Drella: Oh, no, don't move. Just ignore the tiny woman pushing the 200-pound instrument around. No, this is good, I like this. After this I'll, uh, bench press a piano, huh? Oh, that's it, lady, tie your shoe now. Yeah, don't worry, I'll wait.

Rory Gilmore: I'll tell all the ladies what a stud you are.
Michel Gerard: I believe that memo has already been sent. 

Rory Gilmore: You're happy.
Lorelai Gilmore: Yeah.
Rory Gilmore: Did you do something slutty?
Lorelai Gilmore: I'm not that happy.

Lorelai Gilmore: Michel, the phone.
Michel Gerard: Mmhmm. It rings.
Lorelai Gilmore: Can you answer it?
Michel Gerard: No. People are particularly stupid today. I can't talk to any more of them.
Lorelai Gilmore: You know who's really nice to talk to? The people at the unemployment agency.
Michel Geard: Independence Inn, Michel speaking. [pause] No, I'm sorry, we're completely booked.

Rory Gilmore: So how do I look?
Lorelai Gilmore: Like you were swallowed by a kilt.
Rory Gilmore: All right, you can hem it. A little....just a little!
Lorelai Gilmore: Oooh, goody! Or...I can hem it a lot!

Rory Gilmore: I was so excited about this being my last day at Star Hallows High that I played volleyball in gym.
Lorelai Gilmore: You're kidding. With other people??

Rory Gilmore: It's my mother's name, too. She named me after herself. She was lying in the hospital thinking about how men name boys after themselves all the time, you know, so why couldn't women? She says her feminism just kind of took over. Though personally I think a lot of Demerol also went into that decision. I never talk this much.

Lorelai Gilmore: Hey, I have dibs on being the bitch tonight.
Rory Gilmore: Just tonight?
Lorelai Gilmore: What the hell's wrong with you?

Lorelai Gilmore: Oh, you're gonna have to walk faster than that. You're gonna have to turn into friggin' Flo Jo to get away from me.

Lorelai Gilmore: Okay, fine. We always had a democracy in this house. We never did anything unless we both agreed. But now I guess I'm going to have to play the mom card. You are going to Chilton whether you want to or not. Monday morning, you will be there, end of story.
Rory Gilmore: We'll see.
Lorelai Gilmore: Yeah, we will.

Luke Danes: Oh God, I can't watch this, this is so unhealthy. Rory, put the coffee down, you do not want to grow up to be like your mother.
Rory Gilmore: Sorry, too late.

Rory Gilmore: I didn't know the rodeo was in town
Loralai Gilmore: Ok, that's it. I'm bringing the baby pictures
Rory Gilmore: NO! I'm sorry. I love the rodeo, the rodeo rules!

Luke Danes: There's no more coffee.
Lorelai Gilmore: That's not funny.
Luke Danes: I can give you herbal tea.
Lorelai Gilmore: This is not an herbal tea morning. This is a coffee morning.
Luke Danes: Every morning for you is a coffee morning.
Lorelai Gilmore: This is a JUMBO coffee morning. I need coffee in an IV.
Luke Danes: I can give you tea and a balance bar.
Lorelai Gilmore: Please please PLEASE tell me you're kidding!
Luke Danes: I'm kidding.
Lorelai Gilmore: You're sick.
Luke Danes: Yup.
Lorelai Gilmore: You're a sadist, you're a FIEND! (Luke brings coffee) You're pretty.

Rory Gilmore: Yeah, they kept calling me Mary.
Lorelai Gilmore: You're kidding me. Wow, I can't believe they still say that.
Rory Gilmore: Why? What does it mean?
Lorelai Gilmore: Mary, like Virgin Mary. It means they think you look like a goody-goody.
Rory Gilmore: You're kidding.
Lorelai Gilmore: No.
Rory Gilmore: Well, what would they have called me if they thought I looked like a slut?
Lorelai Gilmore: Well, they might have added a Magdalene to it.
Rory Gilmore: Wow, biblical insults. This is an advanced school.

Lorelai Gilmore: Hey, what do you think of Luke?
Rory Gilmore: What do you mean?
Lorelai Gilmore: I mean, do you think he's cute?
Rory Gilmore: Oh, no. No way.
Lorelai Gilmore: No way what?
Rory Gilmore: You cannot date Luke.
Lorelai Gilmore: I said nothing about dating Luke.
Rory Gilmore: If you date him, you'll break up, and we'll never be able to eat there again.
Lorelai Gilmore: I repeat, I said nothing about dating Luke.
Rory Gilmore: Date Al from Pancake World, his food stinks.
Lorelai Gilmore: I cannot believe what I'm hearing. Al's food does not stink, Al stinks.

Lorelai Gilmore: I'm sorry. Dad, how do you mix up Anton and Sophia?
Richard Gilmore: What do you mean?
Lorelai Gilmore: Well, one is a man and one is a woman.
Richard Gilmore: And your point being?
Lorelai Gilmore: That one is a man and one is a woman.
Richard Gilmore: I have a lot to do in a day, Lorelai. I don't have time to keep up with the multitudes of people that your mother employs.
Lorelai: But one is a man and one is a woman.

Lorelai Gilmore: Oh, is there a "you're crazy" team? 'Cause I think they'd make you captain.

Twins Mom: Did you ever have a time where you didn't like your kid?
Lorelai Gilmore: Well, I wasn't too fond of her during labor
Twins Mom: That was my high point

Lorelai Gilmore: I'm talking about that you take my sweaters and you wear them and you stretch them out.
Rory Gilmore: I couldn't possibly stretch them out! Your boobs are way bigger than mine.
Lorelai Gilmore: That is not true.
Rory Gilmore: Yes it is.
Lorelai Gilmore: Your boobs are totally bigger than mine!
Rory Gilmore: You're crazy!

Lorelai Gilmore: A crazy evil spirit obsessed with bra size took over my body.

Lorelai Gilmore: Here is your "serious" paper. Oh, and here are your somber highlighters, your maudlin pencils, your manic-depressive pens. Oh! These erasers are on lithium, so they may seem cheerful, but we actually caught them trying to shove themselves into the pencil sharpener.

Rory Gilmore: Lorelai, go to your room!
Lorelai Gilmore: Wow, smart girls are mean!

Lorelai Gilmore: Um excuse me -
Max Medina: You know, I think this would be a good time for a break. There’s coffee in the back.
[Lorelai stand up by the black board]
Max Medina: What were you gonna do - hit her?
Lorelai Gilmore: No, I just - I had some good verbal comebacks ready.
[sips coffee]
Lorelai Gilmore: It - it just keeps getting worse.
Max Medina: Well you know not drinking it is always an option.
Lorelai Gilmore: Not in my world.
Max Medina: I’m Max Medina.
Lorelai Gilmore: Nice to meet you.
Max Medina: I apologize for the behaviors of some of our guests tonight. It’s a tense time for some people.
Lorelai Gilmore: The SAT season?
Max Medina: The waking hours.

Luke Danes: You look like you need pie.
Rory Gilmore: I do?
Luke Danes: Violent pencil tossing usually signals the need for pie.
Rory Gilmore: What if I'd thrown a pen?
Luke Danes: I would've brought you a trout.

