Belly Buttons
What is a bellybutton? I am sure this is a questioned asked by almost every alien creature who has ever visited our planet. This small near-hole in our body is one of the best conversation starters in the known history of humankind. These marvelous places on our bodies are the source of endless fascination. Wars have been fought over the right to own them, lovers have sealed their fates by admitting their existence. I am sure that everything that has happened in, ever, has in some way been influenced by the belly button.
~lint~
This evil creation is a product straight from the pits of hell. Our brave bellybuttons are ruthlessly attacked by this invader every day, and we must constantly cleanse them of the sin that ~is~ lint. Satan, every day, rises up out of his pit and traces a claw down our bodies, touching every single part until he finds the center. That glorious piece of humanity that IS the bellybutton!! Satan envies it, he strives to own it, it is in his *every* dream. And, being the mean ass that he is, he throws his dirt in it, forever soiling this marvelous creation. The true test of ones goodness is the amount of lint that they carry. I cannot speak for anyone else, but mine is as clean as the day I was born.
~differences~
The innie and the outie. When I am walking down the street and I see a bare midriff with that beautiful belly button exposed to the world, I shed a single tear for its perfection. But, there are those among us who would see that the righteous innie be suppressed! Those demonic abyss-bitches with their pernicious outies. Old Scrotch himself has had his hand in these deadly creations. When a fetus gives its life to Satan it gets a shield over its awe inspiring button. This shield is made of dead puppies and worms and feces. Nothing good can come from the outies. You see, since ones worth is measured by how much room has in ones button, these people are worthless. If you see an outie walking down the street, I implore you to hit that person over the head and take your holy sacrament knife and bore out the still living quivering flesh of that wicked person into a wonderful innie. If anyone attempts to stop you, they are agents of the dark one and you have my permission to kill them. Its for their own good.
~subjugation~
Outies, throughout history, have subjugated us innies. These subversive swine have destroyed the fabric of our society by having the ~audacity~ to speak out for their own rights!! If you were BORN unholy then why the hell should I treat you like a human being?? I remember when I was fetus, I sat there for nine months contemplating my holy existence, until that day when I flew from the cabbage in my mothers well tended flower garden and into her arms. On that day she kissed my head and she poured holy water in my belly button to cleanse it of any evil I may have accrued in flight. The evil ones don't do this though. They make a pact with Evil to be passed through their mothers birthing canal. Once they are born the doctor cuts off the deleterious cord attached to the mothers source of good, and leaves just enough to completely fill in the belly button. This wicked practice makes me weep for all those poor mothers who let their unborn fetuses be led down the path of wickedness.
~adornment~
Oh, how society has crumbled. In my day we kept our buttons covered, like good honest godfearing folk. During our church services (I wish they were ten hours every day) we would expose them to our pastor and he would pour sacred oils into them to purify them back into goodness. When walking down the street we would expose them to passerbys and give them a wink to tell them that they were, as well, good people. But there are those who would wish us to not do this, and then there are those who abuse this with their baneful evil. Rings. Every time I see a good woman skating down the street with her wonderful mounds of womanhood flopping playfully in her 1 ounce harness, below which lies the essence of all her heavenly goodness, a ring in said goodness makes me quiver. They have DEFILED their buttons with unholy metals!!! But, a simple matter of throwing up your palm in righteous wrath and screaming "OUT FOUL DEMON" and Flinging your palm upon their forehead causes them to drop to their knees and weep because they see that you are good and are trying to help them! You must then rip that piece of metal from their button and use it to gouge tiny crosses in their eyes, so wherever they go they will see the light of goodness.
~hope~
I urge all of you with the Innie bellybuttons to go to your local lawmaker and demand that all outies submit to the innieing procedure, or face mandatory death. We can no longer allow these wicked heathens to walk our streets. Where-ever and outie goes, rape and pillage follow.
If you don't believe me you are obviously evil.
Copyright Manny