Jackrabbit Pool at Marriott Camelback Resort and Spa

         Tuesday 10/26/99

        I'm sitting in Chicago O'Hare, waiting for my connecting flight to Phoenix...watching three other people simultaneously talking on my same cellphone model.  And that doesn't count all the ones behind where I'm sitting, with my back to them.

        I'm watching the CNN anchor with big Spice-Girl like hair and a hideous fuschia jacket.  Thought for a second maybe Chicago has some twisted fashion sense, but wait--CNN, that's national.  They just did a piece on how Americans are getting fatter and showed about 20 clips in a row of fat people on the street, zeroing in on their stomachs.  Was that really necessary?  Now that I'm looking closely I think fuschia-anchorwoman was a man...that Adam's apple bobbing up and down...

        DOH.  The original plane is out of service and the depart time for the new plane is 7:25.  Everyone groans.  Hey if you want to get on the malfunctioning one, be my guest. 

        And just as my head is clearing from that landing/motion sickness, there's this nauseating scene of a couple nuzzling--salt & pepper haired upper 50's white man with an Asian girl who looks my age, but with long perfect hair and skinnier than me.  Across the way, another Asian girl about my age just sat down, with long perfect hair  but not skinnier than me.  Now I feel like a little student with my Nike bookbag and laptop bag which I'm using as a duffel, with ratty hair and old jeans and shoes, instead of having one of those tote luggage pieces you pull by the handle while striding elegantly.  I look more like I'm trying to finish my last term paper for finals.  If Sam were here he'd say, "Nooo, you look fine!  You look very nice," and Avani would say, "Yes especially wearing that shirt you bought with me!  I do love it in blue!"

        Across to my right is a guy reading, balancing his book on his gut.  Didn't they just show him in one of those CNN clips?

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Wednesday 10/27/99

        I could really get used to this.

        The flight yesterday was so long--you look at the ticket and you think it's a one-hour, but tack on 3 hours of time difference and it takes forever.  Plus all I could do was keep my eyes closed from the headache/motion sickness--so that when we landed I couldn't wait to cab it to the hotel and crash right away.  Took the first taxi I saw, it pulled into Camelback Inn and I thought I'd stepped into a fantasy land.  Two bellhops came up to take my bags and told me after I checked in they'd take me to my room in a golf cart!  What??  Still disoriented, I checked in and asked if I had any messages.  L. had left me a message so I left him one back, and M. too.  I turn around and there's L. and J. (who I hadn't met before--from our south office) who I hadn't seen and who had been trying to get my attention but I was too busy leaving them messages that I hadn't heard him calling my name.  They were waiting for M. and were all going to get some eats.  I took the golf cart back to my room, the bellhop driving pointed at the sights along the way (pools, spa, restaurants, and casino--I really felt like I was in a dream).  Now I knew why H. had called our nice hotel in VA a "dive"--this was paradise!

        He pulled up to my door--the whole hotel was a one-level, so the rooms were spread out and nestled among pathways and the entire resort sprawled over acres.  He took my bags in and showed me my room--really a suite.  Microwave, fridge, cash fridge/bar, TV, private backdoor and backyard with outdoor furniture, bathroom with blowdrier, iron and board, two queen beds, coffee and coffee maker, safe, tour books, three phones:  one next to bed, one on coffee table, and one in the bathroom next to toilet!  Magnifying lighted makeup mirrors in bathroom.

        Went back to meet the guys, they ordered food in the ground level bar/restaurant of the lobby.  J. is pretty talkative and loud, funny sometimes.  M. and I walked back, our rooms are farther away than the other two's.

