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I Married a Ghost We're sick of you people calling us saying your wife/husband is an evil ghost planning to take over the world when, infact, you just want us to remove the slob from your household.  That's a job for the courts so only call us if they really are a ghost.  If you are unsure then there are usually some tell tale signs.

Is your partner see-through?  This is often a dead give away.  Frequently dissapearing and then reappearing without warning is another sign.  If you're not sure then try poking them with a stick or, if you can't find a stick, flick grapes at them.

Does your partner sleep above the covers?  The higher they sleep, the more chance that they are a ghost.  However, if they are so high that they are on the ceiling then it is probably your poster of Sarah Michelle Gellar you put up there so you have pleasent dreams.

You notice your partner is actually a bit of a dog.  Oh man!!!  Other signs include Whoopie Goldberg coming over to your house requesting a kiss and session of making pottery.