Rory Gilmore: Do you really think I can do this?
Lorelai Gilmore: I bet you a dollar.
Rory Gilmore: That’s it? That’s all my future’s worth - one dollar.
Lorelai Gilmore: Well you did get a ‘D’.

Rory Gilmore: Oh my god, I just got hit by a deer!
Lane Kim: You hit a deer?
Rory Gilmore: No, I got hit by a deer!
Lane Kim: Was it a 4-way stop?

Rory Gilmore: No! You have to let me take this test! I am ready for this test! I know everything there is to know about Shakespeare!
Max Medina: Okay, Okay, you need to calm down now.
Rory Gilmore: I know his birthday, his mother's name and the kind of ink he used-
Paris Gellar: (to Louise) Loser
Rory Gilmore: (turns on Paris) And just what is wrong with you?! Huh?! You already have everything! You already have the grades and the status! What the hell is wrong with you that you have this constant need to be the biggest jerk in the entire world?!?
Max Medina: Okay, let's go.
Rory Gilmore: (still to Paris) Huh?! What's up?! What's up quippy?! Why so silent?!
Max Medina: Outside now.
Rory Gilmore: (as she passes Tristan who is snickering, she leans in and yells) And for the last time, the name is RORY!!!

Lorelai Gilmore: Are you holding that door open for a reason?
Hanlin Charleston: Our meeting is over.
Lorelai Gilmore: Like hell it is.
Max Medina: Lorelai.
Lorelai Gilmore: Do you have any idea what we have gone through this week? We have been up all night every night studying. We haven’t slept. We haven’t talked about anything else except this school and this test for seven days. We have stretched ourselves as thin as humanly possible without going completely postal. My God! We’re only one person!
Hanlin Charleston: Why don’t we narrow our field conversation down to Rory.
Lorelai Gilmore: Ok, yeah, why don’t we. You sit up here in your snotty little school that’s in desperate need of some extra heating vents and you nurture horrible kids who treat each other like mortal enemies. You set impossible standards that make normal people feel less than everyone else. And you take a great kid like Rory and you tear her apart!
Max Medina: I don’t think that’s completely fair.
Lorelai Gilmore: [to Max] And you! You say she’s smart and she’ll be fine and this rotting stodgy rathole could use somebody like her and then you completely shut her out of a test that she’s crammed for, that she’s ready for, that she completely deserves to take!
Max Medina: I didn’t call this place a ‘rathole’
Lorelai Gilmore: Oh no that’s true. I added that. Wouldn’t want you to get in trouble with ‘Il duce’ here. I thought this place was going to be so great! And now I guess this goes on the ‘Boy was I wrong’ list, right above gauchos but just below the ‘Flashdance’ phase.
Hanlin Charleston: My goodness you do like to throw fits in your family.
Lorelai Gilmore: What are you talking about?
Hanlin Charleston: Your daughter threw a similar if not as manic fit of her own this morning.
Lorelai Gilmore: Please. Rory doesn’t throw fits. She’s the most even tempered person I know.
Hanlin Charleston: Well then, she did a lovely impression of you.
Lorelai Gilmore: Well I don’t -
Hanlin Charleston: Ms. Gilmore, everything you said in your rant was absolutely true - without the colorful embellishments of course. We do set impossible standards, and such standards do foster highly competitive children. However that is life and that is Chilton.

Max Medina: I'm going to propose something here. I'm not sure how you're going to take it.
Lorelai Gilmore: Oh wow, intrigue.
Max Medina: I'd like to see you sometime. Away from the ivy, away from the gargoyles, away from here.
Lorelai Gilmore: Are you asking me out on a date.
Max Medina: Yes.
Lorelai Gilmore: Mm. Well, uh, I don't want to go out on a limb here, but I'm guessing if the headmaster won't let a kid be thirty seconds late for a test he'd probably frown on a teacher dating a mom.
Max Medina: I do my job well, I'm dedicated to my students, and there's nothing in the Chilton book of ethics that prohibits it.
Lorelai Gilmore: Yeah but I'm guessing it's sort of an unwritten rule.
Max Medina: Do you want to go?
Lorelai Gilmore: And Rory would probably freak at the thought.
Max Medina: Do you want to go?
Lorelai Gilmore: And the other parents would have a field day with this kind of thing.
Max Medina: Do you want to go?
Lorelai Gilmore: Yes.
Max Medina: Good.
Lorelai Gilmore: Wait.
Max Medina: What?
Lorelai Gilmore: No.
Max Medina: Why?
Lorelai Gilmore: I can't. It's wrong. It's weird.
Max Medina: I'll pay.
Lorelai Gilmore: You're on.
Max Medina: Really?
Lorelai Gilmore: I'm kidding. I don't know. You're Rory's teacher.
Max Medina: I know.
Lorelai Gilmore: Could you quit? Right, that's crazy.
Max Medina: OK, OK. Um...how about coffee? You like coffee?
Lorelai Gilmore: Only with my oxygen.
Max Medina: Can we drink some together? A sort of pre-date. Very casual, no strings, no obligations. We'll just see if it's even worth going down the road of including food in the deal. (whispers) Just coffee. (normal voice) Decaf? There's nothing safer than decaf.
Lorelai Gilmore: I'm going to be in town tomorrow because I take a class at Hartford State and there's a coffee shop across the street that I sometimes, almost all the time, go to around 4:00 and usually exactly 4:12. I could not stop a person from entering said establishment around that time, nor would I avoid them if I knew them if they did.
Max Medina: You know the wordsmith thing -- that's something we have in common.
Lorelai Gilmore: See you around, Max.
Max Medina: Indeed. You will.

Max Medina: I think we should date.
Lorelai Gilmore: Why?
Max Medina: Because I think we both want to.
Lorelai Gilmore: Well I want to be in the Bangles but that doesn't mean I quit my job and get a guitar and ruin my life to be a Bangle, does it?
Max Medina: The Bangles broke up.
Lorelai Gilmore: Yeah, that's not the point.
Max Medina: Well it's got to be part of the point if there's no band anymore.
Lorelai Gilmore: I repeat my question: 'why should we date?'
Max Medina: Because we're clearly attracted to each other.
Lorelai Gilmore: I'm attracted to pie. It doesn't mean I feel the need to date pie.
Max Medina: OK then because we are --
Lorelai Gilmore: Yes?
Max Medina: -- of similar heights.
Lorelai Gilmore: Wow! Round one and already tapped.

Lorelai Gilmore: Yeah but if you're telling me what you think I want to hear then I'm not really getting to know you.
Max Medina: And if I know what you want to hear that shows a level of understanding on my part that far exceeds your understanding of me. (Lorelai doesn't say anything). Who's the one laggin?
Lorelai Gilmore: Uh...
Max Medina: Wow, round one and already tapped!
Lorelai Gilmore: (seriously) Rory is my life. She's my pal, my everything. And I would never, ever do anything that would hurt her.

Babette Dell: I never thought a man would ever even want me.
Lorelai Gilmore: I know the feeling.
Babette Dell: Oh, please -- with that ass? Gimme a break!

