Can someone tell me what's up? I've been trying to post this story for four days now but Yahoo is not recognizing my ID and password. I tried to delete it out and do another account but it's keeping my e mail address for some reason so I'm unable to use that e mail address, which is my only one. And, much to my chagrin, some of the elements in my story was in "Christopher Returns." Actually, "chagrin" is the Selfish Ego talking. I'm more like "invigorated," knowing that I am at least partially vibing with the writers of the best show on TV

Disclaimer: Not mine.
Rating: For everyone

I would like to acknowledge/thank/give props/shout out/shine spotlight on Mystic and Megan, who I think, in actuality, are Gilmore Girls Fan Fiction Supercomputers with Storyline Generators. The amount and quality you guys output is amazing.
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"The Day the Earth Stood Still"
A Gilmore Girls short story
Written by Lanny Grant
lannygrant@aol.com

"Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana." Groucho Marx

August, 1998. In it, a day that would live forever in infamy. This was Lorelai Gilmore's first thought when she awoke, slamming her hand down to silence her banshee-with-a-head cold alarm. She rolled to her back and pulled the covers over her head, her second thought of the day courtesy of Trent Reznor: this is the first day of my last days...

She didn't want to get up. She was too down to get up. The significance of this day had forcibly broke into her mind and would not leave. She let out a sound caught between a whine and a moan.

"Rory!" Lorelai called out.

"What..?" The half-awake reply came from down the hall.

"Are you up?"

"No... This is Rory's Automated Morning Response System."

"It's too early to be funny."

"Doesn't stop you."

"Fix us some coffee."

"Give me my Heather Nova CD back."

Lorelai grunted and whined. "Are you still on that?"

"I wouldn't be if you would give me my CD back."

"But, it's new."

"Go buy you're own."

"I would but I've been banned from the mall."

"Anyone else, I would take that as a joke."

Rory appeared in Lorelai's doorway. She folded her arms across her thick bathrobe and smiled down at her mother. Lorelai sensed her present and emerged from under the covers, eyes still adjusting to the new day. The cursed day. "What?"

"Someone has a big day today."

"Never mind," Lorelai said, "I'll fix it myself." She threw the covers back.

"You need some help getting out of bed," Rory responded. "I've heard that people your age..."

"Hey, funny girl, get in the shower."

"A Barbara Streisand insult," Rory stated. "You must be mad."

"If I was trying to insult you, I would call you Barbara Streisand."

Rory smirked and left. Lorelai forced herself up, one leg at a time. She walked across the room to her mirror and stared. She looked the same. The reflection still showed a beautiful, black-haired, blue-eyed woman. But she didn't feel the same. Today was not the first day of the rest of her life. Today was not the greatest day she had ever known, to paraphrase the Smashing Pumpkins. It was the end of the world as she knew it and Lorelai Gilmore didn't feel fine. Lorelai Gilmore had just turned thirty.

---------------------------

Rory and Lane sat in the stands under the setting August sun, watching the epic battle between good and evil unfold below them. The Stars Hollow Recreation Field was home to t-ball, Pony League and Little League, but none as important as the Men's Slow Pitch Softball League and no game as important as the annual struggle between Luke's Diner and Al's Pancake World. Before the season, back in mid July, the city council sprung for new paint. The cracked, gray and white concrete bleachers now had a coat of red for the "seats" and bright blue for the "back." The weather-worn scoreboard held up the fading black numbers indicating the score: Luke's 12, Al's 7.

"What do you think it's going to be like?" Lane asked.

"I don't know," Rory responded. "I'm betting no different than our previous other grades."

"This is high school, Rory!"

"Is that what we're going into?" .

"Why aren't you freaking out?"

"Why are you freaking out?"

"Um, I don't know; new school, new teachers, new guys..."

"Actually, they won't be all new. The guys. Our grade will be the same."

Lane looked at Rory. "You're really nervous aren't you?"

Rory paused. "Yes."

"You wished eighth grade would last forever," Lane said.

"Yes. Sans gym."

"I heard the senior girls can be vicious," Lane said. "Almost as vicious as the senior boys."

"Well, we will have to avoid all things Senior then."

"We will," Lane agreed. "How are you always this composed?"

"I have nerves of steel," Rory answered.

