Back to the previous part... * * * The sky was steel gray and the landscape bleak, featureless, dead.  Qui-Gon pulled his cloak tightly around him against the cold wind and looked around.  Bandomeer.  But where was Obi-Wan? He quieted his mind and stretched out his Force sense -- and heard it.  A soft crying, coming from behind a low hill.  Walking around the rise, Qui-Gon came upon a young boy.  Obi-Wan as an Initiate -- he wore no braid.  He rocked on the stony ground, arms wrapped tight around his knees, face lowered.  Qui-Gon knelt, laying a hand on the small shoulder.  "Obi-Wan!" Obi-Wan just jerked away. "Obi-Wan, it's me!" "No!" the boy shouted, crawling away from the intrusion. "Obi-Wan stop!" "No!  Qui-Gon told me to wait for him, so I'm not going anywhere!" Qui-Gon stepped in front of Obi-Wan, knelt again and lifted the tear-stained face with both hands.  "Obi-Wan, I'm here," he said softly. Recognition made the hazel eyes blaze and Obi-Wan smiled broadly.  Qui-Gon had forgotten how huge Obi-Wan's eyes were when he was this young ? his face was all eyes and teeth. Quick as thought, everything changed.  He was standing face to face with his adult Padawan in a Temple garden.  "Qui-Gon," sighed Obi-Wan happily, "I knew you would come." Qui-Gon reached out tentatively, touching the healthy, glowing skin of Obi-Wan's face and stroking the soft hair.  His hand began to shake, and then he was gathering the young man into a hug, reveling in the fit, strong body pressed against him.  He felt Obi-Wan smile into his neck, and then the hug was returned and Qui-Gon groaned with emotion.  To feel this...to have this chance to set things right was a blessing.  He moved his lips to Obi-Wan's ear and began to nuzzle and kiss, his senses completely overwhelmed with the touch and smell and now taste of Obi-Wan, *his* Obi-Wan. The kiss that followed was slow and sweet.  Qui-Gon was light-headed from the feel of Obi-Wan's soft lips and mouth.  He closed his eyes and deepened the kiss.  Obi-Wan opened to him with a sigh and he touched lips, teeth, tongue in hungry, almost frantic strokes.  Obi-Wan pulled his head back, but Qui-Gon followed, reluctant to let the moment go.  Finally Obi-Wan broke the kiss. "Master." Qui-Gon reluctantly opened his eyes, expecting to see the specter from his dreams or worse yet, nothing.  Obi-Wan was still there, just a few inches from him.  He was older.  His strong face was bearded, and his unruly hair was nearly shoulder length.  It seemed redder at that length, and the full beard and mustache were distinctly red.  The body in his arms felt different as well, thicker and more muscled. "Qui-Gon, why are you here?  And what's happening to me?  I tried to join with the Force, but I couldn't, and I couldn't call to you or find my way back." Qui-Gon sighed.  "Obi-Wan, it's my fault.  I healed you on Naboo.  I commanded you to live, and reinforced that command with the Force.  You've been in a coma for eight months now." Obi-Wan looked at him harshly, then softened and relaxed again.  Qui-Gon wondered what his own face must look like after months of strain  He owed Obi-Wan an explanation for this travesty he'd forced upon him, but there was no good reason; only the truth. "I've kept you alive by artificial means long past the time the Healers knew you would not recover.  I can only apologize for my weakness.  I never knew you loved me that way.  I couldn't stand to lose you when I felt that I'd just discovered you.  I love you so much...  I just couldn't admit to myself that I would never hold you...taste you..." Qui-Gon's voice broke, but Obi-Wan gathered him back into his arms and kissed him again.  The beard tickled against his own, and Qui-Gon groaned, sweeping his arms down Obi-Wan's strong, muscled back and resting them on the swell of his ass.  Obi-Wan broke the kiss and began licking lightly at the skin of his neck.  "Master, you will never lose me.  I'll be part of the Force ? I'll be with you forever." Qui-Gon slid down to his knees, still holding Obi-Wan and pressing his face to his stomach as the younger man stroked his hair. "Obi-Wan, I can't stay behind without you.  