A Love Diary Chapters 11-15

Chapter 11

Kristen read on. She was curious how her father handled it when other men paid her attention.

Dear Diary,
I talked to my sister today and she told me that she had sold Deception to Damien Smith and he had in return sold it to Katherine. I went to Lucy and told her. She was upset about it as well. Katherine and Lucy are enemies. After I got done at Deception I went to L&B to find Sonny and Lois listening to the Idle Rich. Sonny was pissed at me for not letting him know that Eddie was there because he wanted to meet him. I told him that I had tried to call him but his phone was busy. That of course was a lie and he busted me immediately saying that he had call waiting. I told him angrily that I didn't like being called a liar and he told me that he didn't like being lied to. We kissed and made up and that is when Ned and Lois walked in. Sonny went somewhere and came back later. That is when Miguel and I were dancing and he saw it. He warned Miguel and I to break it up but we didn't heed his warning. Sonny rushed over and flung me out of the way; he grabbed Miguel by his shirt and pushed him up against the wall. Sonny said something in Spanish to him. I don't know what was said but Lois and I had to break the fight up. Miguel stormed out saying that he quits. Lois was angry and stormed out and told me to handle him. Sonny told me to stay away from him right now. He angrily told me that he didn't like the way that Miguel had his hands all over me. He asked me if I called what we were doing dancing and I told him that I did. I told him that I didn't like his jealous streak. He called it to my attention that I had said differently the other day. He seems insane with jealousy whenever I'm around Miguel and I don't like it one bit. I'm sick of him being possessive of me. I informed him that Miguel had a lost love named Lily. He calmed down and went to apologize to Miguel. I was on my way into the outback when Sonny was coming out. He said that he had apologized and asked me if I was satisfied. I wasn't satisfied until his lips met mine in a passionate kiss.

Kristen read on. She had heard from Lois that her father was jealous when other men paid my mother any attention what so ever. She read on.'

Dear Diary,
Today was an interesting day. I went to the Outback thinking that maybe Sonny might have mentioned going out of town to Miguel. I had been looking everywhere for Sonny and I had no idea where he was. Sonny showed up on the night that Miguel would be singing at the Outback. Sonny had gone down to Puerto Rico to see if he could get Lily, Miguel's former girlfriend to come to town. He brought me back a beautiful coral necklace that he got for me while he was there. I loved it diary. Miguel wasn't too happy when he found out that I had told Sonny about Lily. He felt that I had betrayed him. We made up and became friends again though.

Kristen skipped a few diary entries because she wanted to find out about the violent fight that her mother and father had when her mother cut off her hair.

Dear Diary,
Today was both a good and bad day. Here's what happened. I went over to Sonny's with the movie Sleepless in Seattle. I started talking about L&B with Sonny and he told me that we were going to make a pact and stop talking business. I agreed with him and we started making out. Luke and Laura's dog Spencer came in and scared me half to death. I laughed at myself and started talking baby talk and cuddling with Spencer. Sonny wanted the dog to go in the other room so that we could make love. I told him to let him stay and that we could all watch the movie together. We all cuddled up on the bed and Sonny told me about this dog that he had hid from his stepfather when he was a child. After he told me about that I brought up Miguel's name and Sonny didn't like that too much. He said that we had agreed not to discuss business. We had agreed but it really wasn't about business it was about Miguel's personal life. Sonny said that I don't know how to leave stuff alone and I told him that he wasn't being fair. He told me to shut up. He called me little girl and that really set me off diary. I grabbed my hair and told him that I wasn't about just my looks that he had to take what's inside of me too. He got up off the bed and walked over to his desk. I followed him and I told him to say something meaning tell me how he feels about me. He didn't so I picked up a pair of scissors and started to cut my hair off. I started getting hysterical at that point and he tried to comfort me but I was still telling him to say something to me. He told me to get out diary and that hurt a lot. I left and went to the Gatehouse. Lois came in and saw me crying on the sofa. Thank God for Lois, she gave me a decent looking haircut. Lois told me that Sonny's stepfather was in some form abusive towards him and that she thinks that Sonny's in love with me but doesn't realize it yet. I called Sonny and told him that I needed to see him because I couldn't leave things the way they were between us. He agreed and I went over to his place. We talked and he told me a little bit about his controlling stepfather. He told me that he wants to adore me and that he never wants to hurt me. We kissed very passionately and made up. We headed to the Outback to hear Miguel sing. You wouldn't believe who showed up diary? Lily showed up when Miguel was right in the middle of his song. She ran out before the end of the song though. Miguel has been frantically trying to find her. I hope that he finds her for his sake.