Lane looked her, and smiled. "You're lying."

"Yes I am." Rory said, gulping.

Lorelai held up a purple sweater in front of the Ladies mirror of the Stars Hollow Clothing Depot. (She would later rob a yellow skirt in front of Stars Hollow First National Bank.) The interior was as exciting and ingenuous as the store's name: bland cream walls, with bland racks holding otherwise cool clothes. Rory sucked on a cherry Blo Pop eyeing her mother's choices, between trying to dust off her Doc Martens from the ball game.

"What do you think?" Lorelai asked, angling her body, getting every possible view.

"It's really...purple," Rory answered.

"You don't like it?" Lorelai asked, somewhat disappointed.

"It's not really you," Rory answered. "You're not a solid pastel kind of girl."

"Well, I could be, if the right guy came along."

Rory stuck the sucker in her mouth and grabbed another top and handed it to her mom. It was wild; black and white with faux tiger stripes.

"This is you."

Lorelai took it, more than a little mortified. She held it up in front of her and looked in the mirror. "I look like I should be jumping through hoops for Siegfried and Roy," she said. "I look like Sheena the Jungle Princess, Rory."

"You look much better than Lucy Lawless."

"Sheena. Lucy Lawless is Xena Warrior Princess."

"You're much prettier than Tanya Roberts then."

Lorelai looked at Rory and smiled. "Thanks honey. That's the sweetest thing anyone has ever said to me."

"I thought we were shopping for me," Rory said.

"We are sweetie, I'm sorry." Lorelai said, wrapping up her mirror modeling session. They walked towards the register.

"You know it's my big day tomorrow," Rory said.

"I know! Starting high school! Are you nervous?" Lorelai asked.

"About what?"

"About if they're ever going to bring back 'C.H.I.P.S.' About starting high school."

"Lane is freaking out about it but I'm like ice," Rory answered.

"You could be a professional assassin, you're so cool. You could be in the next Bruce Willis movie, you're so cool. You could be one of those karate guys who can chop a brick wall in half. I have more..."

"That's okay. That's what I told Lane but in much fewer words and less deranged analogies."

"You are nervous aren't you."

"New school, new teachers..."

"New guys?"

"That's what Lane said. She said all of that other stuff too."

"Sounds like Lane."

"What do I sound like?"

"Oh... 'I am the smartest, most beautiful girl in Stars Hollow."

"You say that because people say I take after you."

"Well, it's a good reflection on me."

They reached a rack of bargain clothes, Rory's favorite. Rory paused for a moment and looked up at Lorelai. "What did you do about starting high school?"

"I went out and bought all-new clothes, new shoes and developed a caffeine addiction."

"So, that's where it came from."

"It was either that or crack smoking. I chose coffee because it's more readily available."

"I have two of the three C's covered," Rory answered.

"You're going to do what you've always done: study, study, study and not get pregnant."

"You've been saying that since the second grade."

"You're going to be fine, honey. This is the last stop before Harvard, before that great, big, wide world that's waiting for Rory Gilmore..."

"You're not going to start singing are you?"

"You want my Shower Sarah McLachlan or my Car Celine Dion."

"They're the same voice."

"No they're not" Lorelai said, in shock.

Luke's Diner was slowly thinning. The softball crowd came by after the game and ordered food from Luke who was still in his dusty uniform. His gray and red, long sleeve shirt, sporting "Luke's" on the front was not nearly as dirty as his faded jeans.

Lorelai and Rory entered. Luke closed the register door.

"Great game, Luke," Rory said, sliding onto a stool.

"Thanks," he answered. "I didn't see you there," he said to Lorelai.

"I was working, then I went shopping with Costello. She filled me in."

"He went three for four and struck out two, which is quiet a feat for slow pitch softball," Rory smiled.

"Wow," Lorelai responded. "So how many homers did you hit?" she asked Luke.

"No homers." Luke answered. "I did hit a couple of Steve's though. They were standing too close to the plate."

Lorelai and Rory looked at each other, amazed, before the laughter came. "I see someone caught the Groucho Marx festival at the library last week," Lorelai said.

"Yeah, I heard that was going around," Rory said, joining in. Luke propped his leg up on the bar and rubbed his knee. He winced.

"What happened?" Lorelai asked.