I thought I had the strength, but I do not.  I won't be parted from you again."  He knew he was weeping now, but didn't care. "I'm not that strong.  I want to go into the Force with you.  I can't go back and face life without you." "Master, what do you mean?  You still haven't told me how it is you're here with me...  What have you done?"  Obi-Wan knelt himself and mimicked Qui-Gon's action of a few minutes earlier, pulling him up to face him.  He was older know, white hairs streaking his hair and beard, eyes piercing and serious. Qui-Gon controlled himself with effort and explained to Obi-Wan about the implant that allowed his heart to beat and lungs to breathe.  "In a very few minutes, it will stop.  Your body will die, and you can pass into the Force at last." Obi-Wan stood abruptly and stared down at him aghast.  "But...if you stay here with me, your consciousness will be torn away from your own body!  You'll die as well...Gods, I understand now!"  He began to pace. Qui-Gon was confused at the exasperation and outright anger he felt from his Padawan.  They were joined mind to mind in this state, and could not hide emotions from each other.  Why would he care if Qui-Gon only wanted to stay with him... "I *care* because I died so that you could live!" "Obi-Wan...?" In full Knight mode, Obi-Wan drew himself up and crossed his arms.  He was now about Qui-Gon's age, and he looked down at Qui-Gon as if he were a recalcitrant initiate. "I had a vision, Qui-Gon, a true Seeing.  During the battle with the Sith, I knew that only one of us would survive.  At first I was convinced that it was you who would die.  I knew you would ask me to train Anakin, and also knew that I could deny you nothing if that happened." He looked away and the scene again changed to the barren landscape and Qui-Gon saw what Obi-Wan had in the Seeing.  A universe shattered, peace gone, Jedi dying...because of... "Anakin?" "No, not just Anakin.  He had help." "The other Sith..." "Yes.  And I couldn't help him make the right choice at the pivotal moment."  Obi-Wan fixed him with an ironic grin.  "You were right about one thing, Master.  He can bring balance to the Force.  But I somehow don't think this was what you had in mind." Qui-Gon barked a mirthless laugh.  "No, I can't say it was." "The alternative became clear.  If a life was to be lost in the battle, it needed to be mine.  I had to wear the Sith down so that you could finish him off." Obi-Wan strode to Qui-Gon and lifted him none too gently to his feet.  His own Padawan was back, and he wasn't happy.  "You will *not* throw this away.  I don't know what the future holds for you and Anakin, but I've seen the alternative and it is unthinkable!" Shaken to his core, Qui-Gon still shook his head.  "Obi-Wan, I don't know that I can.  I'm not the same.  No matter what happens here, a part of me died with you back on Naboo.  I don't know what kind of Master I'd make for Ani..." Obi-Wan's features softened. "Oh, my Master." He ran his fingers down the chain around his neck, then looked down at the pendant.  Smiling at Qui-Gon, mouthing, "It's beautiful," he clasped it tightly.  Qui-Gon could feel tendrils of Obi-Wan's own Force energy merging with those of the gem. Unfocused eyes gradually sharpened again on his face, and Obi-Wan removed the pendant and slipped it over Qui-Gon's neck, carefully pulling his hair from under the chain and tucking it under his tunics, then moved to kiss him again. The landscape of Bandomeer began to blur, and Qui-Gon had a disjointed feeling of being in a series of time and places all at once... * * * He was on top of Obi-Wan, they were naked in his bed and Obi-Wan's head was thrown back as he gasped.  They gripped each other's hips, pressing them close as their oiled lengths slid against each other.  Qui-Gon leaned down to suck on Obi-Wan's nipple, then cried out as his release washed over him.  This was their Bonding night... * * * Qui-Gon met Obi-Wan outside of the initiates sparring area.  The Knight, with the first touches of gray in his long auburn hair, was fidgeting, a most uncommon state for Obi-Wan.  