That was a bad fight but Kristen was glad that her parents had made up. Her and Michael never fought like that. Well, almost never.

Chapter 12

Kristen sat there, continuing to read her mother's diary. She noticed that the first word in the sentence was Lily. She was finally at the good stuff, the beginning of her mother's emotions regarding her father and Lily. Maybe they weren't together yet in this entry but, in time they would be and she would get to read about her mom's rage towards Lily and her determination to get him back. This was just the beginning.

Dear Diary,
Lily is officially back in Miguel's life. The happy couple showed up at Sonny's apartment, they were both glowing. Lily seems like a really sweet, intelligent girl. I think that we can be friends. Lily immediately wanted to know who Sonny knew that had more power than her father, considering that he caved in and let Sonny see her in Puerto Rico. Sonny went on to say that the powerful man is Frank Smith and how he is in a semi retirement, especially with the Port Charles operations. And also that he has very little to do with him, which made me take a sigh or relief and Sonny smiled at me as he said it, noticing the relief on my face, almost immediately. He went on to say that once Frank gave his blessing it was in a sense protection for all of us. Lily brought up the issue of nobody owning Miguel and Sonny reassured her that the only person that owned him was himself. Miguel and Lily were so relieved. After they left and it was just Sonny and I again, I let Sonny know how his association with Frank Smith, just the mention of his name, makes me uneasy. Sonny got defensive and said that there was nothing to worry about. Sonny thinks that I need to be more of an optimist. He promised me that if Frank Smith were to be killed that there would be a minor fall out, but things would quickly settle down. That didn't set my mind at ease, I'm still so uncomfortable with this entire situation. And to tell you the truth Diary, I don't even understand all of this. I've never been with somebody that has underworld ties. Sonny went on to voice his annoyance of my constant questioning of his ties to Frank Smith, telling me that he promised me that L&B would be clean and that he did not want to have to repeat it again. The truth is, that I'm worried that he is in danger, I am in love with him, I would die if anything were to happen to him, he doesn't know that I love him, but I do. I went on and asked him if he could do me a favor and him being the romantic that he is, told me that I could have anything I want, even if it was the sky or the moon. I mentioned how much I was dreading going to Katherine's birthday party and asked him if he would go with me. He wasn't too thrilled with the idea, until I brought up the fact that he could get in her face, of course after I said that, he couldn't resist. He is so irresistible, I am so completely head over heels in love of him and I can't ever see myself falling out of love with him.

After reading that entry, Kristen was intrigued and wanted to read about Katherine's birthday party, She had been told by Michael that Lois had crashed the party.

Dear Diary,
What a fucking nightmare. I can't believe I let Ned Ashton coerce me into keeping his dirty secret. My best friend is beyond pissed at me for betraying her. My boyfriend doesn't trust me anymore, he thinks I'm a fucking liar, although he forgives me and thinks that he can fix the problem between Lois and I all by himself. I guess I should start at the beginning. Sonny and I arrived at the Outback at 7:15. I spent most of the evening worried that Lois was going to burst in at any moment, she had been acting strange lately, and I informed Ned of that before all this shit happened. He told me not to worry because in a couple of days this entire fiasco would be over, Yeah right! I never really relaxed, at points I was on the brink of panic attacks. I was able to hide it from Sonny, although he thought something was up. In just a few minutes he was about to know everything. I was sitting with Sonny at the bar when all of the sudden Katherine's cake came out, and boy did we all get the surprise of our lives when someone popped out of the cake, that someone being Lois. She exclaimed to the shocked and humiliated Katherine, "Happy Birthday Mrs. Ned Ashton, from the other Mrs. Ned Ashton!" Ned and Lois got into it, she will never forgive him, or so she says. Sonny asked me if I knew about it and the guilty expression that I had on my face told him that I did. I went back to the gatehouse and Lois and I had words, she will never forgive me for this, and to tell you the truth, I don't think I deserve it. After Lois left Sonny showed up and screamed at me, giving me another one of those fucking lectures that I hear from Lila all the time. Only his lecture went on to say that if you can't trust your business partners than who can you trust, and how I should have told him everything. I told him that his life wasn't exactly a fucking open book, which he didn't like one bit and paid me back immediately. I asked him if he wanted me out of the company and he said that the only reason he got into the company was for me. I melted immediately, and he did too, because the next thing I knew we were in each other's arms kissing passionately. I'm so relieved that he didn't take off and leave just like everybody else in my life does, my father, my sister, Lois...I don't know what I would do if Sonny were to leave me.

