk off."

“What an ego,” Toby snorted even as his breath quickened.

“I don’t know,” Chris grinned, holding his dick. “I think it could get bigger with a little stroking…”

Toby wanted to groan at the bad pun, but his gaze was riveted to Chris’s dick and hands. He couldn’t seem to move – or speak.

“Oh jesus …” he finally rasped, appreciating the results of Chris’s self-ministration: his throbbing, erect cock pushing its way past the slit in his boxers, slick and slippery with a mixture of spit and pre-cum, red, ripe and ready. Toby felt his own dick harden impossibly. He closed his eyes, trying to will his erection away by mentally calculating the minutes until lights out. Before he knew it, Keller had moved to the end of the mattress. Toby looked down to see his own erection right in line with Chris's mouth. He tried to object, but he was powerless to stop Chris. And in truth, he really didn't want to.

“Please, Chris, don’t…”

“Don’t what, Toby?” Chris asked, double-checking to be sure that no one was peeking in before slowly, tantalizingly, releasing Toby’s erection from the confining pants.

“Stop.”

“Don’t stop? Whatever you say, Beech.”

“Chris…”

"Don't worry, baby.  Just stand right there, and try not to wiggle your ass too much.  No one can see me but you.  But hold on, because I'm just getting started."  Chris gave Toby's cock a gentle squeeze, swirling his tongue along the tip, lapping up the salty liquid already gathering there.  He held onto the shaft, teasing and toying with Toby, who groaned impatiently.

"Something the matter, Toby?  You don't like my technique?"

"No, no, it's just - someone might see."

"I guess we should stop then," Chris bluffed, dropping his hands, withdrawing his tongue and sitting back on the bed.

"Get back here and finish what you started," Toby commanded, though it came out as more of a plea.

"Is that an order?"

"You bet your sweet ass it is."

"You’re confusing me, Toby.” Chris grinned devilishly, even though Toby couldn’t see him. “Stop, start, rewind. Oh - is that what you meant? You want me to finish those questions you left me?  I got through a bunch of them, but I can try to find where I left off…"

"Keller, if you don't shut your mouth and suck my cock…"

"Beecher, I can't shut my mouth and suck your cock. Didn’t they teach you anything at Harvard?”

Toby was determined to erase the smug smirk he knew was there, even if he couldn't see it. He shoved his cock past the other man’s slick lips.  Chris deep-throated Toby, then began gently sucking on him.  After a few seconds, Chris drew off.

"Tell me what you want, Toby.  I'll do anything, but I want to hear you say it."

“I want your mouth on my dick right now,” Toby declared forcefully, now unconcerned with who might see or hear.

“And what do you want me to do with my mouth?” Chris whispered, his breath heating Toby’s already fevered dick.

“I want you to do that thing you do, where I can feel my cock hitting the back of your throat, and my balls slapping your chin and just when it feels like I’m all the way down your throat…”

“I do this?” Chris responded, nearly swallowing him whole, nearly bringing Toby to his knees. Toby felt Chris’s arm encircle his waist, drawing him closer to the bed frame, easing Toby’s cock further into his mouth.

“Fuck, yes!” Toby answered. He wondered if that came out as loudly as it rang in his own ears. Toby clung to the top bunk with all his might, trying to keep himself upright as he fucked Chris’s mouth, pushing his cock in and out, feeling Chris’s lips and tongue and teeth work their delicious magic.

Toby had abandoned all thought of anything outside this pod, this moment, this fuck. His dick was throbbing almost as hard as his heartbeat. He wanted it to last forever, but he knew it couldn’t. Chris was running this show. And Toby’s cock would do whatever Chris’s tongue commanded.

He moaned as Chris withdrew his mouth one last time. “What do you want now, Toby?” he teased, gently licking Toby’s aching member.

“I want to come, in your mouth. And I want you to swallow it all.”

“What are you waiting for? Do it!” Chris commanded, lowering his head one last time and effortlessly engulfing Toby’s cock. One flick of Chris's tongue, and a gentle squeeze on his balls and Toby came in a torrent, unloading wave after wave into Chris’s willing throat.

