X-ianity

• God doesn't know about TV or the internet or anything modern.
• Jesus is dead.
• Jesus died for no reason.
• Only good people go to heaven.
• Heaven is boring.
• Heaven is like church.
• All you do is sing in heaven.
• The Nativity scene and the birth of Jesus is the most important doctrine of the church.
• You have to go to church to go to heaven.
• Every Sunday.
• Every minister or rabbi who quotes from the bible is offering the correct interpretation of scripture, so you shouldn't question it or check it for validity.
• Denominations are separate religions.
• Jesus practiced religious tolerance and never discriminated against people on the basis of their religion.
• The goal of Christianity should be finding the garden of Eden, because that's where it all started.
• The Old Testament is about Jesus and the disciples.
• The New Testament is about Moses and the garden of Eden and other things.
• Only boring people pray and read the bible.
• Cults are the same thing as denominations.
• Christians never agree on anything.
• A `loving' God wouldn't send people to hell.
• A `loving' God wouldn't let bad things happen to people.
• Heaven is a small place, and there's not much to do there.
• Heaven is underpopulated and lonely.
• God gives you no protection against evil.
• God helps those who help themselves.
• In hell you have friends.
• Hell is sexy.
• If you like rock music, you'll have a good time in hell.
• Satan lives in hell, and he pops out of it every so often to cause trouble.
• You can outsmart God and sneak into heaven that way.
• You've got to get on St. Peter's good side in order to get into heaven.
• If you're greasy enough, you can slip through the pearly gates.
• If you trip and fall on a cloud in heaven, you end up falling into hell.
• Being a Christian is boring.
• Marriage is boring.
• Before you are born, you float around in heaven, looking for the ideal set of parents to live with.
• Hell can freeze over.
• People have to shovel coal to keep the fires of hell running and/or have to watch it so the pilot light doesn't go out.
• Christians can't have any fun.
• Christians don't watch TV or movies or listen to rock or rap music or anything that's popular.
• Jesus promised wealth in this life.
• God and Satan are equals.
• Satan is eternal.
• Satan rules hell.
• You can escape hell.
• You can escape hell if you have unfinished business, if you do something nice for Satan, or if you show good behavior.
• Only bad people go to hell.
• In heaven, all you do is sit on a cloud and play a harp. It's boring.
• In heaven there are streets of gold(pretty useless if you ask me).
• In hell there are streets of chocolate(A lot better than heaven).
• God lives in the church only. He doesn't exist outside the confines of the church.
• God can only be found on his heavenly throne, sitting on his duff.
• In heaven, you have to stand in a long line.
• Jesus went to heaven as a ghost, because he's dead.
• Heaven is in the clouds.
• Christians believe that Jews are going to hell.
• You can get out of hell by getting on Satan's good side.
• Jews don't believe in hell.
• Hell is just a manipulative trick to get people to go to church, sing hymns and put money in the offering plate.
• Ministers and pastors can save us and rescue us from hell, so naturally they must be perfect human beings, devoid of sin. If this is not the case, Christianity is a farce.
• Christians believe you must have communion and go to a confessional in order to receive salvation.
• The threat of hell is the reason why people believe in Jesus.
• Only a Catholic priest can perform an excorcism.
• Hitlers, Nazis and Saddam Hussein are going to hell.
• Jesus hates Nazis, Jews, and homosexuals.
• To get out of hell, you have to cast a lot of spells, use a lot of manna and health potions, go up from Baal and head towards the Rogue Encampment.

• God knows everything.
• Jesus is still alive, he rose from the dead.
• Jesus died for our sins.
• Anyone who believes in Jesus will be saved.
• Heaven is the most exciting place you'll ever go to.
• In Heaven, you can praise God anywhere, outside of buildings, in whatever fashion you desire, especially if you can't sing that well.
• Anything you do to God's glory is just as good as singing.
• The Nativity scene is one of the least significant parts of the Christ story. Christ's death and resurrection is the most important.
• You don't have to go to church at all to be saved. You just have to believe in Christ, and worship God in spirit and in truth.
• Preachers and ministers and rabbis are human beings. Because of this, sometimes they mess up and misquote the bible or cite quotations out of context. Sometimes Christians are just as bad about this as non-Christians, so you should always check their sources to make sure. If the teacher in question doesn't even bother to provide the source of the citation, it's obvious you should check elsewhere. In the case of this particular site, I admit to being a fallible human being. My primary source is the bible, so you should read it and check things and e-mail me if there's a problem with what I'm saying here. (Go to the index page)
• Denominations are divisions of Christianity which all agree on five core beliefs:
  1. That there is one God, that God is a trinity, is infinite and eternal.
  2. That Jesus Christ is the second person of the trinity, therefore is God, born of a virgin, died for humanity's sins, and that Jesus was physically resurrected from the dead(rose from the dead/is still alive).
