Helm's Deep - Kirriemuir 2002 -

Prior to the release of the new Two Towers movie, in a careless moment of excited anticipation, I allowed myslef to be volunteered to do a Helm's Deep club display game for Claymore and Kirriemuir. All I had to do was build Helm's Deep and raise a mighty orcish army in a couple of months! If only Uruk Hai grew in pods in the ground in my garden! How does Saruman do it?

Fortunately, Simon Davison's mobile sand table came to the rescue. Together with some foam terrain pieces created by the late George Coburn (still sadly missed) for a Platea game about 6 years ago, most of the actual terrain was already available. But what about the buildings? A trip into the garage identified a piece of plastic drainage pipe and a suitable flower pot. Aha! The Hornburg was identified.

A strip of 20mm by 20mm wood brought from B&Q for some long-forgotten purpose would form the rampart faced with some plastic wall pieces kindly provided by Paul Innes.

Another trip to B&Q for whitish paint, varnish (for the stream) and a couple of brushes and the second week of the summer holidays was no longer going to comprise boring afternoons loooking out of the dining room window at the grass growing and the lawnmower rusting in the bottom corner of the garden. Ah, there's nothing quite like the aroma of burning polystyrene foam and a red-hot screwdriver! (I hope that's not rude).

So, up to the attic to dig out some orcs! Yes, I found my old Minifigs collection of 1974 vintage. This supplied an experienced core force supplemented by Ral Partha figures from Keith Hammond, a massive medley from Paul Innes (I really didn't realise just how megalomaniacal he is), a few modern editions specially brought and painted and we were off and running.

Incidentally, the Rhorrim victims were mostly provided by Graham Bryson - the clubs star Triples performer (I hope that's not rude - either). Aragorn, Legolas and Gimli were selected from my own 'Fellowship' collection.

On the day, with help from the abovementioned Simon, Keith, Graham, stalwart Malcolm, and number 2 son, Pete, the terrain was assembled in about 40 minutes after arriving at the show venue. The orcish array was deployed, the Rohirrim victims were dotted around the fortifications and a rather suspicious wood was arrayed on Saruman's baseline.

The rules for the game wwere based on Tactica siege rules, very slightly modified to give Saruman a chance.

On the day, a couple of young victims were identified by no. 2 son, Peter, and enticed to command the defence. The names Aragorn, Legolas, and Gimili etc. were casually bandied about to this end. Peter was going to control the attack himself. No mug, he knew his dad had written the rules! Success was assured!

The attack began with massed orc archers bathing the deeping wall with a hail of arrows. If it wasn't dark already, the defenders would be fighting in the shade! A few paltry shots were received in reply but there were going to be no elvish reinforcements in my game! After softening up the defenders with archery, the main assault began. Hundreds of siege ladders (built by no.1 son, Stephen, from steel wire and split matchsticks) were raised in unison and scaled by huge orcs with scimitars. A few of these brave boys managed to gain a foothold on the wall almost immediately, although along most of the line of the wall there was a surprisingly large number of casualties among 'the lads' with not much to show for it. Still, the secret weapon was moving remorselessly toward the culvert under the Deeping wall. If only the defenders knew!

It was at this stage Aragorn was riddled with 3 arrows and fell heroically, stone dead, from the Deeping Wall onto the massed spearpoints of the lads below. This was a major highlight for Saurman and boy, didn't he (I) enjoy it. Casualties among the lads however, were steadily mounting. 'Mmm, midly concerning' muttered Saurman. (A morale check would be required at 150).

Booommm! Ah, the secret weapon. The culvert BLEW up!! 'Unfair' shouted the young lads in charge of the defence. 'Life is tough, lads!' smiled Saruman. 'As you will learn'. It was at this point that i found out that Gimli had been hiding behind the wall when it blew up and he was dead too! SNIGGER.

More fighting along the entire line of the wall ensued. Saruman's casualties total was by now becomming overtly worrying though. Who's morale is going to crack first?

At last the flank attack arrived (but that's not in the book)! and yet more of Saruman's orcs emerged from the caves in the Deep. (I told you it was rigged!) BUT - TREACHERY! There were too many whiteskins deployed there, seemingly waiting for them. They shouldn't have that many! The lads emerging from the caves were down by the vile horesemen as soon as they emerged. The dreaded morale check had arrived.

Peter failed it by ONE.

What is in that wood? What are Ents anyway?

'clean-up, son' I said. 'The price of failure.' (Time for the Pub).

Incidentally, on the record, the casualty re-count showed that the Rohirrim should have tested morale before the orcs did, but Graham, who had been treacherously re-cycling their casualties at the back of the table had not kept an accurate tally.

simon.watson5@ntlworld.com