Lorelai Gilmore: OK, tomorrow I'm thinking the purple tiger top, the black leather skirt, the panda bear underwear.
Rory Gilmore: Oh, good.
Lorelai Gilmore: But of course I'm totally open to suggestions.
Rory Gilmore: Here's one: get some help.

Lorelai Gilmore: Okay, Burger Boy, dance.
Luke Danes: Will you marry me?
Lorelai Gilmore: What?
Luke Danes: Just looking for something to shut you up.

Rory Gilmore: I am not the hostess! You are!
Lorelai Gilmore: Hey, honey, hold on...
Rory Gilmore: This is your party and these are your guests and I don't have anything to say to them, so you give the speech.
Emily Gilmore: Rory!
Rory Gilmore: Excuse me.
Lorelai Gilmore: What was that all about?
Emily Gilmore: Lorelai, your daughter has no manners whatsoever. You should be ashamed of yourself.

Lorelai Gilmore: (to Rory) No, this is your party. You do not work -- you lounge and mock those who are. Have I taught you nothing?

Emily Gilmore: And this man with the ice?
Lorelai Gilmore: Luke.
Emily Gilmore: How long have you been seeing him?
Lorelai Gilmore: Luke? I'm not seeing Luke. He's just a friend.
Emily Gilmore: Mm-hmm.
Lorelai Gilmore: Mom, I swear! Luke keeps me in coffee -- nothing else.
Emily Gilmore: He seems to like you.
Lorelai Gilmore: And you're judging this by what?
Emily Gilmore: By the way he looked at you.
Lorelai Gilmore: Which was how?
Emily Gilmore: Like you were about to give him a lap dance.
Lorelai Gilmore: Mom, he did not look at me like that!
Emily Gilmore: You're pleased.
Lorelai Gilmore: What?
Emily Gilmore: You smiled. You're pleased that the ice man looked at you like a porterhouse steak.
Lorelai Gilmore: I'm smiling because you're crazy and that's what you do to crazy people to keep them calm.

Richard Gilmore: Emily, what's the matter?
Emily Gilmore: She's right. I don't know my daughter at all.

Lorelai Gilmore: Because I haven't had any clean underwear for three days.
Rory Gilmore: So right now under your skirt you're wearing...?
Lorelai Gilmore: Not underwear.
Rory Gilmore: Mom!
Lorelai Gilmore: It's kinda nice, actually -- breezy.
Rory Gilmore: My role model, ladies and gentlemen.

Luke Danes: No tip?
Lorelai Gilmore: Oh yeah, here's a tip-- serve your customers!
Luke Danes: Here's another-- don't sit on any cold benches!

Luke Danes: Not gonna say you look concerned.
Lorelai Gilmore: Not gonna talk about how cute you'd look dressed like one of the guys from "The Crucible."
Luke Danes: Fair enough.

Lorelai Gilmore: That letharo has wormed his way into my daughter's heart and mouth and for that he must DIE!
Luke Danes: That's it, let's go.

Luke Danes: You're not going to kill the bag boy.
Lorelai Gilmore: Why not?
Luke Danes: It's double coupon day. You'll bring down the town.

Lorelai Gilmore: You're going to quote Freud to me? 'Cause I'll push you in front of a moving car. This talk was going so well.

Taylor Doose: Well, excuse me Andrew, but some of us have businesses to run that don't involve peddling drug paraphernalia to kids.
Andrew: It was a lava lamp, Taylor.
Taylor Doose: There is no use for a lava lamp unless you're on drugs.

Rory Gilmore: So, how many times are you gonna listen to that?
Lorelai Gilmore: 'Til it stops being sexy.
Rory Gilmore: Stop! That's my teacher you're talking about. I have to respect him.
Lorelai Gilmore: Okay, well, if it makes you feel any better, while he's being sexy, he's also being grammatically correct.
Rory Gilmore: Better. Thank you.

Lorelai Gilmore: Yes, but I was the one who did the canceling after you did the asking, therefore you forfeit your taking rights to me, the canceller.

Richard Gilmore: Rory, are you in any way malnourished or in need of some international relief organization to recruit a celebrity to raise money on your account?

Rory Gilmore: It's Mr. Medina.
Lorelai Gilmore: I know.
Rory Gilmore: My English teacher is on my couch.
Lorelai Gilmore: It was the snow. You know how I get, it's like catnip. I was walking, he was there, his car was broken, we had fiesta burgers... it was the snow.

Lorelai Gilmore: I, uh. . .we had one date. It was a great date, World Series level. But it was just a date. Honey, I promised myself a long time ago that I was gonna keep all this stuff separate from you, and I want you to know that that still stands, okay? This was a one-time thing. I'm not gonna start just bringing guys home. This is not a trend.

Rory Gilmore: Well, what can I say? I like 'em cheap. Sloppy too -- bald spot, beer gut, you know, and the pants that kind of slip down in the back, giving you that good plumber shot. That sends me through the roof.

Lorelai Gilmore: (muttering to herself) Oh, a stroke would be so good right about now.

Emily Gilmore: You did a good job.
Lorelai Gilmore: Thanks.
Emily Gilmore: With the dress...and Rory.
Lorelai Gilmore: Thank you.

Dean Forester: You don't want to fight me Tristin!
Tristin DuGrey: Why not?
Dean Forester: 'Cause I'll kill you, idiot!

Emily Gilmore: Lorelai Gilmore, I've watched you do a lot of stupid things in your life and I have held my tongue.
Lorelai Gilmore: (laughs) You've what?
Emily Gilmore: But I will not stand by and let you allow that girl to ruin her life.
Lorelai Gilmore: Mom -- back off.
Emily Gilmore: She spent the night out with that boy, the one you let her run off to that dance with.
Lorelai Gilmore: Mom, so help me God, I will not get into this with you.
Emily Gilmore: She's doing the same thing you did.
Lorelai Gilmore: No she's not.
Emily Gilmore: She's going to get pregnant.
Lorelai Gilmore: No she's not.
Emily Gilmore: She's gonna ruin everything just like you did.
Lorelai Gilmore: No she's not! No she's not! No she's not! Rory is a good kid, Mom! She's not me.
Emily Gilmore: What kind of mother are you to allow this to happen to her?
Lorelai Gilmore: Oh, I don't know, Mom. What kind of mother were you?
Emily Gilmore: You're going to lose her. You're going to lose her just like I lost you.
Lorelai Gilmore: I am not going to lose her. Do you hear me? Even if I hadn't gotten pregnant, you still would have lost me. I had nothing in that house. I had no life. I had no air. You strangled me. I do not strangle Rory.
Emily Gilmore: Oh you're so perfect and I was so horrible. I put you in good schools. I gave you the best of everything. I made sure you had the finest opportunities. And I am so tired of hearing about how you were suffocated and I was so controlling. Well if I was so controlling why couldn't I control you running around getting pregnant and throwing your life away.
Lorelai Gilmore: Get out!
Emily Gilmore: What?
Lorelai Gilmore: You will not come into my house and tell me I threw my life away. Look around, Mom. This is a life. It has a little color in it so it may look a little unfamiliar to you, but it's a life. And if I hadn't gotten pregnant I wouldn't have Rory.
(Rory sneaks in the front door and hides by the stairs.)
Emily Gilmore: You know that's not what I meant.
Lorelai Gilmore: Maybe I was some horrible uncontrollable child like you say, but Rory isn't. She's smart and careful and I trust her and she's gonna be fine and if you can't accept that or believe it, then I don't want you in this house!
(Emily walks out and slams the door. Rory creeps into the kitchen.)
Rory Gilmore: Mom, thank you for saying all those --
Lorelai Gilmore: What were you thinking? Staying out all night! Are you insane?
Rory Gilmore: I'm sorry. It was an accident.
Lorelai Gilmore: You're talking to the queen of staying out all night. I invented the concept! This is no accident! You can't do this! Period.
Rory Gilmore: Nothing happened!
Lorelai Gilmore: Do you have any idea what it's like to wake up with my mother here and find out that you never came home?
Rory Gilmore: So all this is about Grandma being here.
Lorelai Gilmore: No, it's about the feeling of complete terror when your kid isn't in her bed in the morning.
Rory Gilmore: I'm sorry.
Lorelai Gilmore: And then it's about a whole different kind of terror when you find out that she spent the night with some guy.
Rory Gilmore: I didn't spend the night with him. We fell asleep.
Lorelai Gilmore: You are going on the pill.
Rory Gilmore: What?
Lorelai Gilmore: You're not getting pregnant.
Rory Gilmore: I'm not sleeping with Dean.
Lorelai Gilmore: Dammit!
Rory Gilmore: What happened to all that stuff you said to Grandma What happened to trusting me? Where did all that go?
Lorelai Gilmore: I think it's back on Patty's yoga mats.
Rory Gilmore: This is crap! You know I didn't do anything. You know this is an accident. You're just mad because I screwed up and I did it in front of Grandma and she nailed you for it. Well I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I screwed up and I'm sorry that you got yelled at, but I didn't do anything and you know it!

