Here's this summer's collection:
New from MATTEL:
Sister Mary Barbie: This spiritual Barbie comes with jointed knees and
neck for genuflecting and praying, mini rosary beads, a mini Bible and
a black sequined nun's habit (after all, she's still Barbie). Pull the
string on her back and she says nothing because she has taken a vow of
silence.
Rabbi Barbie: So, why not? Women rabbis are on the cutting edge in
Judaism. Rabbi Barbie comes with tiny satin yarmulke, prayer shawl,
teffilin, silver Kaddish cup, Torah scrolls. Optional: tiny mezuzah
for doorway of Barbie Townhouse.
Admin Barbie: Works twenty hour days for little pay (80% of Admin
Ken's salary), and is the lowest on the totem pole despite being the
one that actually runs the group. Comes with mini laptop. Pull the
string on her back and she'll schedule a meeting with your other
dolls, replace the toner cartridge in the laser printer, coordinate a
re-org and a move, and order airline tickets for Admin Ken.
Temp Barbie: This smartly dressed, intelligent, hardworking and
enthusiastic Barbie is ready to go right out of the box, but usually
goes untouched for at least a day while everyone tries to figure out
why they bought her. Pull the string on her back and she'll stuff
envelopes indefinitely, all the while wondering why she got a liberal
arts degree. Comes with mini r,sum, and mini filing cabinet filled
with the past five years' worth of US Tax Code revisions which need to
be collated.
Ripped-Off-In-The-Divorce-Settlement Barbie: Pull the string on her
back and she unloads a torrent of insults and death threats for her
ex's new wife. Comes with a hatred for all men, and a Malibu Barbie
tan (except for a white band on the ring finger of her left hand).
Twelve-Step Barbie: Pull the string on her back and she says, "Hi, I'm
Barbie and I'm an alcoholic." comes with a "One Day at a Time" bumper
sticker, a 30-day chip and a pack of smokes.
Birkenstock Barbie: Finally, a Barbie doll with horizontal feet and
comfortable, if ugly, sandals. Made from recycled materials.
Bite-The-Bullet Barbie: An anthropologist Barbie with pith helmet,
camera, detachable limbs, fake blood and the ability to perform
surgery on herself in the Outback.
Blue Collar Barbie: Comes with overalls, protective goggles, lunch
pail, UAW membership, pamphlet on union-organizing and pay scales for
women as compared to men. Waitressing outfits and cashier's aprons may
be purchased separately for Barbies who are holding down second jobs
in order to make ends meet.
Homegirl Barbie: Truly a fly Barbie in midriff-baring shirt and baggy
jeans. Comes with gold jewelry, hip-hop accessories and plenty of
attitude. Pull cord and says things like "I don't think so," "Dang,
get outta my face," and "You go, girl." Teaches girls not to take crap
from men.
Transgender Barbie: Formerly known as G.I. Joe.
Robotic Barbie: Hey, kids, experiment with an autonomous two-legged
walking machine! After falling over she says "Control theory is
hard. Damn these spike heels anyway!"
Dinner Roll Barbie: A Barbie with multiple love handles, double chin,
a real curvy belly, and voluminous thighs to show girls that
voluptuousness is also beautiful. Comes with a miniature basket of
dinner rolls, bucket o' fried chicken, tiny Entenmann's walnut ring, a
brick of Dreyer's ice cream, three bags of potato chips, a T-shirt
reading "Only the Weak Don't Eat", and, of course, an appetite.
Mobile Home Park Barbie: Comes complete with hair in rollers and
pregnant. Accessories include two toddlers. When you pull the string
on her back she asks where her gov't support check is. Some Mobile
Home Barbies come with surprise Ken or G.I. Joe since they often give
her surprise visits when they come into town.
(
geocities.com/glamourcom)