        This morning around 7AM M. and I met the rest and H. at breakfast, a full buffet spread for all the conference members.  Then we waited to do installs.  Hearing we'd have about 100 laptops to do we called McK-'s Scottsdale, AZ office and they sent two people here.  Around lunch they sent me to find a lunch menu to order.  On the way, I passed Seth G. who said Hi (see "Workdays" to read one of my first meetings with Seth), I almost didn't recognize him with his shades and shorts on--weird.  Of course, they get golf vacations disguised as sales conferences like this all the time--there were signup sheets in the meeting room for getting their facials/pedicures/golf times.  Found a menu and we had lunch.  After all laptops were done for the day we split up to our rooms.  I went to the pool and I tried to nap a bit, took a dip and found M. & J. on the other side.  By now I'm suspecting J. likes me, he's starting to give me that look.  I went into the hot tub, he followed me in and we chatted.  I could've mentioned my bf several times but couldn't somehow.  I hate that awkward moment when you mention it and there's a moment of silence and you can hear them thinking in their head and sense them trying quick to think of something to say, but of course the longer you don't say it the harder it gets and the more they're convinced you don't have a bf because you haven't mentioned it yet...ugh.

        I went to shower and wanted to call Sam but was rushed.  At 6:30 we all went to the BBQ on "Mummy Mountain"--a done-up Western ghost town motif and live Western band--yes!  Yeehaw.  There was a big crowd around the beer cart where everyone was asking for "Fat Tire."  We didn't know what it was but they'd run out by the time we got to the front.  Coronas all around.  Then J. went to the open bar, battled and finally got us some Fat Tires--pale ale with some "live yeast" in it...interesting.  We waited on line for steak, swordfish, salad, bread, potatoes, chili, corn, beans.  They showed a video while we ate--the company's history, a sort of self-congratulatory film I guess meant to boost all their egos/morale--and they all cheered.  I thought they had nice camaraderie and that perhaps I wouldn't mind working there.  Someone went up and did a song to the tune of "Margaritaville" changing the words to make some company inside jokes, mentioning some names I recognized.  I started in on the 150-year anniversary cake when J. & M. came over with 1800 tequila shots, ordered me to put the cake down.  M. toasted to our company and our clients, and we downed it--it burned worse than SoCo!  I was staggering, M. & J. laughed.  My eyes were burning and I would've liked to stay and get more drinks for the night but wanted to call Sam.  L. & I went back to our rooms, I ran for the phone and called, Sherm woke him up and I told him how wonderful it is here, like a vacation.

        So right now I'm drinking the $5 Evian water that was on my dresser and will be charged to my hotel bill, watching Scooby Doo on Cartoon Network from one of my queen beds.  I could so get used to this.

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Thursday 10/28/99

        This morning I get up with a swollen eye just like I did three weeks ago, I don't know what it is still--just in time for today's presentation of course.  I tell M. to go ahead without me, and get to breakfast when everyone's almost done.  M. & I. agree we're now hooked on salsa with our eggs.  J. puts a fresh place setting in front of me and H. asks if I'm OK, I mention my allergies but I think she suspected I was hungover--which I wasn't--well maybe a tinnnny bit.  Back at the conference room we finish the last few laptop installs, H. goes over the schpiel with L. and me.  We go back to our rooms to pack, I'm calling McK- Travel for the fifth time and there are seven seats left, standby will be no problem (I'd asked H. Are you sure you don't need me to stay the whole time?  The session had been moved to 1:30 so if I wanted to catch the 3:30 flight I'd have to split by 2:45, otherwise I was "stuck" for the night and leaving Friday morning).  She said Just go early.  Are you sure?  Sure??  Damn.  If only L. didn't have to go back early because of his gf's thing tomorrow, then I wouldn't have felt guilty staying another night too, then M. probably wouldn't change his flight either--but I think after everyone else was leaving Thursday night, and he found out our rooms are $235/night which he'd thought were under $100 (I had suspected about $200/night but figured it was possible they got a real cheap group rate--$235 is the group rate, $295 is regular price), so he switched to the red-eye and is going to try for First class--not a bad idea--and he won't be expected to go into work.  Leo's not either.  But of course, my damn conscience, and I know K. would do it too (be back at work) so when I called the office to get our FedEx account number, I told Shirley to give B. the message I'd be in late tomorrow morning if I got on Standby.  Blast.  Shirley probably wondered why I just didn't ask her to put me through to B. but I didn't want to take the time she was bound to use up--and didn't want to hear her voice, picture her and the office, when I was in this Mecca of a fantasyland...