Rory Gilmore: Fine, forget it. Should I put your name on Grandma’s present?
Lorelai Gilmore: Yes, sign it the inn keeper formally known as her daughter.

Rory Gilmore: I think you're acting a little immature.
Lorelai Gilmore: I'm not acting!

Lorelai Gilmore: You made me a Santa burger.
Luke Danes: It’s not big deal.
Lorelai Gilmore: He has a hat and everything.
Luke Danes: Yeah, I just cut a piece of wonder bread, you know, poured a little ketchup, piped on a little cream cheese.
Lorelai Gilmore: No one has ever made me something quite this disgusting before. I thank you.
Luke Danes: You’re welcome.

Lorelai Gilmore: My father’s in the hospital.
Luke Danes: What?
Lorelai Gilmore: Yeah, he collapsed or something. I don’t know. I need a cab. I need to call a cab. Where’s the phone? I need - can anyone give me - I’m holding a phone. |
Luke Danes: Whoa, calm down.
Lorelai Gilmore: No I can’t calm down. I need a cab. What’s the numbers? God, it’s something-cabs, cabs-something-something, 1-800-cabs? Can somebody tell me the damn number of the cab guy?!
Luke Danes: I’ll drive you.
Lorelai Gilmore: But there’s food and there’s people and there’s a burger with a face.
Luke Danes: Ok, everybody out! We’re closed, let’s go. Food’s on me. [to Lorelai] Put on your coat and get your stuff. [to Taylor] Taylor, have your hot chocolate then lock up. [to Lorelai] Come on, my truck’s out back.
Lorelai Gilmore: Luke, I’m -
Luke Danes: I know, let’s go.

Emily Gilmore: I don’t know what happened. He was hot and he went to turn down the thermostat and then - [see Luke] were you on a date?
Lorelai Gilmore: What?
Emily Gilmore: You have an escort?
Lorelai Gilmore: No, it’s Luke, Mom.
Luke Danes: Which is her way of saying we weren’t on a date.
Lorelai Gilmore: I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it like that.
Emily Gilmore: Well how am I supposed to know you weren’t on a date. It’s Friday night and you show up here with a man.
Lorelai Gilmore: With Luke, Mom.
Emily Gilmore: It’s not insane to assume a date was involved.
Lorelai Gilmore: You’re right, ok, it’s entirely possible that I was out on a date.
Luke Danes: Just not with me.
Lorelai Gilmore: I was eating at Luke’s when I got the message. He gave me a ride, end of story. Is Dr. Reynolds here?

Lorelai Gilmore: Geez! Are you okay?
Luke Danes: Yeah, I'm just not real big on hospitals. You know, the smell, people being wheeled by, tubes sticking out of um, ya know drainage, fluids, gaping holes...
Lorelai Gilmore: Okay- listen why don't you go home?
Luke Danes: You want me to go?
Lorelai Gilmore: You don't look so good.
Luke Danes: Thanks.
Lorelai Gilmore: That's not what I meant, you know you always look good.
Luke Danes: Yeah?
Lorelai Gilmore: I meant you always look healthy...
Luke Danes: Okay
Lorelai Gilmore:But you don't look so healthy now, now you look...
Luke Danes: Unhealthy.
Lorelai Gilmore: Yes
Luke Danes: Okay...
Lorelai Gilmore: Oh what?! So I said you look good were not in 5th grade. You look good, big deal...stop sneering at me.

Lorelai Gilmore: There are two things that I trust in the world: the fact that I will never be able to understand what Charo is saying no matter how long she lives in this country, and you.
Rory Gilmore: I hope not in that order.

Luke Danes: Your mother called me an idiot
Lorelai Gilmore: Wow, you must have sucked up good

Rory Gilmore: Hey.
Lorelai Gilmore: What?
Rory Gilmore: You look happy.
Lorelai Gilmore: I am kid.
Rory Gilmore: Just checking.

Max Medina: How 'bout then, we'll come up with non-Chilton names for each other. When we're not in school, I'll call you Rebecca.
Rory Gilmore: Rebecca.
Max Medina: And you'll call me...
Rory Gilmore: Norman?
Max Medina: Norman?
Rory Gilmore: Well...
Max Medina: I look like a Norman to you?
Rory Gilmore: I'm sorry, 'Psycho' was on earlier and it was just the first name that came to mind. I'll think of something else. How about Alfred?

Lorelai Gilmore: When did you become the relationship expert? You haven't been in a relationship in years. (Sookie looks sad as Lorelai realizes what she said). Wow! Zero to jackass in 3.2 seconds.