The last part of the entry where her dad forgave her mother, Kristen wondered why he couldn't forgive her for the wire. He forgave her so easily for this. But knowing her father and how stubborn he could be, could she really doubt that he couldn't forgive her mother for her deceit during the wire.

Chapter 13

"There it is," Said Kristen, as she pointed to the page that contained a heart with her mothers name and her fathers with a jagged line drawn between the names to seperate them, it definitely represented their breakup. She looked down to read the heartbreaking entry.

Dear Diary,

I feel like my life is one big horror story, a story that just keeps going and going like the energizer bunny. It's over. IT'S OVER! I keep trying to tell myself that, but it doesn't work, no matter what I do, no matter what I say, it keeps going back to the same thing.
I'm still in love with Sonny. I know that it has only been a day since we broke up, but I can't see myself ever not loving Sonny. I was too upset to write last night so, after a long, sleepless night, I'm writing my feelings down. Some say that writing your feelings down is therapeutic. We shall see diary. I never should have let Ned, Lois, Mac or the Port Charles Police Department talk me into betraying the only person that has ever loved me unconditionally. That just goes to show you how incredibly fucked up I am. I guess I shouldn't keep you in suspense any longer about how it all went down. After I left L&B I headed to the Outback to tell Mac that I was having second thoughts about wearing the wire. I am such a fucking idiot, I should have flat out refused to wear the wire, but in the end my pride ended up getting the best of me. I'll never do that again. After talking to Mac, I went home to talk to Sonny. Sonny was acting weird, I should have known that somebody had tipped him off, but I was just too blind to see how he was acting. But then again, how could I have sensed it, when the only thing I could sense or hear was the sound of my own pulsating heartbeat. I don't think I've ever been this terrified in my entire life, but then again, I've never known anybody quite like Sonny Corinthos. I guess I will stop rambling on with a bunch of details that you probably don't care to know, and get on with the important shit. When I got home, there was no sound, I found myself calling out to Sonny. I rushed into the bedroom, after finally getting an answer. Sonny was in there trying to pick out which suit he wanted to wear. He asked for my opinion and I told him. He started acting weird, rummaging through my purse, even after I asked him if his mother had ever told him that going through a womans purse was a big no no. He was so loving, so attentive, but that was about to change. I started asking him about his associates, mainly Rivera and then this is where things started to go off course. He went on about how he had never let any other woman in, like he had me, and how he had loved me and thought that I loved him. I didn't even hear the fact that he was speaking in past tense, not present tense. He was crying, diary, I only saw him cry once before, and I hate it when he cries so that's all it took for me. I started crying, telling him that I do love him. I got so emotional that I ended up dropping the brandy that he had gotten me only a few minutes before. He came over to me, desire apparant in his eyes, but also a sense of sadness. We started kissing, oh my god it was so intense. That's when as they say "The shit hit the fan'. Sonny pulled out the wire and went off into a rage, throwing drawers and even a picture of me, taken from one of my Deception modeling shoots. He then threw me out. I tried to go after him, but he was enraged, I think, he wanted to hit me and he barely managed to stop himself from doing so. He was so enraged, but in the end he stormed out, leaving me to sob by myself. I don't know how I'm going to make it without Sonny, he's been my life for so long.

Tears were flowing from Kristen's dark brown eyes as she finished the entry. Her tears fall on the diary, blurring some of the words, but not so badly that she couldn't read them. Things were just too heartbreaking to continue onto the next entry, so she skips ahead a little bit, thinking that it would get better, but she only discovers that it is worse. Her mother and Miguel had sex, her father seeing them wrapped in towels, and calling her a whore. Ordinarily she would want to skip the heartbreak, but she needed to read about this part.

Dear Diary,

Things just went from bad to worse. What the fuck was I thinking? Sleeping with Miguel? I obviously wasn't thinking. The worst thing about all of this, is that Sonny knows about us. He called me a whore, and you know what diary? He's right. Only a whore would sleep with another man two days after breaking up with somebody, especially somebody that you love so much, you would tear your arm off for hurting. But I ended up hurting him, and I mean I hurt him badly. I never saw him so angry, except for what happened with the wire. What made things a hundred times worse was the fact that Lily was present for this entire showdown. Well diary, that's all for tonight, I'm too upset to write anything more on this subject.