As soon as he saw Qui-Gon, he motioned him over and pointed out a tall girl, with white hair and lightly tanned skin.  She was going through a warm up routine and glanced over their way, revealing lovely amber eyes. "That's her, Barcha." "Are you sure about this Obi-Wan?" "No!" he laughed and turned to his bond mate.  It will change everything for us.  And although I've been pressured for years..." "Decades," Qui-Gon interjected with a smile. "...I won't be bullied into something I'm not ready for."  Earnest eyes look at him for guidance. Qui-Gon couldn't help but kiss him on the forehead.  "If you've felt the beginnings of a bond, don't make the mistake I did by fighting it." "A bond has started, Qui-Gon...I just didn't expect it to happen while you were away ? I wanted to talk with you when you returned from your mission before deciding anything." "The Force isn't known for bowing to our wishes.  You will make a wonderful Master, Obi-Wan.  I can feel it." Obi-Wan still looked troubled.  "She's from Bruck's family line," he said softly. "All the more reason for you to guide her in the ways of the light." Obi-Wan smiled and leaned into Qui-Gon's embrace.  "I love you..." * * * Qui-Gon dozed lightly in a comfortable chair, wakened by the voices just outside the bedroom door.  His Obi-Wan was objecting to something being said by a third person in a very adamant tone.  Qui-Gon didn't need to hear to know the current of the conversation, or what it meant.  He'd been dreaming of the Force and what it would feel like to join with it for the past tenth.  Obi-Wan knew it was nearly time.  He was just being stubborn. He heard the outer door slide open and close, then Obi-Wan's booted feet as he walked heavily into their bedchamber.  His bond mate was still strong and unbowed by age, even if his beard was mostly white ? a strange juxtaposition to his hair, which was still mostly auburn. "Obi-Wan, you look as if you're marching into battle.  There is nothing you can do.  Nothing to prepare for.  Just be with me tonight," he whispered. Obi-Wan turned his head away and swallowed heavily.  Qui-Gon knew that stubborn look.  This wasn't going to be easy. "It's just a matter of finding a Healer willing to expend the effort necessary to track down the root cause of your illness!  With all the resources of the Temple at their fingers, how hard could it be?" Obi-Wan half shouted. "Shhh.  Come over here to me, I want to touch you." The defiant look left Obi-Wan's face, replaced by sorrow, and fearfulness.  He walked to the chair and knelt down with his head in Qui-Gon's lap and his arms around his waist.  Qui-Gon didn't need to see his face to know Obi-Wan was crying quietly now, and expended what energy he had left to place his hand on Obi-Wan's head. "It's alright.  We've known I would likely pass before you.  That's the way it should be, my Obi-Wan.  I don't think I could have stood it the other way around.  You have your Padawans to care for you.  "I love you more than life.  You know that don't you?" "Yes, Master," came the muffled reply and the arms around his waist tightened. "Good.  You remember that in the years ? many, many years hopefully ? to come." Then his consciousness faded and he was again standing with Obi-Wan. Only now *he* was angry. "I *want* that!  I want every day, every moment that we won't have! We deserve that, Obi-Wan.  Gods, I love you so very much..." Obi-Wan only smiled at him sadly. The sky rumbled and a wind suddenly whipped at their clothing, bringing with it drops of cold rain. "It's starting..." Obi-Wan said in awe, stepping away from Qui-Gon and focusing on the darkening sky.  Qui-Gon followed his mind and could feel the Force, in all its majestic power.  Obi-Wan raised his arms to it, then turned in a flash as if he'd just realized Qui-Gon was still with him. The Knight returned, and stepped to close the distance between them.  "Master, you will never be alone.  I *will* wait for you in the Force.  We will have all you've seen and more.  Please...do this for me.  You taught me better than this." Qui-Gon closed his eyes.  Nodding his assent was the hardest thing he'd ever done in a lifetime filled with hardships.  But something wasn't right.  