  3. That man was created in God's image, is forever distinct from God, is morally responsible to God, is destined to live with God forever in heaven or suffer forever in hell, depending on whether or not they are saved.
  4. That there is sin and salvation, that all people are born into the world in a state of sin, that people can do nothing to merit their own salvation or earn favor with God, that salvation is by grace alone through faith alone, based on the atonement Christ brought.
  5. That the old and new testaments are inspired by God, are inerrant, and are therefore authoratative. (Source-The Challenge of the cults by Ron Rhodes, 22-23)
• As you can see above, cults are not the same thing as denominations.
• Christians agree on the five points above.
• Jesus told people that the only true path was through him. He spoke sharply against the pharisees and sadducees and scribes who were focusing on ritual rather than pleasing God. Contrary to the ideas of Jesus' supposed tolerance, he told people plainly that they were in danger of hell, and only he could save them.
• The goal of Christianity is to bring people into heaven, the new garden of Eden.
• The New Testament is about Jesus and the disciples.
• The Old Testament is about Moses and the garden of Eden and other things.
• Many dynamic and interesting personalities, in addition to the peaceful, seemingly boring people, read the bible and pray.
• You have to define `love' before you can tell God what a `loving' God can and cannot do.
• Jesus promised persecution and suffering for his followers, although he also promised a heavenly reward for it.
• Heaven is bigger than we can ever imagine, with more wonderful stuff to do there than we can even begin to imagine.
• Millions of people have believed in Christ over the centuries. While a minority, it's still a significant amount of people to hang out with.
• Those who have Christ are protected from Satan and his minions, and they cannot harm them.
• God helps the weak, who call out to him.
• Hell is the antithesis of heaven. It's more likely that you'll be lonely and isolated in heaven. Isolated from God means being totally alone, no companions of any kind, human or otherwise.
• It's doubtful that you even receive sexual experiences in heaven, since we'll be like angels, neither married nor given in marriage. But hell is full of weeping and gnashing of teeth.
• While God may have some super cool, bad@$$ stuff for the head banger in heaven, it's doubtful that hell will be any fun for them.
• According to the book of Job, Satan is walking the earth right now. Revelation speaks of his final judgement. Jesus spoke of Satan falling from heaven. Satan can't escape hell any more than we can.
• God can read minds.
• St. Peter was a human being. He is not your ticket to salvation. Jesus is the key to salvation. I doubt St. Peter would have very much fun playing secretary, especially since God's mind is a lot faster than that and can handle much more information.
• You can't outsmart God.
• Hell doesn't exist for a Christian believer. Even if God let you have a peek at hell, Jesus would keep you from falling out and getting stuck in hell.
• Missionaries put their lives on the line to share God's word. Sometimes being a Christian is a tough, dyamic adventure. Making a stand for what you believe is challenging and sometimes dangerous, not for the faint of heart.
• Those who believe that having multiple partners is more exciting are just afraid of having true intimacy with their spouse.
• There is nothing in the bible that promotes such an idea. To the contrary, Psalm 139 speaks of the author being knit in his mother's womb. The only one who is ever described as pre-existing is Jesus, according to John 1. This concept is bordering on the idea of reincarnation, a non-Christian doctrine.
• The idea that hell can freeze over is just a joke invented to soften one's fears of eternal hell fire. Unless, of course, the cold goes in the opposite extreme, becoming just as unbearable as the fire.
• The idea that the fires of hell have to be stoked, fed or maintained is an artificial limit invented by human minds, as opposed to God's mind. Another invention to soften people's fears of hell.
• While the bible commands us not to sin, not to commit adultery, not to look at pornography or watch strippers or sleep with prostitutes, while it tells us not to murder or such things, it's no different than the safety precautions at amusement parks and the like. The rules are to help us avoid ruining good experiences. Christians enjoy many of the same entertainments and sports and things as non-Christians do.
• Christians vary on what they consider acceptable, as far as entertainment goes, based on their own consciences. While some of these are biblical in nature, other choices are made from the person's own conscience. While nobody really disputes about whether baseball is acceptable, people decide on things like Harry Potter based on what they feel in their conscience about it. While I don't mind those books, other people do. Other people like Disney, but I take offense at them because of what I've read. It's not a biblical, but a personal decision. So, basically, while there may be disagreements on things, Christians often like to have fun. Those puritanical rules of not smiling on the sabbath are a thing of the past.