Chapter 14

Kirsten turned the pages, passing the revelation of Robin being HIV Positive, Stone's death and other things that happened during that time period, she had already heard so much about Stone's death and the effect that it had on her parents, especially the effect it had on her father. After reading about the very passionate alley scene, she flips to a day or so later, when her father was waiting for her mother in her room at Kelly's.

Dear Diary,

The tears are flowing, they won't stop. Why...WHY do I continue to let Sonny hurt me like this? I guess you would like to know what went down. As I mentioned in the previous entry, Sonny was arrested. He was arraigned this morning and he didn't have the amount of money that the bail was set at. It looked like he was stuck for the time being. I had the idea of getting my sister to help but in the end I don't do it. While visiting him after the hearing, he refuses to let me bring my sister into this. We both had so much to talk about, but we knew that we couldn't do it while he was incarcerated. I reached across the table and we began to kiss passionately. The fucking guard that was assigned to him, broke us up. And I mean he physically had to pull us apart. I was sobbing as Sonny was led away, still in handcuffs. A couple of hours later I returned home to find Sonny waiting for me. When I turned on the light I was so shocked to see him sitting in my rocking chair. I rushed over to him, kneeled down and embraced him, barely letting him even speak, for I was showering him with kisses. He kept trying to interrupt me. It was almost like he didn't want me to keep on because he knew what he had to say was going to hurt me...and at the same time...the way he was holding on to me so tightly, was like it was killing him to let go. He went on to say that he loves me very much, he has always loved me, but that we can't be together. Don't ask me what the fuck that is supposed to mean diary. Not even two fucking days ago, he had me pinned against the wall outside of Luke's, kissing me passionately, until I felt like I was going to explode. I know he felt the same...for that matter I know he still feels the same. He then left, leaving me more confused than ever. I tried to stop him, I wanted to make love to him so badly, but he wouldn't even let me touch him. He just left, telling me he was sorry, but that it has to be this way. I'm not proud to admit this, but I just starting throwing things and fell to the floor, having a fit big enough for all of Kelly's. Ruby must have thought I was possessed, the way I was carrying on. She rushed upstairs and comforted me. To tell you the truth diary, I don't think anybody can comfort me right now.

Tears were flowing down Kristen's face. Lily definitely had what was coming to her, not with what happened with the car bomb, but what happened with her mothers wedding dress.

Dear Diary,

I bet you're used to my days being a fucking disaster, so this probably will be no surprise to you. I did something I'm not proud of today, something that should have never happened, and it wouldn't have, had it of not been for my curiousity. I just had to see Lily's wedding dress. The wedding dress she was going to wear to marry the man I love in. The power had gone out and I was trying to light a candle. That's when I discovered that I lit Lily's wedding dress on fire! I know, that was horrible of me huh? You probably think that I meant to burn the dress but I promise you that I didn't do it on purpose...Ruby however, thinks that it was done on purpose, she even made me go over to Sonny's and tell him and Lily what I did to the dress. Lily was devastated, and Sonny...well Sonny was just furious...More furious than I have seen him since the wire went down. He called me a spoiled brat and he called me selfish. I can't tell you how much that hurt. I did the good thing by going over and telling them about the dress and even apologizing profusely, and then they call me names and are rude to me. They were out of line. Both of them. You know what? Maybe they deserve each other....then again....maybe not...the only person Sonny belongs to is me.

It just kept getting more and more heartbreaking as she turned the pages. She had just gotten through the pages talking about Sonny and Lily's engagement and the burning of Lily's wedding dress. It hadn't been easy reading about something that had caused her mother so much heartbreak and pain.

