A Few Seconds ~ [The Pig Pen]

A Few Seconds

I know this is crazy,

but all I want to do is to hold you.

And if you let me do that

just for a few seconds,

I can walk away

and never speak to you again.

I gazed at the calm waters of the lake, my right hand absently twirling a small vial, causing the clear liquid within to swirl crazily. It was almost time. The guy who sold it to me said I only had a few minutes from the moment I drink the liquid.

I picked up my mobile and called you. From experience, I knew it would take you no more than 3 minutes to reach me. I prayed that today would be no different.

*RING! RING!*

Thanks to caller ID, you immediately knew that it was me.

“Yo! How are you?” That was what you said the moment you picked up.

I didn’t answer your question. I didn’t think you’d like my answer.

“Yo. Listen, could you come to the lake right now? I’m already here so I’ll wait for you. Ja ne.”

I quickly turned off my mobile. Now you wouldn’t have a choice but to come to me. *Please make it in time.*

I had no time to lose. Before I lost my nerve, I quickly uncapped the vial and gulped down the contents. *I don’t feel any different.* I shrugged and threw the vial into the water. I won’t be needing it any longer.

My watch told me 2 minutes had passed. A few moments from now, I would see you break through the brush and greet me in your usual manner. *Please come quickly.*

I twirled a blade of grass absently between my fingers. Yes, I felt it now. A slight feeling of lightheadedness, nothing major. It was then that I heard the rustling of leaves and branches. You’re here.

You plopped down beside me. “What’s with all the mystery? You’re acting strange.” You peered at me with a worried look on your face.

My vision was starting to blur. I had to make this quick. “I’m dying. I’ll be gone in a few seconds. But before I leave, I just want to know. Will you let me hold you?”

Normally, you would’ve merely grinned at me but I guess the dull look in my eyes and the cold sweat breaking upon my forehead convinced you that I was telling the truth.

Your eyes fill with tears as you pull me into your arms and hugged me to your chest. I vaguely heard the tremor in your voice when you spoke. “Baka yaro! What did you do?!” The words were angry yet I heard only concern in your tone.

I couldn’t help but smile weakly. “I’m sorry.” I whisper hoarsely. “I wasn’t strong enough. I love you.” I pull away slightly from you and reached into my pocket. I had to give it to you. You had to know why I did this.

The last thing I saw before everything went black was your tear-streaked face and my letter clutched in your hand.

The last thing I felt was your fingertips, brushing away the tear that slipped between my lids and down my cheek.

The last thing I heard was your choked voice. “I love you, too.”

The last thought that crossed my mind was, “Kami-sama, arigatou for letting me know he loves me too.”

*Sayonara, Sendoh.*

~*~*~*~

Sendoh was in shock. He lost his best friend and his beloved in a span of a few minutes. Of course, he had never told anyone about his secret love. How was he to know it wasn’t entirely one-sided?

He gently lifted Koshino’s lifeless body against his. It was still warm. Sendoh buried his face in the soft black tresses. *Baka. Why? Why did you do this?* Rubbing his tear-stained cheeks against the other’s shoulder, he hugged the motionless figure to him and read the letter.

Akira,

If you’re reading this, then I guess I’m already gone. I’m sorry. I wasn’t strong enough. I needed to know if you felt the same way about me as I did for you. Yet, I also knew that I would never be able to live another day if you didn’t. I didn’t want to risk it.

So I came up with this plan. Is it too extreme? I guess so. But there was no other way. It was perfect.

If you didn’t feel the same way for me, then I would die unhappy. But at least I knew. At least I could tell you how I feel about you. And at least I didn’t have to live with it for the rest of my life.

But what if you did feel the same way about me? Then I would’ve died happy and content. I know it is selfish of me, leaving you alone. And yet, can you think of a better way to die? I don’t think so.

Gomen, itooshi. Or is it still Sendoh? As I write this, I don’t know. Either way, forgive me for unloading this burden unto you. Even if my love was unrequited, you would still have lost your best friend. I’m sorry.

Akira, I’m scared. Will I die in vain? Or will I able to at least bask in the warmth of your love, even if it’s just for a few seconds? I guess I’ll only find out tomorrow.

Stay strong, Akira. I love you.

Hiroaki

Sendoh gently refolded the letter and slipped it into his back pocket. One thing he knew, that piece of paper was the last link he had with his beloved.

Resting his chin on the dead boy’s shoulder, he slowly stroked the soft tresses. *Don’t worry, itooshi. I’ll be with you. Soon.*

~Owari