FABULAIR...
Blueprint for the first gay airline
Join us on this short flight of fancy as we re-design the first
airline for
gay men, lesbians, and anyone else lucky enough to get a seat.
Welcome Aboard
The Fabulair experience begins when you call our reservations
number,
900-FLY-FABU. We know you can make reservations on other airlines
for
free.But our 900 number is only 28c/minute (50% of all proceeds
go to the
Human Rights Campaign), and our reservationists are very good on
the phone.
Your tickets will arrive in a sleek Diesel leather ticket folio.
Your seat
assignment (only aisle or window, no middle) is pre-reserved and
your
inflight menu is included because we know how long it takes some
of you
to make up your minds, especially with a menu as fabulous as
ours. When you
arrive at the airport, you'll recognize our terminal immediately.
Richard
Sabala did the lights. Susan Morabito did the music. Thierry
Mugler did the
departure lounge. Outside, we have a specially commissioned
sculpture of
Amelia Earhart and Ellen DeGeneres as "traveling companions." Our
sky
caps,muscles bulging under their Raymond Dragon uniforms, will
check your
luggage. We allow five pieces, not two, and no extra charge for
golf clubs,
ladies.
You Know You've Arrived
Stroll through our luxurious terminal to your gate. We only use
walk-through metal detectors on request; a physical body search
is
preferred by most of our passengers. (Body cavity searches are,
unfortunately, limited to international flights.) Follow the red
velvet
roping up to the plane door. The gate agent will take your ticket
and give
you your wristband boarding pass. Keep it on - it's color-coded
to indicate
whether you're aggressively single, possibly available, or
married. On
board we have no flight attendants. Just stewardesses. Even the
guys.
They're young, tall, thin, gorgeous, dressed by Chanel and
trained by
RuPaul - they're gonna work! Butch has no place in our aisles. If
butch is
what you're after, lust after our baggage handlers. Hired from
Colt and
Falcon Studios, they just can't seem to keep their shirts on. Our
cockpit
crew? All gay men and lesbians discharged from the military.
If There's Anything We Can Do...
Fabulair is bringing style back to air travel. Settle into your
seat.
What do you notice? It's comfortable. And it matches your outfit.
Overhead,you'll find reading lights plus tanning lights. The
black leather
seats smell as good as they feel. You can't wait to fasten your
seatbelt
low and tight against your waist. Aaah. You're ready for takeoff.
You'll
never see "Honey, I Blew Up the Kids" on Fabulair. We only show
movies
starring Bette Davis, Joan Crawford, Madonna or Jody Foster. Or
movies
about women in love. With each other. Care for a magazine? Vanity
Fair...
Out.... Curve... Genre?... Sorry, we gave out our last copy of
HX, but our
chief purser would be happy to show you around New York
personally. The
Airfone at every seat has speed dial for Bill Clinton, Barney
Frank,
Elizabeth Birch, Tzabaco, International Male, and J. Crew, for
the non-stop
activist and shopaholic. Perhaps you'd like to listen to our
specially
selected audio entertainment. Channel 1: kd lang. Channel 2: Pet
Shop Boys.
Channel 3: The Indigo Girls. Channel 4: Junior's "Dancing on Air"
party mix
(a Fabulair exclusive). Channel 5: Melissa Etheridge. Channel 6:
Nothing
but show tunes. Before you know it, your flight will be over. But
don't be sad.
You've earned lots of frequent flyer miles, good towards
your next trip on Fabulair.
We regret that they are blacked out for the Black Party, White Party, Gay
Pride, Masgnitude, Aftershock, Hotlanta and Halloween, but use them over
any of the other holidays.
Bonus miles? Sure.
Stay at a gay B&B. Get a Rainbow Card.
Use Community Spirit Long Distance. Take an Olivia Cruise.
Subscribe to Out & About. Triple Miles? Just date one of our employees.
Too Fabulous
Our in-flight service is not coach, business or first. It's so
fabulous, we named it Fabulous Class. It may seem like first
class on other
airlines, but we never use those words, because nothing we do is
second
class. We recognize however, that many of our passengers are too
special
and important, even for Fabulous Class. For those who require the
utmost in
privacy and luxury we have an exclusive cabin that we call Too
Fabulous
Class. Too Fabulous passengers don't need tickets. We know who
you are. Our
already generous luggage limit is waived for you. At boarding
time, come
right to the front of the red roping. Even though we have short
lines, we
kept the roping because we know you like it. On board, you'll
notice the
little touches that make a difference. A full harness replaces
the standard
seatbelt. A stewardess for every passenger. Marble bathrooms big
enough for two. Live entertainment and a personal video screen with
personal
video choices. We couldn't improve our service, so we just added
more.
Massage. Manicure. Hair styling. Waxing and electrolysis (LA
flights
only). And group psychotherapy in our upstairs lounge. We think
you'll
agree,
It's a fabulous world on Fabulair, the world's first all-gay
airline.
(
geocities.com/glamourcom)