Jokes

For his birthday little Patrick asked for a bike. His father said "Son we'd love to give you one but the mortgage on this house is £80,000 and your mother just lost her job. There's no way we can afford it." The next day the father saw Patrick heading out the front door with a suitcase so he asked, "Son where are you going?" Little Patrick turned to him and said "Last night I was walking past your room when I heard you tell mum you were pulling out. Then I heard her tell you to wait because she was coming too. And I'll be damned if I'm staying here by myself with an £80,000 mortgage and no fucking bike !"

Jeremy Beadle has a small penis, but on the other hand it looks quite big.

At a marriage guidance seminar a couple were listening to the lecturer talking about how important it is to know the little details about each others partners. She said "For example how many of you men know your wife's favourite flower?" A young man turned to his wife and whispered smugly into her ear. "I know yours darling, it's self raising isn't it?"