"Old high school injury. Why I didn't go into the minors."

"You were going into the minors?" Rory asked, impressed.

"Until I blew my knee out."

"What happened?" Lorelai asked, a smile tugging at her mouth. "Did you mistake it for a candle?"

Luke looked at her: ha-ha. Very funny. "You've got a big day tomorrow," he said on the attack.

"Oh, no." Lorelai responded.

"Yes you do."

"No big day. All my days are small. Like Rory's sweaters after I wash them."

"So you're not turning thirty?"

"No! That's just a nasty rumor. Like Monica Lewinsky. I'm Stars Hollow's Bill Clinton."

"I wouldn't proclaim that from the rooftops, Mom," Rory said.

"Rory. Are you hungry?" Luke asked.

"Yes."

"You've got a big day tomorrow too," Luke said to Rory.

"Yes I do."

"Big days run in our family." Lorelai said. "Like rolling our tongues and diabetes."

"You need some coffee," Luke asked Lorelai.

"You're offering?"

"I'm trying to get rid of you."

"If you were trying to get rid of me you would offer me tomato juice."

"It isn't the end of the world, you know."

"Yes it is. Have you ever had tomato juice?"

"Turning thirty. I'll pull a candle on your burger for you."

----------------------------

"So what are the big plans tonight?" Lorelai asked as she wheeled her Jeep around the corner, headed towards Stars Hollow High.

"It's your birthday," Rory responded.

"We could go to Luke's and get coffee!"

"It's your birthday, Mom. Think outside of the box."

"We could go into Hartford."

"We could go to that seafood place you like."

"And go shopping! It'll be Girls Night Out!"

"And this is different how from our normal lives?"

"We're here," Lorelai said as she pulled into the semi circle drive in front of the school.

Lorelai put the Jeep into park and looked at Rory. "You have a super amazing day."

"Am I going to survive this?"

"This isn't open heart surgery..."

"It feels like it."

"Go find Lane. I will be here to pick up." Lorelai smiled and brushed Rory's hair. "I love you, kid."

Rory's nervousness broke into a beam of brightness. Rory opened the door and got out, slinging her book bag over her shoulder. Lorelai waited. Anticipated. But Rory only closed the door. She had yet to tell her mother Happy Birthday. Lorelai shifted the Jeep and drove away; more than a little disappointed.

The front doors of Stars Hollow High glared down at Rory and Lane, daring the first day freshmen to open them.

"Ready?" Lane asked

"No." Rory answered, staring up. She was steadying herself. Her hands clenched and unclenched.

"Ready?" Lane asked again.

"Yes."

The halls were like an artery where nervous student cells bumped into each other on their way to the respective destinations. Rory and Lane formed one unit and walked; as if it were the plains of the Serengeti.

"The key is to blend," Rory said.

"And to keep moving," Lane responded. "Moving targets are harder to hit."

The girls were taller. The guys were actually men. The fashions were also different as was the attitude. Only a few people gave Rory and Lane a second notice, and then it was only a quick cursory glance. The horror stories about high school may be just that after all: stories. They had the first class together. Then they were separated until lunch. Luckily, they did have lunch together.

Rory and Lane emerged from the lunch lines with their lunch trays Rory looked across the quickly crowding lunch room for two side by side seats. This is what she hated the most: front and center. Spotlight attention. At any moment everyone is going stop their eating and conversation and look at her. They may even start throwing rotten fruit or pies or whatever people throw.

"This is like those prison movies," Lane said "Whatever table we're invited to may decide if we get knifed in The Yard later on." Rory's eyes narrowed as she scanned over the bustle. She pointed: "over there."

Rory and Lane took a seat, putting their backpacks over their seats

"What do you think," Rory asked.

"I think it may actually be okay," Lane said as she picked up her fork, her neck craning around.

"Don't say that."

"Say what?"

"It's going to be okay."

"Why not?"

"Because..."

"Hi." The voice came from behind them. Lane and Rory looked up, to three girls who seemed to be genetically predisposed for cheerleading; this before the big career in modeling.

"It's famous last words," Rory said to Lane, finishing her sentence.

Each even represented the storied character traits: the tall one was blonde, the light brown-headed one had the body and the dark headed one had the best of both worlds and some of a few others.

"You're new," the blonde said.