• Jesus promised heavenly treasure.
• Satan is an ant, which God will crush at the end of the world. God's power has always been greater than Satan. If we have Christ on our side, God on our side, we have nothing to fear.
• Satan knows that his time is short.
• God metes out the punishment in hell, and Satan will get a load of it.
• Hell is inescapable.
• You and I, everyone, deserves hell, except Christ alone. That's why Jesus died to save us. If the most evil men in history repented and accepted Jesus as their savior, they will doubtless show up in heaven, not hell.
• Heaven is the most fun place you'll ever go to. Beyond your wildest dreams. Unimaginably wonderful and not in the least bit boring.
• Nobody really cares about gold, just what it buys. Clearly, heaven is a lavish place, according to the description in Revelation. The gold street is an oversimplification. It doesn't encourage me to go there. Neither do gold basketballs. Having fun for eternity, however, is a better idea.
• Not even molten chocolate. That's too nice. Another joke made up by someone to soften their fear of hell.
• God is everywhere. His presence is everywhere. He can inhabit both a building and its outsides. If you're in the MIR Space Station, He's right there with you. On the planet Bajor? No problem. He's there, too. Under the ground? Sure. Through Jesus, his Spirit inhabits our hearts. God inhabited the body of Jesus while still present everywhere else.
• While God may sit on a throne, he also is everywhere else, too.
• I should certainly hope that heaven is more efficient than an amusement park, with all its lines. It wouldn't be heaven otherwise, would it?
• Jesus physically went into heaven, not as a ghost, but as a physical human being. He ate fish, and he touched people. Not ghostly at all.
• We don't know where heaven is. While Jesus may have ascended into heaven with the clouds and gone into what we perceive to be the clouds, anyone who flies in an airplane can kinda see why it would be erroneous to think that heaven is up there with the water droplets, unless perhaps, it's in a different plane of reality than we're used to.
• Jesus is a Jew.
• Satan is going to be judged and condemned to hell just like everyone else. He has no power over hell. Hell is God's creation.
• There are references in the Old Testament which describe hell(sheol) in ways that cannot possibly be mere references to `the grave.' Deuteronomy 32:22 describes a burning `Sheol.' 2 Samuel 22:5- 6 repeats `grave' four times in a row. The word, `Abaddon' is used in Job 26:6, and proverbs 2:18 talks about the `shades.' `Shades' would not apply to a `grave' where you supposedly cease to exist.
• Christians go to church, sing hymns and donate money out of love for Jesus, since Jesus died to save us, Jews and Gentiles alike, from hell, making hell nonexistent for any who believe in him. It's not a requirement to go to church, merely to believe. Unfortunately, though, hell is a biblical fact. It's healthy to want to escape danger. But there is no condemnation for those who believe in Christ, so, as long as you believe in Jesus, you can live a healthy and happy life, unafraid of hell. Offerings and churchgoing and hymns are nice, but unneccesary for your salvation.
• Pastors and church ministers are sinners. Regular human beings. You should not expect perfection out of them. Only Jesus can save us from our sins. Only Jesus can save us from hell.
• While the threat of hell is a reason to believe in Jesus, it is not the only reason. A better reason is that Jesus died specifically with you in mind, that he would have died for you if you were the only person on earth. The fact that someone cared enough to sacrifice his son to give eternal life to worthless, corrupt, sinful people like me and you is a much more powerful motivation. I mean, I wouldn't die to save an undesirable person like me, yet someone else did. That makes me want to share the good news of Jesus with other people I find undesirable.
• Jesus gave his disciples and all followers the power to do great things in his name. If we have faith and confidence in Christ, and rely on Christ for our strength, we can speak with authority against the powers of darkness. Our competence will come from God. You only need to strengthen your relationship with God(confess sins, etc), speak boldly against demonic power using appropriate scripture and the name of Christ, be confident that you are a child of God and the evil one cannot harm you. Fasting and prayer helps a lot. Some demons can only be cast out through prayer.
• It's God's decision who will be saved and who won't be. The acts of dictators and murderers are sinful. They cause a lot of pain and suffering. However, my acts also cause a lot of pain and suffering. Just because I didn't murder people doesn't mean I'm not perfect, or any more deserving of heaven than them. We are all sinners, deserving of hell. Only through Jesus can we hope to be saved.
• Jesus sacrificed his life for all people, Gentiles, Jews, murderers, thieves, prostitutes. He hung out with sinners a lot. Christ is only for sinners, so if you're not a sinner, you don't need Jesus.
• You can't fight your way out of hell.