Courage

Carly slowly took a step back and soon regretted leaving his lips. She barely was able to speak his name. “Jax...” She took in a shaky breath and closed her eyes as if trying to make herself disappear from her current situation. “I can’t do this...I can’t...I just...I’m sorry...I...I can’t.” She opened her eyes and looked into his eyes and crossed her arms defensively and turned around as she placed her hands on the bar to stable herself. “Jax, I know you don’t understand this, and I -- I can give you that understanding.” She turned back and faced him again. “But Jax I am a selfish person, a person who you say you see now and want to be my Knight but the moment I do some crazy Carly stunt you’ll see it.”

Jax took a step closer to Carly. “Carly I am not like any other man you have been with. I am not a Jason or Sonny or any other person that has broken you. I am not a destroyer...I thought you knew that.”

She tilted her head and shook it slightly. “Jax, I know you aren’t a destroyer, I see that and I know that...but I am. Every good thing that I ever have I some how manage to ruin it! I still don’t know how I got this club to open, and I know if it wasn’t for you backing me I wouldn’t be standing in this beautiful place! I would be sitting in some dark corner thinking my life away and having a pity party, but some how I managed to get up. I don’t know how or when but I did and here I am standing on my own two feet! CARLY BENSON MADE IT!” She wiped a tear from her cheek. “But I know myself too well to know that it won’t last. And if I let this...” She moved her hands between her and Jax. “This happen you would at the beginning see me...the person you see now...but then I would do my stupid moves and I would see it in your eyes. I never thought Jason would see that...or my own mother or the 12 dozen people that have given my that look. But I know it all to well to let it happen again.”

“Carly, I don’t understand. I care about you, I’m not...”

“Just let me finish.” She slowly walked past him rubbing her arms and taking shaky breaths as a few tears fell down. “Jason at the beginning saw me...the real me. The one that makes mistakes but always lands on her feet, he saw my spirit, my soul, me. You know what happened one day?” She watched him look at her. “I’ll tell you, that love and caring just left, he had that...that disgusted look in his eyes.” She wiped another few tears and closed her eyes as she remember the look he gave her when he found her in Sonny’s bed that night. That pure disgust and hatred, she would have that memory for the rest of her life. “Momma, she has that look to, but she loves me in her own way. I am not courageous Jax, I’m a coward at times. When I get scared I do stupid things, things you would never think of doing but I have made the same mistakes over and over again...” She shook her head. “I know I am not making any sense. What I am trying to say is that I don’t have the courage to open myself, my soul, heart, my whole being to another person because I know that they will eventually quit seeing the real me and just look at the disaster that I do. I don’t have the courage to see that look in your eyes Jax. That may be weak and cowardly...but I would loose...”

“MOMMA!”

Carly turned around just in time to see Michael leap into her arms and hug her happily. She felt a smile form on her lips. “Michael, what are you doing here? You surprised me!”

“I know Momma, Leticia said we could come and visit you before we headed home. Don’t you need me to help you pick your clothes Momma? I told Leticia that!” Michael smiled and nodded at his Momma.

“You better believe it Mr. Man. I would be lost without you.” She kissed his forhead and smiled at him again and took a quick glance at Jax.

“JAX!” Michael began to wiggle from his Momma’s grasp and run to Jax. He hugged his leg and smiled at hime. “Are you taking Momma out tonight?”

“Well, we have the opening tonight if that is what you mean?” He looked at Carly and saw her eyes beaming back at him. {I’ll win you Carly, I am not like anyone else, I care so much...I’ll just have to show you that.}

“Mr. Man I think it is time we get you home and Momma ready for her big evening!” She held out her hand for her son to grab. She looked at Jax again. “Be here around 6 o’clock so we can welcome everyone. Bye.” She turned her head before she could get anymore lost in him.

~*~

Carly scanned herself over once again. Michael and her had finally decided on a dress, it took nearly an hour because Michael wanted to see almost ever dress she owned and she couldn’t say no to him. She was wearing a spanish red dress. The front gather just between her breast and the fabric cascaded down the front making a ‘v’ just above her legs. It then continued to get longer showing off her legs. The back came around just around her mid back and tied around her neck. Her hair was down and her shoes were also red.