Max Medina: You're breaking up with me aren't you?
Lorelai Gilmore: I don't know.
Max Medina: Not only are you breaking up with me, you're doing it really badly.
Lorelai Gilmore: Am I being graded?
Max Medina: No, I'm a little disappointed. I would've expected a better dumping from you.
Lorelai Gilmore: Nobody's dumping anyone.
Max Medina: Really? Then what is this?
Lorelai Gilmore: I just need space.
Max Medina: Well I don't. In fact I want as little space as possible. 100 clowns crammed into a Volkswagen. That's the kind of non-space I'm talking about.
Lorelai Gilmore: It's not working.
Max Medina: It was working pretty good the other night.
Lorelai Gilmore: Look it is what I've been trying to tell you all along. This is a family. Rory and I, you walked into a family, but you weren't listening and now she's getting attached and I'm afraid she's gonna get hurt.
Max Medina: So you solution to all of this is not to return my calls
Lorelai Gilmore: It just took me a while to figure things out and it all came clear when I realized how much we could hurt Rory.
Max Medina: Don't you mean how much we could hurt Lorelai?
Lorelai Gilmore: Hey - I can take care of myself.
Max Medina: I don't understand this. I thought we went through this. W-we decided she could handle it.
Lorelai Gilmore: Well maybe she can and maybe she can't. I'm not ready to find out.
Max Medina: I'm not going to let you off that easily.
Lorelai Gilmore: Well there's nothing you can do about it.
Max Medina: There has to be.
Lorelai Gilmore: There isn't.
Max Medina: There is.
Lorelai Gilmore: Well no there isn't.
Max Medina: Yes there is.
Lorelai Gilmore: What are we in high school? Well I know we are in a high school.
Max Medina: This is so not you.
Lorelai Gilmore: Well, you don't know everything about me.
Max Medina: I guess not, because I would've thought that blaming this all on Rory and giving me these lame apologies was weak, pathetic and beneath you.
Lorelai Gilmore: Just take you damn book
Max Medina: You've missed me.
Lorelai Gilmore: Stop it.
Max Medina: I know you did, you're missing me right now aren't you?
(Lorelai sighs)
Max Medina: Answer me.
Lorelai Gilmore: Look class is over -
Max Medina: Well we're back in session.
Lorelai Gilmore: Well I didn't raise my hand so don't call on me! I came here to give you this book back, please take it.
Max Medina: I swear to God if you try to give me that book one more time...

Rory Gilmore: Well can you make up your mind before French Class because I'd rather you not make out with Mrs. Collins!
Lorelai Gilmore: Well no promises until I see what she looks like!

Lorelai Gilmore: Max is a great guy. An amazing guy! He's smart, he's sweet (teary) he cooks.
Emily Gilmore: So you decided to kiss him in your daughter's school.
Lorelai Gilmore: No, I decided to breakup with him in my daughter's school and the kissing part just happened.
Emily Gilmore: You always let your emotions get in the way. That's the problem with you Lorelai - you don't think.
Lorelai Gilmore: Mom - please.
Emily Gilmore: He's just a man Lorelai.
Lorelai Gilmore: No he's not.
Emily Gilmore: Oh so what are you telling me. That this was all worth it because he was the love of you life, that this was the man for you.
Lorelai Gilmore: I don't know. He might have been.

Paris Gellar: I wish my mother would date one of my teachers. It would sure make finals a whole lot easier.
Rory Gilmore: (stands up, fuming) Madeline, Louise, would you excuse us for a minute?
Madeline Lynn: Ooooh, a cat fight!

Lorelai Gilmore: No you're right. You're absolutely right. (pause) I really really like you Max Medina
Max Medina: I really really like you Lorelai Gilmore.
Lorelai Gilmore: Well, as long as we got that straightened out.

Lorelai Gilmore: I have like six thousand pages of case studies to memorize and this whole big test on the Wal-mart phenomena coming up on Friday and because I have a life, and a job and business school's not the only thing I have to concentrate on, I'm behind and I'll probably fail, and then that little eighteen year old annoying gnat who sits behind me will get another A and make that 'I'm smart, you're dumb' face to me for the rest of the week and I'll be very upset and will possibly cry.
Rory Gilmore: The music's too loud?
Lorelai Gilmore: Yes.
Rory Gilmore: Got it.

Lorelai Gilmore: [slamming book] I give up.
Michel Gerard: That’s the spirit.

Sookie St. James: You will not regret this
Lorelai Gilmore: Pick another phrase
Sookie St. James: You will not have to pay
Lorelai Gilmore: That's more like it

Lorelai Gilmore: The whole ‘first date, beginning of the relationship’ glow - everything is new and exciting.
Luke Danes: Every joke is hilarious.
Lorelai Gilmore: Every little touch is incredible [touching Luke’s arm]
Luke Danes: Mm-hm.
Lorelai Gilmore: God that’s a good feeling.
Luke Danes: It is at that.
Lorelai Gilmore: I miss that.
Luke Danes: You’ll have it again.
Lorelai Gilmore: Mmm...I guess.

Lorelai Gilmore: I have to know where you are at all times, especially when you have my shoes on.

Lorelai Gilmore: Who wants cheese?
Rory Gilmore: Are there crackers?
Lorelai Gilmore: Somewhere in the state of Connecticut, yes there are crackers.
Rory Gilmore: And the Gilmore house?
Lorelai Gilmore: Who wants cheese?

Rory Gilmore: We haven't talked about the hat.
Lorelai Gilmore: What hat?
Rory Gilmore: The one on your head, Annie Oakley.

Louise Grant: I can’t imaging having a baby at 16.
Paris Gellar: Well then keep your knees shut.

Lorelai Gilmore: Like, what kind of pretty?
Sookie St. James: What do you mean ‘what kind of pretty’?
Lorelai Gilmore: I mean, like was she a Catherine Zeta-Jones kind of pretty or a Michelle Pfiffer-y pretty or -
Sookie St. James: She was an Elle MacPherson kind of pretty.
Lorelai Gilmore: Really.
Sookie St. James: Yup.
Lorelai Gilmore: That’s an intense kind of pretty.
Sookie St. James: You’re not kidding.
Lorelai Gilmore: I never pictured Luke with an Elle MacPherson kind of pretty.
Sookie St. James: No? Pictured him more with a Lorelai Gilmore kind of pretty?
Lorelai Gilmore: Oh, the air up here must be very thin because you’re delirious.
Sookie St. James: And you’re jealous. |
Lorelai Gilmore: What?
Sookie St. James: You’re jealous of Rachel.
Lorelai Gilmore: You’re accusing me of being jealous of a woman who dumped a man I’m not even interested in five years ago?
Sookie St. James: Yes.
Lorelai Gilmore: And you don’t think that’s crazy?
Sookie St. James: Oh I do think that’s crazy?
Lorelai Gilmore: Right, I’m not jealous.
Sookie St. James: Yeah you are.

Lorelai Gilmore: Yeah, see those two idiots over there? They’re 16 - underage and I bet you’re not. I also bet those big fancy party cups aren’t holding lemonade. You really want to end any further conversations with me so step aside Skippy. Move your asses outside - now! [they leave apart.] Hey. I am not even going to begin to tell you how completely insane it is to take off with anyone you don’t know, or drink things that you don’t know what’s in them, or act like you have a clue when you don’t, but so help me God if you ever pull a stunt like this again, it will not be around my kid! Do you understand me?

Lorelai Gilmore: Hey, you didn't wake me up!
Rory Gilmore: I set the clock.
Lorelai Gilmore: The clock stops ringing when you throw it against the wall, giving me ample time to fall back asleep. You, on the other hand, complain about how hard I throw you, making sleep impossible.

Lorelai Gilmore: So, dinner, thoughts?
Rory Gilmore: Let's have some.

Rory Gilmore: Can brains hurt?
Lorelai Gilmore: Yes, it's hypochondria hour.
Rory Gilmore: No, I'm serious. Last night when I was reading my biology chapters I distinctly heard a ping in the vicinity of my brain.
Lorelai Gilmore: Your brain pinged?
Rory Gilmore: Yeah. It just went like "dink."
Lorelai Gilmore: Well then, honey, your brain dinked. It didn't ping.

