Let's face it: Everybody at some time in their life experiences having low self-esteem, or no self-esteem. We've both had it throughout our lives, and even struggle with it still. Middle school, and especially high school can be cruel worlds when it comes to a young woman's self-esteem. Your self-esteem level generally depends on what the people you're around think of you------and how much you let it affect you.
High schoolers tend to be pretty critical about people, especially those who aren't just like them. You know who I'm talking about---it's the "Cool Crowd", and believe it or not, this phenomena can cause a lot of self-esteem thermometers to drop to below freezing temperatures! Unless you know how to keep your spirits up and keep the sun shining, you're gonna freeze in that swimsuit! Not following?? Well, let's put it simple: If you care about what the "Cool Crowd" thinks, and you let it consume you, your self esteem will be pretty low. (Brrr!) But if you decide to be your own person, not care what that crowd, or anyone thinks, well your self esteem will be pretty high. (Ahh...sunshine!) So here's what we have to say about the "Cool Crowd" and how it plays a part in high school.
"The Cool Crowd"
They've always been around, it's just a part of life. Ask your parents who the cool people were in high school, and they'll probably be able to name a few names. They may have even been in the popular group, and so may you. Now think about the unspoken rules of this clique. You're supposed to look a certain way, act a certain way, talk a certain way, etc....or you aren't "cool". A lot of people spend their high school years trying to fit in with the "popular" crowd so they can feel better about themselves. But ya know what gals?? We can tell you right now, before you go through all of that---it's not worth it!!!
Let us ask you, what's so great about the popular crowd anyways?? Now if you're a girl who's in the "popular crowd" don't get mad, but hear us out. Popularity is petty, although a popular person may say they're best friends with one girl, the next minute they're gossiping about that same person. So yeah, popularity may get you some cute jock, or invited to some parties.....but girls, that's where it goes downhill. If you're in the popular crowd, you're constantly in the spotlight and you have to live up to everyone's expectations. And that is tough! We have chosen not to take the "popularity path". It's not that we're losers, but it's rather that we like being ourselves and not having to worry what others think as much.
I have a lot of friends who are in the "cool" group, and they are not as happy as they like people to think they are. Several of them have suffered through anorexia (starving themselves) and bulimia (pigging out and then throwing up) because they think they are "too fat", which of course they're not. I've seen the emotional traumas of those girls who have gotten way too involved with their boyfriends, the ones who ended up breaking their hearts. I have even had a few friends who have tried to commit suicide. I just want to say that being in the "popular" group isn't what's going to make you feel good about yourself. YOU have to realize that you are just as good as any other person, and that you are a wonderful person just the way you are! You have two choices girls: Either you can spend four years trying to fit in with a group who doesn't even deserve you, or you can find some TRUE friends and have the time of your life!
Now if you're in "The Cool Crowd"....
Maybe you're one of those girls who "popularity" has come natural to. That is totally fine, and awesome, because you are in a position where you can impact a lot of people! When I was a freshman, there was this really nice senior, Julie. She was so friendly to everyone, even the "lowly freshmen" like myself. Pretty much everyone liked her, she was definately popular and beautiful as well. I really came to admire her because she treated everyone equally. She didn't treat the shy freshmen any different than the captain of the cheerleading team. So if you're in the "popular crowd"....instead of isolating yourself with just "cool" people, make a point to be friendly to everyone! Sure, you may take some grief for it at first, but sooner or later, everyone will realize that you have a lot more friends than enemies! (Something that everyone wants!) When you and your friends are sitting around talking, and suddenly it turns into a gossip session where you make fun of others who aren't as good as you, stop and think before you participate in the conversation. In fact, stick up for those people. Say, "Hey, I think Suzy Q's a really sweet girl" etc...Believe it or not, you will be making a big difference! My advice is to be friendly to everyone because you never know when you may be the "low man on the totum pole".
1) Realize that you are unique and special! Appreciate and celebrate your differences!! (Most people only notice your flaws if you choose to complain about them!)
2) Realize that no one can make you have good self esteem but yourself---not guys, friends, etc!!
3) Realize that you are as good as anyone else - and don't let anyone tell you that you're not!!
Every girl looks in the mirror and sometimes hates what she sees. Maybe they don't like their nose or their hair...or something else. And as girls get older, they become more concerned about how they look, and especially about how much they weigh. Above were mentioned two eating disorders, anorexia and bulimia. These occur when a person is so obsessed about their weight that it consumes them. They will do anything to achieve weightloss and to be thin. Or they want to get breast implants, liposuction or a nose job. But why?? Well, it's sad girls, but this world promotes bad self-image for women...if you pick up a beauty magazine, you'll notice that every one of the models is skinny with no acne or any other problems. But the truth is that those models aren't real---they're airbrushed by computers. Here's the real facts about women that the media doesn't want you to see:
Wow! We couldn't believe these facts---could you?? The reason we included self-image on the self-esteem page is because they go hand in hand together----if you can feel confident about how you look (just they way you are) then you will also have high self-esteem. Although we have a fashion page on this website, it is more for fun....what's featured on that page won't change who you are on the inside, and that's what really matters. If someone's ever made fun of you---about the way you dress, wear your hair or what you look like----don't let it get to you. Those people are insecure about themselves and they have to make fun of others to make themselves feel good. It's really stupid, but it's true. So don't take their comments to heart because if you do than you'll let those "bullies" win...and we definately don't want that!