“Michael...Mommy is ready!” Carly began to descend down the stairs and watched as Michael began clapping and trying to whistle. She felt herself blush from her son’s behavior. “Well, thank-you kind sir.” She went over to the kitchen to talk to her mom.

Michael walked to the front of door and looked out. He saw a big long black limo, his eyes began to squint but relaxed when he saw Jax getting out. He began to smile and ran into the kitchen. “GRANDMA come see my new toy!” He grabbed her hand and began to drag her up the stairs quickly.

“Have fun tonight Carly!” She laughed as she followed Michael but looked at him as he stopped at the top of the stairs and sat down. “Michael what are you doing?” The only response she get from her Grandson was his fingers across his lips telling her to be quiet. She looked at him and sat down next to him.

~*~

Carly walked to the door as she heard a knock. “COMING!” She opened it gracefully and was greeted by a pair of deep blue eyes twinkling at her. “Jax, I thought we were meeting at the club? What happened?” The only response she got was him gently picking up her hand and kissing it.

“I wanted to go with you.” he pulled his other hand out from his back and placed a perfect Orchid in her hand. “I thought Roses were too over done.” He looked around the room. “Where’s Michael?”

She looked at the Orchid and at him. “Thank-you...oh...umm...he’s upstairs with my mom.”

“OK, well tell him I said hello when you see him.” He held out his arm waiting for hers to link with his. “Shall we?”

Carly looked at him. {doomed is what you are Carly completely and totally DOOMED} “Of course.” She smiled at him and looped her arm around his.

~*~

Carly moved in her seat as she looked out the window. Jax continued to watch her and star...a lot of starring. “Carly, that kiss wasn’t just a moment for me. I really care about you Carly and I know you feel the same way. I can see it in your eyes...I’m not blind, I see you. I see you just the way I described it to you that day in the club.”

Carly turned and looked at him. “Jax, I know that--but that is what is scaring me. What if one day you wake up and think...I don’t see that women anymore and all you see is mistakes. I can’t handle that, like I said I don’t have enough courage.”

Jax sat there still for a moment. “OK here is what will do. You’ve already told me that you care and have feelings for me but have cold feet. If you are open minded and let me have a chance to prove myself to you. That’s all I am asking for, is a chance to be with an incredible women.”

She looked at him and felt her stomach begin to feel the butterfly’s that he was releasing in her. “OK. I can do that. But for now can we just focus on Destiny’s Door, and it opening without me killing the Quartermaine’s who may I remind you that YOU invited! I still don’t know why!”

“Because we need the elite to be there opening night, that way it will get a lot of publicity.”

She raises an eyebrow. “You think Edward or AJ are going to have anything nice to say about my club?”

“Trust me...” He winked at her and placed his hand on her.

“Trust...boy you really do ask for the hard favor don’t you?” She laughed as he smiled at her and nodded.

~*~

Carly continued to greet the invited Valentine’s Guests. “Gia, Nikolas, good to see you two.”

“Thanks, same here. Carly I have to say the place looks amazing! This is much better then Deception, it’s you. You should be very proud.” Gia smiled at Carly who returned the smile.

“Thanks Gia, and your right Deception could have never taken me to this haven I have now. Well, you two have a great time.” She smiled at they left and turned to see AJ standing in front of her. “Happy Valentine’s Day AJ.”

“Same to you Carly. Listen I heard about Sonny not adopting Michael and I can’t say I am sorry because I am honestly happy.”

“AJ I am really not in the mood for a fight.”

“This isn't going to be one. I just wanted to congratulate you on your success. Independence suits you Carly. I know how you feel about me Carly...but I’m sober and would really like a chance to spend time with my son.” He looked at her pleading at her with his eyes.

“We can talk...but Skye can then quit trying to harass me into it.” She looked at AJ’s face who looked like he was about to burst from sheer job.

“Thank-you Carly and I’ll call Skye off. You have no idea how much these means to me and I promise you won’t be disappointed!” He gives her friendly hug in which she looked at him funny with an eyebrow raised as he walks off. She shakes her head and walks over to the bar. “Is everything going good over here?”

“Yes, Carly things are perfect.”