Toby remained standing, clutching at the blankets on the top bunk, even as Chris lay back on the lower bunk. “You just gonna stand there, Toby? Why don’t you come down here and join me?”

“Okay,” Toby nodded absently, still not moving.

Chris scooted to the end of the bed and ran his hands up and down Toby’s back and legs, soothing him and slowly drawing him down to the mattress.

Toby finally exhaled as he lay back on the pillows. Chris continued to stroke his back and face, feeling Toby relax in his embrace. He leaned down and captured Toby's lips in a soft kiss, slowly increasing the pressure and the passion. After a few more breathless moments, a faint clicking sound brought Toby out of his haze. When he opened his eyes, he realized exactly where they were. And what they’d just done.

"What the fuck? Did we just fuck in the middle of the day, in the middle of our pod, with all of Em City looking on?”

“Not exactly,” Chris drawled. “You got a blowjob, but I’m still waiting for my turn.” He pushed himself into Toby, his erection brushing Beecher’s thigh.

“Cut the shit, Chris.”

“Oh, sure – you got yours, so I can just go screw myself, huh? If you recall, that’s what I was doing when you came in and distracted me.”

“I distracted you – right. You knew that show you were putting on would draw me in here.” Something in Chris's relaxed, cocky tone unnerved Toby. He hated it when Chris manipulated him so easily. Well, there was still a small part of him that thought he should hate it – or at least try to resist it.

“Can I help it if you’re easily seduced?”

“That’s been your ace in the hole right from the beginning, Keller. I just can’t believe I keep falling for it,” Toby snapped, knowing the impact his words would have. He regretted it almost instantly, wasn’t even sure why he’d said it. But he wasn’t going to back down from it.

"What the fuck is that supposed to mean?"

"You know exactly what it means."

"But I don't know why you're bringing it up now."

"If not now, when? I'm not going to be here much longer – aren't we ever going to talk about it?"

"Talk about what?"

"Me, you – Operation Toby. How this all – how we - got started."

"Jesus, Toby, you really know how to kill the mood," Chris sighed, pulling away. He started to get up, but Toby pulled him back.

"Where are you going, Chris? I want to talk about this."

"And what if I don't?"

"You never want to talk about anything."

"Are you kidding me, Toby? I never talked so much in my whole life as I have with you. You make my ex-wives look like mutes."

Toby laughed – he did have to grant Chris that one. The lawyer in him hadn't been completely erased by five years in Oz. "But usually it's me doing all the talking, Chris. Unless you're relating your past exploits – or talking dirty," he added, trying to lighten the dark tone he knew he had set.

"What else do you want from me, Toby? I'm not a lawyer. And I don't feel the need to talk everything to death."

“But you do need to talk about some things, Chris. At least, I wish you would.”

"Like what?"

"I don't know – your family, your dreams. The past. The future."

"You need me to say it, out loud? I don't have any dreams. I never have. This – whatever this is – between me and you? It’s nothing I ever thought was possible. And I know it’s going to be over soon. I got no future, Toby. You do, and I’m happy for you, I swear. But you can’t expect me to sit here and plan for some future that ain’t never gonna happen. Jesus, Toby," Chris sighed. "This isn't fucking high school. It's Oz."

"I know that, Chris, but…"

"But what? That's all there is."

"So when you think about the future, Oz is all you see?"

"I don't fucking think about the fucking future, Toby. How many times do I have to say that?"

"You don't think about me – about us?"

Chris finally wrenched out of Toby's grasp and jumped up from the bunk. He walked to door of the pod and leaned his forehead on the cold, transparent glass.

Toby could see the tension and frustration in Chris’s body. When Toby had come into the pod earlier, Chris was relaxed, playful, sexy. Then he’d given Toby the blowjob of a lifetime. In return, Toby had managed to completely deflate Chris's mood, not to mention his erection. ‘How the hell do I do that,’ Toby wondered for probably the millionth time.