Dear Diary,

If you thought my entries after the break up were depressing, you are definitely going to find these words depressing. I feel like somebody has ripped my heart out and torn it into a million pieces, but I don't think I have to tell you that. I know you already know that, however, writing my feelings out on paper and expressing my emotions is like therapy, and I need all the therapy I can get, especially after what I saw today. I had the wonderful honor of watching the man I love marry a woman I despise with every bit of my being. I don't think I've ever been so heartbroken, not even when Jagger married Karen or even after the wire. This is not one of my best moments diary, I hid in the back of a Catholic church and watched a priest marry the man I love...It doesn't get much more pathetic than that. I thought at one point Sonny wasn't going to go through with this hell hole of a marriage, especially when Lily stopped it and gave Sonny a chance to get out of it. I was so hopeful that he would, but my hopes were quickly burned, for he vowed to her that he would be true to her and that he wanted to be the father of her children. I had never felt such a strong urge to throw up, I, however, decided that I must not do that because people would notice me. People would pity me and one thing I do not want is for people to pity me. I am Brenda Barrett, I'm supposed to be able to have whatever I want, whomever I want...but I've lost the one man that means anything to me...and as I listened to Sonny recite his vows to Lily, it sunk in and the tears started to fall. I don't think I've cried this hard in my twenty-one years. I continued to watch, until Sonny and Lily proceeded up the aisle as man and wife. I rushed out of the church, knowing that I had lost the one man that meant everything to me.

Chapter 15

Kristen turned to the next page, which had Jax's phone number written on it.

Dear Diary,

Sonny's still on his honeymoon, I wonder what's he's doing right now...probably making love to Lily on some tropical island... something I don't want to think about, so I'm just going to stop talking about that now. I have been spending a lot of time with Lois and Ned...well actually Ned, because Lois has been off on some Australian Adventure with a handsome guy named Jasper Jacks, called Jax for short. Ned probably thinks I'm a pain in the ass, but he loves me...so he'll put up with it. Lois has finally gotten back home and I've never been so glad to have her back, and Ned...He's very happy that she is home too. I think he wants her help in trying to stop me from self destruction. Lois left with only the love of Ned, but it seems that Jax has taken a liking to her...he has even sent her a ring...oh my god, it's so beautiful. We all agree that she can't keep it though, so guess who Ned recruits to go and return it? That particular honor went to me. I rode up the elevator and knocked on the door of the penthouse, which happens to be right next to the one I lived in with my sister. From the moment he opened the door, Jax was nothing but charming to me. If I wasn't so into Sonny...I might have a crush on him...but we know that the only man I want is Sonny. Jax and I went to lunch and discussed his attraction to Lois, among other things. I found out that Jax knows my sister too, it's a small world, huh diary? I've been so busy today, I've only thought about Sonny two or three hundred times...but that's nothing compared to my thousands of times any other day.

Kristen looked over on the next page. This next entry talked about a trip that her mom was supposed to take with Jax. However, the trip didn't take place due to certain circumstances that her father had been responsible for.

Dear Diary,

I should be furious, and I mean REALLY furious, but I'm not, why is that? I'll tell you why, just in case you are wondering. Sonny Corinthos is responsible for this latest mishap, anybody else I would be furious with, but not Sonny. This is what I've been waiting for. This proves that he still loves me. I was going to fly to Ireland with Jax, but Sonny "I'm so happily married" Corinthos didn't like the thought, so guess what, he stopped the trip. I had been talking to Ruby when a guy from a limo company showed up to escort me, to what was supposed to have been the Port Charles International Airport. But it turned out being a no where street. I got to the point where I thought the limo drive would never end. Towards the end of the ride, I began to think that Sonny was responsible for this and at first I was pissed, but then that's when everything just hit me. When I finally arrived on familiar ground (L&B), I came in pretending to be livid at Sonny, and I must be a really good actress because I had Lois thinking that I was furious with him. After I confessed that I was not pissed off at Sonny, I decided to go confront Sonny over his latest move. When I arrived, I gave him an attitude and he denied the entire thing, that is until I insulted him, by telling him that it was a cheap thing to do and that it basically didn't impress me, and then he went on in humor to say that a limo for the entire day would not be cheap. I told him that he shouldn't have went to such great lengths to keep me away from Jax, not when I still planned on going on the trip. He got this really sad look in his eyes when I told him that he lost me the second that he married Lily, however, I replied that he knew. I don't understand why we couldn't have been friends diary, and I told him that, he got sarcastic again, saying that we couldn't have kept it at just friends. He is right about that though, we could never just be friends. We mean too much to each other. In the end Lily showed up, and diary, you should have heard it. I informed her on what her husband had done and I told her that she had better do something to keep him occupied. She pissed me off when she made a comment about their sex life, and I let her have it by saying "Oh yeah? If that's true, than why does he look so hungry?" I was so proud of myself, I'm still proud of myself. You missed a great scene diary.