"We are," Rory said. "New." She bit her lip and looked down at the piece of Salisbury steak on the end of her fork.

"What's your name?" The perfect brunette asked.

"My name is Lane. This is Rory. My mom runs the antique shop, her mom runs the Inn."

"Your mom is Lorelai Gilmore?" The light browned hair girl asked.

"Yes. I'm actually named after her."

"How did they get 'Rory' from Lorelai?" The brunette asked.

"Demerol. How do you know my Mom?"

"Everyone knows Lorelai." The blonde answered.

"Oh."

"And everyone knows Ms. Kim."

"So tell us. Are you two smart?" The brunette asked.

"Rory finished first in our class," Lane answered, nervous.

"Really?"

"Yes. I was going to go to Chilton Prep but they didn't have any free slots."

"Chilton," the blonde said in recognition.

"Do you know it?" Rory asked, waiting for the barrage of nerd jokes to began.

"Our younger sisters go there. Madeleine, Louise and Paris," the light brown headed beauty said.

"If you were being considered for Chilton, you must be on track for a major school."

"She wants to go to Harvard," Lane interjected.

"Harvard. That certainly is major," the brunette responded, duly impressed.

"What about you," the blonde asked Lane.

"Whatever all girl Korean Bible College is out there, that's where I'm being sent."

"Okay, if you're going to haze us or whatever it's called, can you please get on with it. Please," Rory said.

The cheerleaders looked at each other and smiled.

"We're not here to haze you," the blonde said.

"What?"

"We are here to help you," the brunette stated.

"We know who you are, Rory. Everybody knows Lorelai and Rory Gilmore and everyone is afraid of Ms. Kim."

"I don't understand," Lane said looking at the girls and then at Rory.

The blonde spoke first. "My name is Jessica. I've already been accepted to Duke. I'm going to be a medical research scientist." She pointed out the light brown haired girl. "That's Kelly. She's moving to the Silicone Valley to work as a freelance programmer, one day working her way up to CEO." She looked at the brunette. "That's Jayne. She's going to study law at Cornell. If anyone messes with you, you come to us."

"No one should." Kelly said. "We pretty much run the social circles here."

"This weekend we are going for coffee and to the library to catch 'His Girl Friday," if you want to come."

"Sure," Rory said, looking at Lane.

"It was nice to meet you Rory and Lane. Welcome to Stars Hollow High." The three girls moved off. Rory and Lane out down their forks. "Okay. What just happened there?" Lane asked.

"I don't know," Rory said, stunned.

The Independence Inn was unusually busy or so Lorelai noted to a bored Michele as he flipped through registration cards. Lorelai scanned the reservation book.

"I can't believe you're making me work on my day off," Michele said.

"Hey, it's my birthday."

"Again..?"

"Yeah, I know, I just had one. Last year." Michele just looked at her. "Besides," she continued, "you get next Saturday off. I never get Saturday off."

"Excuse me. I have to go find a violin and play a sad song."

"...but next Saturday might be your last Saturday off. Ever."

"No violin. I'll just cry silent tears."

"Even better." Lorelai said. "Whoa. What's this?"

Michele looked up from his work and looked over. "It's called the reservation book." Lorelai's eyes leapt open. "Forty people at eight o'clock? Who reserved the dining hall for forty people at eight o'clock?"

"My strongest guess would be the name beside 'reserved for.' But, I do have others."

"It doesn't say. The kitchen closes at eight o'clock."

"Two incomplete thoughts, but okay..." Lorelai didn't hear Michele. She moved out from behind the counter, crossed the room, heading directly for the kitchen.

Sookie narrowly missed the tips of her fingers as she vicariously speed diced a Vidalia onion. She finished, slinging the knife down. She grabbed the chopping block and spun, narrowly missed taking the head off of a passing waiter.

"Sookie?" Lorelai called as she entered.

"Over here," Sookie called back. Lorelai reached her. "You've got to try this. It's for the omelets tomorrow morning."

"There might not be a tomorrow." Sookie stopped.

"Is Carmen Electra acting again?"

"Worse. We have a reservation."

"For who?"

"For forty who's"

"Forty?" Sookie exclaimed.

"I know. That's almost all of Whoville."

"What time." Lorelai really didn't want to answer. "Eight o'clock."