        Was starting to feel harried.  Packed and left bags at the bellstand, downed lunch (we ate off the buffet tables first, then the managers came out of their meeting and ate while we went in to set up).  H. looked stressed, I helped her set and count the chairs.  I went out looking around for water, a waiter asked what I needed and I pointed to another waiter idly shaking a new water bottle and asked "Do you have any more of those?"  He called "Julio!" and took the bottle from him and gave it to me.  "Sorry it's not cold, you want a cold one?"  I said it was fine thanks and laughing I went to tell M. & J. the story and they laughed too.  The royal treatment is great--I told them from now on I should go to 5-star hotels and wear a nametag from the conference of the week, and suck up the star treatment.

[writing on the plane back now--good lord, they have the same exact dinner I had coming here--but a different salad dressing and brownie--but woo, I also actually have a choice to get chicken this time.  They also didn't have cranberry juice again.  But this time, she said they had it, then came back and said they were out--vs. coming here when she flat out said they didn't have it.  I guess that might qualify as some sort of marginal improvement.]

        At 1:30 we were on.  I was self-conscious because I would walk through the tables as H. started speaking and people would look at me and I'd think they had a question, but then they'd look away--so they were just looking at me.  Pete somebody, was pretty funny.  He'd turned in his laptop to us earlier for the install and I said he could get it back in half an hour, he smiled and after a moment:  "You can keep it forever if you like, I don't mind."  So now I came over to help the woman next to him and he asked if I had a driver's license.  I said I have for six years.  He and the woman were incredulous, "22??"  "23 actually."  He put his hands to his head like he couldn't believe it.

        They were a fun bunch, especially the men, some joked around like "This error message is really frightening me...I'm very disturbed...can you document for my boss that I did not do anything to this computer?"  etc... the only pain in the ass was one guy who said we should've made a default folder for saving documents in My Documents instead of Program Files--when I explained he could make his own subfolder in My Documents and direct it there, he said huffily "I know how to do that because I know Visual Basic programming--all these guys" waving his hand toward everyone else at his table, who apparently had learned to tune him out, "won't know that."  I said with as much sincerity as I could--I'm a bad actress--"Thanks we'll keep that in mind."  I wrote down his name and showed J. "I'm making a list of all the people who annoy me."  But at the end his name was the only one.

        It was 2:50 and time to head out.  M. & J. were busy helping so I just slipped out.  Then found three more extra manuals to ship but L had already turned in the Fed Ex--went to the Business Center and looked through every box--not there--he must've turned it in to the front desk.  I walked over, they said the Business Center would re-package it, so walked back to the Business Center and by now I'm rushing--almost ran to the bellstand, they called over a car and helped me and my bags in and at the airport I had fifteen minutes to spare.  As soon as they switched my tickets they made the last boarding call.

        Found my seat--there was a guy and his daughter in the three-seater section, he said "I guess you'd want the window seat."  I said Sure, whatever's easier.  He helped me put my bags in the overhead which was nice, but I saw his wife and baby in the two seats in front of us and my heart sank, anticipating three hours of whining, crying, and I had a quick flashback of that kid on my flight back from VA:  "I want the window seat, mommy!"  and I was already prepared to give this one up again.  

        But I sat and the girl, who looked about six, was quite well-behaved.  The baby crawled under to our seat and I said "I wish I could do that, it beats climbing over knees" and he smiled politely, the wife snapped her head around as soon as I opened my mouth.  I got the feeling she was one of those.  He was very cute, beautiful friendly blue eyes and soft smile, wearing a polo shirt and jeans, and brown hair calling to run your fingers through it.  He pointed out the window and I tried to show her the engines.  He said, "If we annoy you too much, there are plenty of empty seats back there."  I know he probably meant to be polite/considerate, but I felt a little miffed, thinking they just wanted me to move so they'd have the whole seat to themselves.  