He got up from the bed and approached Chris slowly. One thing he had learned was that Chris hated being cornered. Almost as much as he hated being handled. Toby was going to have to play this just right.

“Chris, I’m sorry…” he began, gently massaging the fierce knots in Keller’s back and shoulders. Encouraged when Chris didn’t pull away, he whispered, “We don’t have to talk about any of this. In fact, you were right. Let’s not talk at all.” He boldly snaked his hand to the front of Chris’s boxers, heedless of the potential prying eyes of Em City’s finest, and slid his hand inside, in an eerily similar gesture to that long-ago night when Chris awkwardly tried to seduce him out of his pain.

It was no more successful this time. But Chris didn’t yell or push Toby off him. Instead, he released a weary laugh.

“What’s next, Beecher? You gonna say, ‘Let’s fuck’?”

Toby pulled his hand away and stepped back. This time he was stung by the unwanted reminder of times past.

“I might not want to talk about all that old shit, but I sure as fuck don’t want to repeat it,” Chris declared, turning to face Toby. His eyes were sad, resigned almost. “So come on, let’s get this over with.”

“What?” Toby asked, bewildered. “You want to fuck now?”

“No, Toby, I don’t want to fuck. I did, but, as usual, what I want doesn’t really matter. You want to talk – let’s talk.”

“Chris – this isn’t what I want. I want you to want to talk to me.”

The sudden sound of Chris’s fist pounding the glass wall interrupted Toby’s plea.

“I can’t do everything you want me to do, just because you want it, Toby. I’ve tried, so hard, to be what you need in here. Since I came back from Cedar Junction, especially. I know you need to talk things out, to see something from every possible angle before you act. And I love the way your mind works, Toby. It might be the thing I love the most about you. But I am just not like that.

“But for this one time, I will try. I will give it a shot. For you. I owe you that much. Because I am a guilty man, and I can’t believe the things I’ve done to you. So I’ll let you root around in my brain, I’ll let you in. Even though everything in me is screaming not to.”

“Okay,” Toby agreed. It was all he could say – Chris seemed to be on his own journey, and Toby wasn’t sure he could stop him from taking it even if he wanted to. Which he suddenly did – seeing the look of sadness and resignation in Chris’s dark blue gaze.

“You want to know why I don’t want to talk about Operation Toby, why I never wanted to talk about it? Because I don’t even like thinking about it, remembering how I hurt you, how I almost lost you forever because I was too afraid to stand up to Schillinger, to admit that you got to me, that I loved you – that I could love anyone.

“I've been dreading this moment. I always wondered why you never asked me about it, but I knew you would. You analyze everything to death, but you left this one alone.”

“Well, you’ve never asked me how I could have accused you of killing Gary."

"Because I know why," Chris answered definitively, drawing a questioning look. "Toby, you believed it because it made sense. You were scared and hurt and everyone around you told you that I was no good for you, that I was no good at all. And in your heart, because of Operation Toby, you thought the same thing. You thought I was capable of anything, except really loving you.”

Toby swallowed hard, determined not to flinch from this, even though it was killing him to hear it. Especially because it was true.

"And you know, basically, they were right. You were right. I am no good. The only good thing I have done in my life is love you. And I haven’t done a very good job of that.”

“That’s not true, Chris, none of it. And I won’t let you say that.”

“Then why are we talking about all this, if you don’t believe that, on some level? You have no idea how much it scares me that you’re bringing up all this shit now. What was one of those questions on that stupid list you asked me to fill out – what is my greatest fear. This, right here, this is it: that in spite of everything else that’s happened, all the things you and I have been through, good and bad, that Operation Toby will be the way you remember me. That nothing I ever do will erase that beginning. In here, when I’m with you every day, and every night, I can remind you of what we have, of how much I love you. I can prove to you that I care.

“But out there – with your family and friends and Agent Taylor and Sr. Pete and Said all whispering in your ear that you should forget about me, that I’m not worth it, that I was never worth it… I just don’t think I can fight that, Toby.

