From the people who want to keep you Informed.

  
  Vol. 1  |  Num. 1             November, 1999              Return to the Main Page

Thank you for receiving our very serious newsletter. As you may be aware, we want to keep you totally informed about our world's dangers so that you, who are the selected few, may survive. Please be weary of what the government tells you and the Amish. Thank you and until the next issue; beware of strangely shaped cows.

Concerned Readers have visited this site. Thanks!

Is Y2K a Countdown Rather that a Computer Malfunction Date??

      PRESS RELEASE-- As you may or may not be aware, we have agents that infiltrate various political and social groups when rumors begin to surface. We just received a note from Agent 1101 signifying that Y2K is some sort of countdown rather than a computer glitch. Apparently it is the "Zero Hour" for some catastrophic planned invasion. Our details are vague, but we cannot be caught unawares. So go ahead store that canned food, gasoline, and dried bananas, you just might need them. We suggest you buy property in Montana, Utah, or some where remote.

1700 Amish flee Mormon controlled Uganda, Africa

      UGANDA--  Mormon forces over-ran a Amish hay farming community today. Evidence links Mormon collaborators with US government. The CIA obviously tipped the MOA (Mormon Oppressive Army) of the location using the GPS satellites and genetically altered apple cider modified to carry nano-transceivers that give the location of the host to the government. A press release from the Mormon HQ in Salt Lake City, Utah revealed that, "Those Amish had it coming. We can only hope this won't lead to war". Amish officials say that this was the last straw, no pun intended. The Amish village of Gulu was sacked and burnt to the ground. Mormon God-to-Be General Vladimir Vorconoshov said simply, "Hope there's no hard feelings". Amish leader and ex-computer tech of Cyronico Inc. Flloyd Behomoth stated that, "This beeth too much for our confabulation of mere brethren. We seeketh blood and revenge and death to all Morman folk who beeth with thier brethren in slaying our kinfolk. They musth dieth."  Behomoth promised he would returneth and retake thier land and on the way dispatching his enemies through brutal means if necessary. Ironically Vladamir and Flloyd were old-time users of Duke's Preschool & Daycare center based out of Jinja for thier children. The owner, Duke vanDoogle, declined to be interviewed when this parallel was drawn, but we can assume that Duke was possibly established as the CIA link to the MOA, feeding Cider to Flloyd's son contaminated with the transmitters.
Mormon Temple Really an UFO
SALT LAKE CITY, UTAH-- Our covert operations have revealed that the Mormon HQ is actually an alien UFO. Exact specifications have yet to be learned, but the evidence is uncanny. Here now is the military schematic of the temple.
View the "temple" in a real photo.

Day-time view of the Death Ray.
Night-time view of the main weapons array.

Vessel at night, over peaceful waters.

   Our scientists have gone undercover to find this information, however, they most tragically were lost due to Mormon security forces with orders to eliminate infiltrators.    Even though the price was high, we have obtained this critical data that might open a whole new branch of the Mormon Intelligence Agency (MIA). Until we can secure vitally needed gunnery and seige equipment, this Morman stronghold will remain such. To the typical Morman soldier, this information has yet to be released thereby creating a natural denial screen protecting its existance.

Gov't Artificial Intelligence Experiments: Project F.U.R.B.Y.
Washington DC --  Down in the cellar of the USAIRB (U.S. Artificial Intelligence Research Bureau) 26 respectable scientists were brutally killed when the first FURBY was developed for the US Army. The Army denies all connection to the FURBY project, but the evidence is undeniable. The USAIRB developed a FURBY with emotions and a language system. Their fatal flaw was that they engineered killer instinct into the fuzzy little thing. Upon activation it went berserk and killed it's creators. Shortly thereafter it broke out of the USAIRB and four viciously murdered bodies were found within two miles from the Bureau. Rather than to admit to creating a furry, cute and lovable, yet completely homicidal "toy", they simply filed the project deep under

"Pink Lawn Flamingoes". We wish that was all, but a KB Toys delivery truck was hijacked and it's driver was sent to the ER with wounds resembling FURBY bites found on all the other victims. It is suspected that the original FURBY stole that truck to re-program the Furbies to recruit more FURBYs. According to our statistics section, at the rate each FURBY can assimilate a normal Furby, it is suspected that all Furbies found in stores will be FURBYs by December 2, 1999.  

  

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