"Eight o'clock?!"

"That's what I said."

"That's too late. The kitchen closes at eight."

"Why or why could not tomorrow they wait?" Lorelai said, finishing the Seuss rhyme.

"It'll have to be a limited menu."

"I'm really sorry, Sookie."

"It's okay. We can make this work. It'll be okay, right?" Sookie said.

"It better be. I don't want to do my twenty to life for offing some French guy."

Michele cleared his throat behind Lorelai. "Should I call my mother and tell her how much I love her?" He asked in his flatest, most disinterested voice. "Your daughter is here."

As usual, Rory was sitting in Michele's chair. Lorelai walked to the counter. Rory brightened. "Hey kid," Lorelai said, kissing Rory on top of her head. "So, how was it?"

"How was what?"

"You're being coy."

"Boy, you must've cleaned up at charades when you were a kid," Rory answered.

"You keep being funny and I'll have to subject you to a night of depressing Bergman movies.'

"I like Bergman. 'Autumn Sonata,' intense stuff."

"I'll subject you to 'Beaches' and 'Steel Magnolias' then."

"I'll be good."

"So...tell me! How'd it go? Were the boys like all weird and gawky? Were the girls mean?"

"Actually no."

"Actually no?"

"Lane and I have protection."

"I hope you mean Scotch-Guard."

"I mean like protectors. People looking out for us."

"You didn't hook up with the mob, did you?"

"No mob."

"I didn't know the Gambino crime family reached that far."

"I'm hungry," Rory said, before her mom could continue on one of her "rolls."

Lorelai laughed, mostly at herself. "Will you have to pay tribute every week?"

When Rory went into the kitchen, she went straight for the chocolate. She was carefully biting into a piece of fudge when Lorelai informed her of the bad news: Hartford was out. Rory's chocolate-pleasured smile turned into a dark cloud.

"I'm sorry, sweetie. We can tomorrow," Lorelai said, brushing Rory's hair.

"Tomorrow isn't your birthday, " Rory answered quietly.

"In some corner of the world, tomorrow will be today," Sookie interjected.

"As weird and confusing as that sounds, she's right," Lorelai said.

After Rory finished her piece of fudge, she left. Rory said that she would make plans with Lane. Lorelai agreed, desperately wanting to spend the rest of the day with her daughter.

A few hours later, hungry and depressed, Lorelai ducked out for Luke's. Not even the late summer air, which was up there with a coming snow, could bring a smile to her face. The culmination of the past few days weighed on her, almost toppling her. How was she turning thirty? She was suppose to be eighteen, cleaning rooms in the Inn during the day and falling asleep with Rory lying on her chest at night.

Luke was wiping down the last of the tables when the rustic bell clanged open.

"I know you're closed," Lorelai said as she entered, heading off any argument from Luke.

"I wasn't going to say anything," he responded.

"First time for everything," Lorelai guessed.

"Where's Rory?"

"With Lane."

"But, it's your birthday," Luke responded moving to her, throwing the white towel over his shoulder.

"Don't you start too."

"You and Rory aren't doing anything."

"No, because I have a party of forty."

"I thought you said you weren't doing anything."

"It's not my party. At the inn, part of forty.."

"When are they coming?" Luke asked. Lorelai checked her watch. "Thirty minutes, which leaves me with, oh, ten."

"You want some coffee?"

"Have I become predictable in my old age?"

"You look like you need a cup."

"And a miracle. Tell me, can you turn back the hands of time?"

"I know what you mean," Luke said as he set a cup in front of Lorelai. He poured the last of the coffee into the white porcelain cup. "I turned thirty a few years ago."

"Do you have any regrets?"

"About?"

"About how things turned out, the future, time -- whether or not it can be stopped or not."

"Sure," Luke said. "We all do."

"I regret getting pregnant so young but I don't regret what came of nine months of back pains and eating raw onions."

"Speak for yourself," Luke said, letting a smile crack through. Lorelai smiled. "What about you?"

"Hurting my knee. The Dodgers were looking at me," Luke said. "That's a major league baseball team..."

"I know who the Dodgers are. Wow. I never knew that. You never went to college anyway?"