“I know this isn’t gonna last. And I can deal with that. If you leave here and never come back to this shithole, I wouldn’t blame you. I want you to be happy. I want you to get to know your kids again, get to be a father, a lawyer. A husband again, even.”

“Chris…”

“Toby, don’t. You know it’s a possibility. Maybe you’ll meet some cute girl at the grocery store, or you’ll go to a PTA meeting and fall in love with Holly’s math teacher.”

“Cut it out, Chris – that is not going to happen. You really think that I'm so shallow, that I'll forget you that easily, and just fall in love with someone else?”

“Yeah, maybe I do.”

“Why are you being so cruel?”

“Not cruel, Toby. Realistic. You fell in love with me before you knew anything about me. And as much as I’d like to take full credit, you know, my irresistible charm and all, I can’t. You needed, you wanted, to be in love. Christ, look at how fast you fell in love with McClain after I was gone.”

“That’s not fair, Chris.”

“No, it isn’t. But it’s the truth. And I bet you fell in love with Gen just as quickly.”

Toby wanted to deny it, but the truth was, Chris had him pegged. “Well, I guess you’ve had a lot of stuff just burning a hole in your brain. I’m so glad I could get you to talk about it.”

“I warned you, Toby. You can’t push me to talk and then get mad when you don’t like what I have to say.”

“Sure I can,” Toby sniffed.

“Yeah, I guess you can,” Chris laughed, though his smile never reached his eyes. “You can do whatever you want, Toby. Once you’re free, you can forget you ever knew me; you can visit me every week or you can stop by once a year for old time’s sake. I’m not going to ask you to write or visit or remain true, because I don’t have that right.”

“You have every right, Chris. If the situations were reversed, and you were leaving, would you expect me to just give you up, to be okay if you never looked back, never saw me again.”

“I wouldn’t do that.”

“But I will?”

“I don’t know, Toby. You want me to be honest – you want the truth? I can’t think about the future because I can’t see you in it. And that kills me. So I’d rather live in the present, and prove to you every way I can, that I love you.

“And when you’re gone, and they move some other fuck in here with me, and you’re home with your kids and your family and your freedom, then I will have one hope, one wish: that you won’t look back on all of this and hate me. That some part of you, at least, will remember that I did love you once. That I made some big mistakes, but I never stopped loving you. And I never will. No matter where you are or who you are with.”

Chris’s fierce declaration stunned Toby – since Chris usually refused to discuss the future, he’d never pledged his undying love. The fact that it was tempered by an almost complete lack of faith that Toby would reciprocate was glaring But Toby decided to fight that battle another day. He couldn’t blame Chris for being skeptical – he had no reason to believe in Toby’s faithfulness. The only thing that would convince Chris would be Toby’s actions once he was free.

Starting with putting a plan in motion for Chris to be set free. But Toby wouldn’t bring that up. The one subject Chris hated more than Toby’s parole was his possible reduced sentence. As he struggled to find the right thing to say, Chris tried to give Toby some part of what he thought he was looking for.

"I can see you, sitting there, wondering how I could go from loving you to breaking your bones and then back again. I don't have any explanation for it, Toby, not one that will ever satisfy you. Or me. And maybe we should have talked about this a long time ago, but I don't want to talk about it now, when you are just a few days away from leaving me."

"I'm not leaving you, Chris."

"Yeah, Toby, you are. And maybe you need to remember how it all began, so you can live with the idea that it's going to end, but I just can't. I can't stay here with you and spend our last days together rehashing all the reasons you have to forget about me, to hate me. Maybe that makes me a coward – wouldn't be the first time."

"You are not a coward, Chris. You are the bravest, strongest man I've ever met."

"Now who’s saying things just to make the other guy shut up?"

"That’s not what I’m doing, Chris. Why can't you believe that? You say you love me, that I'm the best thing that ever happened to you. But you refuse to believe that it's the same for me."

"I just don't see how that's possible."