The path back... "Obi-Wan," he exclaimed, opening his eyes to see his Padawan of the present, "I've come with you too far.  I'm not certain I *can* return." Obi-Wan merely lifted a hand to touch his lips and face very gently.  "It's all right."  He placed both hands on Qui-Gon's chest, over his heart and where the opallios pendant was tucked under his tunic.  "It's time now." "Oh, and Master," the sly smile was back, "you must stop giving me rocks as presents." Then Obi-Wan pushed him away, and Qui-Gon awoke with a gasp in his own quarters with his dying Padawan's head on his lap. Qui-Gon instinctively hugged Obi-Wan's still body tighter.  It was happening.  The steady breathing he'd unconsciously listened for every day of the past eight months had stopped.  Qui-Gon pressed his face into Obi-Wan's soft hair, slightly rocking him.  There was a tremor in Obi-Wan's chest, as his heart beat faster, then fluttered and faltered; the briefest spasm of Obi-Wan's legs, then it was over. * * * As Obi-Wan grew cold and heavy in his arms, Qui-Gon felt something inside himself break.  The darkness and fear of the past months, mixed with his too brief respite in Obi-Wan's arms and visions of the future they would never have released itself.  He sobbed into the red-brown hair, reaching down and pulling Obi-Wan up to his chest. How long he stayed that way, ragged sobs giving way to hitched breath, he wasn't certain, but the morning sun had risen when he heard the chiming of his door.  Heard it dimly, as if it was a corridor away, and ignored it as easily as if it was.  Nothing was more important than holding Obi-Wan in his arms.  None of this had happened, if he could only hold on... The door slid open and a small figure walked ahead of two formally dressed knights with a hover bed.  Yoda made his way to the couch and faced Qui-Gon, who only continued to rock Obi-Wan, his head buried in hair now wet with tears. Sighing, Yoda motioned to the Knights, and the first reached out to Obi-Wan, only to fall backwards from a Force push. "Qui-Gon!" Yoda's angry voice finally broke through the older man's haze, but he still snarled a warning as the Knight rose to his feet and moved towards him again. "Qui-Gon, let them take him." "No," Qui-Gon growled.  "You will take him and burn him and his name will be forgotten." Yoda motioned to the Knights and they moved back a few steps.  "No, my Padawan.  Given a Knight's pyre, he will be.  Read your petition, I did.  Called the Council together just a few minutes ago.  Through you, I saw Obi-Wan's vision last night.  True Seeing it was.  Understand now, we do, why such actions Obi-Wan took. "He will have a place in the Tower of Remembrance.  A debt we owe your Padawan.  A clearer path we now have to walk.  Still dangerous...very dangerous.  Blind to the obvious we were, but now hope there is." Qui-Gon said nothing, but allowed the Knights to come near when Yoda motioned them. "Let them take him to his pyre, my Padawan.  Let them take care of him." Qui-Gon hesitated, and then nodded imperceptibly.  The larger of the Knights gently lifted Obi-Wan from Qui-Gon's lap, pulling him away from his blue robe, which Qui-Gon clutched and hugged to himself. His expression was still glassy as the Knights carefully arranged Obi-Wan and pushed the hover bed out of his rooms. Perhaps an hour passed before he realized the wizened old Master was still there. "Eat, you should.  Sleep for this evening." "I should be preparing Obi-Wan for the pyre.  It's my duty...but I cannot, my Master." "Know this I do.  Do all necessary things for you, I will.  Come for you at the proper time someone will.  Rest you should until then." Qui-Gon lay down on the couch, still clutching the blue robe as his old Master had commanded.  Yoda moved closer and placed a green finger on his chest. "Left a bit of himself behind, he did." Qui-Gon reached up -- and felt it.  The opallios pendant.  Around his neck.  But how... "Sleep you will," intoned Yoda, as he moved towards the door, but Qui-Gon knew that even with the Force suggestion he could not. * * * Just past sunset, his door chimed, and Plo Koon entered.  