"Baseball was my life. I was a decent enough student, I guess. After the injury, I guess the wind was taken out of my sails. Then my old man died and here I am, before I know it, serving coffee out of a converted hardware store to a woman whose blood is ninety percent Colombian Slow Roast."

"Man, I remember hearing about you in junior high," Lorelai said.

Luke looked at her, skeptical. "You didn't follow baseball."

"Well, I never saw the point."

"Oh."

"I remember hearing all about the great 'Luke Dane in junior high," Lorelai said. "Say," she continued, a sly smile crossing her face, "you have a great soap opera name."

"What?"

"Soaps. Luke Dane. The dashing, enigmatic, slightly jaded Luke Dane..."

"I knew I shouldn't've served you coffee." Lorelai smiled and looked down at her sensible sweater. She began picking at the end. Sadness set across her face, shielded by only her smile.

"So, what are you doing tonight? Besides harassing me?"

"Going back to the Inn."

"Can I drop you?"

"If you mean knock me to the floor me, no."

"I mean, do you need a ride?"

"No, that's okay. I can walk."

"It's no trouble."

"I know it's not. I've been walking all my life. I've had a lot of practice."

"I mean the ride."

"I'm sorry..." She said, suppressing a laugh. "Yes, I would love a ride."

In the Inn, dim lights slanted across the lobby. Lorelai and Luke's feet echoed across the floor. "I don't believe this," Lorelai said. "Is anybody here?"

"Doesn't look like it," Lorelai answered. She called out: "hello." Michele emerged from a connecting hallway. "You're just in time."

"What's with the lights?" Lorelai asked.

"Power failure."

"Did we forget to pay the bill, Michele," asked Lorelai.

"You're guests are here," he answered.

Lorelai opened the doors to a dark dining hall. Before she could curse the day, along with the heavens, the lights flicked on. Lorelai jumped as a chorus of "surprise!" filled the air. Forty of Lorelai Gilmore's closest friends began the chorus of "Happy Birthday." Tears misted Lorelai's eyes. A path cleared down the middle of the crowd. Sookie and Rory pushed a birthday cake towards a Lorelai. The chorus ended with Rory giving her mom a big hug.

"You?" Lorelai asked.

"Yes. And Sookie. Make a wish."

"It came true fourteen years ago," Lorelai said, tears streaming down her face.

After the party, Lorelai and Rory sat out on the front porch swing in the warm, breezy night. Lorelai took a deep breath and smiled. "You can smell fall."

"I'm glad you had a good birthday," Rory said.

"I'm glad you had a good first day of school. I know you wished it was at Chilton."

"Maybe one day. It would look really good for Harvard."

"I will do whatever I can."

"Whatever?"

"Whatever and anything."

"Will you walk over hot coals with gasoline soaked feet?"

"Yes."

"Trial by fire?"

"Yes."

"Eating with Grandma and Grandpa more often?"

"You're sadistic."

"How am I sadistic?"

"You're really good at sadistic. Not as good as your Vindictive."

"You wouldn't do it."

"No."

"Even for me?"

"No."

"But I only see them on holidays."

"You're welcome

"They asked us over tonight I just thought we might've gone. Maybe we can make it a weekly thing, seeing them."

"Over my dead, comatose or heavily restrained body."

"I bought you something," Rory said.

"You are the greatest kid ever."

Rory handed Lorelai a white box. Lorelai opened it. Inside was the black and white faux tiger striped shirt Lorelai was so mortified of earlier.

"What's this?"

"You're thirty," Rory said.

"Thanks for the reminder. Now point out my bighead."

"I think it's time you cut lose, Lorelai Gilmore."

"Cut loose. You mean, 'Footloose?"

"I say, be gone drab pastels and spintress flower patterns. Lorelai Gilmore is an exciting, exotic, vibrant woman and she should dress accordingly, this on the day of her thirtieth birthday."

"You want a car, don't you," Lorelai asked.

"I want you to be the person you are and never got to be because of me."

"What are you talking about? You are me. You are everything that is good and right in my life."

"You don't like it..." Rory said, disappointed.

"I love it because you gave it to me. You've given me everything, Rory, including this cool party. Maybe it is time I stepped out, wore clothes from the Hooker Gap and painted the town red. Or at least a really bold pink."

"Happy Birthday, Mom."

"Happy first day of school daughter."