"But it is more than possible – it’s a fact. And I’m sorry that bringing up all this old baggage has made you doubt that. I forgave you for all that a long time ago, Chris. And you’re right – I probably won’t ever be able to forget it. I don’t even think I want to. It’s a part of us now. But it is in the past. And on the list of things that I will always remember about you, it doesn’t even make the top hundred.”

“Don’t lie to me, Toby. If it was in the past, why are we still talking about it?”

“I’m not fucking lying to you, Chris. We’re talking about it because my mouth runs faster than my brain sometimes, and because I saw an opening and decided to use it, to try to get to you. It was selfish and foolish and incredibly ungrateful, given the fact that you’d just given me the best blowjob of my life.”

“Flattery ain’t gonna get you out of this, Beecher.”

“It’s not flattery if it’s true, Keller.”

“Yeah? I guess you owe me, then.”

“Now that is an understatement.”

“What are you gonna do about it?”

“You’ll see. But first, I just have to say this. No, wait, don’t get pissed off. I need to say it, and you need to hear it. I know you think our being together doesn't make any sense. And maybe it doesn’t, I don’t know. What I do know is the only thing that makes less sense is us being apart. Sometimes, I wonder how you can even look at me, at everything I've cost you, every way I've hurt you, and still love me. But I know you do. It's the same for me, Chris, it just is. You have to believe that. We can forget about all of this other shit, we don't ever have to talk about it again. But I won't let go of this one thing. I love you. I loved you yesterday, I will love you tomorrow. And the next day. And the day after that. And the day after…"

"Okay, okay – I get it."

"Don’t say that just to make me shut up."

Chris laughed, more genuinely this time. "Have I ever really been able to get you to shut up, Beech?"

"Well, there's always been one surefire way to get me to stop talking. If my mouth is otherwise engaged, you know…"

"Otherwise engaged? Is that lawyerese for 'filled with my cock'?"

"I think so. But it's been a long time since I practiced. Why don't you lie down and see if I remember what to do."

"Oh, I think it'll all come back to you."

"It better – you better," Toby said huskily, holding his hand out to Chris and dragging him down to the bottom bunk. Just as they lay back on the mattress, a hack went running by, frantically radioing for back-up.

"Christ, for a little while there, it was like we had the whole place to ourselves. What the hell's going on out there – first we fuck, then we fight, and no one even notices."

"Must be losing our appeal. Maybe somewhere Poet and Said are getting it on."

"Chris!"

"Okay – Busmalis and Rebadow?"

"Eww – make that image go away."

"I don't know, Toby, it's pretty hot. Longtime podmates, cut off from the outside world, turn to each other for the one thing they can't find…"

Chris's lurid tale of senior love was stifled by the crush of Toby's mouth against his own, Toby's tongue quieting Chris's words while stoking his desire. Toby pushed Chris onto his back and began a slow, sensuous exploration of his body. He knew he hadn't quite convinced Chris of his emotional fidelity. He didn't want to leave any doubt of the physical devotion.

Toby kissed and licked and caressed his way across Chris's hard body, drawing a series of increasingly loud moans and requests from his lover. "Don't stop, baby. I want to feel all of you. Fuck, yeah," he gasped as Toby finally took him in his mouth. And then promptly withdrew.

"Toby – why'd you stop," Chris almost whined.

"You can't yell like that, Chris. The hacks might be distracted, but you know they'll be back. Try to be discreet."

"I'll try, baby, but when you run that wicked tongue over my…aah!" Chris moaned again, though more softly this time.

"Almost, but not quiet enough. Maybe you should think about Rebadow and Busma…"

This time it was Toby's words cut off as Chris pushed his dick into Toby's throat, longing to feel his hot, wet mouth, aching for his own release. And Toby didn't disappoint, stroking and sucking Chris to a heart-pounding orgasm.

When it was over, he lay back down next to Chris. They shared a deep, passionate kiss, made even more wondrous by the complete lack of hackus interruptus.