To Plo's surprise, Qui-Gon was washed and dressed in his formal attire and best cloak.  Plo nodded to his old friend, and gestured towards the door.  Clearly struggling with himself, Qui-Gon stood, drew up his hood, and left with him. They arrived at the bare stone room containing Obi-Wan's funeral pyre, and Qui-Gon realized the large room was full of fellow Jedi, who drew to a respectful distance when he entered.  The gathering consisted of his own friends, who he'd completely ignored these past months, and many of Obi-Wan's age mates.  The chamber was open to the night sky, lit only by a torch bracketed on the wall at the head of the pyre. His own Master had seen to everything. Qui-Gon stepped up to the pyre upon which Obi-Wan's body was arranged.  He could see the small offerings his friends had placed there.  Holopics, flowers, trinkets, even several leaves from a Gellan vine ? all these acted as mementos to a life whose service was long, yet only starting. To a man who did not give friendship easily, but whose friendship was unshakable once given. He drew the soft, blue silk robe from beneath his coarse brown one, and covered the still form with the brilliant material.  There was only one thing left to do, and he could feel the gazes of the assembled upon him.  He must perform this next act of the ceremony himself, but felt frozen in place.  A touch on his hand, and he turned his head, then looked down, to see Healer Marlisen.  It broke him from his inaction, and he took the torch from its bracket and touched it to the pyre, which flamed to life with ferocity.  The touch on his hand now gripped it and pulled back gently, and Qui-Gon realized he was standing much too close to the flames.  He stepped back, placing the torch once more in the holder. He couldn't stand to watch the immolation, and stood instead with his eyes closed, remembering the Obi-Wan of those last moments of their joining, strong and confident.  \\I will survive this.  I will honor his last wish.  I know what is at stake.  There is no death...\\ When he opened his eyes, the pyre had burnt down, and the assembled crowd were leaving alone or in small groups, holding each other.  Yoda walked up to him and he knelt to the old Master, who laid a hand on his knee.  He felt some of the weariness he'd carried this day retreat at the touch, and mumbled his thanks.  Mace was next, and Qui-Gon stood and faced the Councilor, who acted as if he didn't know if his touch would be welcome, considering the last exchange they'd had regarding Obi-Wan.  Qui-Gon extended his hand and Mace clasped it with relief, pulling him into a light hug.  Several other council members, including his old friend Adi Gallia who'd known Obi-Wan ever since he'd become Qui-Gon's apprentice, also held him close and murmured their sympathies. Obi-Wan's friends soon followed, and Qui-Gon was somehow able to offer his own condolences to their tear-stained faces.  At last they were all gone except a tall figure near the chamber's entrance.  Master Nasank Tijj.  He bowed deeply to Qui-Gon, then left.  Qui-Gon sat vigil, as was his right and his obligation, until the morning light streamed into the top of the chamber.  He'd never before considered the similarities of this room to the ancient Great Hall, or the ceremonies they both bore silent witness to.  He had no more mental energy with which to consider it now, and it seemed that his soul was as lifeless as the ashes that lay on the pyre. Walking from the room with his sooty hood drawn, Qui-Gon was surprised to see Marli waiting for him in the hallway.  She turned without speaking and walked beside him to his rooms.  There she took his cloak and clothing -- which smelled of the pyre and would be disposed of -- as he stripped without embarrassment, and waited until he'd bathed and crawled into bed with the last of his energy.  Qui-Gon dimly remembered that custom allowed a fellow Jedi to watch over the first sleep of the bereaved ? but the custom was reserved for the living member of a bonded couple.  Marli placed her hand on his forehead and he slept and did not dream. * * *                                             On to the last part...