Carly turns around and looks at her guests. They had the whole Quartermaine family, all the Cassadines, Gia & Nikolas, Lucky & Liz, Zander & Sarah, Bobbie was coming after Leticia got home from her date, even Luke & Laura were there. It was the perfect mix and she was continuing her laughter whenever Luke opened his mouth. She turned her head towards the door and her smile faded. In walked Sonny with Alexis Davis all over his arm. She looked for Jax and saw him scowling at Sonny with Alexis too. “The night couldn’t just be pleasant could it?” She smiled at Matthew and headed over to Jax.

“Jax I have been looking for you every where!” She stepped in front of his view and smiled at him. She watched as his gaze moved towards her and smiled. “AJ and I just had the most wonderful...well I guess you could call it that and I agreed to let him possibly see Michael!”

Jax smiled at her. “Carly that is really great. That should make AJ happy, but are you sure I know how you feel about him with everything that has happened.”

She bit her lower lip. “He deserves a chance just like I do.”

“You’re letting AJ see Michael?”

Carly spun around to see Sonny shaking his head in disgust and Alexis glaring at her. {Round 1 here we go.} “As a matter of fact I am. Everyone deserves a second chance, EVERYONE even AJ. Now if you’ll excuse me, Jax and I have somethings to discuss.”

“Carly, I am not letting AJ near Michael.”

She let out a sigh and looked at Sonny again. “I do not want to get into this right now. I have just opened my dream club and you nor your boring, trying to get in your pants lawyer will ruin that. Excuse us.” She turned around and looked at Jax who placed his hand gently on the small of her back and led up towards the offices.

“Are you OK?” Jax looked at her and rubbed her cheek.

“Yeah, I just...I can’t stand it when Sonny tries to control me, we aren’t even married and he still tries' just get really fustrated...that’s all. Thanks for helping me out...aren’t you mad at me for what I said to Alexis?”

“No.” He let out a laugh. “I don’t know the whole situation so for me to get mad at you would be judging and for all I know Alexis could have tried to get Helena to kill you.” He laughed again and pulled her into a hug.

She snuggled herself closer into his embrace and felt as though she was safe and didn’t need to have her defense mood on around him.

~*~

Carly and Jax walked back down the stairs a holding hands. She had felt better after she let herself gain composer again and Jax was wonderful, as usual.

“Jax, you look marvelous!”

Carly and Jax turned their heads and saw an older women smiling at them. “Jax, who is that?” Carly whispered at Jax.

Jax let a long sigh out. “That would be my mother and my father...along with JERRY?” Jax released Carly and ran to his brother giving him a big hug and then hugging his mother and father.

Carly watched the scene before her and felt a sting of pain, pain that she didn’t have what the Jacks family had. They all were hugging and she watched as Jax walked back over to her.

“Mum, Dad, this is Carly Benson.” Jax smiled proudly back down at Carly and then his family.

Jerrly walked over to her and smiled at her. “Carly long time no see.”

“Jerry, it wasn’t nearly long enough!” She at Jerry and watched him laugh.

“Well, glad to see you don’t ever change. My little brother has been telling us all about your club and I’ll be the first to say that...I never thought you could do it.”

Carly cringed at Jerry’s remark. She knew a lot of people had that same opinion of her and she knew why. When she had first come to Port Charles she readily made a name forself, but here she was living her own life on her own terms. “Well...thanks Jerry...at least I think so.”

Lady Jane had closely watched the interaction and decided it was time she stepped forward. “Carly, your club is just amazing! You’ve done a really good job on it. You should be extremely proud.”

Carly watched as Jax’s mother smiled at her and as she watched she realized that she was being honest and real, she wasn’t just saying it. She quickly returned the smile. “Well, thank-you Mrs. Jacks. I am really glad you could come. I just wish Jax would have told me, I would have gotten you a reserved table.”

“Oh non-sense my dear. First off, please call me Jane, the Mrs make’s me feel to old.”

“Don’t let looks fool you Ms. Benson.” John smiled at the beauty standing in front of him. His son really knew how to pick them.

Carly laughed. “You can call me Carly.”

“Why didn’t you three tell me that you were comign I would have gotten a table like Carly said.”

“Oh Jax, we wanted it to be a suprise...where would the fun be if we had just told you. Come now, we are family I thought you knew better then this.”