Lorelai Gilmore: OK, how about this? I'll help you. I love to paint.
Luke Danes: You do?
Lorelai Gilmore: Yes, I do.
Luke Danes: You love it?
Lorelai Gilmore: I want to marry it.
Luke Danes: You have strange passions.
Rory Gilmore: She likes washing dishes too. She's mult-faceted abnormal.
Lorelai Gilmore: Ah, come on. We'll drink a couple beers, we'll sing painting songs.
Luke Danes: Painting songs.
Lorelai Gilmore: Yeah, painting songs. Like, uh, you know, the song that goes, um...(singing) "Grab your brush and grab your rollers/All you kids and all you...bowlers/We're going paintin' today!" Say yes or there's another verse.

Lorelai Gilmore: Well, OK, you're 16. You have a whole house to yourself for the evening. I expect that you're going to have your boyfriend over. But what is with the apron?
Rory Gilmore: It's a long story.
Lorelai Gilmore: Did it involve a sharp blow to the head?

Sookie St. James: Well, you call someone and say "Can you come over and help me look for my loose chick"...it's a little...
Lorelai Gilmore: A little what?
Sookie St. James: Sounds a little like code for "I'm not wearing any underwear"

Lorelai Gilmore: OK, so now the fact that I suggested painting Luke's diner also means that I wanted to get him in bed. All of a sudden I'm trying to get any poor, unsuspecting person in bed with me. I'm like -- I'm Michael Douglas!

Emily Gilmore: Why do you treat me like I don't have a clue in the world as to what is going on in your life? Now I'm asking you, as a favor, if you have any respect for me at all as your mother, just tell me. Do you have feelings for this man?
Lorelai Gilmore: I don't know. Maybe I do. I haven't given it much thought. Maybe I do.
Emily Gilmore: Thank you. I'm glad you were finally honest with me. Now we can discuss what on earth you could possibly be thinking.

Rory Gilmore: You’re worse than mom.
Lorelai Gilmore: Low blow.
Christopher Hayden: Can’t keep a feller happy?
Lorelai Gilmore: Oh I keep them happy. I keep them very happy.
Rory Gilmore: Ok, now. Don’t get gross.

Lorelai Gilmore: [sighs] I’ve gotta see my parents.
Christopher Hayden: [sighs] I’ve gotta see my parents.
Rory Gilmore: Ladies and gentlemen, the drama king and queen of Connecticut.

Lorelai Gilmore: Did you just curtsy?
Rory Gilmore: Shut up!

Lorelai Gilmore: Too many stars, too much love, it makes me cranky.
Rory Gilmore: I take it you haven't heard from Mr. Medina?
Lorelai Gilmore: Hmm, no. I haven't.
Rory Gilmore: Maybe that's why you're cranky.
Lorelai Gilmore: Okay, new subject please.
Rory Gilmore: You know, you have a phone also.
Lorelai Gilmore: How's it coming with that pan?
Rory Gilmore: Cleopatra, queen of denial.

Paris Gellar: What a shame Elizabeth Barrett Browning wasn't here to witness this. She'd put her head through a wall.

Lorelai Gilmore: Yeah please. Hey, tomorrow, if you have time, I'm planning on despising everyone who says 'Hey, how's it going?'
Luke Danes: You're on.
Rachel: Hey, how's it going?
Lorelai Gilmore: Oh, now that' s just too easy.

Lorelai Gilmore: I miss Max.
Rory Gilmore: I know.
Lorelai Gilmore: I had a dream about him the other night.
Rory Gilmore: Really? Dirty?
Lorelai Gilmore:  No, absolutely not. And when you're 21, I'll tell you the real answer.

Richard Gilmore: Lorelai, your mother wants to know if. . .
Lorelai Gilmore: Hi daddy. Okay, I know this is bad. And I know this probably brings back all the horrible aspects of my childhood life for you. And see, I'm really sorry that we fought last week, and I'm really sorry that you're so disappointed in me, and I really wish there was something I can do to fix that, but there probably isn't and I can accept that because I am an adult now and I am proud of who I have become. But I am begging you, please, please do not make me go back down there because that guy is boring.
Richard Gilmore: Emily, she's not up here!

Lorelai Gilmore: Rory, my heart. It is Saturday, the day of rest.
Rory Gilmore: Sunday’s the day of rest.
Lorelai Gilmore: No, Saturday is the day of pre-rest.
Rory Gilmore: Pre-rest?
Lorelai Gilmore: Yeah, so that way when you actually get to Sunday you’re rested enough to enjoy your rest.
Rory Gilmore: That makes absolutely no sense.
Lorelai Gilmore: That’s because it’s 6:00 on Saturday morning.

Lorelai Gilmore: So now, was there any reason that you suddenly felt the need to move around large pieces of furniture first thing in the morning?
Rory Gilmore: I was up. It was there.
Lorelai Gilmore: Okay. Good thought process. Great.

Lorelai Gilmore: Yeah, Rory and Dean broke up and um, she won’t wallow. And I told her that she should wallow you know because that’s supposed to help you get through the pain and then you can accept it and then you can get over somebody and you can move on with your life. And then she asked me how long it was before I got over you and I didn’t know what to say you know because I can’t lie to her, and I realized that if I gave her any time frame at all I would be lying because I’m not over you and I don’t know how long it will be before I am. And who am I to be teaching her about healing and moving on and breakups any how. I mean I might as well be teaching her how to eat fire or swallow a sword or put her legs behind her head you know, because at least that’s a trade. I mean the first two are, I don’t know about putting the legs um, behind your head, but the point is that I’m an idiot and I’m a hypocrite and I really miss you.

Lane Kim: It just figures that the only Korean boy at this party has his Korean girl radar turned on.

Lorelai Gilmore: I leave and we go on with our lives and then at some point we buy some soup.
Max Medina: Lorelai...
Lorelai Gilmore: What? Soup is good food.
Max Medina: Stop.
Lorelai Gilmore: I don’t want to leave here and forget this ever happened. I want to think of a solution that will make everything better. And I’ve been wracking my brain for an idea. Hence the babbling about soup being good food. But I can’t think of anything.

Rory Gilmore: I’m ready to wallow now.
Lorelai Gilmore: Oh. [Sits on the couch next to her and kisses Rory. She puts a pillow on her lap and Rory lays down and sobs. Lorelai picks up the phone and dials] Hey Joe it’s Lorelai. I need a pizza with everything ok? Thanks.

Emily Gilmore: Mystery. [pause] Well this is just ridiculous. Three intelligent women sitting here in complete silence. There must be something to talk about. Do you know that every night at dinner, the Kennedy clan would sit around the table having lively debates about everything under the sun? They would quiz each other about current events, historical facts, intellectual trivia. Now the Gilmore clan is just as smart and worldly as the Kennedy’s so come on - somebody - say something.
Lorelai Gilmore: Do you know that butt models make $10,000 a day? [Rory chuckles]
Emily Gilmore: Camelot is truly dead.