Toby almost dozed off until he heard the same clicking sound that had roused him earlier. His eyes flew open, to find Chris smiling at him triumphantly as he waved the tape recorder.

"Chris, put that away."

"Don't you want to hear how we sound?"

"What?" Toby sat straight up, bumping his head on the upper bunk.  "Fuck, Chris, please tell me that thing hasn't been on this whole time."

"Nah." Toby's sigh of relief was short-lived. "I shut it off for the fight. But as soon as you started sucking me off, I turned it on again."

"Jesus, Chris - that's not what the tape was supposed to be for.  I didn't get it so you could record us…"

Chris laughed at Toby's sudden shyness. But he didn't understand it. "What did you get it for, Toby?  I gotta tell you, I don't have a clue."

"I got it so, I don't know, so we could be closer."

"Closer?  If we were any closer, we'd be surgically attached," Chris joked, pressing himself into Toby's side.

"You know what I mean, Chris.  I just want you to open up to me."

"You always say that, Toby.  You know I've never let anyone in the way you are.  I open up to you every time I let you fuck me."

"I don't mean like that."

"But how much further can I let you in, Toby?  I've given you everything I have.  I guess it isn't enough."

Chris's plaintive tone snapped Toby out of his silly snit over the tape. "You're right, Chris. It's not enough. It will never be enough."

"I guess that's that, then," Chris shrugged, more confused than ever. He started to pull away, but Toby gripped him tightly.

"Chris, listen to me. I wanted you to make this tape so I could carry you with me when I leave here. So that when I'm all alone at night, I can hear your voice, feel your presence. So that even when I'm not with you, you can still make me laugh – or scream. But we could make a hundred tapes, I could ask you a thousand questions about everything from your favorite color to your biggest regret, and it would never be enough. I can't get enough of you, Chris. That's what this was about.

"I never want to stop knowing you, learning about you, discovering you. In my own stupid way, I was trying to let you go without giving you up."

Toby's heartfelt admission moved Chris almost to tears. "Toby, I don't know what to say…"

"Tell me you forgive me, tell me you love me, tell me you understand."

Chris told him all of that, and more, with a fierce, fiery kiss that left them both breathless.

And then their lost afternoon was abruptly ended by the reappearance of the hacks, as well as the rest of the Em City regulars.

"Back to reality," Chris sighed, reluctantly releasing Toby from his embrace. He got up but before leaving the pod, turned to Toby one more time. "You know, Toby, someday, if you really want to talk about all this again, maybe we can try. Just give me a little warning, okay?”

“Okay,” Toby nodded, amazed at the continuing power of Christopher Keller to amaze.

“But I need you to make me a promise.”

"Anything, Chris.” He waited, as Chris's serious gaze turned sultry and he tossed Toby the tape recorder.

"Make me a copy."

Band: Filter

Song Title: Captain Bligh

Album: Title of Record

-

I'll give you one good tiny reason I think you could believe it

I'll give you one good tiny reason I think you could see through it

I'm not the kind of man that thinks the truth could hurt me

I'm not the kind of man that thinks the truth can see me

You know a little bit goes a long way

You know a little bit lasts a long time

And the time has come to undo the wrong I've done

I am a grieving man

I can't believe the things I've done to you

I am a guilty man

And I can't believe the things I've done to you

I give you one good tiny reason to push that big suit too far

I give you one good tiny reason to smash him and his big car

Everybody thinks I'm blue and what everybody thinks is true yeah

I just can't keep it inside

So you think it's you

So you think it's true

You know a little bit lasts a long time

You know a little bit goes a long way

And the time has come to undo the wrong I've done

And I am a grieving man

I can't believe the things I've done to you

I am a beaten man

I can't believe the things I've done to you

And I am blood-soaked man

I can't believe the things I've done to you

I am a guilty man

I can't believe the things I've done to you

And I am a grieving man

I can't believe the things I've done to you

I am a beaten man

I can't believe the things I've done to you

(unintelligible gibberish)

I've tried to pray (x3)

Yes I will give it a shot (x3)