         He asked if I worked for D&T (noticing my bag) and I explained No, my sister did.  After a little while he leaned forward and had a private exchange with wifey, and they switched seats.  I was bummed.  I flipped through a manual, they were moving around, quieting the baby and maybe changing her.  The wifey (Ann) flipped through the American Airlines magazine and asked him (Chris) if he liked this or that and she was going to buy him blah blah and would he get this watch for her?  etc.  She already annoyed me.  

        From bits and pieces I gathered they were moving.  The girl came back and little by little she started chatting with me.  Found out she was only four and a half, birthday two days before mine, and they were going to move to Chicago from Phoenix but were just looking at houses for these four days.  Her sister Caroline was one.  They both seemed big for their ages, when I considered Tyler and Brandon.  "You've been on a plane before?"  "Oh yes, we go to LOTS of different places."  "You're very smart."  "Oh I AM!"  I got a feeling she was going to turn out a product of the mother's persuasion.  Dad came back and thanked me for chatting with her.  I thought, I'd do anything for you.

        As we took off her ears started hurting, I offered her gum and asked him if she could have it.  He let me give it to her and said "We've been talking about gum but she's never had it yet."  I told her "Be careful not to swallow" and I offered it to him, and told him to ask his wife too, so he took it and thanked me.  Madeline chewed it a bit and he said "Spit it out in my hand," then asked his wife, "Honey, you have a napkin?"  She asked what for, he looked at his hand and said "No reason."  She threw back a towel.  He hit his head on the seat back in mock frustration.  I laughed and said "I have a tissue" and gave it to him, he was quite grateful.  Every time he smiled at me my stomach felt weaker.

        She said, "She's going to New Jersey," and he said "Really??"  like it was so interesting (I'd told him already) and he asked, "Did you get her name?"  She said Grace and he said, "That's a very pretty name."  He asked where I worked and I paused and said McK- (never sure what to say, but it's just easier to say that instead of 'K-W- but then it was bought out by McK- but we still call ourselves K-W-'...etc etc)  and "Madeline told me you work for Motorola."  He looked impressed with her and said "She never ceases to amaze me.  And what does Motorola make?" he asked her.  "Cell phones, cell phones," she repeated like a mantra (I could picture her mom coaching her on this--"Cell phones, Madeline, not just regular phones.  The kind mostly rich people have.")

        As we got ready for landing she started pulling on her sweater, "I got it at the Gap," she said proudly, and again he looks all proud, and we both helped her pull it on and I had a brief fantasy.

        The stewardesses were fawning over him--the daughters also, like afterthoughts--he just oozed that loving father aura that's so incredibly frustrating because the very fact he seems like such a devoted husband and father is what makes you want him, but the very fact he is also means you could never have him, and you might fantasize about sneaking your number into his hand and meeting him for a rendezvous in Aruba but know that if he did it, he'd be a major cheating asshole and you wouldn't like him anymore.  And Oh yeah, I guess the fact he was gorgeous helped.  So he kept telling them, "You've all been so great, such a great help," and they all cooed.  I wondered how steamed the wife was feeling--he obviously wasn't doing anything wrong or flirting with any of us in the least, but I had a feeling somehow, he was going to get it from her when they went home.  Poor guy.  When he thanked me for chatting with Madeline I said I had two nephews about their age (again I see wife's head turn).  That's probably the best thing Lucy's having kids has done for me--lets me throw in a conversation tidbit to help me relate to people with kids.

        We landed and stood.  Wife had (next to the diaper/bottle/milk bag) a black Kate Spade bag.  Figures.  I barely knew a thing about her but I guess one could say from a superficial glance that she'd "made it" in life.  Tall, gorgeous loving husband, two beautiful kids, going to Chicago to buy a new house, and a Kate Spade New York bag.  [FYI:  I think I've had enough ginger ale and pretzels to give me bad dreams for a while.]

        They were laden with the stroller/babyseat, bags, and kids, so I was expecting not to get my overhead stuff 'til they cleared out, but he brought down my Nike bookbag and told Madeline to get off his back, then got my laptop bag too.  I thanked him and he said Thanks again for entertaining her, and have a good trip home.  I said You too, and they were gone.