Content: Suicide!! Death!

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As I look at my life, nothing seems to fit. I have a beautiful boyfriend, that loves me.. I think. With my life, nothing is as it seems. But He loves me. It's just that he's never here and when he is.. it's for brief periods of time.

I can't blame him, I'm a Broken piece of Trash. I'm not worthy of his time.

I dream about how it's going to end,
Approaching me quickly.
Leaving a life of fear,
I only want my mind to be clear.

I sit on the porch trying not to feel the loneliness creep into my mind and almost swear it's in my blood. I'm always alone, no matter what I do. I'll always be that way, because I know it's what I deserve in life. Ask my Parents they'll tell you.

"You should have died."

I hate them both with every inch of my being, but yet, I still seek their approval. knowing I'll never get it. They're my parents and I should be able to make them proud.

People making fun of me,
For no reason but jealousy.
I fantasize about my death,
I'll kill myself from holding my breath,

I touch the blade of the knife that I hold in my hand, gently tracing the smoot elegance of it's blade. Careful not to draw blood yet. I've laid in bed planning this death, or release. The Perfect moment and down to every last detail. My clothes are what I should always wear, just jeans and a T-Shirt. I can't dress in something Fancy can I? I'm Trash, I must make sure I meet peoples Expectations. My dirty Sneakers are untied and I watch as the sun raises.

My suicidal dream,
Voices telling me what to do.
My suicidal dream,
I'm sure you will get your's too.

My final sunrise.. Tears form in my eyes as I can't help but Picture my love in the rays of the sun. I have to do this though. He'll find someone better. Someone that he can love and doesn't have to hide from. Someone.. that maybe won't taint him with their darkness. Finally he'll be free and able to find someone worthy of his beauty.

Help me, comfort me,
Stop me from feeling what I'm feeling now.
The rope is here, now I'll find a use.
I'll kill myself, I'll put my head in a noose.

I drag the blade over my wrists watching with almost a scence of glee as the blood pools on them and seeps down my arm. No one will save me or comfort me. I'll die like I have lived alone. I sit down on the grass and bite my lip as the sun shines on me. The End of the pain is so near I can taste it. But the sound of the Car... NO he wasn't suppose to come.

My suicidal dream,
Voices telling me what to do.
My suicidal dream,
I'm sure you will get your's too.

I watch in horror as my love drives up the driveway towards my home. He was ever suppose to see this. I close my eyes, my head swimming as I've lost to much blood to stay awake. Sleep is beginning to fade the Edges of my vision.

My love screams at him, "SEAN!"

But I can't reply.. except a whisper of his name, "Jericho"

Dreaming' about my death, dream...
Suicidal, suicidal, Suicidal dream