Richard Gilmore: Long distance phone call.
Lorelai Gilmore: God?
Richard Gilmore: London
Lorelai Gilmore: God lives in london?
Richard Gilmore: No, my mother lives in london.
Lorelai Gilmore: Your mother is God? So, God is a woman.
Richard Gilmore: Lorelai.
Lorelai Gilmore: and a relative, that’s so cool. I’m gonna totally ask for favors.
(Couple minuets later)
Lorelai Gilmore: I still can't get over the fact that I'm related to God. This will make getting Modonna tickets so much easier.

Lorelai Gilmore: Yes, I joined a support group, bought a hair brush and just taking it one day at a time.

Lorelai Gilmore: Well we want Rory to be whatever kind of man she wants to be.
Trix: That’s enough jokes for this evening Lorelai.

Louise Grant: Those who simply wait for information to find them, spend a lot of time sitting by the phone. Those who go out and find it themselves, have something to say when it rings.
Rory Gilmore: Nietzsche?
Louise Grant: Dawson.
Rory Gilmore: My next guess.

Paris Gellar: I brought everything just in case there was some sort of hidden potential in something that I just didn't see. So?
Rory Gilmore: Well you'd be one well-dressed widow.

Rory Gilmore: I swear to God.
Paris Gellar: Are you atheist?
Rory Gilmore: Excuse me?
Paris Gellar: Because that affects the validity of your swearing to God.

Trix: You talk about me like I'm dead.
Richard Gilmore: Oh you're never going to die, you're too stubborn!

Lorelai Gilmore: Rory is an incredibly mature kid.
Trix: Oh I'm sure she is. It's you I'm worried about.
Lorelai Gilmore: But -
Trix: (to Emily) And I'm sure she gets it from you.
Emily Gilmore: But –

Rory Gilmore: I loaned Paris your black mini and there’s a good chance you may never see it again.
Lorelai Gilmore: Oh well there’s something I have to tell you.
Rory Gilmore: What?
Lorelai Gilmore: You lost out on $250,000 dollars today.
Rory Gilmore: What?!

Rory Gilmore: How could you not have any baby pictures of Mom?
Emily Gilmore: Because when your mother was seven, I came downstairs and found her burning all of her baby pictures.
Rory Gilmore: Why would you do that? I'm sure you were a cute baby.
Emily Gilmore: She was. She was very cute.
Lorelai Gilmore: Four, three, two, one.
Emily Gilmore: In most respects.
Lorelai Gilmore: Then we have lift off.
Rory Gilmore: What does that mean?
Lorelai Gilmore: Nothing.
Emily Gilmore: I don't see what the problem is. You certainly grew into it.
Rory Gilmore: Grown into what?
Emily Gilmore: As a child, your mother had an unusually large head.
Lorelai Gilmore: The best thing about it was that she would tell me constantly. My first complete sentence was, "Big head want dolly."
Rory Gilmore: I can't imagine it being that bad.

Rory Gilmore: My best friend Lane, her parents have this great antiques store in Stars Hollow.
Emily Gilmore: Is that so? (To Lorelai) Why haven't you ever told me about it?
Lorelai Gilmore: Oh, I don't know Mom. I guess it just got lost in my big head.

Lorelai Gilmore: Yeah. And go through your underwear drawer.
Luke Danes: Where is she?
Lorelai Gilmore: Freezing your bra.
Luke Danes: Where?
Lorelai Gilmore: In the bathroom.
Luke Danes: Right.

Emily Gilmore: Now, what about music? N'sync or 98 degrees?
Rory Gilmore: (to Lane) Uh, N'sync or 98 degrees?
Lane Kim: What kind of sick joke is this?
Rory Gilmore: I don't think I could choose.
Emily Gilmore: What about that other group? The Backside Boys?
Rory Gilmore: You mean the Backstreet Boys?
Emily Gilmore: Yes that's it.
Rory Gilmore: Um, I guess if I really had to choose, I'd say N'sync.

Luke Danes: Look, if you're gonna tell me at least help me unload.
Lorelai Gilmore: Can I use the fun cutter thingy?
Luke Danes: Not if you call it the fun cutter thingy.
Lorelai Gilmore: Please.
Luke Danes: Cut the box, not your hand.
Lorelai Gilmore: Good tip, you should teach.

Rory Gilmore: Hey, Luke came to the table, does that make him number three?
Luke Danes: No.
Lorelai Gilmore: You don't even know what we're doing.
Luke Danes: The safest answer in anything involving the two of you is no.

Max Medina: Okay, I need you to be serious now.
Lorelai Gilmore: Says the man with no pants.
Max Medina: We've been having these very successful phone calls for a couple of weeks now.
Lorelai Gilmore: Yes we have.
Max Medina: And I think that all the talking has done us a lot of good.
Lorelai Gilmore: Yes it has.
Max Medina: So I was thinking that maybe this weekend instead of a phone call, we should have a date. Let's have dinner.

Luke Danes: They underpay employees and overprice merchandise, they contribute to urban sprawl, they encourage materialism, and the parking's a horror. You drive in, you pay a buck, and even if you're only there for five. .

Lorelai Gilmore: Hey, I have a huuuge dilemma that I need your opinion on!
Rory Gilmore: (annoyed) What?
Lorelai Gilmore: Am I more beautiful today than I was yesterday?
Rory Gilmore: Oh boy.
Lorelai Gilmore: I'm just not sure. Cuz at first, I looked in the mirror and I thought, 'Yes, definitely a huge improvement!'
Rory Gilmore: Can I have my pillow back?
Lorelai Gilmore: And then I thought, 'Maybe it's not that I'm more beautiful today, maybe I was just as beautiful yesterday, only I lacked the self-esteem to recognize it!

Rory Gilmore: You know, actually, it doesn't matter whether you tell me about Max or not because you're just gonna break up again anyway.
Lorelai Gilmore: Excuse me?
Rory Gilmore: Well that's what you do best.
Lorelai Gilmore: Hey, stop right there.
Rory Gilmore: You'll break up, cry, get back together, break up. It doesn't really matter. I'd rather not have to keep track, so tell me when you're down to the final inning.
Lorelai Gilmore: You know what, that is way too snotty a thing even for alternate universe Rory to say. I'd like an apology.
Rory Gilmore: Fine. I apologize. Let's go home.
Lorelai Gilmore: Yeah, lets go home and try that apology again.

Richard Gilmore: The girl obviously needs some peace.
Emily Gilmore: How do you know that?
Richard Gilmore: I can tell.
Emily Gilmore: Oh, you're a mind reader now, how nice. We'll get you a turban and a little booth by the train station.

Sookie St. James: Patty hasn't seen her but she's been working all day. She's not at the library, and she's not at Luke's.
Lorelai Gilmore: Where is she? Why didn't she leave a note? Dammit!
Sookie St. James: Honey calm down.
Lorelai Gilmore: But Rory doesn't take off. She knows it would make me crazy. She knows it would make me worry. I'm crossing over into panic now.
Sookie St. James: Don't cross. Come back.

Lorelai Gilmore: Good suggestion. You get crisis points. Max, I'm freaking out.
Max Medina: Its gonna be okay. Sookie's here, I'm here. We will find her.

Rory Gilmore: So, Grandpa, what's new in the world today?
Richard Gilmore: Well, as usual, it's going to hell in a handbasket.
Rory Gilmore: It's nice to always have something you can count on.