There's this guy at our school who has given me a hard time ever since middle school....he used to make fun of my nose, my shoes.....everything!! I used to get embarrassed and turn away...I would avoid him in the halls and pretty much couldn't stand him at all. Well this arrogant jerk got a piece of my mind one day this year---He had said something to me, and I ignored him (This was the way I had learned to respond to him). He then said, "You really don't like me do you?" and I looked him in the eyes, and told him straight up, "No, I don't". When he asked why, I told him he was a cocky jerk (not my exact words).
And ever since then he hasn't given me much of a hard time, and when he does, I actually defend myself.Now in middle school I was really self-conscious, especially when this guy would make fun of me in front of all my other class mates. I let him get to me, because for a long time I thought I was ugly---that my eyes were too small, my nose was too big, etc...which is really sad, because I never should have let him make me feel that way. I felt this way my first two years of high school, but this year, I'm finally starting to realize that I'm beautiful, just the way I am. I guess I finally realized that I don't care what this guy thinks....or anyone else for that matter!! And when I stood up to him that day, it really knocked his socks off!!
Girls, when you confront your "bullies", not only will they stop picking on you, but you will gain this amazing sense of confidence!! I know I sure did! The reason I'm telling you this is so you won't make the same mistake I made: letting someone dictate how you feel about yourself, someone who has absolutely no right to do so!
And if you're reading this, and realizing that you are one of those "bullies" who nags on girls who don't defend themselves, then you should stop. It's not funny, and you're hurting others by your mouth and actions. You shouldn't try to make someone else's life miserable in order to make yours better. Remember the Golden Rule, ladies, "Treat others the way you would want to be treated". If you follow that rule, the chances that you'll have more enemies than friends are pretty slim!
I'm sure a lot of you girls have heard the song "Unpretty" by TLC. If you haven't, and even if you have, listen to this song, and listen really close to the lyrics. I'm writing them below, because sometimes when you just hear a song, you sing the words without really thinking about what they mean. And this song definately has some meaning!
"I wish could tie you up in my shoes, make you feel unpretty too. I was told I was beautiful, but what does that mean to you. Look into the mirror who's inside there, the one with the long hair, same old me again today (yeah).
My outside looks cool, my insides are blue. Everytime I think I'm through, it's because of you. I've tried different ways, but it's all the same. At the end of the day, I have myself to blame. I'm just tripping.
Chorus: You can buy your hair if it won't grow. You can fix your nose if he says so. You can buy all the make up that man can make. But if you can't look inside you, find out who am I too. Be in the position to make me feel so damn unpretty. I'll make you unpretty too.
Never insecure until I met you, now I'm being stupid. I used to be so cute to me, just a little bit skinny. Why do I look to all these things, to keep you happy. Maybe get rid of you, and then I'll get back to me. (Hey)"
(That's pretty much it)
So you see, no one can make you feel good about yourself, or give you good-self esteem, BUT YOURSELF!!! However, people you hang around with CAN give you LOW self-esteem. If you find yourself being put down by your friends, then they really aren't your friends at all. You shouldn't feel bad about yourself when you're with friends! Also, a lot of girls get involved in serious relationships with guys throughout high school to boost their self-esteem. But when you depend on others to make yourself happy, to gain self-confidence, then you're setting yourself up for a big let down. (See relationships)
It's up to you to reach inside yourself and realize that you are beautiful and wonderful---and if you can do that, then you have succeeded in one of the hardest tasks in the world. Believe us, we know it's hard, we both struggle with our self-esteem now and then. And that's natural. If everyone was happy and content with themselves 24/7, we'd probably all go nuts!! It's good to try to improve yourself (like working out regularly to improve muscle tone), but the things that you were born with (like your big nose or small eyes) you need to learn to accept and love! (And there's always ways to enhance those features to make you feel more confident about them --- see the fashion page!!) However, take note that you could be the prettiest girl in the whole world, but if your heart is ugly and bitter....then your beauty means nothing. Please remember, it's the inside that counts!And if you keep that as your personal motto, your radiant inside beauty will shine so brightly that soon others will be noticing your ouward beauty as well!!
If you have any questions email me at: girlmeets_world@hotmail.com