Jax beamed down at his parents and wrapped his arm around Carly. He gave her a small squeeze. He leaned down and whispered. “They won’t bit.”

Carly looked up at Jax and smiled.warmly at him. “I know.”

Lady Jane watched the interaction and knew John had been right when he had said that Jax finally had hope again and was over Brenda. She never believed him, she knew how much Brenda meant to her son, but here he was indulged with another women. She just had to look at her son and she could see how much he cared. “Carly, I would love a tour of your club. Would you mind?”

Carly moved her gaze from Jax’s blue eyes and then back to Jane’s. “Of course not. Follow me.”

“Oh, Carly I can do that. You don’t need to chaperon my family around. Tonight is your night. Go enjoy it. I’ll catch up with you later.”

Carly pointed her finger at Jax’s chest. “Exactly, Jasper, this is MY night and therefore I want to show this place off. Now go talk wiith the men. I promise I’ll take good care of your mother.” She winked and started to lead Jane towards the offices.

~*~

“Carly I need to be honest with you. My son has taken quite a liking towards you.”

Carly felt her cheeks beccome blushed, she had never ahd a conversation like this with a parent before and she began to feel like a school girl. “Oh...well...Jax and I are just friends. So, dont worry about him getting mixed up with someone like me.” She smiled weakly at her.

Jane watched as Carly quickly drew back and started to play with the corner of a file laying on her desk. “Carly, I’ll be direct.”

“I’ve noticed it runs in the family.” Carly tried to smile but she really wanted to crawl in a whole and die!

Jane laughed and nodded her head. “Dear, it’s true. At least you are realizing that now rather then later. But what I wanted to say was that, I know my son has feelings for you and coming from your repsonse I think he may have told you. I can see the way he looks at you and he hasn’t been this happy and content in a long time.” Jane gently touched Carly’s arm. “But I know about what you’ve been through with Mr. Corinthos, and I have to tell you that I wish I could get that man to leave innocent women alone unfortunately he just doesn’t get it. But Carly from what I’ve seen and what Jax has told us, which isn’t much, you have really made it on your own. You should be very proud.”

Carly smiled and wipped a tear that had trickled down her cheek. No one in her whole life, other then Jax, had been so nice on a first meeting and even Jax was somewhat cold. But Jane was wonderul and understanding, almost as though she had been through it too. “Thank-you. I won’t bother to lie to you, which may I add is a first, I care for Jax also but I’m scared. My whole life I have always ruined things when something or someone in this case walks into my life. I don’t want to destroy Jax or what we have.”

“Carly, Jax won’t get hurt, not as long as you let him in. That’s all he wants, it takes courage, but if you know what you want and you be honest, you’ll never hurt him. Courage isn’t something that you can buy, it takes time, but it did take courage to build a new life, this club, and to stand up to Mr. Corinthos this evening, I think you just don’t realize how much you have.” Jane smiled again that young women that had stolen her son’s heart. “Now how about you and I head back down there before Jax sends a search and rescue party for you.”

Carly laughed and nodded her head.

~*~

Carly looked around the room, the night had been a complete success. She had spent the majority of the evening with Jax’s parents, they had to be the nicest people she had ever met. Jax had been wonderful to her and she now stood around Destiny’s Door and smiled. The place was in a complete mess. Confete was everywhere along with red, blue, silver, and black balloons. “A glorious mess at that.”

“Well, Carly you did it.” Jax smiled and pushed himself off the bar and headed her way. “The place was a complete success, you should be very proud of yourself.” He smiled at her and wrapped his arms around her small waist.

She smiled and nodded her head. She loved having his arms around her, she had noticed all night that they had been touching and holding hands, smiling and laughing with each other. “I have to give credit to my partner though, he was a pillar for me.” She turned around and wrapped her arms around his neck. “Thanks Jax. I am truly grateful for having you here with me.”

“I wouldn’t be anywhere else.” Jax looked into her eyes and was going to kiss her but he quickly remembered what she had said about being afraid. “I won’t push. C’mon let’s get you home love.”

She smiled at him. “I don’t want to go home yet, my night isn’t done with yet.” Carly smiled slyly at him and went around to the stage and hit the play button. They had ordered in a live band for the evening but the main set up was hooked up.