Lorelai Gilmore: Rory and I had a fight and she ran away.
Luke Danes: What! Where! Did you. .
Lorelai Gilmore: She's fine. She's at my mother's.
Luke Danes: Geesh, throw that information in with the first part. You'll scare a person to death.

Lorelai Gilmore: Okay, so I thought when you said, 'I'll see you at home,' you meant our home. My mistake.

Lorelai Gilmore: So, last time I saw you, you said 'I'll see you at home.' You want to fill in the blanks?
Rory Gilmore: I don't know. I just had to get out, go anywhere.
Lorelai Gilmore: So you picked hell?

Lorelai Gilmore: I'm not even talking specifically about Dean. I mean just generally in life. For example, say you're dating Taylor Hanson.
Rory Gilmore: Why am I dating Taylor Hanson?
Lorelai Gilmore: It's a hypothetical scenario, go with it. So, uh, you and Taylor have been seeing each other pretty regularly. .
Rory Gilmore: How did I meet Taylor Hanson?
Lorelai Gilmore: You went to his concert, you got backstage, your eyes met across the crowd and you've been seeing each other ever since.
Rory Gilmore: Hanson's still together?
Lorelai Gilmore: They're the new Bee Gees. So. .
Rory Gilmore: And why would you not stop me from going to a Hanson concert?
Lorelai Gilmore: Hey, someone's trying to make a point here.
Rory Gilmore: Sorry. Go ahead.

Lorelai Gilmore: The freaking Blue Man Group is outside our house!
Rory Gilmore: I was sleeping through it!
Lorelai Gilmore: It had to have woken you up.
Rory Gilmore: No my insane mother Margot Kidder Gilmore woke me up.

Lorelai Gilmore: UGH! Could you pound one more thing while you're out here? Your head! And a for-sale sign on the lawn because we're moving. So that's two things. The sign and your head. And in that order 'cause otherwise you'll be too dizzy to do the sign thing.

Michel Gerard: Look, I've had my peace with the fact that everyone who calls here is a notch above brain dead, and that the pennies I am thrown each week are in exchange for me dealing with these people in a nonviolent manner. And usually that is fine, but today, sorry lady, I have ennui.

Rory Gilmore: They're those slutty girls that get guys to switch their Thursday afternoons with another checkout guy so they can go do slutty Thursday afternoon things.

Luke Danes: Through the back door.
Lorelai Gilmore: The back door's locked.
Luke Danes: No, that's why I came, the back door lock was broken.
Lorelai Gilmore: The back door lock was fine.
Luke Danes: The back door lock was cheap.
Lorelai Gilmore: The back door lock came with the house. It's been a very fine back door lock.
Luke Danes: It's the kind of lock burglars look for.
Lorelai Gilmore: Why do burglars look for that lock?
Luke Danes: Because it's easy to break into. I proved that.
Lorelai Gilmore: You proved that by . . .?
Luke Danes: Breaking in through the back door.
Lorelai Gilmore: Oh my God!
Luke Danes: It's the only way I could get in.
(Lorelai starts walking towards the kitchen. Luke follows.)
Lorelai Gilmore: You have crossed over into the dark side Luke.

Lorelai Gilmore: No, Taylor its not. Its, um, diapers for the little ones.
Taylor Doose: What?
Lorelai Gilmore: Dorsal fins and cucamonga.
Taylor Doose: What did she say
Lorelai Gilmore: (whispers to Max) I confuse him till he loses his train of thought and then he moves on.

Rory Gilmore: Because sometimes you have something you need to say but you can't because the words won't come out or you get scared or you feel stupid, so if you could write a song and sing it then you could say what you need to say and it would be beautiful and people would listen and you wouldn't make a complete idiot out of yourself, but all of us can't be songwriters so some of us will never be able to say what we're thinking or what we want other people to know that we're thinking so we'll never get the chance to make things right again ever. (Brief pause. She puts her hand on Troubadour 1's shoulder.) So give this guy a license.

Luke Danes: And what are you talking about, another girl. What other girl? (Rachel stares at him) Oh Rachel, no, you don't mean. . . She and I are just friends. I told you that a thousand times.
Rachel: No. You told it to me once. And you could barely get it out then.
Luke Danes: Okay, this is crazy. You've got it wrong here. It's not. . .She and I are. . .uh. .  
Rachel: I'm gonna go. I'll miss you (she hugs him goodbye) Stay in touch.
Luke Danes: Rachel, come on.
(Rachel walks to the door and stops. She turns around to look at Luke.)
Rachel: So don't wait too long okay.
Luke Danes: To what?
Rachel: To tell her.

Luke Danes: I just left my toolbox from when I was here earlier fixing things. I do a lot of little things around here for Lorelai.
Lorelai Gilmore: Yeah, you're very handy. So Luke, we'll talk later.
Luke Danes: Yes we will.
Max Medina: Although probably not tonight. We won't be back until late.
Lorelai Gilmore: No, I meant not tonight.
Max Medina: Oh, I misunderstood.
Lorelai Gilmore: I meant tomorrow. So tomorrow.
Luke Danes: Absolutely. We see each other most everyday.
Max Medina: Well sure, you've got the coffee.
Luke Danes: And she needs the coffee. So I'll see you tomorrow.
Lorelai Gilmore: Tomorrow.
Luke Danes: Same time as always.
Max Medina: I'd count on a little later.
Luke Danes: Doesn't matter what time it is. I'll always be around.

Max Medina: We should get married.
Lorelai Gilmore: Give me a clue as to whether you're kidding or not.
Max Medina: I am not kidding.
Lorelai Gilmore: Good clue.
Max Medina: What do you say?
Lorelai Gilmore: Nothing. Max, you did not just propose to me.
Max Medina: Yes I did.
Lorelai Gilmore: No. A proposal had to be something more than the desperate desire to end a bickering match.
Max Medina: It was more than that.
Lorelai Gilmore: No, it has to be planned. It should be magical. There should be music playing and romantic lighting and a subtle buildup to the popping of the big question. There should be a thousand yellow daisies and candles and a horse and I don't know what the horse is doing there unless you're riding it, which seems a little over the top, but it should be more than this.

Rory Gilmore: Because I love you, you idiot.

Max Medina: Don't say anything, okay, please. You were right last night. I shouldn't have proposed to you like that. It was stupid. It was the wrong place, and the wrong time, and I kicked myself the entire night for doing it. But you were wrong about something too. I didn't propose to you because we were fighting. I proposed because I love you. We're in a bad pattern Lorelai and we have to break it. And other than that murder suicide thing you were talking about, which would be illegal and messy, I can only think to be impetuous.
Lorelai Gilmore: Max.
Max Medina: No, listen, I woke up this morning and I realized that I have studied and talked a great literature all my life and those stories are replete with characters that let opportunities slip by. But what I teach is more than just literature, its lessons in life. And if I don't follow the tenants of those lessons, I'm not the man I thought I was. The man I want to be.
Lorelai Gilmore: God, you talk so good.
Max Medina: I don't want an answer now. I've thought about this. I want you to do the same. I love you Lorelai Gilmore. And I know this to be true. I'll talk to you later.

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