Carly looked over to Jax and winked. Lady Jane had said a lot, and most of it was true. Maybe she did have a lot of courage, I mean she was proving what she could do already. As the music began to play she felt herself blush. It truly was Destiny’s Door.

When you're feeling lost in the night,
When you feel your world just ain't right
Call on me, I will be waiting
Count on me, I will be there
Anytime the times get too tough,
Anytime your best ain't enough
I'll be the one to make it better,
I'll be there to protect you,
See you through,
I'll be there and there is nothing
I won't do.

Jax wrapped his arms tightly around her and began to rub her back. Ever since she had gone upstairs with his mother she seemed changed. He couldn’t pin point it out yet but there was definitely something different about her. She was more happy, he loved her being in his arms and feeling her heart beat.

Carly rested her head on his chest and felt completely content, she loved being with him. He was everything that she had ever wanted, she wasn’t ready yet to totally let him in. But maybe with a little bit of time and some courage they could. As long as she was honest, that was the key.

I will cross the ocean for you
I will go and bring you the moon
I will be your hero your strength
Anything you need
I will be the sun in your sky
I will light your way for all time
Promise you,
For you I will.

“Carly, have I mentioned how amazing you look this evening?” Jax smiled at her and rubbed the nap of her neck.

Carly tilted her head. “One more time won’t do any harm.” She smiled at him rested her head on his forehead. “Jax, what do you want?”

Jax was taken back by her question. “I want you Carly, and I am not talking about physical. I want to be the one for you Carly. I care...a lot.”

She kissed his cheek. “Then where do we start?”

I will shield your heart from the rain
I will let no harm come your way
Oh these arms will be your shelter
No these arms won't let you down,
If there is a mountain to move
I will move that mountain for you
I'm here for you, I'm here forever
I will be your fortress, tall and strong
I'll keep you safe,
I'll stand beside you, right or wrong

“I thought you didn’t...”

Carly placed her finger on his lips. “Jax, I want this...I want us...just don’t expect it to happen fast.” She licked her lips. “But if you hurt me, I’ll make you pay.”

Jax let out a hearty laugh. “You don’t have to worry about my little fire storm.” He kissed her lips and felt her pulll away.

“Fire storm?” She started to laugh. “Where on earth did you get that name?”

I will cross the ocean for you
I will go and bring you the moon (yeah, yeah)
I will be your hero your strength
anything you need (I will be..)
I will be the sun in your sky
I will light your way for all time
Promise you
For you I will

Jax kissed the tip of her noise. “You are this big ball of energy. It’s a nick name...” He shook his head and he watched her stick her tongue out at him.

“Well, I’m yours now.”

“Good.” Jax spun her around and listened as she laughed. She had the most amazing laugh, it sent a chill down his spine. She was something he had never seen or interacted with, she was the unknown to him and he loved her for it.

For you I will, lay my life on the line
For you I will fight, oooooh
For you I will die
With every breathe, with all my soul
I'll give my world
I'll give it all
Put your faith in me (put you're faith in me)
And I'll have to leave it be

Carly loved playing with Jax, she loved everything about him. He was a Knight, well maybe not the fairy tale knight, but she was his and he was hers.

Jax dipped her and held her down there for a moment. “Pure perfection.” He winked at her and she laughed.

“You say that now Mr. Jacks, but you haven’t seen all of Caroline Benson Spencer.” She winked back at him as he lifted her up again.

I will cross the ocean for you (I will cross the ocean for you)
I will go and bring you the moon
Promise you (Promise you)
For you I will, I will, I will, I will,

Jax shook his head. “I don’t care, I want you...the whole package. The good, the bad, everything.”

Carly felt her breath getting caught in her lungs. She had never felt that before, someone wanting her for her, not because of her body or because she could be good...but all of her. “Wow...”

“I intend to ‘wow’ you for...eternity. Now the question is...do you have the courage to be part of my family?”

Carly stopped and looked at Jax. “Are you asking me to marry you?”

I will cross the ocean for you
I will go and bring you the moon
I will be your hero your strength
Anything you need, (Anything you need)
I will be the sun in your sky (yeah, yeah)
I will let you wait for all times
Promise you (I promise you)
For you I will (Ooooh)
I promise you
For you I will

Lyrics by Monica For You I Will